I think we are heading for a breakup

[gwennebe]

Hello everyone!! I need some advice on a fairly new relationship. Here is the scenario. I met someone while out with friends. I live in a college town and he of course is a student going to a tech school. He is originally from about 4 hours away. We met in the beginning of Jan. He is done with school at the end of this month Unless he gets the financial aid to take another course and then he will be here 3 months.

 

Going into this we talked and I explained my concerns since he would most likely only be here for 3 more months. He said if he was involved with someone and he liked them a lot he wouldn't just leave them. I still had my doubts so I think I held back a lot more than I usually do in relationships. He noticed and I explained the situation about how I felt about him leaving.

 

Things were starting to get a little better but now in the last two weeks he's startec acting different towards me. He seems to be the one distant and starting to pull away. I've tried talking to him about it and he thinks I'm reading too much into things but I'm not so sure. He just doesn't act as interested as he did before.

 

We did have a misunderstanding last week about him going out, I thought he lied to me but he didn't mean for it to seem the way it did. See he told me he was going to bed early and then I found out he was out that night. He did go to bed early I guess and then his friend woke him up and he decided to go ahead and go out. Well when I confronted him about it I was a little too soon to jump the gun and he got upset with me and then went into the whole "maybe your getting to serious with this relationship" Then that brought a whole new issue into things. Like me feeling like I was being used just until he left.

 

He's just been giving me so many mixed signals. Somedays he'll talk like he wants me to relocate with him after he becomes settled and gets a job because he is leaving, he doesn't want to stay here in this town. He always used to say he missed me all the time and always want to see me but lately in the last few weeks, i've been the one calling and trying to do things together.

 

I know he's in his last month of school and has a lot on his mind so i'm trying to be patient and not clingy. I just feel like he knows he's going to break up when he leaves but doesn't want to deal with it so he's going to wait til he leaves to do it. I've asked him about this and he said he wasn't planning on doing that to me. I know he's been avoiding the situation of him leaving because he doesn't want to think about it.

 

So I guess I'm asking opinons on how I should deal with this. Should I back off for a few days and let him be the one to call and ask to see me? Should I seem a little unavailiable? See I was really busy before and didn't have a lot of spare time and he was always chasing me but then it just stopped and now I'm chasing him. Why does everyone play games? I wasn't trying to play games with him I was just working a lot of Over time. Now I'm not and I'm more availiable to him. He used to complain about me not showing affection and now I want to show him affection but now he makes it hard to. I'm so confused. I dont' want to be hurt again.

[Captain Nemo]

It sounds as if he's as confused as you. Since your relationship is relatively new, he probably doesn't know where it will lead in the long run. As a result, he probably doesn't know whether to just break up when he leaves or risk staying/having you move with him. I think you were right when you said he's just delaying the decision until the end. That's probably why he's showing less affection--so that it's not as hard if he decides to leave you in the end. Unfortunatley, there's nothing you can do except wait unless you want to take action now and end it yourself.

 

Captain Nemo

[gwennebe]

Thanks for the reply. Even though that's what I'm thinking also, I hope I'm wrong. I think I'll just wait and see if how he acts in the ucoming weeks. I know we wouldn't plan on me moving right away. He would plan on visiting when he can on weekends. It's only 4 hours away and plus he still has a very good friend here that is a friend of mine he will want to visit so I think, well hope we will at least try. I just hope no matter what we can remain friends and end things civily if that's what happens. It does suck that the relationship is so new. It's like we didn't get a fair chance.

 

Plus there is still a chance he will stick around for another 3 months if his financial aid goes through. I don't think I want to end it now. I feel like I'd regret it. AT least I know what could happen and won't be shocked if it doesn't work out. Wish me luck!!

[gwennebe]

So can any one give me their opinion on what my next few steps should be? He is supposed to leave on the 26 unless something changes. HE called last night and was really nice. I left him a little note when I left yesterday morning and he thanked me for it and called to say he was stepping out with some friends and if it wasn't too late he'd call later. They were doing some stuff for school.

 

Should I try to call him after work today and find out if he'd like to do something or should I just wait for him to invite me? I didn't feel like this before. I felt comfortable calling and asking him to do stuff. I don't understand why I feel like this all of a sudden. I'm so afraid of scaring him away since he hasn't taken as much of an interest in the relationship for a week.

 

If he is pulling away I don't want to push him further by showing too much interest and seem like I'm trying to control everything and making him feel threatned. Why does everything have to be such a game? Can't people just be honest with their feelings?

[overseas2004]

the why is what you ask when you are your age? Why is it a game? Why can't people be honest?

 

The answer when your my age mid thirties is.

 

It is a game and if you don't know how to play it. your f****..

 

You feel akward about calling because he has cooled off. And the best thing in the world for you to do is cool off as well. And let the chips fall where they may.

 

Take it from an old dog. They will fall where they want to no matter what you do. In the end if he loves you he loves you. If he don't ... it doesn't matter what you do.

 

But you will certainly learn one thing if you cool off now. And that is discipline. Wish you luck.

 

PS. Someone just broke up with me that I loved very much. I have not heard word one from him in almost three weeks. And I just let it go. And its killing me. But in the end I know that if it was worth it he will be back and if not then he did me a favor.

[gwennebe]

Hey overseas. Sorry to hear about your recent breakup. I have some good news. He did end up calling me before I even got home last night so I didn't have to worry about calling him and he was begging to see me so I don't know what is going on now. Hopefully just stress is the reason he was being weird. I'm feeling better though because instead of worrying so much about losing him i'm just going to relax and let what happens go ahead and happen.

 

I've decided the only person who can make me happy is myself so i'm going to live my life for me and hopefully find the right person that fits in.

 

(Oh, I did tell him to not even start playing games with me).

[Fofinha]

Should I back off for a few days and let him be the one to call and ask to see me?

 

YES!

 

 

Should I seem a little unavailiable?

 

YES! YES! YES!

 

 

See I was really busy before and didn't have a lot of spare time and he was always chasing me

 

BINGO!

 

Why does everyone play games?

 

They are not games hun...just human nature. Let him be the hunter again. If he doesn't, then he is not interested enough and probably not worth the trouble anyway. Trust me.