Still friends with the ex...am I ready for new relationships

[Graciegrace]

OK got another problem.

I am 24 years old, and recently divorced. I still love my ex-husband, but would never even consider getting back together with him. i never-ever had that romatic spark for him. I was just great friends with him. When he propased to me I said yes, but really wanted to say no. So we got married, and after 2 years of marriage i could not handle it anymore. Don;t get me wrong he was a great husband. He was just boring, and very set in him ways. He never wanted to go out, see freinds, talk to me or be affectionate. Besides all of that he was a good guy. So I left him. I still like to see him and we still get along, but everyone I know thinks it is weird. And always asks us why we got divorced. The truth of the matter is that i am so Happy now. I feel relived to be out of that situation. So is it normal to still love him, but not in the same ways.

 

Another thing about him is that I was a very affectionate person, and he was not. He would not let me touch him in pubilc. He hated that! No kissing, hand holding, and so one. So now that i am on my owne I can't seem to break the habbit. I meet this awesome guy, and I can't bring myself to be how I want to be...afectionate. When I am with this new guy I want so badly to be all over him, but i have it in the back of my head to keep your hands to yourself. He is very shy, and tells me that he can't figure out how to read me. Maybe it means I am not ready yet to meet people. Got any advice on both things...My ex and New relationships.

[AMN819]

The ex...well, that's simple..you still love him...of COURSE you do. I still love my ex of two years..I know if he were to EVER need me, I'd be there. I find it difficult to talk to him sometimes (especially about his new g/f) but I realize I love him in a different way now then I did when we were together. THAT is TOTALLY normal.

 

As for the new guy...it took me a while to feel comfortable around a new guy..especially when you spend 2, 3, 4+ years with the same person...it's hard to kiss a new guy after that. Just take it slow...do what YOU feel is right. If it's meant to be, it will be....the most important thing is YOU being comfortable!

[NotaBadGuy]

Gracie,

I am very intrigued by your post. Maybe I am similar to your ex husband in so many ways. I am recently divorced. I seem to have some of the same attributes your ex displayed. I am not the most affectionate person in the world, I did want to go out, I had many friends (who I was accused of putting first), I took my education very seriously (and it at times took time away from spending with her), I am somewhat set in my ways, and I always was told I never would talk to her. I also consider myself in the same category as a good guy.

 

She also told me she wanted to say no when I asked her to marry me, but did not want to hurt my feelings, so she said yes. She also said she never really loved me with the romantic love you spoke of, just as a friend. She left me for another guy after several months of marriage. I was and for the most part continue to be shell shocked by the experience. I just don't understand it after I was willing to give her my life - literally.

 

Do I still have contact with her? Not if I can help it. It is often too much for me to even think of. I know your situation is different than mine, but is then again somewhat the same. You may ask why I even write this. Mainly because I continue to search for what excactly I did to end up where I am. You post kind of hit me upside the head. I know you are searching for other advice, but I could not help but to get this off my mind.

 

As for an answer to your post, I can only hope I did not leave my ex feeling like you do about letting go of your true self. It bothers me to even think that I did. I don't really know what advice to give you, I am just sad that you have to go through the experience. It is good to hear you and your ex are on good terms though. I guess just give yourself time to adapt to your new relationship. In time, maybe you will open up. I hope you do. Thanks for the post. It has got me thinking. Good luck.