So, is this a good idea?

[Sweet Cuppin Cakes]

I want to apologize in advance if this is really long, I tend to ramble. I'm new here and just wanted to get some outside perspective on my situation.

 

My boyfriend and I have known each other for about five years, and we've been dating for the past two years. Over a year ago I moved in with him and things have been going pretty well, other than your minor annoyances that come with any relationship.

 

We rarely have any major arguments since we're pretty calm and very slow to anger. He's very good at wanting to discuss things in a civil manner which I really like. Admittedly I can be a little stubborn in that respect but he puts up with me. He's kind of helping me grow in that area which is nice. Our communication is really good which is key for any relationship to work.

 

He can be sweet, but he's definitely not the romantic type. He doesn't really care for spontaneous dates or romantic gifts. While I wouldn't mind a little show of love like some flowers on occasion (as cliche and girly as that is, which I hate), it doesn't really bother me that much. Every now and then I'll come across a little something I know he'll like and get it for him, and of course I never expect anything in return because seeing him happy makes me happy.

 

He can be lazy and less outgoing than I am, which can be a bummer, but it honestly doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. He does still enjoy going out and doing things with me when he has the time. Like many people, he's messy. Right now we have an arrangement where I take care of the cleaning and pet care since he's paying the rent (I didn't have a job for a while), which I'm cool with.

 

Since I got a job last month, I can start paying my half of the rent next month, but I'm worried he's still going to rely on me to do all the cleaning simply because he's lazy and unmotivated. Ideally we would share the chores, or he would just keep his areas of the apartment clean, which would be great. Naturally my best option is to talk to him about it, which I will do, but he is VERY forgetful. I'm thinking it may just be less of a hassle to keep our current arrangement.

 

Earlier this year he and I had a huge argument over politics and his desire to join the military. Without getting too detailed, he came off sounding like a right-wing nut job while I'm much more liberal. I genuinely thought this was going to ruin the relationship and I had a hard time looking him in the eye for a week. Slowly I got over it. His views on government/military have softened a bit more to my liking lately, so I think we're finally at a place where we can just respectfully disagree. He's also decided to go to school and get a degree before joining the military, which makes me happy. I'd be happiest if he didn't go into the military, though, but there's no telling if that'll happen (see next paragraph).

 

One thing that bothers me, though, is that in the years I've known him, he seems to change quickly. It seemed what he wanted to do with his life would change every couple months or so. If someone asked me right now what his view on religion is, I couldn't really tell them anything other than "he's agnostic" because that's all I know. Some of his views have changed so much over the years that I never know which one he holds, and it's not something that comes up in conversation that often between us. I know we're young (we both turn 22 in early November - he's a day older than me), and changing your mind often is normal, so maybe that'll pass?

 

Our sex life is definitely not amazing, but since my sex drive is nearly non-existent I wouldn't miss sex if we never had it again. He's a pretty simple fellow to please and doesn't ask much of me in this respect, and I've asked him if my low sex drive bothers him and he said not really. Sex isn't as huge a deal to him as having me in his life is. I really appreciate him putting up with it. So while our sex life isn't stellar, it isn't really putting any strain on our relationship, and if it starts to, I'd be more than happy to look into ways to fix it.

 

Both of us are down-to-earth, agnostic, nerdy, pet-loving people who don't want children, a traditional wedding, or a big house. We both would like to travel some day. I love his family and vice versa. We are similar on many levels, but I guess sometimes I wonder if I'm not just settling? Could I go on to find someone who is a little more romantic, someone with similar political opinions, or someone who likes to do more of the same stuff I like to do (which isn't much)? I know that's a plague of society today is that people give up on relationships too easily because they have that "I can find someone better" mindset, and I don't wanna fall into that, because I know I will never find someone perfect.

 

I trust him, I love him, but there are just all the little-ish things that bug me. His messiness, laziness, forgetfulness, him wanting to join the military... He and I have had a brief talk about getting engaged lately. He's known for a while that he wants to marry me, but if we did get engaged it would be at LEAST a year before we got married. I've never been in a rush to get married and didn't expect to 'til quite a few years from now. Does it sound like I'm settling or being too picky?

 

I apologize if this post is kind of all over the place and fuzzy, I'm very tired. I'll be happy to clear up some things or expand upon them if you like, but for now I need to get some sleep.

[skydiveaddict]

I'll be happy to clear up some things or expand upon them if you like, but for now I need to get some sleep.

 

 

Please don't expand on anything. You could have said all that in two relatively short paragraphs. I admit I'm an impatient type A person, but for your own benefit I think you will get a lot more hits if you keep your story more to the point.

[eerie_reverie]

Sounds like you don't love him.

[allina]

Marriage definitely shouldn't be on the table right now.

 

You are 21 years old, you've been with him since you were 16, it's normal for people to grow apart and turn in to different people. I know it must be tough, but I just don't see this working out.

 

On a brighter note, you will absolutely find someone that is better for you and wants what you want in life. I think this experience will help you see what you need and want in a ltr.