6 Months after D-Day and the witch called...

[alexandria35]

When the OW contacted PP's husband she was counting on him to keep it a secret from his wife, apparently she didn't fully realize that things have changed and husband is no longer willing to lie and decieve his wife. If PP had just ignored the contact OW still wouldn't realize this and would likely try contact again at a later time. She might try many many times because she would think that PP doesn't know about it, and everytime it happened PP would be hurt and angry all over again. I'm shocked that anyone would think telling PP to suck it up and ignore this is helpful advice. If PP were to leave that window open for contact then wouldn't that also delay her healing? When she responded to the OW she sent a clear message to the OW that there are no more secrets between her and her husband, a message that I think the OW needed to get. I doubt she will be making contact again anytime in the forseeable future.

[hopeless4u]

Well...I had quite the surprise when I got home from work yesterday. H said he had something to show me..and pulls out his cell. FOW called him 3 times and texted him a simple..."How are you? I just wanted to touch base and see how things are with you?"

 

Sheesh just typing it makes my heart pace again. My first reaction was...so did you talk with her? He said no...I wanted you to see it first..and maybe help me in a way to deal with it. I said simple..give me your phone. I called her up immediately...by the tone in her voice she might have expected it to be my H. I said if you have something to say to so and so...then you can tell me. She kind of fumbled and said oh sorry. I said "you will be sorry if you ever call this number again. As you can clearly see..**** is no longer interested in your services. Therefore do not insert yourself in my life every again...because honey...you sure as hell don't want me to insert mine into yours" and hung up! Ok...maybe that was the nicer version of it..but regardless...she deserved that!

 

I guess my question would be..what would posess someone to call after all the bullcrap they caused...I know i know...it wasn't only her..but the fact of the matter is...she tried the contact after 6 months???

 

I am extremely happy that my spouse was forthcoming with this by all means..and have told him that that means a whole lot to me...and it definately is progress towards a healthier and trusting relationship. But seriously...does this old hag not deserve a beating at this point? lol My goodness...just when I thought it was behind us...all this crap is put right in my face again. How does one cope?

 

I'm not sure if you want a comment from an xOW and I'm sorry if this offends you that isn't my intent...

 

My xMM told me he would know where his head & heart would be within 6 months of being back in the M without me clouding his judgment.....just a thought that maybe he lead his OW to believe this to and she was just fishing to see how the land lies & now she knows he is happy she will leave you both alone.

 

I don't know the A details for you & your H but mine was 2 yrs of EA & PA, no secrets with both of our friends & family so feelings ran very deep.

 

I also contacted my xMM after almost 6 months NC but by email to his work (we work for the same company) just asking if we could talk, I did it to move on. I needed to know he wasn't going to turn up in my life in a couple of months telling me he was single.

 

Like I said I don't know how serious the A was but from an OW to a BW, it may not be the OW trying to get back into the A or stir up trouble in your M but the OW trying to move on.

 

Again I'm sorry if I have offened you and I do think you handled it very well.

[2themoon&back]

Thanks for your post...but you are not the best support threader out here. She is not validated in any way whatsoever. I can think of a million other ways to have dealt with this..and I think I did very darn well...but once again...an OW wouldnt see this! I don't want to get too personal with this so once again I will raise my head higher because I CAN!

 

Look pp, my post was to support you not to judge you and I thought you would appreciate any support from whoever it comes from OW or BS. BS’s are always giving advice on the OW/OM Forum and I hope we do not blast BS’s as harshly as you have me. It does not matter which side I was on first (the BS or FOW) they both have real pain with them.

 

I am not in competition with anyone here for “the best” anything. I am just giving you another perspective to think about.

 

I personally do not care what you do to the OW, like you said you got your opportunity to say what you wanted to say to her --- great!! Go kick her a@% for all I care or let her eat you alive inside the choice is yours.

 

As far you getting personal I think you seem to take a lot of things to personal. It was one post—not an opportunity for you to get on a high horse with OW’s everywhere. If now putting me in my place truly makes you feel better, (and I do not think your ethnicity has anything to do with anything,) then great there to, I know you did not like what I said, no big deal. I do however have issue with “OW” would not understand… I understood perfectly why you did what you did, I just suggested another way.

 

I think it just scared you that she had the audacity to contact your husband and it brought up a lot of fear, it would in me.

 

I don’t know you and I do not wish you anything but success in your M or your life. If you did not like what I said then you did not have to respond, but again your anger must do most of your thinking and you like to react to in it. I hope you do heal one day from all this and i am sorry that you took what i said in a bad light, it was not my intention.

 

I will tell you this so you will know---as the OW that if you had done this to me… I would still know that I mattered to someone in your M, most of all YOU!!

[2themoon&back]

To the moon: The wife didn't.

 

i understand all that --- and it does not really matter what i think as much as pp, healing so no point in bouncing this ball around back and forth.

[2themoon&back]

i also wanted to tell you pp,

 

I reacted just like you once with an OW, I told her what for and threatened her that if she messed with me or my family she would be sorry about an hour later the police picked me up for harassing her... when I said she called first, they said I did not have to answer and I surly did not have to call her back. Well I learned then that my problems in my M where between me and my H, and I have always tried to keep it that, from then on.

[PortuguesePrincess80]

Wow...hell I even have escorts replying to this...LMAO Crazy ***** huh? Anyhow..I got my wine ready...so let me start disecting!

Thanks for the replies...even the not so support like ones! Gloves are comin off...beware!

[PortuguesePrincess80]

I think this could be explained very simply.

 

You're marriage suffered a severe wound.

 

It's still healing.

 

The person who's poking at it right now is the OW.

 

Of course you're going to focus your anger at the person who's trying to pry at the scab. Especially since that person is partially responsible for creating the wound in the first place.

 

From everything I've read about reconciliation, six months is barely beginning to heal.It can take anywhere from 2 to 5 years to get past the point of being triggered.

 

PP, I think your reaction was absolutely justifiable. I think I would have reacted the same.

 

Thanks freestyle..thats exactly it! 2 to 5 years? Sheesh...I might as well start diggin the grave now! lol

[PortuguesePrincess80]

PP, you're funny and I mean that very kindly! I like your attitude toward this, probably because it reminds me of my own.

 

I think it is hard to convey on these forums where you are placing "blame" (I hate that term, personally). If you are angry with the OW (as you rightfully are:)), then you come across to some as just blaming her. If you take some responsibility for your role in the deterioration of your marriage before his affair, then you are told that you are taking the blame for you husband's choice to have an affair.

 

The only way it makes sense to some posters is to put 100 percent blame on your husband.

 

But you know, that doesn't make sense. There were 3 people involved in the affair dynamic in your situation. Your husband, the OW and you. Each of you played a role. Each of you did things--good and bad (even when you didn't know about the affair) and each of you has your own actions to be responsible for.

 

To blame everything on the MM/WS, which is the common mantra here on Infidelity and in the OW/OM, is simply not accurate. And, IMO, it doesn't contribute to the healing of the 3 people involved.

 

Hope that makes sense, PP. Keep posting!

 

Absolute sense snowflower..and your one of those threaders that I can relate to on a serious note.

 

In any case...any thread that is started I mean if I were to write every single detail about my life with my family...seriously..I would have to quit my jobs in order to do this. This is basically a simple summary of what our experiences are. How people can assume SOOOOOOOOOO much on a few paragraphs really wracks my brain. But I guess when you post on an internet forum like this...thats what your asking for right? In any case...I thank you for your wise words and wisdom!

[PortuguesePrincess80]

I hv a little tidbit a number of my MM clients have told me. The ones who hv had full blown affairs hv told me the anger between the OW and the W is encouraged by them as a way to further their own agenda. W feels a new false sense of security in him and OW thinks he was telling the truth the whole time about what a crazy biotch his W was. This makes the OW think to never tell the W again about any continued A because she doesn't want to rock the boat for her beloved MM. And the W starts questioning the her WHs honesty less and less.

 

I hope this isn't useful at all. I couldn't help but share just in case.

 

 

OKAY...I needed to take a few swigs before replying to this one. Damn I may need something stronger...I am seriously TRYING to be nice...but fluck I can't. Sorry your post simply means crap to me. Anyone who spreads their legs for money...OKay...I won't even go there...thanks for your words...but really NO THANKS!

[PortuguesePrincess80]

When the OW contacted PP's husband she was counting on him to keep it a secret from his wife, apparently she didn't fully realize that things have changed and husband is no longer willing to lie and decieve his wife. If PP had just ignored the contact OW still wouldn't realize this and would likely try contact again at a later time. She might try many many times because she would think that PP doesn't know about it, and everytime it happened PP would be hurt and angry all over again. I'm shocked that anyone would think telling PP to suck it up and ignore this is helpful advice. If PP were to leave that window open for contact then wouldn't that also delay her healing? When she responded to the OW she sent a clear message to the OW that there are no more secrets between her and her husband, a message that I think the OW needed to get. I doubt she will be making contact again anytime in the forseeable future.

 

Thank you alexandria. I don't get it either. Maybe there is another world out there that we don't know about?

[PortuguesePrincess80]

I'm not sure if you want a comment from an xOW and I'm sorry if this offends you that isn't my intent...

I am not against all XOW but I do have issues with people involving themselves with married people...does that make sense? lol

 

My xMM told me he would know where his head & heart would be within 6 months of being back in the M without me clouding his judgment.....just a thought that maybe he lead his OW to believe this to and she was just fishing to see how the land lies & now she knows he is happy she will leave you both alone.

 

I don't know the A details for you & your H but mine was 2 yrs of EA & PA, no secrets with both of our friends & family so feelings ran very deep.

 

I also contacted my xMM after almost 6 months NC but by email to his work (we work for the same company) just asking if we could talk, I did it to move on. I needed to know he wasn't going to turn up in my life in a couple of months telling me he was single.

Okay now this bothers me. For 1...if he really wanted you...he would've left his wife. Not in 1 month not in 6 months....not especially having a 2 yr affair with you. Thats bullcrap...and I think you know that now! So...please follow up and tell me what his reply was to you? Then again..you are a fow...so I have my answer I suppose!

Like I said I don't know how serious the A was but from an OW to a BW, it may not be the OW trying to get back into the A or stir up trouble in your M but the OW trying to move on.

There were no I love you's in my h's affair. He simply made that clear from the get go. Sure he fed her loads and loads of crap..which mm doesnt?

Again I'm sorry if I have offened you and I do think you handled it very well.

Nope...not offended at all. Thanks for sharing your side.

[PortuguesePrincess80]

Look pp, my post was to support you not to judge you and I thought you would appreciate any support from whoever it comes from OW or BS. BS’s are always giving advice on the OW/OM Forum and I hope we do not blast BS’s as harshly as you have me. It does not matter which side I was on first (the BS or FOW) they both have real pain with them.

 

I am not in competition with anyone here for “the best” anything. I am just giving you another perspective to think about.

 

I personally do not care what you do to the OW, like you said you got your opportunity to say what you wanted to say to her --- great!! Go kick her a@% for all I care or let her eat you alive inside the choice is yours.

 

As far you getting personal I think you seem to take a lot of things to personal. It was one post—not an opportunity for you to get on a high horse with OW’s everywhere. If now putting me in my place truly makes you feel better, (and I do not think your ethnicity has anything to do with anything,) then great there to, I know you did not like what I said, no big deal. I do however have issue with “OW” would not understand… I understood perfectly why you did what you did, I just suggested another way.

 

I think it just scared you that she had the audacity to contact your husband and it brought up a lot of fear, it would in me.

 

I don’t know you and I do not wish you anything but success in your M or your life. If you did not like what I said then you did not have to respond, but again your anger must do most of your thinking and you like to react to in it. I hope you do heal one day from all this and i am sorry that you took what i said in a bad light, it was not my intention.

 

I will tell you this so you will know---as the OW that if you had done this to me… I would still know that I mattered to someone in your M, most of all YOU!!

 

See its those last wordings that I don't think your thinking about when you type. In one sentence your trying to sound like your trying to make sense of how I reacted...then you have this snotty lil attitude at the end...like I almost got what I deserved. I am grateful my h's fow is not like you...because there would not be any need to vent on a forum like this. Actions would be doing the talking at that point!

[PortuguesePrincess80]

i also wanted to tell you pp,

 

I reacted just like you once with an OW, I told her what for and threatened her that if she messed with me or my family she would be sorry about an hour later the police picked me up for harassing her... when I said she called first, they said I did not have to answer and I surly did not have to call her back. Well I learned then that my problems in my M where between me and my H, and I have always tried to keep it that, from then on.

 

I wouldnt warn her before kicking her ass..thats the difference between me and you. I would do it first..then be satisfied in jail for the night!

[PortuguesePrincess80]

In any case...this forum helped me realize a lot of things. Doesnt matter who you are...BS...OW...FOW...MM...ALIENS...whatever...everyone will always have some sort of critism towards it. Hell even my family gave me all types of advise. My life is my life...and your lives are your lives. If your happy all the best to ya...if your miserable...then thats your damn fault. I have said this many times...no man makes me who I am. I am a strong lady and have endured many opstacles in my life. See but many wouldn't know that..because well, all you know is my husband cheated on me..because thats all I've posted on here.

 

One thing I can say is I have no sympathy for cheaters or their AP's. Its really that black and white for me. I don't MUCK things up in my brain to entertain people. I also don't think its right or as OW would prefer to say it...morally ethical to participate into these types of relationships...period. Not healthy for the MM...the OW and the BS and children who will eventually have to deal with the aftermath of it all. Its all based on selfishness. Nothing else.

 

I on another note would love to ask all these AP's on this site..how they would feel if THEIR own children read their own personal threads and what their responses would be?

[PortuguesePrincess80]

OK *shrug*. I expected as much having read your remarks to everyone who wasn't your cheerleader.

In case you were wonderin. My response was actually directly from a MM. I wasn't handing out advice on something I don't know diddly about. I have never been married. My MM client knows. It came from that horses mouth. 90% of what I say here is not from my knowledge base. It is from picking my clients brains.

 

 

*Shrug*...doesnt matter. MM who have to PAY for sex...really have more issues then I could ever deal with.

[PortuguesePrincess80]

He wasn't referring to his affair with me. He was talking about the full blown affair he actually got caught for. A regular woman. Several other clients have mentioned this same tactic to. This guy got caught by his wife and he was able to continue the affair for three more years by using this tactic. It makes sense to me. But if my profession makes everything from me to you null and void then thats cool. I understand that to.

 

I hear what your saying....or what he's saying. I don't see how that would apply to my situation though. I am not turning a blind eye to anything..I'm not that naive. But since this all went down for us...certain life routines have been drastically altered...such as total transparency for one. Thanks though..and yeah I'm sure this happens in tons of cases. Ewwww though...you seriously have to sleep with these slimeballs?

[2sunny]

can you block her number on his phone? if so, why haven't you two blocked her?

[PortuguesePrincess80]

can you block her number on his phone? if so, why haven't you two blocked her?

 

We cant with the stupid provider he deals with. I can with mine though..which is irrelevant because she doesnt know my number. That was the first thing I tried to do..but in any case..she can use any phone in the world to contact him..so that really sucks too. Like I have said..if it happens again..number will be changed and thats it. I will send a memo out personally to all his clients if thats the case!

[PortuguesePrincess80]

If I could stand up and shout BRAVO and applaud you, I would. Hell, I am standing up and clapping in my bedroom right now.

 

And I agree with your last statement, I would LOVE to see how all these MM/MW and OW/OM watch their childrens' responses to their self indulgent behavior.

 

And as for the poster who gets paid to have sex with men, there is nothing to say to her. She doesn't see anything wrong with what she is doing, and no matter what you say to her, she always has some sort of spin on it to make it not so bad in her eyes. She's a prostitute and thats all there is to it. If I knew where she was, I would call the police right now and hand her over to them. She does not care that she is helping break up families, ruin childrens' lives, yet she claims to love her own children, her very young children. Ugh. This just disgusts me.

 

I too have no respect for cheating, whether or not it was a MM/MW or the OW/OM...I have less respect for the OW/OM who say, "I didn't make a vow". Its the stupid excuse they use to make themselves feel better for their part in the destruction of human lives. COWARDS. Own up to what you chose to be a part of, don't devalue other people's pain and betrayal.

 

Ty..Ty..Ty!

And you know that bolded part is the most sickening part of this whole forum. What are we really teaching our kids with forums like this? Thats its okay to live like this? Sure if your some redneck living in a trailer Which I may add...some REALLY and SERIOUSLY do sound like they do.

[2sunny]

We cant with the stupid provider he deals with. I can with mine though..which is irrelevant because she doesnt know my number. That was the first thing I tried to do..but in any case..she can use any phone in the world to contact him..so that really sucks too. Like I have said..if it happens again..number will be changed and thats it. I will send a memo out personally to all his clients if thats the case!

 

let HIM handle what needs to be handled. stop handling it for him. IF he is a man of action - HE should be DOING everything to keep her away. he's a man... he should repair the damage HE created.

 

it's not really your job to tell her either - in fact it may make her more volatile - like "i'll show her, how dare she speak to me that way..."

 

if he tells her - she's more likely to believe him instead of understanding that he's hiding behind your apron strings.

[Fieldsofgold]

Oh well whatever....I can be the witch regardless..your still the redneck! LMAOOOO

 

Yes, I am the redneck betrayed wife.

[BellaBellaBella]

Glad to hear you let the OW have it!

 

You go PP!

[PortuguesePrincess80]

Yes, I am the redneck betrayed wife.

 

 

Okay...good night redneck betrayed wife...sweet dreams!

[2sunny]

Please read the million posts prior to this...I cannot be bothered to go through this again. Thanks but whats done is done. I cannot undo it! I did what I did..and said what I said..PERIOD~!

 

no thank you... seeing your choice of words - i can't be bothered either.

[Fieldsofgold]

Okay...good night redneck betrayed wife...sweet dreams!

 

Well, it is night.

 

FieldsofGold, BS