Guys! You love someone so much it hurts! Why don't you take her off the market??

[Arabess]

HAHA Cory....should I have added "No pun intended"????????????

[SoleMate]

If I was living with someone and waking up with them....you could BET I'd bring up any subject I wanted to.

Heck yes. Almost sounds like the definition of mutual love..."I feel safe enough with him/her to talk about anything and know that I will be heard."

[Coffee13]

I agree w/the milk-cow analogy. Additionally, marriage is not a goal for some people. By not being upfront w/your desire to get married, he may think that living together without the benefit of marriage is fine by you. ps I realize I am a month or so late posting to this...Are you engaged or married yet?

[Layla]

thanks for responding anyway :-) despite being one month late.

 

Not engaged or married but we talked babies last Friday: Maybe a bit of a start :-)

[FolderWife]

*ahem* what year is this? 2004? Oh, I was starting to think it was 1950

 

Honey, if you want to get married that bad, buy a man's wedding ring, get down on one knee, and PROPOSE TO HIM! The man's engagement ring is his wedding band on his RIGHT hand ring finger.

 

Then, the two of you go out and pick you out an engagement ring

 

My grandmother and grandfather never were engaged. It was just understood that they were getting married, so they just planned the wedding, and got married.

 

You may not want to propose, because it's not "traditional" but if you really love someone, and really want that commitment, then something as stupid as "tradition" shouldn't stand in the way.

 

All my life I planned this BIIIIIG WHIIIIIITE WEDDING....I knew who my bridesmaids were going to be, I knew how they were going to walk down the aisle, I knew the colors, I knew the dress, I knew everything. When I finally found the man that I wanted in this big white wedding....suddenly the big white wedding didn't mean as much as spending the rest of my life with him.

 

We eloped.

 

It was the best day of my life, and I couldn't have planned a better wedding day it was peeeeeerfect.

 

Why don't you propose? If he says no, then it will give you a chance to discuss why he doesn't want to commit to you, because you both aren't getting any younger, and you'd like to start a family soon, and if he's not ready now, when will he be ready, etc etc. If he says yes, then

 

~~~!!!YIIIIIIIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!~~~

 

If this is out of the question, then I'd like an explaination. When my husband proposed, we were engaged less than a week before we got married....I figured if I loved him enough to take his ring, then I loved him enough to marry him....of course, I couldn't stand to be apart from him, so we married.

 

If you are in love enough to marry him, then discussing marriage shouldn't break you two up.

 

Here's a great idea Go to church and get saved. Then, you will say, "Baby I love you, but it's a sin to live together, so I have to move out........unless you...marry me "

[aroseInLove]

Hi Layla,

 

I have the near the same dilemma... I love this guy I'm with so much... I didn't even want a serious relationship ... and for certain, I had no intention of marrying anyone .. I met my man by a fluke... he pursued me, not vice versa... I did fall so very in love but he was the first to say I love you... I miss you.. I want you for the rest of my life, etc. etc.

 

We always say how lucky we are that we have this heightened chemistry ...and a truly magical relationship... and are so very in love... and he knows for certain I'm not on the market.. He knows with certainty that he's already had me in a committed relationship for one year..

 

I have been financially independent all my life.. have my own property.. and I'm not looking for marriage in any other sense that I want the romantic side of it.. I want to be his wife PERIOD.

 

He has used the word 'We... in discussing future... and he has spoken of marriage in the sense of saying things like.. "When we're married, you'll be on my insurance... ...", etc. ..but unfortunately, he's not said that in the last 4+ months.. Seem a bit familiar?

 

Well, we are older.. I'm 48 and he's 49 so children aren't issues... where this is your prime time for child-bearing and your biological clock is ticking, so to speak... But, we're not getting any younger here.. We don't need a reception hall with trimmings as may be in your dreams.. Him and I and our daughters are all we'd want or need for the wedding ceremony and guests... and we don't need a long courtship for sure.... hell, should we wait till we're in out our FIFTIES, Honey?????? How about SIXTIES???? Or maybe let's wait till I'm a GRANDMA and you're a GRANDPA???? ... And these are serious upcoming events and not jokes... as it is just so near and around the corner for him and I... Yikes!!!!!

 

The difference is that I've not yet moved in with him.. But even from two separate households, he knows he has me... He already has the cow... the milk for free.. in that he has me hook, line, and sinker...

 

He is buying property in another state and wants me moving into it with him....

 

I want the wedding ring before the move.... and was posting in my ownw thread looking for help.. how to hint.. nudge ... without doing the asking.. It is awful... but the bottom line is that I can't bring myself to make any such words... regardless of who's getting married in the news... In fact, my own daughter got married last summer and that would've been the perfect opportunity to bring it up, but I just couldn't do it..... Not that I am a coward... not that I'm insecure.... and not that I can't freely discuss issues with him... I just feel that any type of 'marriage' proposal words would carry far greater significance to roll off his tongue as opposed to mine... I feel I'd be robbed of something so monumental by bringing it up ..in any form of asking..

 

So, Layla, I have no answers either... and according to someone's post in this thread .

 

."ahem* what year is this? 2004? Oh, I was starting to think it was 1950 "

 

Maybe it is.. in my mind... 1950... in my hopes... in my dreams... so I sympathize wholeheartedly, Layla... I believe it'd be such a gift to be asked... Maybe I'm a dreamer.. in a 1950's world.. ..a hopeless romantic ..and maybe what I dream also comes from a fairy-tale mind set.. but I, too, feel it's the MAN's job to do the asking...

 

Lastly, you'll never be able to share with the world how he asked you to marry him... and you just can't re-write history once you initiate the question yourself, Layla....

[SoleMate]

If I were in your shoes, I would come right out and ask him to marry me. The hints, nudges, patient waiting and praying haven't worked, right? He'll either say yes or no. And if I felt I could not ask him this, whether through fear or whatever other reason...I would not want to get married to him. To me, that kind of abiding love would mean that you could ask or answer almost ANYTHING close to your heart with the assurance that you would be heard sympathetically (even if you don't get the answer you hope for).

 

And I would be perfectly happy to tell anyone who wanted to know about how we decided to get married. To me, it is the DECISION that is important, not the little details of who asked whom, what they were wearing, or what the phase of the moon was.

 

I would suggest that you think long and hard about the barriers that are keeping you from asking for what you want, and whether you would like to overcome them.

[Curt]

As they have already talked about kids, etc., talking weddings may not be so much of an issue anymore. Nonetheless, just in case it is, here's my take as a guy...

 

As a man, if I loved anyone so completely that I wanted to seal our committment to each other in gold, then I would certainly ask her to marry me, and would love doing it.

 

Nonetheless, if I were to have that type of love with someone, I would want them to feel free and open to discuss literally ANYTHING with me.

 

Some may say that women look forward to the "guy on one knee asking her to marry him" thing from the day they were young girls/teens. Life and love, however, is anything but perfectly cut and dried in terms of timing or tune.

 

Loving another person has much to do with allowing ourselves and our thoughts to be safely vulnerable with a partner. Pride and procedure, in true love, have to take a second seat to devotion and dedication in each others lives.

 

When I meet her, I pray that the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, will share with me in the feeling that our desire and dedication in each other's lives far outweighs any societally inculcated opinions as to which of us expresses our committment first or last to each other.

 

Just to ensure there is no confusion/misinterpretation, the above is my humble opinion only. it is not offered as a judgement call on the initial poster's relationship's strength or lack thereof.

 

Peace.

 

Curt

[Layla]

Hey guys

 

Thank you so much for your answers! I can sense that he sees us together in the long run....

 

Lately, i have been wondering though whether we are that compatible and whether I really want to marry this man anymore ?!

 

Funny hey!

[sumdude]

From a guy who has been with his girl for almost 5 years and living together 3 1/2.

 

 

I know she wants to be married. I'm pretty dern sure I do too. I'm 36, she's 34. Yes I know it's time. We have had conversations about it.

 

I'm more 'afraid' of the wedding itself than the marriage. We live life as a couple. My friends even call her my wife, half jokingly.

 

Families: Won't get along. Some don't approve. Some we just don't really want to see. Many expect a certain type of wedding etc etc

 

Money: Just getting the money together for the engagement ring is a big deal. Then who pays for the wedding, the dress etc.? I'd rather put that money to use trying to buy a house or a car or something we really need. But I also want something special for the wedding too. Sure we could elope or something. I doubt that's she wants. This is a huge stressor. More so for the man I think. We know that almost every girl has had those dreams of the big cake, the special dress, the certain colors, the hundreds of guests and have been planning thier weddings since they were little. How many couples start off in debt just from the wedding? How many marriages fall apart due to finacial problems? I mean $5,000 - $10,000 is not a huge wedding bit that's a lot of money.

 

I'm not necessarily looking for advice since she and I will figure this out one way or another. I wanted to give you a glimpse into the mind of a man in this situation.

[FolderWife]

If she loves you and wants to marry you, then she won't mind a court house wedding.

 

Why have the traditional wedding anyway? You're wedding will not be a big deal...you live together, you have bills in both your names, the only thing between fiance and married to you two is a peice of paper.

 

To people who DON'T live together, a white wedding is a big thing, because everyone is celebrating that they are going to live together forever.

 

My husband and I didn't even have sex before we got married, so a big hoopty doo would've been appropriate: celebrating our lives changing forever.

 

We eloped. Went to the courthouse and got married. It's not what I WANTED, but looking back, I wouldn't change anything.

 

What's the point in a formal wedding if you are already living together.....aside from just plain wanting one....if it's going to be miserable due to certain guests..then..why would you want it?

[sumdude]

I think at some level it's important to make the commitment in front of all those who know you best. I think it adds a certain legitimacy beyond the law. Plus I would like to remember the wedding day as something very special forever. And I love to throw a party. We will find the middle ground one way or another. I just want the financial house in order a bit.