Will no contact push him away or bring him closer?

[fiat500]

Here's my original thread

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t249699/

 

I've been dating someone who's away at college and he's been distant. I don't want to give up on him just yet because I'm stupidly head over heels for him. I've noticed for the past two weeks he hasn't been going out of his way to text me or talk to me online first and it's devastating.

 

I've pulled back on texting him first and I've heard nothing from him since Thursday. It kills me but I refuse to initiate contact with him anymore because I just can't run after him. I want to be appreciated and loved. Should I go no contact until I hear from him or should I just stay NC until he proves to me he really needs/wants me?

[Yvette_Sveden]

It sounds like he is placing such value on that independent status he can't let enough of himself go to give you what you want and deserve. I would suggest backing way off. Take a trip out of town and don't call him 'til you are gone. Let him go for a few days with no real contact. Stay busy and stay out of his reach for a bit. Give him space to have time to miss you.

 

It could be any number of reasons that he's acting the way he is. It could be just his male pride. Or it could be his inability to let go of his past hurts. Maybe he raised himself and became cold hearted in the process. Whatever the reason you have to break through the exterior.

 

When you start acting differently, he is going to notice. Most men who are really interested in having a lasting relationship with a lady will wonder what is up and come calling. If you are the one who's doing MOST of the giving, then you need to withdraw from giving so much. Women have a tendency to be over-functioning when they love someone who doesn't reciprocate the same.

 

Let him remember how it was to be with you and let him miss it. If he's really into you, it won't take him long to make the effort to come to you. Stand your ground and make him put in effort to show you he wants this as much as you do. If he doesn't then you should move on. You are missing something already in this relationship, so you have to decide what you will and won't put up with it. Make it clear to him that you can no longer handle his distant attitude of lack of attention and affection. Show him that you can be alone all by yourself.

 

Don't worry about where he's living. If he's ready for a commitment (it may be the case that he isn't), he will let you know when the time comes. If you can't keep waiting, then you should move on and find someone who will give you what you're looking for.

 

I hope this works out, sweetheart.

 

 

 

Yvette from Sweden

[Teknoe]

It sounds like he is placing such value on that independent status he can't let enough of himself go to give you what you want and deserve. I would suggest backing way off. Take a trip out of town and don't call him 'til you are gone. Let him go for a few days with no real contact. Stay busy and stay out of his reach for a bit. Give him space to have time to miss you.

 

It could be any number of reasons that he's acting the way he is. It could be just his male pride. Or it could be his inability to let go of his past hurts. Maybe he raised himself and became cold hearted in the process. Whatever the reason you have to break through the exterior.

 

When you start acting differently, he is going to notice. Most men who are really interested in having a lasting relationship with a lady will wonder what is up and come calling. If you are the one who's doing MOST of the giving, then you need to withdraw from giving so much. Women have a tendency to be over-functioning when they love someone who doesn't reciprocate the same.

 

Let him remember how it was to be with you and let him miss it. If he's really into you, it won't take him long to make the effort to come to you. Stand your ground and make him put in effort to show you he wants this as much as you do. If he doesn't then you should move on. You are missing something already in this relationship, so you have to decide what you will and won't put up with it. Make it clear to him that you can no longer handle his distant attitude of lack of attention and affection. Show him that you can be alone all by yourself.

 

Don't worry about where he's living. If he's ready for a commitment (it may be the case that he isn't), he will let you know when the time comes. If you can't keep waiting, then you should move on and find someone who will give you what you're looking for.

 

I hope this works out, sweetheart.

 

 

 

Yvette from Sweden

 

 

Yvette, now if it's the other way around, with the guy chasing and the girl kinda lollygagging, does this advice apply as well?

[LoveLace]

Here's my original thread

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t249699/

 

I've been dating someone who's away at college and he's been distant. I don't want to give up on him just yet because I'm stupidly head over heels for him. I've noticed for the past two weeks he hasn't been going out of his way to text me or talk to me online first and it's devastating.

 

I've pulled back on texting him first and I've heard nothing from him since Thursday. It kills me but I refuse to initiate contact with him anymore because I just can't run after him. I want to be appreciated and loved. Should I go no contact until I hear from him or should I just stay NC until he proves to me he really needs/wants me?

 

That would be upsetting. If you are dating him then obviously you want to know what's going on with him. I would let several days go and after so much silence I would kindly ask for a time to talk with him. If he is too distracted by other things to date you he should respect you enough to tell you so. However he might be just hoping you figure that out on your own. It's hard to say, and you deserve to know where you stand, then again avoiding you could say it all, and it's time to move on. It's too hard to speculate what he's thinking when he's not even talking. Good luck

[fiat500]

Thank you Yvette and LoveLace. I will probably take a few days to reevaluate and think about what I need and give him until the end of next week to contact me.

[Yvette_Sveden]

Yvette, now if it's the other way around, with the guy chasing and the girl kinda lollygagging, does this advice apply as well?

 

Yes, it does. I think it would be the same if you replaced the work HIM with HER in my last comment in this topic. Are you in a similar situation?

 

 

Thank you Yvette and LoveLace. I will probably take a few days to reevaluate and think about what I need and give him until the end of next week to contact me.

 

Let us know of any updates.

[Teknoe]

Yes, it does. I think it would be the same if you replaced the work HIM with HER in my last comment in this topic. Are you in a similar situation?

 

 

A wee bit. We're not dating and never dated, but we were good friends. Hung out in real life every once in a while. Traveled together for 2 weeks (with other friends too). One night I told her I liked her, and she didn't say no, nor did she say yes. Just 'I'm in no state to date now.'

 

We're now only on email contact. She disappeared from my buddy list on chat. Her last email came 2 days ago, was super long but was a reply to my email which she didn't replied in 10 days (she apologized right off the bat).

 

But yeah, she asked me follow up questions too... so I'll let her email sit for a few days before I answer her. It's tough though. I still like her and wish she was in a better place so we can see if we work as a couple, but just when I was getting strong and used to no contact (those 10 days), she finally replied in-depth and asked me follow-up ?'s about how my life's going.

 

She obviously still cares for me as a friend, but maybe not so much as a "potential" boyfriend. Hence the long silences but eventually, the emails are still coming in. Note that before the confession, we used to talk basically every night until 2, 3 AM. It was a tight friendship and I thought the only way she would talk to me so late every night was if she had SOME feelings for me that way.

 

Guess not? What do you recommend I do or don't do?

 

PS- Lately, something she did on that 2 week trip we took has been bugging me, dunno if I should tell her finally in my email reply or not. It may be a bit of a downer and I might come off as being a whiney sensitive you know what, but I told my other female friends and they say it's valid and sort of a tell-tale sign. I'm now debating whether I should tell her in my email reply or not. I would set it up by saying "Recently had lunch with a good old friend. Told her about you and she asked me if you ever did something to upset me."

 

I made a topic for that here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t249836/

Edited October 19, 2010 by Teknoe