Gpa final days

[AVR1962]

My grandfather's health has been deteriorating for quite some time and all the family knows it and because everyone has become so used to him being sick I think everyone has come accustom. However, my mother has become very protective, wanting to keep all family members away, saying my grandparents need their rest. True, however in recent calls to my Gma she has become sick and because everyone was told by my mom to leave them alone no one knew how sick she was. When a family member besides my mom checked they found out that my Gma had nearly collapsed taking care of my Gpa, had actually slipped down a dresser and split her leg. My Gpa has now fallen 4 times and Gma was telling everyone he took a shower and shaved while in the shower which she thought was a good sign when actually it was way to dangerous for him to be in the shower at all, he cannot walk without assistance.

 

My mother has been sugar coating things to keep people away, she does not want the rest of the family knowing the severity of the problem. Even I did not know until I called my Gma and it was me who asked someone else to check on her, I live hours away. I found out that my mom had asked the tenant below my grandparents to call her if anybody came to visit which he did as soon as the family member showed up that I had asked to check. This other family member was meeting a home health provider to see if the house was safe for my Gpa to remian in, and I had asked my Gma to please talk about her issues with the provider but I wanted someone there besides my mom to help my grandparents to comminucate.

 

As it turned out my grandparents were both taken to the hospital and my mom arrived just as they were making this decision. She was furious that this other family member was present because she had already talked to her specifically and told her to stay away. I think my grandparents are finally getting the medical attention they need. The home health care provider did ask my Gma if she knew my Gpas was dying and the problems she was seeing with him not eating and not drinking water were due to his body shutting down. She was very tactful but I think this was the first that she was told that he was on his way out, something I had been asking my mom and not getting anything but a response to make me believe the cancer was going to get him eventually.

 

Now I and the other family member are torn as everyone has been kept out and we know that Gpa probably won't make it til Xmas. My mom wants no one to visit saying they can't handle company which is true but I feel the family needs to be informed of the truth and those who choose to say good-bye should have that right. I plan to talk to my Gma when she gets out of the hospital and see what she wants to do. Anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with my mother? I think she was hoping Gpa could pass in peace and then she would only have to deal with family at the funeral, she is not close to any of her siblings.

[florence of suburbia]

Not trying to be unkind, as your mother certainly loves her parents and is trying her best, but it sounds like there might be some control issues here, in not wanting others to visit.