Fending off the ex. Rejecting her offer of friendship.

[paleblue]

Venting. All you guys out there wondering if you can be friends with your ex. Don’t bother wasting your time. You are not really friends with them. They are just trying to make themselves feel better. They get their jollies and feel good. You don’t. It also keeps you hoping, which turns out to be a never ending source of misery for you. Break the cycle. If you are approached with an offer of friendship, My suggestion, just say no. Thanks, but no thanks. Move on. Retain your dignity. You will feel better about yourself. You deserve better than that. You want what you had, or you want nothing at all.

 

My betrayer ex gf I work with, it ended two years ago. Since then she has told me she wants to be friends, numerous times. I’ve tried. I’ve taken my time thinking about it all, and how it makes me feel. Bottom line is, I don’t ever feel good about it. I always wind up feeling like, I was good enough to be her #1 all those years? Now I am reduced to only good enough for?? meaningless office talk? Under your terms? Then she goes to see her boyfriend? Who is?? what?? Better than me? I’m supposed to be cool with that? N0t.

 

This doesn’t even get into all her lies, deciept, and running around on me when we were dating. She has never addressed that or apologized. She does nothing to really work at a real friendship, or does anything to make me feel good. It’s like she just wants to sweep everything under the carpet like it never happened, treat me like some meaningless co-worker, and everything is all good?? Just so she can feel good?? I don’t think so. I never feel good about it. It still makes me feel sick to my stomach. No matter how much time passes.

 

I told her last month Im not interested in her fake friendship. Apparently she thinks I am joking. She continues to try to talk to me. Last Friday she was complimenting me on my shirt. Great! Thanks! Who cares! I responded with this:

 

Just setting the record straight since you have been reaching out. I don’t hate you. You have a bf. I’ve realized I’m just not comfortable with it. I have tried. It doesn’t seem like it mattes how much time goes by. If you’re status ever changes and you might want to talk more as friends, I might be open to it. Not promising anything. Not trying to be mean with any of this. Just can’t make everyone happy, ya know? So I’m setting boundaries that work for me. If we see each other around and want to say hello, yes, I’m good with that. Good luck.

 

I am soo done with this nonsense it isn’t funny. No friends. No nothing. Done. Anyone out there wondering what to do with your ex, do yourself a favor and just cut it off. Move on. You will heal faster and get on with your life quicker. It’s nicer not having to worry about some ex who will just be a drag on you in life.

[TLCbear]

I agree. I never understood the point anyway. I think people who agree to be friends with an ex is just scared of completely letting go. I can understand if you were true friends before the relationship, but other than that, no. My ex always said I was his friend, however, he was never mine...and I let him knew this. He was my boyfriend, man, etc...but not my friend.

[andys]

Good words. I'm the same, work with my ex, and her new guy works for the company too, but not on our floor. They've announced their relationship on facebook, but she still talks to me, and doesn't mention him "oh i was in your area last night" making out she's hanging out with some of the girls who work with us, when I know her fella lives near me.

 

First thing she does when she comes into work is come over to me most days and ask if I want a coffee and says hi, then when I leave she always wants to walk down together. I'm polite enough to her, but have no interest in being her friend, I don't get why she hangs around me like a bad smell when she's apparently in love with the new guy after 3 weeks. I don't know what gives her the impression I'm interested in knowing what she's doing or want her to keep talking to me, I never start talking to her first and haven't for over a month since we split. Girls are messed up lol

[EyeAlone]

Amen to all of this. I tried the friends thing after the break up with my first ex. We only dated for a month but it took me 5 months to get over him. Why the **** did it take so long when we only dated for 1 measly month? Because I didn't implement NC and instead accepted his offer for friendship. That was such a huge mistake.

 

The ex that proceeded him also wanted to be friends after our breakup. I later found out it was because he wanted to keep me on the back burner in case things with another girl didn't work out. That's bull****. I was on the back burner throughout the relationship so why in the world do I want to continue being strung along in a "friendship?"

 

Think about it. Would you be friends with someone that literally stabbed you in the back with a knife? No. Would you be friends with a surgeon who cut open your chest and manipulated your heart so that it eventually led to heart problems? No. So why would you be friends with someone who did all that to you except in an emotional sense?

[Trovador]

Thank you man... I did the same, although things were a bit different, as if my ex was getting again in the mood, so to speak... or maybe that was her way to be friendly...

In any case, I was done with her and didn't want her around... actually, it was the same to me, friends or not, but being friends took a lot of my time (she made long long calls) and being coworkers it might get some unneeded attention from bosses...

 

But you are right, friendships with exes is for wussies (not that you said that exactly but...)

[TLCbear]

Think about it. Would you be friends with someone that literally stabbed you in the back with a knife? No. Would you be friends with a surgeon who cut open your chest and manipulated your heart so that it eventually led to heart problems? No. So why would you be friends with someone who did all that to you except in an emotional sense?

 

Exactly. But I guess most people do not think about this.

[paleblue]

I agree. I never understood the point anyway. I think people who agree to be friends with an ex is just scared of completely letting go. I can understand if you were true friends before the relationship, but other than that, no. My ex always said I was his friend, however, he was never mine...and I let him knew this. He was my boyfriend, man, etc...but not my friend.

 

i didnt want to let go back then so i agreed to be "friends" just to see if i could get back. that was my only purpose. ennttttt. silly boy i was. you are right what you are saying about him being your man, not your friend. same here, she was my woman, not my friend. period.

 

 

Good words. I'm the same, work with my ex, and her new guy works for the company too, but not on our floor. They've announced their relationship on facebook, but she still talks to me, and doesn't mention him "oh i was in your area last night" making out she's hanging out with some of the girls who work with us, when I know her fella lives near me.

 

First thing she does when she comes into work is come over to me most days and ask if I want a coffee and says hi, then when I leave she always wants to walk down together. I'm polite enough to her, but have no interest in being her friend, I don't get why she hangs around me like a bad smell when she's apparently in love with the new guy after 3 weeks. I don't know what gives her the impression I'm interested in knowing what she's doing or want her to keep talking to me, I never start talking to her first and haven't for over a month since we split. Girls are messed up lol

 

her hanging around you, after she dumped you to get with another guy?? who is in the same building? yikes! i would cut that crap off real quick. everyone will think you are a pushover that will settle for second best. dont be that guy. like you said you dont want that anyway. you want what you had, or you want nothing at all from her. just tell her your not comfortable with this new arrangement. cut her out! obviously her internal compass is broken.

 

 

Amen to all of this. I tried the friends thing after the break up with my first ex. We only dated for a month but it took me 5 months to get over him. Why the **** did it take so long when we only dated for 1 measly month? Because I didn't implement NC and instead accepted his offer for friendship. That was such a huge mistake.

 

The ex that proceeded him also wanted to be friends after our breakup. I later found out it was because he wanted to keep me on the back burner in case things with another girl didn't work out. That's bull****. I was on the back burner throughout the relationship so why in the world do I want to continue being strung along in a "friendship?"

 

Think about it. Would you be friends with someone that literally stabbed you in the back with a knife? No. Would you be friends with a surgeon who cut open your chest and manipulated your heart so that it eventually led to heart problems? No. So why would you be friends with someone who did all that to you except in an emotional sense?

 

i know mine dragged out a lot longer because i didnt put my foot down sooner. it was a huge mistake. im learning just like you the only reason they want to keep in touch is for their own selfish reasons! thats a good analogy.. she might as well have stabbed me in the heart with a knife, that's what it felt like. and then we are supposed to make them feel good about it?? i dont think so.

 

 

Thank you man... I did the same, although things were a bit different, as if my ex was getting again in the mood, so to speak... or maybe that was her way to be friendly...

In any case, I was done with her and didn't want her around... actually, it was the same to me, friends or not, but being friends took a lot of my time (she made long long calls) and being coworkers it might get some unneeded attention from bosses...

 

But you are right, friendships with exes is for wussies (not that you said that exactly but...)

 

i often look at my other friends in life and think wow, my ex doesnt act anything like a "friend". why am i settling for?????? no thanks! evidently we have to teach people how they are allowed to treat us..