I cheated and I regret deeply.

[scorpiot]

Hello everyone,

This summer I cheated on my boyfriend (we were together for 3 years) and I feel horrible. I was at a summer camp and it was a summer thing with the other. I feel terrible about it especially because I tried to hide it and my boyfriend found out.

I really love my boyfriend and I know I never want to commit that mistake again. I was foolish, stupid and selfish. I really feel miserable. Right now, he says he doesn't know if he loves me, he doesn't know if he can go on with the relationship. But he did say he wants to try, which I think is great. I love him so deeply that I cry every night. Especially now, he moved back home so we are from a distance, which doesn't make it easy.

How do I fix this? What can I do to make him feel better? I do tell him all the time that I am so sorry, that i am sad and that I will never do it again.

I could really use advice, I am so sad and seeing him desperate breaks my heart.

[Sivok]

Ouch. There's nothing you really can do on your end, hun. Being cheated on is the worst thing to happen to somebody in a relationship ,and by far the hardest thing to recover from. If he asks for space, give it to him. You tarnished all his trust in you, and now you just need to wait and see if he's strong enough and/or willing to get over that... There's not much power in your hands right now, what's done is done and the consequences will roll out as they do

[amerikajin]

I sense that you're young. Look at this as a learning experience and try to grow from it. When you cheat on someone you damage trust, and trust is the core of all relationships (not just romantic ones).

[Insanitylater]

You're only sorry you got caught.

 

Dont act like you didnt know what you were doing when it happened.

 

How did it feel while you were cheating on him?

 

Obviously you didnt give a f*ck about him while you were cheating

[aerogurl87]

OP, look at this as a learning experience. I cheated on my ex and we broke up, I learned from it to never cheat on anyone else again because of how damaging it is to both the other person and your ownself. It's wrong anyway, but committing the act drove those points home any further.

[Andy_K]

A 'summer thing' sounds like it happened more than once, is that correct?

 

Why did you do it at the time?

 

The reason for not cheating in the future needs to be integrity and self-respect, not the suffering it causes. Otherwise you've not really learnt or changed much.

[reservoirdog1]

and now you just need to wait and see if he's strong enough and/or willing to get over that...

I don't think the BF's degree of strength has anything to do with it. She betrayed his trust, lied about it, and only came clean when he found out anyway. She probably wouldn't have come clean at all if she hadn't had to. Getting beyond betrayal is extremely difficult at the best of times, even when the cheater comes clean of their own volition.

 

The greater display of strength, frankly, would be for him to end the relationship and salvage his dignity and self-respect.

[aerogurl87]

A 'summer thing' sounds like it happened more than once, is that correct?

 

Why did you do it at the time?

 

The reason for not cheating in the future needs to be integrity and self-respect, not the suffering it causes. Otherwise you've not really learnt or changed much.

 

That's included in the damage it causes, emotional and psychological damage that if the person is truly remorseful never fully goes away. At least for me it hasn't.

[lkjh]

Im really disgusted by the people that say chalk it up as a learning experience. Also the response that said something along the lines of wait and see if the bf is strong enough to get over it is way off.

 

 

OP, what you did was not a mistake that can just be forgotten. On top of cheating you obviously lied a lot because you said you tried to hide it. You cannot be trusted and you should let him go.

 

You need to work on yourself and figure out why you would do such a thing. Cheating is a character flaw and you need to correct that

[Spectre]

Ok, stop, just stop. To the topic creator and ANYONE else planning on creating a topic like this.

 

Stop creating a topic to talk about how you cheated on someone while also claiming you still truly love the person. Just stop, it's getting old and frankly it's annoying as hell. If you truly loved your significant other you would not be making posts on this forum, ever..period.

 

If you want advice fine but do not try to BS us. No, you do not love your boyfriend and you probably never did. You can type "I love my bf!" an infinite number of times and it doesn't change the fact that actions speak louder then words and your actions were to bang some other dude.

 

So just stop, saying you still love the person doesn't make you look better it just makes you look like a poor misguided soul who has not even an inkling of what true love actually is.

 

 

Im really disgusted by the people that say chalk it up as a learning experience.

 

EXACTLY. People need to stop acting like cheating is some rite of passage.

 

If you need to bang another dude to learn that cheating is wrong, guess what? You don't belong in a relationship, ever. Heck if you didn't know it was wrong I'd wonder if you even have any concept of right and wrong in general.

 

I bet if I said "I didn't know abusing my wife was wrong until I actually abused her!" people would think I'm pretty f*cking stupid and I would not get cut any slack.

 

 

OP, what you did was not a mistake that can just be forgotten.

 

Again: EXACTLY. A mistake is leaving the oven on too long and burning dinner, a mistake is going to the grocery store and forgetting to buy milk despite being told right before you left to get milk.

 

You do not mistakenly remove your clothes and let another man screw you.

 

You cannot be trusted and you should let him go.

 

Exactly, anyone who cheats and still gets back with the person they cheated with is utterly selfish. Yes, even if the person they cheated on is the one who wants to get back together. You need to realize you f*cked up and this persons life would be better without you.

Edited October 19, 2010 by Spectre

[Dexter Morgan]

Hello everyone,

This summer I cheated on my boyfriend (we were together for 3 years) and I feel horrible. I was at a summer camp and it was a summer thing with the other. I feel terrible about it especially because I tried to hide it and my boyfriend found out.

 

good!

 

 

I really love my boyfriend

 

if you did, you wouldn't have screwed around with another guy. sorry, if you love someone, you wouldn't betray them in one of the worst ways possible.

 

 

 

and I know I never want to commit that mistake again.

 

it wasn't a mistake, you did it because you wanted to mess around with another guy.

 

calling it a mistake is an attempt to downplay what you did.

 

 

I was foolish, stupid and selfish. I really feel miserable. Right now, he says he doesn't know if he loves me, he doesn't know if he can go on with the relationship. But he did say he wants to try, which I think is great. I love him so deeply that I cry every night. Especially now, he moved back home so we are from a distance, which doesn't make it easy.

How do I fix this? What can I do to make him feel better?

 

nothing really, you just give him time. if I were him, you'd be history. but he decided to try. So all you can do is give him time.

 

 

 

I do tell him all the time that I am so sorry, that i am sad and that I will never do it again.

 

oh come on...if you are at another camp, or somewhere miles away from your bf and temptation hits, no way you can say it will never happen again. you claim to love him and it happened anyway.

 

only way you can truly say it won't happen again, now that you have proven that your committment isn't enough to keep you from helping yourself to another guy, is to never go away like that again and stay away from certain social settings where your bf is not around.

 

I could really use advice, I am so sad and seeing him desperate breaks my heart.

 

again, he agreed to try...not what I would advise him to do, but that is his decision.

 

so all you can do is give him time.

 

and 2 wrongs never make a right, but i wouldn't be surprised if he cheats to even the playing field.

[Dexter Morgan]

Ok, just read your other post and this is what you said about cheating on your boyfriend.

 

"I want to do the right thing with my boyfriend and make it work because I know I still love him and I can't stand to have hurt him so bad. But on the other hand, the other guy is still on my mind, I have really fallen hard for him."

 

so this wasn't even just a matter of cheating and it won't happen again.

 

you have a character problem. When you say that this will never happen again, I call bulls##t based on what you wrote in another thread.

 

do your bf a favor and make a decision for him and spare him any future pain....break up with him for good and you can then pursue your feelings for this other guy, and your bf can move on and find someone that wont f### him over.

[karnak]

Ok, stop, just stop. To the topic creator and ANYONE else planning on creating a topic like this.

 

Stop creating a topic to talk about how you cheated on someone while also claiming you still truly love the person. Just stop, it's getting old and frankly it's annoying as hell. If you truly loved your significant other you would not be making posts on this forum, ever..period.

 

If you want advice fine but do not try to BS us. No, you do not love your boyfriend and you probably never did. You can type "I love my bf!" an infinite number of times and it doesn't change the fact that actions speak louder then words and your actions were to bang some other dude.

 

So just stop, saying you still love the person doesn't make you look better it just makes you look like a poor misguided soul who has not even an inkling of what true love actually is.

 

 

Finally someone has the balls to speak the truth. There are lots of selfish and messed-up people out there. LOTS and the number is increasing, unfortunately.

 

As one person stated quite well in the "infidelity" section a cheater can "love" the person they cheat on. But they love themselves way more...

[aerogurl87]

As one person stated quite well in the "infidelity" section a cheater can "love" the person they cheat on. But they love themselves way more...

 

As someone who has cheated in the past I can completely agree with that statement. And no it's not a rite of passage to cheat, but I believe that it should be a learning experience if the act is committed. She needs to learn from this that cheating is not the way to go when your not happy with someone and then not do it again. My boyfriend and I discussed this this past weekend when I told him I cheated on my ex.

[TheLoveAdvisor]

If you are young, then try not to be so hard on yourself.. Everyone has done something they are not to proud to talk about, we all make mistakes... Specially if your are young in a committed relationship, this type of stuff happens, its normal.. You are in your learning stages of love, sharing, caring, and the part about learning boundaries, and what you really want in life..

 

In my opinion, you ventured off because you wanted to explore a bit.... If you have been with the same guy you really may not have what you really want or need, thats OK! But you should be honest with your current BF and tell him you need time apart so you both can see what you really want and miss....

Who knows, you may meet someone you really love, or you may miss your current boyfriend, either way being apart with no strings attached is the best way to find out....

I had 2 girlfriends when I was in High School, and my current wife of 19 years did the same thing, its called growing up! If you didn't feel the pain of what you did now, then you may feel it later in life when your married! Its better to learn it now rather than then!

Enjoy your mistakes, and grow from them!

[samsungxoxo]

If you have friends, then go to a party or disco... you'll forget about this in no time.

Just use this as a learning experience and besides there are many guys out there..... your ex ain't the only one. Usually if a woman cheats is for some reason within and not just because the OM is good looking (maybe the guy was very cheap or disrespectful, etc).

[Mitupid]

If you have friends, then go to a party or disco... you'll forget about this in no time.

Just use this as a learning experience and besides there are many guys out there..... your ex ain't the only one. Usually if a woman cheats is for some reason within and not just because the OM is good looking (maybe the guy was very cheap or disrespectful, etc).

 

Your reasons doesn't justify cheating, those are excuses.

[samsungxoxo]

Your reasons doesn't justify cheating, those are excuses.

Excuses are type of reasons too. It's a way of stating why some things happen.

Example: Why did one of my co-workers go fired?

Answer: He left a nasty message to a client.

 

Whether I'm asking if it was worth it or not isn't the point... I'm only telling why it happens not if it was right or wrong.....

[michelangelo]

If you do not learn from your mistakes, right?

 

But a better strategy is to learn how to live a good life where you don't intentionally hurt the ones you love.

 

And make no mistake about it, cheating on your BF is intentional. So don't try to indulge in any thought process that allows you to shift blame for your decision to cheat to your BF, the new guy, global warming, or late potty training, etc.

[Cracker Jack]

If you have friends, then go to a party or disco... you'll forget about this in no time.

Just use this as a learning experience and besides there are many guys out there..... your ex ain't the only one. Usually if a woman cheats is for some reason within and not just because the OM is good looking (maybe the guy was very cheap or disrespectful, etc).

 

Or she simply cheated just because she felt like it? A woman cheating doesn't necessarily have to be based on some special reason from within at all. It could simply happen because she wanted sex with someone else.

[samsungxoxo]

Or she simply cheated just because she felt like it? A woman cheating doesn't necessarily have to be based on some special reason from within at all. It could simply happen because she wanted sex with someone else.

This is why I said ''usually''. I know there are exceptions to the rule (some women are just sex addicts... even worst than the men themselves) but in general the typical female cheater would act out base on emotions.

[Woggle]

This is why I said ''usually''. I know there are exceptions to the rule (some women are just sex addicts... even worst than the men themselves) but in general the typical female cheater would act out base on emotions.

 

Emotion does not make it more noble.

[samsungxoxo]

Emotion does not make it more noble.

Again I'm not stating whether it's more justifiable or not but only the facts. It's been proven by statistics and science.

[knuckles]

Wow so this is what regret is all about? I cheated too not so long ago but feel guilty about not having too much regret towards it.

 

By reading this thread is this basically the reaction you're suppose to have if you cheat? It's not happening with me.