Secrets that are too awful to share even online

[fooled once]

oh, message me! I have too many problems to judge anyone else. Also, I'm procrastinating.....so, i'm totally free.

 

You don't have PM privileges yet either

[TurboGirl]

He left, you didn't ask him to.

 

Trust me, only 3 weeks in, he may go back. Him and his wife have lots of stuff to talk about and digest, things could change at ANY minute so it is best for you to be alone for a while.

 

PUT YOURSELF FIRST now. Yes, if MM does leave his wife, then so be it, but it's better .. right .. now.. for you to look out for yourself and heal. One cannot end a relationship and pop into another one so quickly. Just ain't healthy.

 

Agree, wholeheartedly. Can't jump from one to the other (well, it HAS been done by some) but IMHO, you need a break in between to sort things out. Correct from whichway, in that he may develop a conscience and return to his wife, with virtually no notice or concern to you, my dear.

 

I can imagine how you must be hurting...(((HUGS))) try & just be still, calm down, and suggest talking with a professional if you can. That will help you get perspective on your situation. You shouldn't marry someone that you could't talk to about your fears, right? and not sure if this MM is right for you... his attitude about leaving and starting again immediately with somone else is a bit devil-may-care, don't you agree?

 

You are seeing that you made mistakes, and wow, I know how that feels to face that, it is horrible to see that about one's self. Many times we can be our own worst enemy. Please give yourself a break here, give yourself time to heal. You are not evil!!! Focus on yourself, try & take time for you. Let MM deal with himself and his stuff. You have enough on your plate to sort out at the moment.

[sartrelazyeye]

You don't have PM privileges yet either

 

oh, what the hell is that? i'm totally new to this site. clue me in here, friend.

[BB07]

OP.........you are very self aware and I think if you take the time you need to heal and grieve and most importantly forgive yourself......you are going to be just fine.

 

Chin up..........and step back from mm and give him space and tell him you need some space. You don't need to get on his crazy train. Find some peace and balance for yourself and be good to yourself.

 

You are going to be alright..........hugs to you.

[pureinheart]

I meant to add that I think this description fits me really well. I am a big people-pleaser and I find it really hard to tell people no. For sure.

 

LOL, ya me too, it sucks. The one good thing about LS over the years is I've learned how to have my own mind, and not care too much what people think...well, have never cared much about that anyway:D.

 

It's been a difficult road, although I'm being more true to me whether anyone likes it or not.

 

I used to take things to heart and if someone was rude to be I either thought they had a right ro be rude and would not say a word and would question and second guess myself thinking I was the one with the problem...nope.

 

I really hope things keep better for you fast...a quick work in your situation;)

[djhall]

oh, what the hell is that? i'm totally new to this site. clue me in here, friend.

You need to attain "established member" status or pay for a Premium Subscription in order to send or receive private messages.

[SoMovinOn]

I got booted from 2 relationship forums because they thought I was making my story up. One person said it sounded too much like a fantasy from penthouse letters. I'm going through hell some times, in my marriage, or with the battles with myself in my own head, and this ding dong thinks it sounds like a fantasy.

 

At least here, people just read and offer their opinion, or advice. It's not always pleasant. If you're screwing up, there are plenty of people here who will tell you so in no uncertain terms, but then, that's exactly what I'd want them to do.

[Silly_Girl]

Yeah, it takes some time to reach PM-able status.

 

but I'm kinda hoping the OP has finally got it that sticking new-born babies on metal spikes, is evil, and she ain't even close, by our standards.

 

Now, if she'd dumped a cat in a refuse bin......

 

Quality post!!!!!!

[Silly_Girl]

My MM doesn't seem to get that. He thinks we can go right from one into the other, he says people do it all the time. I know he's right but for me it feels like they are two different things and we need some breathing room.

 

What is bolded should be of serious concern for you.

 

Did MM have kids? If so, you have had a hand in destroying a family.

 

No kids? You came between a husband and wife. I suppose if you're not religious in any way, shape or form, it won't matter.

 

Oh for goodness sake!! This guy wasn't exactly backwards in coming forward. He ditched his marriage, no one made him do it. You're very judgemental.

[anywherebuthere]

Thanks to everyone who's been talking to me. I was so afraid to post but now I feel so much better. It's helped me realize something that I know I've been sensing: I need time alone.

 

Yesterday after I posted all of this something strange happened that changed everything between MM and me. Earlier I had received a facebook message from a high school friend asking, aren't I married by now? And saying she had come by to see my pretty pictures. I told MM that this made me so sad I started to cry at work (and it's partly why I posted on here, I was so sad.)

 

At first he said several times that even though he can't really understand why I'm so sad, he wants to be here for me and support me. Then I told him I think it's pretty normal and that in fact I was wondering why he isn't more sad about leaving his wife. They've been married a long time and have kids and he seems to be drifting along like everything's fine, and saying he can't understand why I'm sad about my wedding to boot. As we discussed it more I realized he was in a lot of denial. He thinks his wife is going to be fine with things and that they will always go to the kids' sporting events together and that he will always continue to "go back home" for dinners with his kids etc. I have tried to stay out of his divorce issues because I don't really think it's any of my business and I don't want to pressure him. But when he said this stuff, I said, I don't think you understand what a divorce will really mean. If she gets the house during the settlement then it will be HER house and she isn't going to want you to come around; she is letting you do that now because she still wants to be with you. But if you divorce her and she finds more out about me then she is going to be upset and clearly done with you and you will have to take the kids to your own house for dinner on the nights that you have them, and she will probably want to divide up the kids' sporting and school events, etc, at least for awhile. It won't be like one big happy family except that daddy and mommy are divorced now and daddy is with someone else. It's going to be really hard! I've never been married or divorced and I know this.

 

Well after I said that he got this look on his face like wow, you're right. After that his demeanor changed. We went out with some friends after our dinner and he randomly became upset and told me that if I miss my ex- fiance so much and I'm so sad about not being with him, I should just go marry him. :-O I really don't remember saying anything to have provoked this, I hadn't even mentioned my ex-fiance since our earlier conversation. Then he told me my ex-fiance would take me back if I wanted him and he was mean about him and said he is boy, not a man. I have never been mean about his wife like that and I'm not sure what caused his outburst. He was really misconstruing what I had told him earlier, which was just that I got sad when the wedding was mentioned and I feel bad for hurting my ex-fiance, not that I still wanted to marry him like MM was making it seem. So I told MM he was being unreasonable, that I didn't appreciate his tone of voice or how he was being mean about my ex-fiance. At that point he left, even though he was my ride and my friends' ride- he had brought all of us and was supposed to take us home.

 

What a douchebag. I don't even know why all that happened and I'm really hurt. I don't feel like I deserved to be left at the bar just for standing up for myself. MM knows I have been having a tough time lately with my canceled wedding date approaching and he chooses to be mean to me about it? I was already feeling like I needed space, and had mentioned it to him, so maybe that's what made him so upset. Now I really know I need space. The best that I can surmise is that I think he wasn't understanding what he was really giving up by leaving home and now after we discussed it he probably wants to go back and just gets mad at me instead of telling me. Well whatever happened, I'm done with him. I think that was disrespectful and immature. Still, it hurts. I know that I have to push past the hurt so I can start healing. I needed for this to happen, although I wish it wouldn't have happened this way. At least now I can be alone. Thanks again to all who have been talking with me, it helps a lot.

[whichwayisup]

At first he said several times that even though he can't really understand why I'm so sad, he wants to be here for me and support me. Then I told him I think it's pretty normal

 

He doesn't see that you are grieving the loss. Just because ending it was the right thing to do, doesn't mean you aren't hurting. Griieving is part of the healing process, and also, the man you were going to marry was a good guy. I'm sure there were alot of positives in the relationship, but he wasn't the "one" for you to settle down with and have kids. It's still a loss though. MM IS in denial. He's not intouch with reality......RED FLAG.

 

and that in fact I was wondering why he isn't more sad about leaving his wife. They've been married a long time and have kids and he seems to be drifting along like everything's fine, and saying he can't understand why I'm sad about my wedding to boot. As we discussed it more I realized he was in a lot of denial.

 

Because it has hit him yet. He hasn't had to deal with her reaction, there's a truth she doesn't know yet and when she does, all heck will break loose. It's good you see he's in denial.

 

 

He thinks his wife is going to be fine with things and that they will always go to the kids' sporting events together and that he will always continue to "go back home" for dinners with his kids etc.

 

He's fooling himself, OMG. It'll be separate visits, separate dinners, taking turns going to sporting events, plays etc.. OR he'll be sitting on one side of the arena, and she'll be on the other. He truly is clueless...

No way will he be going back home for dinners....... Not if she has anything to say about it. Fact that he actually believes this, again RED FLAG. Protect your heart from him as he IS going (unintentionally hurt you!)

 

I have tried to stay out of his divorce issues because I don't really think it's any of my business and I don't want to pressure him. But when he said this stuff, I said, I don't think you understand what a divorce will really mean. If she gets the house during the settlement then it will be HER house and she isn't going to want you to come around; she is letting you do that now because she still wants to be with you. But if you divorce her and she finds more out about me then she is going to be upset and clearly done with you and you will have to take the kids to your own house for dinner on the nights that you have them, and she will probably want to divide up the kids' sporting and school events, etc, at least for awhile. It won't be like one big happy family except that daddy and mommy are divorced now and daddy is with someone else. It's going to be really hard! I've never been married or divorced and I know this.

 

Fact that he hasn't thought this through scares me. Which makes me wonder how much he's been omitting or lying to you about stuff, or if he truly has no clue about what's going to happen.

 

Well after I said that he got this look on his face like wow, you're right. After

that his demeanor changed. We went out with some friends after our dinner and he randomly became upset and told me that if I miss my ex- fiance so much and I'm so sad about not being with him, I should just go marry him. :-O I really don't remember saying anything to have provoked this, I hadn't even mentioned my ex-fiance since our earlier conversation. Then he told me my ex-fiance would take me back if I wanted him and he was mean about him and said he is boy, not a man.

 

He did a passive agressive move here. Not good. Instead of telling you and being honest, how he felt about what you said, he pushed it and made it about you. You hit a sore spot and this is how he handled it? It was his out to look for an argument, put the blame on you. It hurt hearing that stuff, he probably wasn't expecting it and instead of acting like a "man", he acted like a "boy". RED FLAG, again..

 

Just shows that you need to distance yourself from your MM and focus on you. It's an unhealthy dynamic and still in affair mode too.

 

So I told MM he was being unreasonable, that I didn't appreciate his tone of voice or how he was being mean about my ex-fiance. At that point he left, even though he was my ride and my friends' ride- he had brought all of us and was supposed to take us home.

 

How rude and immature of him to do this to you and the friends. Ridiculous!

 

DO NOT be the one to call him, he owes an apology to you and the friends for walking out and leaving you guys behind. Who does that?? A boy, not a man. RED FLAG...Again.

 

Of course it hurts, he did a 180 with you. He deflected and ran. Big baby.

[anywherebuthere]

Thanks for your post, WhichWayIsUp. Well last night I had sent him an angry text telling him it was wrong of him to leave us when we were his ride, and I didn't hear anything back from him all night. Luckily one of my friends was sober and could drive us home, and if that hadn't been the case I was going to call us a cab. We do not live in a big city so calling a cab isn't very easy. I was so mad that he had left us in that bind, and didn't even call to make sure we had an alternative ride and that we were safe.

 

This morning he sent me a text asking if he could come to my house and get the stuff he left here last night: his laptop and Internet card that I am using right now, ha ha, and his work clothes. I told him no, that I would send it all to him because he hurt me and I don't want him in my house. I don't know if this was mature of me but I knew that he was looking for an excuse to come over. Then he said he didn't mean to strand us, that he assumed my sober friend could take us home. I said he shouldn't have assumed, he said he would take us home and he didn't and he didn't even care to find out if we were safe. He said he feels embarrassed and to extend an apology to everyone and that there was no excuse. He also said he had no idea why he left. Whatever. I eventually told him that I would let him know when I leave my house this evening so he can come get his stuff when I'm not home, and that I didn't want to talk to him or see him. He said he understands, he knows I don't deserve that treatment and he is very sorry and feels stupid.

 

You're right that he must not have been able to handle hearing that his divorce would be hard instead of a walk in the park, and he clearly found some reason to blame his feelings on me. I think he probably decided he's not ready to get divorced and just didn't want to tell me so he thought just leaving and making me mad at him for hurting me was a better option. Yeah right. You're right, he's a baby!

 

Now he keeps texting me apologies and I just want him to leave me alone. I told him I don't want to be mean to him but I don't understand him and want to be alone to sort out my issues and he can sort out his, separately. Why is that so hard for him to understand?

[whichwayisup]

If you are using his laptop, make sure to clear the history and set the history to 0 or 1 day that way he can't go back and check to see what you've been up to. Last thing you need is for him to find your posts and invade your place of getting help and advice.

 

He doesn't know why he left? I won't even answer that one..

 

Don't worry so much about hurting his feelings. He's a grown man! You don't have to be mean about it, but just make it clear to him how you feel and tell him to respect your decision.

[anywherebuthere]

Also, WhichWay, thanks for backing me up on some things. It feels good to have my feelings validated that it's okay or normal to be sad about my wedding even though I know it was the right decision to not get married. And that I am right about how a divorce works. He said that half the kids at his kids' school have divorced parents and that they both come to all the games and if they have new spouses they just each bring the new spouse. I said well that is quite aways off if ever and I am quite sure his wife would not want him there at the same time as she was, and with me being there too to boot! He said he always looks at the situation in terms of fast-forwarding to the future, where everything is okay and everyone's adjusted. He asked me how long I thought it would be until he and his wife would be okay going to the kids' sporting events at the same time-- 6 months or a year? !?!?!? I said much longer than that!

 

I guess this is hitting home for him and he's having a hard time with it, but that's no excuse to just leave me like that. And I can't believe his reality is so warped that he thinks it's that easy to just walk away and off into the sunset with me.

[anywherebuthere]

If you are using his laptop, make sure to clear the history and set the history to 0 or 1 day that way he can't go back and check to see what you've been up to. Last thing you need is for him to find your posts and invade your place of getting help and advice.

 

He doesn't know why he left? I won't even answer that one..

 

Don't worry so much about hurting his feelings. He's a grown man! You don't have to be mean about it, but just make it clear to him how you feel and tell him to respect your decision.

 

Good thinking about deleting the browsing history, thanks.

 

Yeah I am going to have to buckle down and ignore him even though that means hurting his feelings. He hurt mine and in the end it's best for both of us to deal with things on our own.

[fooled once]

oh, what the hell is that? i'm totally new to this site. clue me in here, friend.

 

See below

 

You need to attain "established member" status or pay for a Premium Subscription in order to send or receive private messages.

 

Yep - not sure on when you attain established member status - maybe 3 months or 100 posts or something like that.

 

What a douchebag. I don't even know why all that happened and I'm really hurt. .....Now I really know I need space. Well whatever happened, I'm done with him. I think that was disrespectful and immature. Still, it hurts. I know that I have to push past the hurt so I can start healing. I needed for this to happen, although I wish it wouldn't have happened this way. At least now I can be alone. Thanks again to all who have been talking with me, it helps a lot.

 

I hope you are really done and not just saying that. I hope you realize he is a jerk and his actions and words show just how much of a jerk he is.

 

Thanks for your post, WhichWayIsUp. Well last night I had sent him an angry text telling him it was wrong of him to leave us when we were his ride, and I didn't hear anything back from him all night. Luckily one of my friends was sober and could drive us home, and if that hadn't been the case I was going to call us a cab.

 

..... I didn't want to talk to him or see him. He said he understands, he knows I don't deserve that treatment and he is very sorry and feels stupid.

 

Now he keeps texting me apologies and I just want him to leave me alone. I told him I don't want to be mean to him but I don't understand him and want to be alone to sort out my issues and he can sort out his, separately. Why is that so hard for him to understand?

 

I again really hope you aren't playing a game of "chase me" with him.

 

Say what you mean, and MEAN what you say. If you want to give him another chance, that is on you. But don't say you are done and then text him.

 

It does sound like he has NO clue about divorce.

 

I am divorced from my son's father. Let me tell you how MY divorce was ...

 

I got sole custody. I made all decisions for my son - from health to schooling to vacations, etc. As soon as my ex left, I changed the locks on the house - he could NO longer just walk in. If he wanted to see our son, he had a visitation schedule that was drawn up and signed. He had liberal visitation - every other weekend and one night (for dinner) a week. In my case, my ex never took all the visitation that was offered. In my case, I also ensured *I* got all holidays with our son. I had our son EVERY single Christmas eve and Christmas morning. The first year of our divorce/separation, I invited him and his girlfriend over on Christmas to watch our son open gifts. I didn't have to do that, but I did. But that was the only year I did that. I got our son for his birthday every year. My ex never fought any of it. I figured since I was doing 99% of the raising of our son, I got all the benefits too

 

Regarding school events - my ex was always informed, but never showed up to any of them - none of the band concerts, none of the awards ceremonies and none of the parent breakfasts/parent teacher conferences, NOTHING. My son played baseball - my ex showed up to less than half of the games and never took him to practices. He also never took our son on vacation (to this day, he has never taken our son on vacation. In fact, in our son's 21 years of life, he has taken 1 vacation with him and that was when we were still married (son was 5).

 

I am also a step parent. My H had every other weekend visitation with his kids. In his case, he was rarely informed of any events; thank goodness the school calendars were kept up to date so we didn't miss too many things. We also went to all sporting events. Like in the case with my son; NEVER did I sit with my ex NOR did me and my H ever sit with his ex at any event.

 

I personally have many divorced friends. None of them share dinners with their ex, none of them sit together at events and life is totally different divorced than it was when married. The two parents will always be the parents, but they lead separate lives.

 

Sounds like the MM had his head up his rear with how things would go or he figured he could manipulate his ex to allow him to do all those things. I guess he also expected you to be "okay" with him going over there and doing those things. There is a LS member, Broken Lady, who has dealt with the xMM she was with (who did get divorced) but spent more time at his ex's house, moving the lawn, having dinners, watching the kids, etc that she finally had ENOUGH and I believe ended it with him, for good. He did this for a year or longer though before she said enough.

 

I hope you do not allow this man back into your life until he is divorced. It sounds to me as if he isn't ready to be done with his marriage and I have a feeling if you forgive him, he is going to continue to treat you like crap and disrespect you.

[wheelwright]

Hi. Did anyone feel when they first joined up that their story was too awful to tell? I've been reading a bunch of posts and no one has a story as bad as mine. I feel evil. I'm hurting and would like to talk but I can't even put my story into words and I'm afraid of getting bashed and feeling even worse, if that's possible. Is there a way to talk privately so I don't have to tell my whole awful story publicly? If not I guess I just want to say that I've been reading and some of you have very inspiring stories that are helping me to think maybe I can move on from this and get better. Thanks for being here and posting.

 

Why does the bashing scare you so much?

 

I always think of the bashers as a kind of backward crew, who tell you what the idiots in the real world might think.

 

Because the people with empathy, compassion, wisdom, and experience still speak out. Here and IRL.

 

Although, I would say don't let the bashers get hold when something new comes up - let it be about something you've already part worked out what the response is.

 

This is an exceptional forum. Do you want to know what we think or not?

[alexandria35]

Also, WhichWay, thanks for backing me up on some things. It feels good to have my feelings validated that it's okay or normal to be sad about my wedding even though I know it was the right decision to not get married. And that I am right about how a divorce works. He said that half the kids at his kids' school have divorced parents and that they both come to all the games and if they have new spouses they just each bring the new spouse. I said well that is quite aways off if ever and I am quite sure his wife would not want him there at the same time as she was, and with me being there too to boot! He said he always looks at the situation in terms of fast-forwarding to the future, where everything is okay and everyone's adjusted. He asked me how long I thought it would be until he and his wife would be okay going to the kids' sporting events at the same time-- 6 months or a year? !?!?!? I said much longer than that!

 

I guess this is hitting home for him and he's having a hard time with it, but that's no excuse to just leave me like that. And I can't believe his reality is so warped that he thinks it's that easy to just walk away and off into the sunset with me.

 

This guy is kind of scary because he appears to lacking in the empathy department. He doesn't have empathy for your feelings regarding your broken engagement and he doesn't have empathy for how his wife is going to feel when he tells her he wants a divorice. In his little world you are happy to be with him and have forgotten all about your wedding day, and his wife is always going to just thrilled to have him in her life beyond the divorice.

 

I went through something very similar about 10 years ago. I had a longterm relationship with an alcoholic, left him and mistakenly got seriously involved with another man about 4 months later. One night I was speaking with my new bf and I tried to express some of the pain and guilt I was dealing with in leaving my ex. New bf (actually we had been together about 8 months at this point, and I was just starting to realize that I hadn't grieved my past relationship fully or properly) threw a big jealous fit. Turned mean and nasty towards me and like your MM said I should just go back to my ex if I missed him so much. Like you, I hadn't said I missed my ex, just that I was dealing with some residue sadness and guilt over leaving him. His reaction was completely over the top and without reason. This guy ended up treating me worse than any other guy I had ever been with. Beware of people who can't feel empathy.

[pureinheart]

Why does the bashing scare you so much?

 

I always think of the bashers as a kind of backward crew, who tell you what the idiots in the real world might think.

 

Because the people with empathy, compassion, wisdom, and experience still speak out. Here and IRL.

 

Although, I would say don't let the bashers get hold when something new comes up - let it be about something you've already part worked out what the response is.

 

This is an exceptional forum. Do you want to know what we think or not?

 

WW, I have to say, you've out done yourself with this one:D...oh and FTR, they are the idiots in the real world:sick:

[anywherebuthere]

This guy is kind of scary because he appears to lacking in the empathy department. He doesn't have empathy for your feelings regarding your broken engagement and he doesn't have empathy for how his wife is going to feel when he tells her he wants a divorice. In his little world you are happy to be with him and have forgotten all about your wedding day, and his wife is always going to just thrilled to have him in her life beyond the divorice.

 

I went through something very similar about 10 years ago. I had a longterm relationship with an alcoholic, left him and mistakenly got seriously involved with another man about 4 months later. One night I was speaking with my new bf and I tried to express some of the pain and guilt I was dealing with in leaving my ex. New bf (actually we had been together about 8 months at this point, and I was just starting to realize that I hadn't grieved my past relationship fully or properly) threw a big jealous fit. Turned mean and nasty towards me and like your MM said I should just go back to my ex if I missed him so much. Like you, I hadn't said I missed my ex, just that I was dealing with some residue sadness and guilt over leaving him. His reaction was completely over the top and without reason. This guy ended up treating me worse than any other guy I had ever been with. Beware of people who can't feel empathy.

 

I guess you're right, Alexandria- he totally lacks empathy. When I say something about how his wife or kids must feel, he looks at me blankly until I say, "Put it this way. Let's say you and I are married and I leave you and go with another man. Would you be all nice and smiley and tell me I can come home any time to have dinner w/ the kids, and that you'll see me and my new guy at the next football game?" Only then will he be like, heck no, I would burn any of the items you left behind in my haste to kick you out." I don't know I have to say it like that to get my point across+ it's like it only hits home for him if he imagines it happening against him.

[anywherebuthere]

 

I hope you are really done and not just saying that. I hope you realize he is a jerk and his actions and words show just how much of a jerk he is.

 

I again really hope you aren't playing a game of "chase me" with him.

 

Say what you mean, and MEAN what you say. If you want to give him another chance, that is on you. But don't say you are done and then text him.

 

It does sound like he has NO clue about divorce.

 

I hope you do not allow this man back into your life until he is divorced. It sounds to me as if he isn't ready to be done with his marriage and I have a feeling if you forgive him, he is going to continue to treat you like crap and disrespect you.

 

Fooled_once, I haven't texted him except in response to his texts to come get his stuff from my house. I had told him he could do that last night while I was at a quincenera and he texted me at 11 when I was already in bed saying he had gone to a friend's birthday party and now was going to some other friend's house and would come today instead. I had already told him that if last night didn't work I'd be at the office all day today and he could come anytime. All I texted him last night was "yes" in response to his question of whether he could come today instead. Even though I thought about him a lot at the quincenera because of his daughter and about conversations we've had about how kids dance-- I refrained from talking to him. So this morning he texts me thanks and said he is going on a bike ride w/ his bike group and it's been a month since he's done that blah blah. I haven't texted him back and don't plan to. I think he's just dragging out getting his stuff- which yesterday was so pressing to him that he couldn't possibly wait for my assistant to deliver it to his office on Monday!!- as a way to keep in contact with me. It isn't going to work because I've felt strength and peace since telling him ciao! I really have.

 

When it comes down to it I know both of us were in a bad spot when we got together. I didn't have the guts to just sit my fiance down and be honest, and instead pretty much made him catch me cheating. And MM doesn't have the guts to do the same w/ his wife. Nor does he have the guts to just sit ME down- even though I have asked him for complete honesty and said I will understand- and tell me he's unsure or he wants to stay married. Instead he claims he's totally ready for divorce, when clearly he's not. I'm not sure if he realizes how cowardly he's being by turning this around on me instead of being up front and honest with me, his wife and himself. Or if that's just how he is without realizing it. Whatever it is, I'm done worrying about it. I'm ready to turn my life around and make better decisions. Like you said fooled-once, MY words and intentions have to match my actions too, or I will stay stuck and unhappy and selfish like MM is being. Thanks for the encouraging words to remind me of my goals. Honestly they're a bit harsh but I get your intent and I guess I need that tough love because I can be wimpy.

[anywherebuthere]

I was in a good mood until he just texted me and said he's getting sober because drinking brings out the worst in him. I just want him to leave me alone. I told him to go pick up his stuff while I'm not home and to please stop texting me.

[anywherebuthere]

He also told me his bike ride was to __________ - the town where I was supposed to get married on Saturday. It's not a very common place to go, not like he just happened to mention that he was going to the next city or next town over or something. I can't help but think he said that just to hurt me. Maybe I'm being hyper-sensitive. But to me it would have been wise discretion for him to omit that part if he was going to text me knowing I am mad at him and want to be done with him.

[BB07]

Beware of people who can't feel empathy.

 

 

So, so TRUE!

[BB07]

I was in a good mood until he just texted me and said he's getting sober because drinking brings out the worst in him. I just want him to leave me alone. I told him to go pick up his stuff while I'm not home and to please stop texting me.

 

 

If you are serious about him not texting you or contacting you, you may have to stop his means to do that by blocking or changing your number. Just remember you've got to be ready for that step. Good luck!