any would be great :)

[Eternity001]

Hi folks,

 

I may write a novel here so bare with me and thanks in advance for reading.

 

I split up with my ex 10 months after almost 5 years of being together. I felt at the time that we were in quite a rutt, we lived together for almost the entire relationship which at times was trying. Towards the end I had simply lost interest, there were too many petty arguments about nothing and as selfish as this may sound, I just wanted to do my own thing and not have to worry about anyone else for awhile.

 

About a month afterward, we spent a day together had dinner and she stayed at my house. It was just like when we were together. To be honest I used her that night as afterwards I felt absolutely nothing towards her and felt like I had made the right decision ending it. Being close to me made her very upset as she had missed me.

 

About a month later after the need "to do what I wanted" had passed so to speak and after after constant contact from her, text messages, the odd phone call asking me to be friends and hang out. She asked me if I would consider getting back together again. She was about to go on holiday for a week so I said we'll talk about it when you get back. A week or so later I sent her a message asking if she wanted to talk about getting back together because I was open to the idea. She said she didn't want to anymore which hit me like a tonne of bricks and threw me right out, mainly because or at least what I think is because in that one sentence she had taken away all control I had over the situation. Oh and she also said she had kissed someone which I'm not sure if that took place or not. Took me about a week to recover from that, I thought I didn't care but it turns out I did I guess.

 

About 4 months after breaking up I met someone else, she was everything I thought I wanted and for the first few months it was very exciting and I forgot all about my ex in a relationshippy way at least. I am still sort of seeing her casually, we have absolutely zero in common and I mean literally. We are from two different planets it seems. What I deem to be rational sometimes to her is completely bewildering. Along with everything else, hobbies, food, movies the lot.

 

About 6 months in, one night I was out with friends drinking watching a sports game where my ex's team was involved. A big game that her team won. When it was over she sent me a message saying she wished we were watching it together on the couch. I asked her if she still loved me and she said yes and asked me to call her the next day. I wanted to but didn't, part of me thought it was bull**** to be honest.

 

Finally about 3 weeks ago there was meant to be a party at my house for a friend. I got wind my ex had been invited and had decided to come which also hit me like a tonne of bricks. Our friends were mutual when we were together but when we split she went elsewhere and they stayed in touch with me and not her. So for 9 months or so she had had nothing to do with them, hadn't been anywhere near my house or anything so I was quite surprised. I went elsewhere that night but she never showed anyway.

 

Ever since then however I've been thinking about her constantly. I'm a very anxious person when it comes to ex's. I normally avoid them like the plague and take awhile to get over them. The more time apart the more anxious the idea of it makes me feel. I have tried to avoid this one but it's been hard. The idea now however that she is quite happy to turn up at my house at a moments notice makes me uneasy whenever the doorbell rings. The problem with that is, a lot of her stuff is still here in bags in my garage so sh has reason to just show up here. I have avoided any social activities with my friends recently out of fear of running into her or seeing her with someone else. To be honest I don't even really care if she is but I don't need it in my face I think.

 

I guess I'm confused as to why I care so much all of a sudden. Is it because my current partner didn't work out? Do I still have feelings for her? Am i just having a moment of weakenss? I have been thinking about her constantly in the last 3 weeks. Wondering if she still has feelings for me, wondering what it would be like if we were back together. I have no doubt the same old cracks would emerge however I have forgotten most of the bad things about her and the relationship or am just dismissing them.

 

Neither of us have really gone about it the right way though. Contact has never been broken for longer than 2 weeks in the entire 10 months. I haven't seen her since that first time but there has been constant text messaging up until a month ago so I assume she is seeing someone else now or has just given up.

 

It has basically been her asking to catch up or for me to call which I've said sure I'll call and haven't or I've said, let me know when to call and she hasn't along with her throwing in jealous remarks about me seeing other people or we can't be friends if your seeing someone else. I've never said anything of the sort to her because it's not productive and I don't really want to know.

 

Anyway, this probably all sounds very stupid and I probably just need to pull my head in. I do miss her though and for the most part did enjoy being with her. I will always care about her. I'm sure this will pass but it's all a bit strange to me at the moment. I'm not sure if I shoudl contact her or not, just to say hey and see what response I get.

 

Anyway thanks for reading my rant, any advice is welcome.

 

I look forward to your feedback

Edited October 17, 2010 by Eternity001

[thatsonlyme]

I think it all depends on the reasons for your break up and how you treated her in post break up period.

My ex also said she's lost interest after five years, but the truth is she's found someone new.

She seems happy with her life or at least that's what she's trying to appear.

Now, two months later, I don't think I'd want to get back with her anymore. That doesn't mean I still don't miss all the moments we had together and I still have much love for her, buried deep inside my heart, but my brain finally has control over my feelings.

No matter what, I still believe if she rally wanted me back and played the right cards, there would still be a chance for us. If she sincerely apologized and for once told me what's rally on her heart, if she changed her attitude towards me and stop taking me for granted, then maybe I would still take her back. I'm a lot stronger person now and I would not be as clingy anymore, our relationship would be totally different and I'm not sure if she could handle that. I'm not sure if I could handle the fact she slept with another guy, or even worse, she fell in love with him.

 

But what am I talking about, she's not coming back anyway

[alittlejaded]

You might want to think long and hard about this one before you have contact with her again, as it seem very likely you will eventually with her stuff still over at your place. I do want you to know, from a female's perspective, that she probably hasn't gotten her stuff for a reason. I know I kept my things at my ex's for quite some time, I guess I was still holding on to some sort of hope. There is a finality to her getting the rest of her stuff, like erasing the final remnants of her from your life.

 

You have to ask yourself if you are just lonely and looking to fill a void or if this woman is means much more to you than you thought.

[Eternity001]

Thanks for the feedback guys.

 

@a little jaded, she mainly claims to be too busy most of the time to get although I tried to get her to get her stuff for months in the beginning but she just wouldn't. Now there's just the occasional threat that she is going to show up without notice to get it.

 

Anyway... I guess I'm just curious where her head is at, mostly curious.

Like I said, none of this was really an issue for me a month ago or at least I wasn't curious about anything. Still didn't want to see her but wasn't curious.

 

Now I think about her constantly, I have rationalised all the reasons in my head but I think I'm just doing it to myself now somewhat. By that I mean telling myself to think about her because I know it's bothering me at the moment.

 

I don't know... It'll probably pass.

[ReturnToSender]

I just read your thread, and wow yeah....quite a few similarities with what Im going through, all flippy floppy. Well, I can tell you that around the same time, like in the span of about 2 weeks a lot of things happened. I got into a car accident, his gf got herself arrested for something, they ended up breaking up, and somewhere in there I had one of my irrational emotional outbursts where Id blame him for as the root of whatever problem I was having, this one being a guy who split on me after wed been seeing each other a few weeks.

 

I think the biggies that relate to what youre going through are that his relationship with her was at the end of its rope and now over, and also that me yelling at him over how mad I was about this guy (and he took that part of it in stride after all this time hes kind of used to me blaming him for stuff he has nothing to do with) that was the first since our breakup that he even considered the idea of me being with or *gasp!* having sex with someone else. That freaked. him. out. Anyway, after all of these events, he started being a lot more attentive leading up to the stuff Ive written about with how things have been between us recently.

 

There is a huge part of me wondering if hes being attentive only cause this other girl is out of the picture now and hes just hoping Ill slip back into the same place I had before she came along and we can just continue on. Or if hes only freaked at the idea that I was with someone else and thats what did it. Who knows...I dont know. But not knowing really makes me apprehensive....even lets say he really does wise up, really does start following through and really showing me he wants to work things out...now that I know hes willing to leave me, how do I know he wont up and do it again?

 

And even for me....after all this time, I wonder about myself, do I still love and miss him, or do I love and miss the idealized version I have in my head of him from before I found out he cheated? Do I genuinely want to try and make this relationship work, or do I want it cause I just want to get back someting that hurt so much when I lost it?

 

Questions questions questions!!! But maybe that'll help with what she may possibly be going through too?

[Adi]

It very easy, you have forgotton all the bad stuff, when you are living together you see her at her worst, no make up on and all the little things enoy you.

 

So you think hey, my life would be so cool, a few beers with the game without her no stress all good, and at first it is, but now you just think of the good again, this is why you are thinking of her.

 

She sounds like a nice women why dont you try again?