don't know what I'm doing

[myname]

I am not moping about, think if I'd stayed with the no contact this weekend would have been worse, ok, I know I'm probably just putting off the inevitable.

 

What makes it all more difficult is I have totally lost touch with friends, not particularly because of the affair, more in the past ten years during the long term relationship that ended, I didn't spend enough time with friends or making new ones, I relied on my partner at the time and mutual friends, most of which I have now lost as they were always more his friends than mine. So I struggle to find people to do things with at weekends. My one friend from college who I know I can speak to about all this is very unreliable and having tried really hard to get her to see me the last couple of weekends with her making crap excuses I'm not feeling like contacting her right now.

 

Last weekend I took myself out to the theatre which was a good plan, I'm not so sure what to do this weekend to do something nice for myself but at least I'm feeling less scared of the loneliness than I have at other times. Maybe finally in my late thirties I'm going to have to stop relying on men and boyfriends and learn to stand on my own two feet and sort my life out for myself.

[jennie-jennie]

I met him for a drink, and it was really nice, and I don't feel rubbish from it, well not yet anyway.

I'm not properly ready for no contact yet. I don't think I even really tried it properly this time, I only didn't contact him or respond to his contact for almost 24 hours but he was aware that I'm starting to focus on moving on without him.

 

He was the one grateful that I was still seeing him and he said he's scared cos he knows that if he doesn't sort himself out he's going to lose me, I'm not holding onto any illusions that this is any signal from him that he's going to do what's necessary. But for the moment I'm not ready to ignore him.

 

This forum is great though, I've learnt so much (even if I'm not quite there to act upon that learning!) and I love the way people are so kind and non judgemental but not ducking the issues either.

 

I feel stronger from finding this forum, thanks everyone and please bear with me as I struggle to get through this phase in my life making mistakes as I go.

 

There is no use going NC until you are done with your MM. Forever. NC is a way to completely get someone out of your life. Nothing else. You can't force it, you have to have come to a place in your mind and heart where you want to let go forever.

 

As an OW we do have power. Power to decide whether to stay or go. And if we decide to stay, we have the power to make sure we stay as happy as possible with the choice we have made.

[hopeless4u]

I am not moping about, think if I'd stayed with the no contact this weekend would have been worse, ok, I know I'm probably just putting off the inevitable.

 

What makes it all more difficult is I have totally lost touch with friends, not particularly because of the affair, more in the past ten years during the long term relationship that ended, I didn't spend enough time with friends or making new ones, I relied on my partner at the time and mutual friends, most of which I have now lost as they were always more his friends than mine. So I struggle to find people to do things with at weekends. My one friend from college who I know I can speak to about all this is very unreliable and having tried really hard to get her to see me the last couple of weekends with her making crap excuses I'm not feeling like contacting her right now.

 

Last weekend I took myself out to the theatre which was a good plan, I'm not so sure what to do this weekend to do something nice for myself but at least I'm feeling less scared of the loneliness than I have at other times. Maybe finally in my late thirties I'm going to have to stop relying on men and boyfriends and learn to stand on my own two feet and sort my life out for myself.

 

Hey myname, see the bolded...its an addiction and just like having a cigarette you will feel better for a while and when the craving comes back you will need another fix, trust me hunny, I have been there.

 

It is the hardest thing you will ever have to go through and for a long time you will believe he loves you and that 'small' bit of him that you get will be ok for a week/month then the whole merry-go-round will start again and you will need more.

 

Each time will be shorter and shorter before you realise another year has gone by and its not until you look back and see that out of the last 12 months you were maybe happy for 1/2 months in total.

 

I'm not very good at putting things into words but read my back story to see the 'merry-go-round' ride I have been on and I'm still fighting with my emotions every day and even now I still think deep down he loved me but in the end 'that' kind of love is not enough.....

 

Big ((hugs))

[jennie-jennie]

Each time will be shorter and shorter before you realise another year has gone by and its not until you look back and see that out of the last 12 months you were maybe happy for 1/2 months in total.

 

This is where your choice comes in whether to be happy with your MM or miserable if you decide to stay with him. My daughter calls my MM "the man who makes my mom happy".

[myname]

This is where your choice comes in whether to be happy with your MM or miserable if you decide to stay with him. My daughter calls my MM "the man who makes my mom happy".

 

so how do you choose to be happy? Sometimes I think this is possible, there are things I like about the situation, what is it that makes you happy with your MM?

[hopeless4u]

This is where your choice comes in whether to be happy with your MM or miserable if you decide to stay with him. My daughter calls my MM "the man who makes my mom happy".

 

She has already shown that she couldn't be happy being the OW, it broke her heart when he went on holiday with his W (been there), the lonely weekends when he is at home with his W (been there) and when yet another DDay comes along and it's all her fault (mmm, been there too).

 

To be happy being the OW you have to have a full life when MM isn't avaliable and myname has admitted she doesn't.

 

myname...it will get worse before it gets better I can assure you of that but as most have said, it is your choice and your choice alone, we can only guide you and pick up the pieces each time it hits the fan, god knows I have been kicked up the ass so many time on LS its still bruised:rolleyes:

 

Sometimes it will seem harsh but eventually you will understand why people give the advice they do.

[myname]

the trouble is I feel I need a full life to be able to make the break from MM, at the moment I have a very empty life socially, which is something I haven't had to address for years as I relied on my previous partner, now I'm relying on MM but of course it's not enough cos of all the times he's not available.

 

MM or no MM I need to fill my life better for myself and by myself, at the moment I'm reluctant to let go of MM cos at least I get some emotional and physical comfort from him being in my life.

[jennie-jennie]

so how do you choose to be happy? Sometimes I think this is possible, there are things I like about the situation, what is it that makes you happy with your MM?

 

She has already shown that she couldn't be happy being the OW, it broke her heart when he went on holiday with his W (been there), the lonely weekends when he is at home with his W (been there) and when yet another DDay comes along and it's all her fault (mmm, been there too).

 

To be happy being the OW you have to have a full life when MM isn't avaliable and myname has admitted she doesn't.

 

myname...it will get worse before it gets better I can assure you of that but as most have said, it is your choice and your choice alone, we can only guide you and pick up the pieces each time it hits the fan, god knows I have been kicked up the ass so many time on LS its still bruised:rolleyes:

 

Sometimes it will seem harsh but eventually you will understand why people give the advice they do.

 

You have to make the choice if you are ready to let go of your MM or not. If you are not ready, you will not be able to do it.

 

To let go the consequences have to outweigh the benefits. As long as the benefits outweigh the consequences you will not let go. Trying to go NC under those conditions will just cause you unnecessary pain.

 

I don't know the circumstances of your particular relationship. Do you feel your MM loves you? If you feel secure in this, understand that it does not have to do with his love for you that he stays with his wife. It is something inside him which is compelling him to do so. Understand that throwing you under the bus on Dday is nothing personal directed at you either. It is part of the dynamic of being a MM not ready to let go of his marriage.

 

You have chosen to have a relationship with a MM. Which is most important to you: the man or the status?

 

If you can not fathom being with him as the OW, you should indeed end the relationship.

 

If what is important to you is to be in a relationship with this particular man and stand by him and love him where he is at, then stay.

 

By accepting the situation as it is, you can enjoy it. You can still want more and hurt at times (like one does in any relationship) but you will allow yourself to enjoy all the good stuff.

 

If you had no man in your life, would you not enjoy your life then? Live your life when he is not around as you would have lived it without a man. Enjoy it.

 

In this way your relationship with the MM becomes an add-on to your life, a plus, something that makes you happier.

[hopeless4u]

the trouble is I feel I need a full life to be able to make the break from MM, at the moment I have a very empty life socially, which is something I haven't had to address for years as I relied on my previous partner, now I'm relying on MM but of course it's not enough cos of all the times he's not available.

 

MM or no MM I need to fill my life better for myself and by myself, at the moment I'm reluctant to let go of MM cos at least I get some emotional and physical comfort from him being in my life.

 

I did just what you are doing, I made excuse after excuse of why I couldn't end it and why he couldn't end it.

 

Everytime I ended it something went wrong in my life and it would always be my excuse to have him back in my life again.

 

It took his W to take an OD to stop him from getting in touch with me, do you really want that sort of thing on your concience because believe me its not an easy thing to live with.

 

My son went off to university in September so I really am alone now and yes I could of used that as another excuse to contact him but I really do need to be happy with ME right now and the last thing I need in my life is HIS drama.

 

Have you considered counseling?

[myname]

You have to make the choice if you are ready to let go of your MM or not. If you are not ready, you will not be able to do it.

 

To let go the consequences have to outweigh the benefits. As long as the benefits outweigh the consequences you will not let go. Trying to go NC under those conditions will just cause you unnecessary pain.

 

I don't know the circumstances of your particular relationship. Do you feel your MM loves you? If you feel secure in this, understand that it does not have to do with his love for you that he stays with his wife. It is something inside him which is compelling him to do so. Understand that throwing you under the bus on Dday is nothing personal directed at you either. It is part of the dynamic of being a MM not ready to let go of his marriage.

 

You have chosen to have a relationship with a MM. Which is most important to you: the man or the status?

 

If you can not fathom being with him as the OW, you should indeed end the relationship.

 

If what is important to you is to be in a relationship with this particular man and stand by him and love him where he is at, then stay.

 

By accepting the situation as it is, you can enjoy it. You can still want more and hurt at times (like one does in any relationship) but you will allow yourself to enjoy all the good stuff.

 

If you had no man in your life, would you not enjoy your life then? Live your life when he is not around as you would have lived it without a man. Enjoy it.

 

In this way your relationship with the MM becomes an add-on to your life, a plus, something that makes you happier.

 

I do feel he loves me, and I do love him. He brings a lot to my life through all I can talk with him about as well as the most desireful and loving sex I've ever had and I believe that is the same for him.

 

In many ways I am starting to at least appreciate living on my own and having the freedom that comes with that, after over 10 years in a relationship where I subsumed myself somewhat to fit in with my partner, so in a way I am only just learning to live for myself.

 

My confusion comes when I wonder can I continue to see MM while I go through this phase or will seeing him stop me from truly working myself out.

 

And then the pain and anger comes when I start to fear that MM will drop me at some point in the future when it no longer suits him and he decides to properly commit to his marriage, although in the past year he has never done anything like this, even when there have been D-days. The first D-day he did say he wouldn't be able to see me in the same way as we had been, I accepted that, we hadn't even had sex at that point, but that didn't last anytime at all and since then he's always said he wants to see me as much as he can.

 

Yuck, I guess I sometimes wonder if I'm being made a fool of.

[Fieldsofgold]

Hey myname, see the bolded...its an addiction and just like having a cigarette you will feel better for a while and when the craving comes back you will need another fix, trust me hunny, I have been there.

 

It is the hardest thing you will ever have to go through and for a long time you will believe he loves you and that 'small' bit of him that you get will be ok for a week/month then the whole merry-go-round will start again and you will need more.

 

Each time will be shorter and shorter before you realise another year has gone by and its not until you look back and see that out of the last 12 months you were maybe happy for 1/2 months in total.

 

I'm not very good at putting things into words but read my back story to see the 'merry-go-round' ride I have been on and I'm still fighting with my emotions every day and even now I still think deep down he loved me but in the end 'that' kind of love is not enough.....

 

Big ((hugs))

 

You've got it exactly right.

[hopeless4u]

I do feel he loves me, and I do love him. He brings a lot to my life through all I can talk with him about as well as the most desireful and loving sex I've ever had and I believe that is the same for him.

 

In many ways I am starting to at least appreciate living on my own and having the freedom that comes with that, after over 10 years in a relationship where I subsumed myself somewhat to fit in with my partner, so in a way I am only just learning to live for myself.

 

My confusion comes when I wonder can I continue to see MM while I go through this phase or will seeing him stop me from truly working myself out.

 

And then the pain and anger comes when I start to fear that MM will drop me at some point in the future when it no longer suits him and he decides to properly commit to his marriage, although in the past year he has never done anything like this, even when there have been D-days. The first D-day he did say he wouldn't be able to see me in the same way as we had been, I accepted that, we hadn't even had sex at that point, but that didn't last anytime at all and since then he's always said he wants to see me as much as he can.

 

Yuck, I guess I sometimes wonder if I'm being made a fool of.

 

You are exactly where I was 8 months ago, each DDay (we had 3) he came back to me with the same reason for staying, he had to know his M was over because they had nothing left to work on, he knew I agreed with this so that kept me hoping.

 

Their M was messed up way before I came on the scene so I kept telling myself now he knows what 'real' love feels like surely he won't stay.....then came his W's final battle plan, the OD....game over!!

 

He isn't going anywhere and now I guess I will never know if he ever would of.

 

Please, please myname put yourself first and if he leaves his W then great but if not you haven't wasted anymore of your life on him.

 

My xMM told me he could never sort his M out with me still in his life and you know what, he was right!!

[jennie-jennie]

I do feel he loves me, and I do love him. He brings a lot to my life through all I can talk with him about as well as the most desireful and loving sex I've ever had and I believe that is the same for him.

 

In many ways I am starting to at least appreciate living on my own and having the freedom that comes with that, after over 10 years in a relationship where I subsumed myself somewhat to fit in with my partner, so in a way I am only just learning to live for myself.

 

My confusion comes when I wonder can I continue to see MM while I go through this phase or will seeing him stop me from truly working myself out.

 

And then the pain and anger comes when I start to fear that MM will drop me at some point in the future when it no longer suits him and he decides to properly commit to his marriage, although in the past year he has never done anything like this, even when there have been D-days. The first D-day he did say he wouldn't be able to see me in the same way as we had been, I accepted that, we hadn't even had sex at that point, but that didn't last anytime at all and since then he's always said he wants to see me as much as he can.

 

Yuck, I guess I sometimes wonder if I'm being made a fool of.

 

Your MM sounds just like my MM, although we have had no Ddays.

 

Trust the love, trust the bond. That will carry you through if you decide to stay in the relationship.

 

There are never any guarantees to any relationship, but the likelihood that your MM will leave you and go back and properly commit to his marriage looks small to me.

 

On the other hand, the likelihood that he will leave his marriage might also be small.

 

Things that would play in for me here would be your age and desire for children. Nobody should have to give up having children to be in a relationship with a MM. That is just too sad.

 

I see no contradiction between you getting your life as living single in order and your relationship with MM. In fact, he can support you emotionally. We all need emotional support from someone we love.

 

My MM and I had many roller coasters our first years together. It is not only the OW who has to find a comfortable place within her to be able to enjoy the extramarital relationship, so does the MM. He is likely to struggle with guilt and feelings that he should be working on his marriage. My MM and I have come to a place where we enjoy our relationship and those roller coasters have become far between and almost non-existent. We see our relationship evolving, how our intimacy is growing even more, yet neither of us is content with it just being an extramarital relationship.

 

The future will tell if it will ever be anything more. I haven't given up that hope yet, and neither has he, but I know that even if this is all it will ever be I am where I want to be.

 

I am not trying to convince you to remain the OW. I just want to present the choices you have. It is up to you what you decide. I will support you either way.

[jennie-jennie]

Hey myname, see the bolded...its an addiction and just like having a cigarette you will feel better for a while and when the craving comes back you will need another fix, trust me hunny, I have been there.

 

It is the hardest thing you will ever have to go through and for a long time you will believe he loves you and that 'small' bit of him that you get will be ok for a week/month then the whole merry-go-round will start again and you will need more.

 

Each time will be shorter and shorter before you realise another year has gone by and its not until you look back and see that out of the last 12 months you were maybe happy for 1/2 months in total.

 

I'm not very good at putting things into words but read my back story to see the 'merry-go-round' ride I have been on and I'm still fighting with my emotions every day and even now I still think deep down he loved me but in the end 'that' kind of love is not enough.....

 

Big ((hugs))

 

Being in love with a MM is no more an addiction than any love relationship. There are chemicals in our brain which make us enjoy love and want more of it, whether the man is married or not.

[jennie-jennie]

I did just what you are doing, I made excuse after excuse of why I couldn't end it and why he couldn't end it.

 

Everytime I ended it something went wrong in my life and it would always be my excuse to have him back in my life again.

It took his W to take an OD to stop him from getting in touch with me, do you really want that sort of thing on your concience because believe me its not an easy thing to live with.

 

My son went off to university in September so I really am alone now and yes I could of used that as another excuse to contact him but I really do need to be happy with ME right now and the last thing I need in my life is HIS drama.

 

Have you considered counseling?

 

H4U, I have been a member of Al-Anon for a long time. There I learnt that it is not my hand that lifts the bottle to the alcoholic's mouth, whatever actions I might have taken earlier that had an influence on him.

 

It was your exMM's wife who ingested those pills, it was her hand that lifted them to her mouth. She is solely responsible for that action.

[hopeless4u]

Being in love with a MM is no more an addiction than any love relationship. There are chemicals in our brain which make us enjoy love and want more of it, whether the man is married or not.

 

I was trying to explain why she felt good after she had spent time with him but how when that fades she would need more....

 

I understand you are happy with your R but even you have to be honest and say you are in a minority and most A's will end with the OW left feeling very alone.

 

I have a great set of friends, a very busy and demanding job and my A was not secret so I could talk about it but the pain I went through and am still going through has to be the worst pain I have ever felt.

There were times when I actually hoped I wouldn't wake up the next morning and I am a very strong person so please don't tell me how it feels to love a MM.

 

I know exactly what being in love with a MM feels like jennie, why do you think I am trying to advise myname against giving up her life for him.

 

As I said if he leaves then great but that is a very big if I think....

[hopeless4u]

H4U, I have been a member of Al-Anon for a long time. There I learnt that it is not my hand that lifts the bottle to the alcoholic's mouth, whatever actions I might have taken earlier that had an influence on him.

 

It was your exMM's wife who ingested those pills, it was her hand that lifted them to her mouth. She is solely responsible for that action.

 

I know that now but it has taken some in depth IC and very good friends to get me to that point but unfortunately xMM doesn't see it that way and I'm sure everyone around him are helping to convince him what I said to his W was to hurt her and not just me being honest.

 

These are the things that myname may have to consider if she decides to stay the OW, his W has made it quite plain she isn't leaving (as my xMM's W did) and maybe she also will go to any lengths to keep him.

[jennie-jennie]

I was trying to explain why she felt good after she had spent time with him but how when that fades she would need more....

 

I understand you are happy with your R but even you have to be honest and say you are in a minority and most A's will end with the OW left feeling very alone.

 

I have a great set of friends, a very busy and demanding job and my A was not secret so I could talk about it but the pain I went through and am still going through has to be the worst pain I have ever felt.

There were times when I actually hoped I wouldn't wake up the next morning and I am a very strong person so please don't tell me how it feels to love a MM.

 

I know exactly what being in love with a MM feels like jennie, why do you think I am trying to advise myname against giving up her life for him.

 

As I said if he leaves then great but that is a very big if I think....

 

Who the f-ck talked about myname "giving up her life" for her MM? I sure didn't.

 

You know exactly how it felt for you to love a MM. You do not know what the case is for myname.

 

I have seen plenty of happy OW on other sites for OW. Most of them prefer to post on other sites than LS.

 

I believe myname is fully capable of making the best decision possible in her situation, but to be able to do that it needs to be a fully informed decision where she knows all her options. It is very easy to believe when you come to LS that NC is indeed your only option.

[hopeless4u]

Who the f-ck talked about myname "giving up her life" for her MM? I sure didn't.

 

You know exactly how it felt for you to love a MM. You do not know what the case is for myname.

 

I have seen plenty of happy OW on other sites for OW. Most of them prefer to post on other sites than LS.

 

I believe myname is fully capable of making the best decision possible in her situation, but to be able to do that it needs to be a fully informed decision where she knows all her options. It is very easy to believe when you come to LS that NC is indeed your only option.

 

Yes you are right myname does need to be fully informed which is why I am giving her the less romantic side of the OW status, just as people on LS did for me when I first came her.

 

From what I have read myname reminds me of myself 8 months ago and seems to be asking the same questions and coming up with the same answers I came up with.

 

I have not really given advice on LS before as I feel I'm still in the healing process and some things still hurt like hell but myname's thread kind of jumped out at me.

 

If I can at least give her an idea of what may be ahead of her then hopefully that could help just as you are giving her an idea of how it could be if she stays the OW.

 

As for giving her life up....if her end goal is for him to leave his W and that doesn't happen and she has spent the last 10yrs with him just waiting then what else would you call it??

[jj33]

Myname you know what is right for you. I was in LC for a long time and to some extent still am insofar as we have to interact for business from time to time.

 

It does prolong the healing process. And it does delay the inevitable acceptance of hte fact that hes not giving you what you want and in all likelihood never will.

 

It would be one thing if you were happy with the A, happy to be the OW happy with what you were getting from the relatoinship. But you are not. And that makes your situatoin different from others where people decide to stay in it, knowing that the man may not be ready to leave for months or years or perhaps never.

 

At the same time, if you arent ready to go full NC, then you arent ready. Everyone does things in their own time. There may come a time when there is such a disconnect between his words and his actions, or when you simply feel you cant hang on any longer that you decide to call it quits.

 

But make no mistake, if your needs arent being met being the OW, and you are hanging on hoping he will leave when hes said he isnt ready, then your self esteem is going to continue to take a beating. And that is not healthy for you.

 

I know how difficult it is.

 

Think of it this way. If he were single and said, Im not ready to stop dating other women. Would you care? Would you walk? If so then walk. An A is only good for an OW while she is happy with what the MM has to offer. It doesnt mean you stop loving him, it simply means that he puts his needs first, and you have to look after yours.

 

 

Take good care

[myname]

I really appreciate hearing all the sides of other people's experience.

 

Thank you all for sharing what's happened to you, it's helpful, interesting and providing me with a feeling that I am not alone with all this.

 

I'm so glad I found this forum where people can talk about affairs without just being jumped on.

[jennie-jennie]

Yes you are right myname does need to be fully informed which is why I am giving her the less romantic side of the OW status, just as people on LS did for me when I first came her.

 

From what I have read myname reminds me of myself 8 months ago and seems to be asking the same questions and coming up with the same answers I came up with.

 

I have not really given advice on LS before as I feel I'm still in the healing process and some things still hurt like hell but myname's thread kind of jumped out at me.

 

If I can at least give her an idea of what may be ahead of her then hopefully that could help just as you are giving her an idea of how it could be if she stays the OW.

 

As for giving her life up....if her end goal is for him to leave his W and that doesn't happen and she has spent the last 10yrs with him just waiting then what else would you call it??

 

You need to decide if your end goal is for the MM to leave his wife or if him leaving his wife is a vision/a dream you have.

 

If you are in the extramarital relationship for the end goal only, you should get out. If you are in the extramarital relationship for the joy it gives you today, you should stay. Simple as that. And you can change your mind any time down the road. What you feel is satisfactory today, you might not feel is satisfactory tomorrow. It is not like you have to vow to stay with your MM forever.

 

I felt just like you and myname in the beginning of our relationship, perhaps even as long as the first years. I know it is possible to change your attitude and come to a happier place while staying in the EMR. Perhaps that is not for myname, but that is up to her to decide.

[jj33]

Then about 9 months into the affair, he told her he'd still been seeing me and again left their home for another short period of time, and again went back although this time he said he wanted to still see me albeit secretively, and stupidly I carried on, cos I was by this time totally in love with him.

 

All over this summer he had been talking about leaving and making plans to be with me, but then she found a bus ticket from where he'd come over to visit me, and my hairs on his clothes and told him he had one last chance to make their marriage work and so he went on a weeks holiday with her. I was totally gutted.

 

Since then I have really tried to be strong and have no more contact with him, but I've failed miserably. Over the time I have come to rely on him for support and I get very lonely when I have no contact with him.

 

I know that because of all that's happenned and not happenned and the length of time that has passed that he has shown me over and over that he will never leave his wife. He tells me that it is because of money problems, the home they own together, his fears, her threats etc etc. They have no children. He says their marriage is broken but he just can't be brave enough to take the next step right now, he says they don't have sex.

 

Part of me thinks this is all bull****, he just wants to keep his marriage safe and have me on the side and I don't want that so I need to break it off, but then when I try, I feel such a loss and he says how he misses me too and sometimes I even start to think while I've no one else and I'm lonely and feel a need for him why not carry on seeing him.

 

I'm a mess, not sure if I'm asking for advice, or just somewhere to be able to discuss this that's relatively safe.

 

Myname if you read your words I think you have YOUR answer. It is lonely leaving your best friend your sole source of emotional suppot. But if a relationship isnt working for you on a day to day basis, and it hasnt been for some time, and you want him to leave and he isnt (which sounds like what is happening here) then you have your answer.

 

Building a new life isnt going to be any easier tomorrow or the next day. Its never easy. You need to ease your self into it at the pace that feels right to you.

 

But staying and suppressing your feelings and your emotional needs is not helpful for you. It will only cause you long term pain

[sc58]

You are exactly where I was 8 months ago, each DDay (we had 3) he came back to me with the same reason for staying, he had to know his M was over because they had nothing left to work on, he knew I agreed with this so that kept me hoping.

 

Their M was messed up way before I came on the scene so I kept telling myself now he knows what 'real' love feels like surely he won't stay.....

 

Doesn't hope suck? If he could just tell me straight up that he's going to stay with his wife, give his marriage a REAL shot and no longer wanted to see me, then I could walk away, thought it would be hard. But he gives this hope that their marriage is not going to work out, especially since their marriage was messed up long before I came along, and if I'm there waiting for him, he'll be with me in the end. So the hope keeps you waiting.

 

My MM actually told me that now that he knows what "real love" is and how happy he could be, he could never be completely happy in his marriage. That eventually he would become bitter about it. But yet, he needs to stay and work things out? They just don't make sense.

[hopeless4u]

Doesn't hope suck? If he could just tell me straight up that he's going to stay with his wife, give his marriage a REAL shot and no longer wanted to see me, then I could walk away, thought it would be hard. But he gives this hope that their marriage is not going to work out, especially since their marriage was messed up long before I came along, and if I'm there waiting for him, he'll be with me in the end. So the hope keeps you waiting.

 

My MM actually told me that now that he knows what "real love" is and how happy he could be, he could never be completely happy in his marriage. That eventually he would become bitter about it. But yet, he needs to stay and work things out? They just don't make sense.

 

It takes a lot of work sc58 and it was/is and I think will always be painful to believe we (xMM & I) will never be together but I have to take the painful memories and keep hold of them to stop me falling back into the place that makes me happy (the bubble of us).

 

I tried to give myname advice as what she is going through reminds me of how I was but it has just opened old wounds.

 

Guess I'm just not ready to help others yet.

 

Being in a R with a MM that you end up falling in love with and I don't mean just loving them I mean giving your heart and soul like you have never given before is so painful that it will scar your heart forever....