blackwidow290 Posted October 16, 2010 Share Posted October 16, 2010 (edited) Evening. This is my story. Where we met: In May, I initiated contact with a guy that appealed to me in a dating website. He sounded like a person with good values and I felt that I should nurture the friendship, learn more about him. He was always friendly, but not flirty and never mentioned meeting up. He told me that he was going to europe with friends for a few weeks, so I figured it was best to first meet him afterwards without interruptions. Two months passed and I wasn't really online.. I was seeing someone for a month which ended because he wasnt ready for a serious relationship and then for a month got back together with my ex. We did super romantic things like watching fire works together while cuddling by the lake, went for dinner, etc After 14 dates and a weekend of camping and making love, he called after a few days and said that we should not even remain friends or speak again. Reason: I told him that Im going to grad school starting next year and he feels that his creative ideals do not coincide with my academic ones..and that perhaps I'm too normal in every way possible. My heart broke..seriously. Right after that, the first guy came back and expressed that he was regretful and had missed me..but I didn't give him a second chance.cos it just felt lame. I want a decent man and despite these heartbreaking experiences, I'm more driven to find the one person who will not act this way. A month after I broke up with my ex, after I had had time for some relfection, I went online and started talking to the guy I mentioned in the beginning. After the first conversation he asked me out and I told him that I was open to meeting him. He called me and we talked for an hour, after which I cut him short (as he was not asking me out) and said that I had to go. A few days afterwards, we started exchanging texts and he immediately asked me out. Good. Fast tracking forward, 5 weeks of dating. Everything is going amazingly well. He's communicative, mature, and really tries and puts effort into planning our dates. We go out to a romantic restaurant, he gets me flowers. The only thing that concerns me is that he says that he really likes the pace at which things are going. When I ask him to explain further, he says that he likes how unlike in the past its not just a one night stand situation or rushed. I don't want a relationship right away due to the problems Ive had in the past few months (he's had to see a doctor about anxiety) . He also expected me to say NO when he asked me out so soon, but then he felt he had to go out since I agreed. =( Hes glad he did, cos he was wow surprised bla bla. I was so distressed after that. It sounded like he's not sure..just like every other guy Ive dated this year! I broke up with him...until a week later we were able to talk and I told him that I got scared. He said that I can take all the time that I need and there's no need to rush. The next date we go on he surprises me on the way and says that I'm going to meet all his friends. It goes well and the night is fun. and that he really doesn't want to hurt me. Now, we've been dating past 2 months... we haven't slept together, yet the chemistry has gotten almost insupportable. He hasn't invited me to his place or anything It concerns me that he often says that he's dated a lot..or that he openly compares to me other women and says he loves how smart, beautiful I am. Its flattering, but it scares me... why can't he ask me to be his girlfriend? I need the safety of a relationship to let my feelings blossom..and I need a guy to go after me and openly tell me. I'm so affectionate with him, million kisses! Ive made it obvious. I'm really scared that like those past boys, he will at some point say that it's just casual dating we've been doing and end it for whatever reason. I'm afraid that it will never turn into a relationship cos somehow all guys think Im smart, really gorgeous, very sweet and caring..but it doesn't work out. Im scared of telling him that Im going to be in school for 4 more years, most people dont want to live with monks. I feel like a liar, but the past experience with my ex has left me a really hesitant to do this right away I dont have the courage to ask him whether we're exclusive or not yet.. I know that as soon as we started dating he stopped siging on the dating website, and a month after he deleted it. Impatient......and scared that I will hit an emotional wall if he doesnt open up to me about what he wants Edited October 16, 2010 by blackwidow290 Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted October 16, 2010 Share Posted October 16, 2010 Well, the fact that you guys have been getting closer without sex being involved is a good sign. I honestly believe you shouldn't allow your experiences with the past few men to be a factor here. The guy deleted the dating site when he started seeing you. He's clearly focused on you. I don't think you should hesitate too much to ask him about his feelings, tho. Why don't you have the courage to talk to him about these things? You should give it some consideration. I think that's better than sitting around waiting for him to ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackwidow290 Posted October 19, 2010 Author Share Posted October 19, 2010 thanks for the response! I was more open this weekend and got some responses which make me feel that its going strong. sigh l'amour Link to post Share on other sites
Knittress Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 My thoughts? - Your ex is a total d-bag. "You're not good enough for his IDEALS?" WTF. This is NOT someone you want in your life. You'll thank him someday. - You really ought to consider bringing up the I-need-some-emotional-security conversation EARLIER, way before you get this emotionally invested. You think you're protecting yourself by being wary, but really all you're doing is making yourself feel unsatisfied and insecure by not being upfront with this guy/yourself. - Grad school is not a nunnery. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackwidow290 Posted November 17, 2010 Author Share Posted November 17, 2010 Thank you Knittress. Those are excellent insights and truly helpful for me. Link to post Share on other sites
welikeincrowds Posted November 17, 2010 Share Posted November 17, 2010 Reason: I told him that Im going to grad school starting next year and he feels that his creative ideals do not coincide with my academic ones..and that perhaps I'm too normal in every way possible. Knittress said everything I want to say. But I really need to emphasize the HOLY F**K factor of this quote. HOLY F**K. WHAT AN A**HOLE. I hope I never say something so pompous, and then so cruel. I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts