SlevinKalebra Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 Newly divorced and hating the lonliness that is the price of my sanity. I go out and try to meet people at bars/clubs etc, but everyone seems to bring their own partuy with them. I don't feel comfortable walking up to a group of people who are already happy doing their own thing. I usually don't have anyone to go with as my friends are married or well, socially inept. I am not even looking to "hook up" as much as I am looking to just meet people. I am in college and have found a possible person to hang out with but honestly I am not attracted to her and don't want to lead her on. I keep reading about how lonely everyone is but with everybody being so lonely why is it so difficult to meet people? Link to post Share on other sites
zerovandez Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 Are you looking to meet people or women? For relationships or something more casual? Looking to get comfortable again? Not sure how long your marriage was but I was in a 10 year relationship and was basically married. Long story short, we broke up about a year ago and I went through the whole lonely phase as well. I was really content about meeting someone else to replace her. I wanted to get comfortable again and start a new serious relationship. These were my mistakes. It's hard to meet anyone anywhere because I was always looking for something more and I scared myself out of meeting women. So, I promised to myself to let go of wanting to be in any relationship and become self sufficient, happy, and content with myself. It took a while and I'm still working on it. My new approach is not meeting women in particular. Instead, I've made it a point to meet people. Guys, girls, animals, and everything. One night at a bar and after a few drinks, I told myself to introduce and say hi to EVERYONE I made eye contact with. It didn't matter who it was or the kind of reaction I got. My point was to get out and just talk to people. Groups of women are the best to do this with. I literally went to these groups and very politely asked if they all had a moment, I introduced myself. What did you think I said to them? You're hot?! I'm single lets mingle?! NO! I simply told them the truth. Yup! I introduced myself and told them that I'm trying to introduce myself to as many people (not just women) to help my social problems. I told them I wouldn't ask for their numbers, just names. How'd they take it? They loved what I was doing! They complimented me on my courage and most thought it was sexy, honest. A lot of them said they didn't believe me because guys don't normally go to a group women. They saw this as me being very confident, again, another sexy trait! And some will ask for your phone number, it'll happen, trust me! So my suggestion to you. Fix yourself first. Let yourself heal. When you're ready, just get out there without expectations. Start talking to the grocery clerk, when you're waiting in line anywhere start a conversation about anything. Just think to yourself, you'll never see these people again so why worry about anything. Just live and have some fun. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 Making friends takes a lot of time and repeated exposure. So you have position yourself in seeing the same group of people on a regular basis. Meetup.com is good for that. Also, if you say yes to social invitations, people like that and will invite you to more. You'll start seeing the same people and friendship can develop. You can make friends in school. Get yourself invited to anything and go. Or organize your own social thing, like grabbing something to eat or drink after an exam. Even if one person goes, you've got the ball rolling. Facebook is good for making friends. If you get invited to an event that's interesting, go and try to talk to the organizer and get introduced around. It's a lot of work to make friends, but in time, the effort will pay off. One day you'll wake up and realize that there are people in your life that you care about. Link to post Share on other sites
Surrealist Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I keep reading about how lonely everyone is but with everybody being so lonely why is it so difficult to meet people? Yep guess what is a major contributor to this modern phenomena? Technology! The internet and other modes of communication apart from interpersonal communications, interactions and relations has made people lazier and reluctant to create and nurture interpersonal relationships. Sad fact of modern life. I grew up in the 70s and 80s when there was no internet or mobile phones and the like, and the only way you got to know people was primarily through interacting in person. And other people were generally easier to approach and get to know as everyone would of been alone, unable to communicate or interact in any capacity (other than snail mail). Now I acknowledge this is not true for everyone out there, but it has certainly contributed to it in recent decades. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SlevinKalebra Posted October 23, 2010 Author Share Posted October 23, 2010 Yep guess what is a major contributor to this modern phenomena? Technology! Could not agree more with you...... As I sit in front of my computer alone on a Friday night Link to post Share on other sites
onthegrind Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 Don't stress over it man. It takes a while to get back into the swing of things and get that confidence back. I went through a huge breakup a couple years ago and I felt like a lonely hunchback trying to get back to normal. Here's what you do: 1. Never decline an invitation anywhere. 2. Do not stress over finding friends / girls. That will come on its own time. 3. Get into things you've always wanted to do. I started joining 5k races, hitting gym hardcore, tried out MMA for a few months, moved to a new city, etc. 4. Repeat the above. You will just naturally start making contacts. Newly single takes a while to recover from. Don't worry, you'll get back in action before you know it. I went from being cold and lonely to perfectly happy with everything. Plenty of friends and girls now. I get annoyed if a girl sleeps all night in my bed now haha! Link to post Share on other sites
Green_eyes Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 I know the feeling! Bumbling idiot about sums me up You need time to find yourself, and you need time to work out what you want. Otherwise, you are in danger of jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. Loneliness is completely normal - you have gone from having someone around all the time to being on your own and it isn't easy. Give it time - go out and meet new people, but spend some time on your own too. Link to post Share on other sites
james3232 Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 Lot's of good advice here in this thread. I'm about 14 months into it now, and what's been said here already, I have found to be true. Link to post Share on other sites
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