caramelday Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 (edited) I've been in a long distance relationship with my ex for almost 2 years (the 20th would have made 2 years) I went into it at the age of 15, and he 18. He's now 20. Our parents have spoken to eachother, and he's spoken to mine, and I to his. I'm 17 now, and I have to say I've caused 90% of the turmoil in our relationship. Honestly, looking back, I was not ready for a relationship. As much as I claimed to be, I really wasn't. For these past 23 months basically I have lied about big things, lied about small things. Some of the big lies were those of being able to see him (Being able to meet was deferred by my parents, and he understood that). I know now that there's no reason to lie in a committed relationship. Others were about me breaking promises, I promised to do things such as stop my schooling for him because it's what he asked me to do if I wanted to be with him because that's what I reduced the relationship down to with my lying and hurt I had caused him. (Am I a fool? Honestly). I stopped going for a while, and while it caused me stress at home, and fights everyday with my parents about how I was ruining my life, I did not care. I did it for him. Where the broken promise comes in is today, where I woke up and realized he was not going to be with me anyway had I stopped going. I decided to do what people around me were telling me to do (which I'm not happy about because that's what I've been doing our whole relationship) and I went to school. I also told him what I was going to do. I figured I'd tell the truth for once, a sign of maturity and facing whatever I had to when I came home. I thought I was ready for a bad response. I guess not. Right thing to do? Maybe. Does he see that? No. To him, that was the only thing I could have done to show him that I loved him at that point, and I pretty much blew it by going back on things. Am I confused and regretting things such as going back? yeah. Very much so. I can only hope that one day he sees that maybe it was the right thing for me to do, and that things would be different with a little time to grow and mature (for me) and for the situation to arise (which will be happening in 4 months) for me to be on my own, where No one has a say in what I do with my life. In the state I live in technically, I am of age to decide if I want to drop out or not, but, my parents have made it clear what they would do if I did that. So essentially, no I didn't have the choice to make. He said he would never give me the time of day again. It's nothing I'm surprised at, I expect it. But, do you think he's serious? he's said some really harsh things to me today when I told him. I'm experiencing heartbreak, a lesson, consequences, and I'm also questioning my ability to be a good person. I know I am, I know what I'm capable of, but being in a relationship where you caused a lot of everything, it's hard. It's not like me to be this way. Maybe I had too much of a good thing too soon and didn't know how to handle it. I had never been in a relationship before this. I'm not going to blame it on that though; that's not what I'm leaning toward anyway. I'm going to take full responsibility for this. He also claims to be with one of his exes who's a polar opposite of me. I'm complete introvert, she's extro from what I've heard. They broke up on bad terms, hadn't talked for 2 years. According to him, she does everything he doesn't like and cannot be with. Now, she's the best thing in the world, and because of me, he can see that she really loved him. Does that sound like a rebound relationship? I'm just confused. I've learned my lesson from here on in, I'm terribly sorry. All I can hope for is a better future with or without him. Call me crazy for sharing this with a world wide web of people I do not know, but I would like some eyes that aren't mine to hone in on the situation. Thanks. Edited October 18, 2010 by caramelday More Info. Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 This relationship sounds like a stupid young fling and a mess. He seems controlling to expect you to quit your schooling. Why would he want you to get smarter? You would realize you have a better future ahead and he is just an anchor. It wont be long until he cant control you emotionally that it will become physical. Lose him. Stay in school. And you will see how a world of opportunity will open up to you Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 He wanted you to drop out of school?!?!? Red flag right there, your education is important whether you two stay together or not and if he really loved you he would push you to go to school and succeed. I agree with madjac. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramelday Posted October 19, 2010 Author Share Posted October 19, 2010 This relationship sounds like a stupid young fling and a mess. He seems controlling to expect you to quit your schooling. Why would he want you to get smarter? You would realize you have a better future ahead and he is just an anchor. It wont be long until he cant control you emotionally that it will become physical. Lose him. Stay in school. And you will see how a world of opportunity will open up to you Thanks. it feels like I lost something. I did truly feel something for him, and I still do. I guess that's normal. Do you have an eye to see why he's mad that I didn't stop going to show I loved him, or do you just think he was being harsh about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramelday Posted October 19, 2010 Author Share Posted October 19, 2010 He wanted you to drop out of school?!?!? Red flag right there, your education is important whether you two stay together or not and if he really loved you he would push you to go to school and succeed. I agree with madjac. he did push me to go in the beginning. After all of these things happened, the hurt I caused him, and things that happened at school with our mutual friends and others, he said if I ever wanted to be with him again, to stop going and he would consider it. Link to post Share on other sites
lala82 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I do not see that you have a healthy relationship. It only brings you troubles with your parents and with your studies. Concentrate on your studies thats the most important thing. Maybe at the moment it's hard for you to split up with your bf; but at the end of the day you are young. You need to live new experiences and meet new people. I fisnished a LDR (3 years with him) a couple of months ago. I though it was the end of the world. But, it was not. I carried on with my life and I have met a very special person again. So be strong. Things happen always happen for a reason Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Did you ever actually meet IRL? Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramelday Posted October 19, 2010 Author Share Posted October 19, 2010 I assumed because it was bringing so much trouble it was bad timing? I'm almost convinced it would be much better when there was nothing bringing anything down, or making anything harder. I always fought it. I fought alot to be with him, even fought to move to where he is, when my parents didn't even want to. Everytime I went against it, it just seemed to get worse, so I guess I have to let this go and let it happen on its own. If we get together again in the future (Which im not gonna lie, I want that right now), then hopefully it will be without turmoil, and we'll be better people for eachother and be good together like I believed it would be if we met in person. =\ sucks man. Seriously sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Nobody who actually gives a damn about you would insist that you stop school at your age. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramelday Posted October 19, 2010 Author Share Posted October 19, 2010 Did you ever actually meet IRL? Nope. 2 years, no meeting. Tried but, no avail. only chance I have with that is when I turn 18. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 So its not THAT different for asking for advice from anonymous strangers on a forum. Honestly, if you never met IRL, in my opinion there isn't that much to get over. If my daughter contemplated leaving school for some guy she had never met IRL, I would cut off her internet connection quick smart. Whats wrong with the guys you go to school with? Its important you socialise IRL with people your own age. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramelday Posted October 19, 2010 Author Share Posted October 19, 2010 I attend an all girls school. So I socialize, just not with dudes. Closest socialization with a guy I had was when I was in middle school, doing group work. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 and FINISH SCHOOL. Its so important. There will be hundreds of opportunities to have a boyfriend, but finishing school at the right time is far more important. Don't be so tough on yourself- you are young and un/fortunately the people we become when we are older are shaped by the mistakes we make when we are younger. If we learn important lessons earlier rather than later, then we can grow from that and may not make the same mistakes again. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 YOu can meet guys anywhere. If you finish school you can go to college and there will be hundreds of guys there. Don't be in such a rush. Plenty of time for all of that, trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
chelle21689 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 It's probably for the best of you. You were super young in a long distance relationship so of course parents would get in the way of that. I understand why though. You guys never met and I'm surprised you were willing to give up school for him. Never jeopardize your future for some guy...as much as I want to not go to school, move, and be with my bf right now...I know it'd be a stupid thing to do and hurt me in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramelday Posted October 19, 2010 Author Share Posted October 19, 2010 I try not to be tough on myself, but it's hard to see the person that I know I am when I'm being told what I'm doing wrong, and I keep doing those things. At least that's what I feel like. I mean, like I said, it's not me to be that way. I'm the best person anyone could ever meet-aside from this thing. Ruined any good thoughts I've had of myself. And deep down I know I should finish school, I know there will be other guys. It just makes me feel bad because it was the only thing I could have done apparently to show him at that point. Can I honestly say they'll be as good as what he was? I don't know. Call it jaded, but I feel the way I feel. But thanks. I'll try and move on from it. A part of me is grateful it happened early on, I can learn from it for my next relationship with whoever that may be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramelday Posted October 19, 2010 Author Share Posted October 19, 2010 YOu can meet guys anywhere. If you finish school you can go to college and there will be hundreds of guys there. Don't be in such a rush. Plenty of time for all of that, trust me. lol oh trust me, I wasn't in a rush. I never did ANYTHING with a dude before this, still haven't! I didn't mean for this to happen, neither did he. We just felt something for eachother, whatever it was, and it brought us here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramelday Posted October 19, 2010 Author Share Posted October 19, 2010 Ugh, having MAJOR second thoughts. He was really an amazing guy. I don't know what to do. I've never cried so much in my life.. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 Nobody who actually gives a damn about you would insist that you stop school at your age. Exactly! I know it's difficult, but you really need to move on. You're so young with the world ahead of you...don't let anyone screw that up. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 Ugh, having MAJOR second thoughts. He was really an amazing guy. I don't know what to do. I've never cried so much in my life.. Hon, believe me when I say I almost never pass judgment on relationships and people here, because I think that every couple is different and we can never know the whole story. However, in your case I feel justified to tell you that he was not an amazing person. It doesn't matter what else he has done to make you think he was amazing. Wanting you to quit school is -99999999999999999 points for him. It doesn't matter what you did in school. Even if you cheated on him with 10 boys in the class (not saying you did), if he wanted to stay with you it would still not justify him asking you to quit school. If he cared one bit about you, he'd try to work through the issues with you or give you a clean break, not ask you to throw away your future at his whim. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramelday Posted October 20, 2010 Author Share Posted October 20, 2010 Hon, believe me when I say I almost never pass judgment on relationships and people here, because I think that every couple is different and we can never know the whole story. However, in your case I feel justified to tell you that he was not an amazing person. It doesn't matter what else he has done to make you think he was amazing. Wanting you to quit school is -99999999999999999 points for him. It doesn't matter what you did in school. Even if you cheated on him with 10 boys in the class (not saying you did), if he wanted to stay with you it would still not justify him asking you to quit school. If he cared one bit about you, he'd try to work through the issues with you or give you a clean break, not ask you to throw away your future at his whim. That's what I'm having a hard time seeing. He has done A LOT for me, and so I feel like I owe it to him because I've done nothing. It's pretty sad that I feel that way, I know. But I do. I don't know what to do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 What exactly has he done for you? Truly? Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramelday Posted October 20, 2010 Author Share Posted October 20, 2010 Stopped talking to girls ( I didn't ask him to do that) Gave me another shot after shot when I kept messing up Devoted all of his time to me (He doesn't go anywhere) Sent me gifts, made me gifts, songs and videos Fought to be with me (Something he and I did, and failed miserably) Eventually ended up only talking to me for the most part (He spoke to other people but not 98% of the time) those are just things done. Of course the laughs, smiles, fun times, all of the GOOD emotions that would come with any relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 Oh dear that doesn't actually sound very good at all. it sounds obsessive and pretty unhealthy rather than a sign of love. Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 Stopped talking to girls ( I didn't ask him to do that) Gave me another shot after shot when I kept messing up Devoted all of his time to me (He doesn't go anywhere) Sent me gifts, made me gifts, songs and videos Fought to be with me (Something he and I did, and failed miserably) Eventually ended up only talking to me for the most part (He spoke to other people but not 98% of the time) those are just things done. Of course the laughs, smiles, fun times, all of the GOOD emotions that would come with any relationship. You don't have him chained up in your basement do you? Just checking. I can't imagine a relationship where the other person is so fixated on me. Even in an LDR we need time with friends, family, work, hobbies! If all his time is spent on you and not doing things and interacting with other people, what in the heck do you guys have to talk about? :/ Link to post Share on other sites
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