cubbyman4 Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 I have been dating this girl for about 3 yrs now. I proposed to her this past December at the time It felt like thats what I wanted but now im having second thoughts. We fight all the time and it is about the smallest things example: Girls saying hi to me that she doesn't know, Her always wondering where I am Who im with and when will I get home...We get in to screaming fights because im so frustrated with the things she gets mad about. Before we got engaged I mean we had are fights but are relationship was going good for like a year straight . So that when I popped the question thinking all the little fights where gone....I WAS WRONG. We are still fighting about the littlest things. I feel that she doesn't trust me at all I have not done nothing to her to make her feel like she can't trust me. To me a marriage is suppose to perfect well thats how i want it to be. But fighting like this just shows me that she isn't ready to marry me as much as she is in love with the fact that she is getting married I don't think she is ready mentally for this marriage. Thats not even the half of it. OH there's more....I ran into my ex-girlfriend a couple weeks ago we where always good friends before we dated but we where young when we dated but I always had feelings for her. Running into her makes all those feeling come back. I really like hanging out with her she makes me feel good am always smiling when im talking to her. I really don't know what to do im so confused. I mean I love my fiancee but all we seem to do is fight. Now I run into my ex and now all these feeling are there from her. I could really use some advise........ Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 To me a marriage is suppose to perfect Right there is proof that you are not ready to be married at all. This is a total fallacy. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage and anybody who expects that marriage will be perfect sets himself up for utter failure. If you want to marry this girl, go to couples counselling with her and resolve your issues. If you don't want to marry her, break up. But before you marry anybody, do a LOT of reading about marriage because, for whatever reason, you are dead wrong about what it will be like. Link to post Share on other sites
gaia Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 Your fiance sounds very insecure. Unfortunately, the thing that scares her most (you going off with another woman) is exactly what she's going to achieve with her current behaviour. The more you two fight, the more insecure she'll feel and the whole thing will become a vicious circle. You say you love her. It sounds like she loves you. Get some couple therapy and see if you can sort this out. If you don't, it will likely get worse. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 in my opinion, there is no way you are ready for marriage. stop now and think this through. with your mindset, this relationship will only get worse, and there is no danger in waiting. this is a blueprint for an abusive relationship and certainly for divorce, unless things change signifigantly over a long period of time. relatioships that are toxic cannot be made better with more responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
jayded Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 your post reminded my of a quote from my sociology class: Marriage is not what I has assumed it would be. One premarital assumption after another has crashed down on my head.....Marriage is like taking an airplane to Florida for a relaxing vacation in January, and when you get off the plane you find your in the Swiss Alps. There is cold and snow instead of swimming and sunshine. Well, after you buy winter clothes and learn how to ski and learn how to talk a new foreign language, I guess you can have just as good a vacation in the Swiss Apls as you can in Florida. but I can tell you, it's one hell of a surprise when you get off that marital airplane and find that everything is far different from what one had assumed. Ask anyone you know who is married to read this and they will nod their head and smile. It's very true. It would be much better to at least postpone your wedding and do some long hard thinking before you consider going any further. I too suggest counselling and if she isn't willing to go then that's a pretty big answer for you. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Fofinha Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Marriage is difficult enough when you are absolutely positive you want to spend your entire life with the other person. And even then, you have to work on it everyday. If you are unsure in any shape or form, please don't go through with it. Your issues with your fiancé have "divorce" written all over them. Especially if by running into your ex, feelings for her came back. Walk away from your fiancé and take some time to think things over (or explore anything you might regret not having done so down the line (i.e. ex, etc...)). Link to post Share on other sites
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