Am I getting it all wrong?

[Karabasque]

My ex girlfriend broke up with me about the end of June this year. Things seemed great but suddenly she ended it saying the dreaded line 'I need some space' I was skeptical of this but I let it be since she explained that with her starting university and moving out of her parents house that her life will change considerably.

 

However, saying that she needed space, she never actually went anywhere, she would call as much as always, text as much as always, see me as much as always and even end up in my bed then saying it shouldnt happen again.

 

This was all bad and I knew it. I knew that I was being used, people cant say they want space and end the relationship and still be exactly the same. She even called our outings together 'dates' and told me not to find anyone else yet.

 

A month later and onwards.

 

After misinterpreting something and accused her of cheating on me. I tried to cut her out of my life, I told her I was paranoid about why she really ended it cos I couldnt accept that her reasons were true since it was so sudden. I told her that I will delete her, her family and anyone that has anything to do with her on the horrible site known as facebook and that I dont want any more contact.

 

All of that upset her, she said she didnt understand why I had to go that far but it was for my own sanity, I couldnt keep putting all those things in my head that wasnt real. Even I was close to tears at the fact that this is the true end and she will be gone for good. She asked me if it was what I truly wanted, but in my weakness I told her it wasnt. We had a chat on msn and it was ok again, I cheered up but with the niggling feeling that I have made a big mistake, in my moment of strength nearly cutting her away I flaked out.

 

I tried to make best of the situation, I did want her back but I wasnt about to plead with her or make a fool of myself, I wanted her to realise that I am worthy and that things can be so much better the second time around with new knowledge in our heads.

 

From that day I never intiated contact, I never texted or called or anything. It would never be too long before she tried to get in touch with me and we would have a talk on the phone or something. She asked to see me at least once a week, sometimes I did, sometimes I didnt ( I dont wanna be TOO available). The same for other contact, I never made myself always available.

 

Occasionally she would bring up stuff about moving on, asking 'If you found a new girlfriend would you tell me?' I would give her a rather pissed off answer saying I didnt want to get a new girlfriend (Im certain she knows that I want her not anyone else), other than stupid little things like that things were ok, though only as friends.

 

Today another punch to the gut came, we was talking on msn, she asked me 'if I got a new boyfriend would you want to know?' obviously this gets me thinking big style, even after she says 'not just yet though' It makes me realise that maybe she is looking for someone else after all and 'wanting space' was the convenient excuse I thought it was. I simply signed out, I didnt even wanna go there, I basically ran away, not wanting to find out any more painful revelations.

 

After writing all that I wonder why Im even posting this in the second chance part, she seems so bent on keeping me around, I interpret so many things that tell me she would want me back one day but then she says stuff about when we finally get someone else.

 

Any further questions or knowledge from others?, I just want to get all this off my chest and talk about it with people.

 

Thank you all

[JP2009]

I was in the same boat this summer. She kept me around saying she didn't know what she wanted. But deep down she just wanted to keep me around as the "just in case" guy. Yeah it's a ****ty feeling and it would hard to forgive somebody that does this to you.

[Karabasque]

Thanks for reading, its a very ****ty feeling indeed. I dont know why Im sticking around really, its inevitable that she will end up with someone else one day or another. I was foolish enough to think that when she was ready I will be there.

 

She just messaged me asking if Ive fell out with her lol

[Karabasque]

And for everyone, to continue on from my first post.

 

Do I just tell her straight about how I feel and what I want.

 

I feel like its one of those situations where things need to be said once and for all, either something can come from it since everything is in the open or its a goodbye forever (cut from my life) kinda thing.

 

I must state that I will do NO begging or pleading and pointing out any logic, just straight up whats on my mind.

[TaraMaiden]

Go No Contact.

Read the link from Caliguy in my signature, and stick with it.

having yanked your chain and hauled you around by your heart, she needs to earn the privilege of getting any kind of response from you.

Go with what you know is right; Cut her off completely. Don't be an option.

No texts, no emails, no letters, messages, phone calls, facebook, meeting, sex, nothing.

NOTHING.

 

Do not respond, reply, initiate contact, retaliate or ask questions.

Let her fall off your radar completely, and you jump off hers.

 

Ok, this starts...........

 

 

NOW!!

[Karabasque]

Yes Ma'am!

[TaraMaiden]

Oh I could soooooo be the resident dominatrix.....!!

 

Don't let her rule your life - Let me do that!

 

Seriously though, you need to be a lot firmer with yourself. The more you discuss with her, the more you are simply conceding attention.

 

Ask yourself how much of you she deserves?

And if so - why?

And if you were going out with someone else - would that part of you still be with her?

 

Er...... I don't think so..... do you?

 

A relationship is a two-way commitment.

Both people have to work on it, and make the effort to sustain it.

If she's not in this for keeps, then she's not in to you, as she should be.

 

Are you in it for keeps?

If not, then why are you in it at all?

[Karabasque]

I shall leave it where it is, Ive had enough of everything and Im tired now, its dragged on since june, far too long now.

[JP2009]

EXACT same boat as me. June is when she ended it with me but kept me hanging on by saying we'd see how things go when she is home. I was there for her all summer. I would get mad when she would only hang out with me on her time. Looking back I should have walked away when she ended it in June. But finally I said enough is enough just a few weeks ago. Went strict no contact with her two weeks after nothing I got a text saying "hey, just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing". I didn't reply and I haven't heard from her since. It's now been three weeks of me going strict NC. Don't know if she even cares, but I guess that isn't for us to worry about.

[Karabasque]

EXACT same boat as me. June is when she ended it with me but kept me hanging on by saying we'd see how things go when she is home. I was there for her all summer. I would get mad when she would only hang out with me on her time. Looking back I should have walked away when she ended it in June. But finally I said enough is enough just a few weeks ago. Went strict no contact with her two weeks after nothing I got a text saying "hey, just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing". I didn't reply and I haven't heard from her since. It's now been three weeks of me going strict NC. Don't know if she even cares, but I guess that isn't for us to worry about.

 

I love it, youre right, its not our problem anymore. In the end our experiences like this will be good for us but still, it feels horrible. Good for you on the NC, we're way too good for the likes of them.