Just got broken up with (your thoughts? )

[caramelday]

Oh dear that doesn't actually sound very good at all.

 

it sounds obsessive and pretty unhealthy rather than a sign of love.

 

hm really? =\

[caramelday]

You don't have him chained up in your basement do you? Just checking. I can't imagine a relationship where the other person is so fixated on me. Even in an LDR we need time with friends, family, work, hobbies! If all his time is spent on you and not doing things and interacting with other people, what in the heck do you guys have to talk about? :/

 

We talk about a lot of things. The world, things we question, theology, jokes, love itself, people, etc. We spend time on the phone and watch movies, fall asleep on the phone, talk for hours, play games together (when we were together).

 

But, to be honest. I believe um a couple months after we got together, he said he was getting bored. Now, I got scared and I guess looking back it was because I still had a life, I was going to school, had friends, family, etc. Because he wasn't doing anything I guess, he got bored with doing the same things everyday and what not. He still spoke with family, the ones at his home, but anyone else? not to my knowledge.

[Varadium]

I have to agree with the majority here. I told my girlfriend we are not going to live together until she is done school. If it is imperitive, then she can move here at 18 but she would have to finish her schooling here without question. Without an education the longevity of the relationship is put on a slope.

 

Also, I am not sure if he may have had an abusive nature. I know this is incredibly harsh, but consider it... By the sounds of it, you were 'always to blame' for the problems in the relationship. If he had emotional security, he wouldnt need to blame everything on you. I went through periods with my girl where I felt I needed to blame something on her. When I took a step back I realized it was often my own problem and I needed to get over it. Some freedom and trust goes a long way in your own health, and it translates into your relationship as well. Thats my experience though, and I can't say it is 100% right. Take it as you will!

[caramelday]

I have to agree with the majority here. I told my girlfriend we are not going to live together until she is done school. If it is imperitive, then she can move here at 18 but she would have to finish her schooling here without question. Without an education the longevity of the relationship is put on a slope.

 

Also, I am not sure if he may have had an abusive nature. I know this is incredibly harsh, but consider it... By the sounds of it, you were 'always to blame' for the problems in the relationship. If he had emotional security, he wouldnt need to blame everything on you. I went through periods with my girl where I felt I needed to blame something on her. When I took a step back I realized it was often my own problem and I needed to get over it. Some freedom and trust goes a long way in your own health, and it translates into your relationship as well. Thats my experience though, and I can't say it is 100% right. Take it as you will!

 

No, I understand that completely. Where it becomes hard to grasp, is due to the fact that I lied to him throughout our relationship repeatedly...again and again. So, I'm looking at it like, I did A, B, and C here, so that's why he's acting like this, that's why he doesn't trust me, that's why I have to make up for what I did by doing whatever. That's how it feels.

 

I'm pretty free, I encourage him to do his own things. Even from the beginning when I did nothing wrong. I want him to flourish in his own right, follow his passions, do what he wants to do, do whatever makes him happy. He said, he's found that us being around eachother a lot has caused a lot of fights, and he took periods to be by himself and do his own thing. But, I don't know if he really wants to because he wants to do it for himself, it's because we always fought.

[Eclypse]

Caramel I can relate you somewhat. I once too had a LDR with someone who I hadn't met in RL. We met on an online game. I thought our relationship was wonderful and we spent all day talking and playing games like you and your bf do. But we never got to meet up, always something came up on her half. She began telling me stories that got wilder and wilder. Eventually the truth came out and I realised she wasn't who said she was. She begged me to take her back but I realised it was a waste of my time. Now she lied about a BIG thing.... whereas you went back to school (as you should) I think he's blown it out of proportion and he doesn't deserve you.

 

The best advice I can offer you is to look for a relationship in real life. Once I met my girlfriend (first one ever) I completely forgot about the online lover and realised just how much more rewarding it is to be with someone you can see and touch. Keep your chin up, I know how you feel. I too gave my life for someone and they weren't grateful It will get better!

[caramelday]

Caramel I can relate you somewhat. I once too had a LDR with someone who I hadn't met in RL. We met on an online game. I thought our relationship was wonderful and we spent all day talking and playing games like you and your bf do. But we never got to meet up, always something came up on her half. She began telling me stories that got wilder and wilder. Eventually the truth came out and I realised she wasn't who said she was. She begged me to take her back but I realised it was a waste of my time. Now she lied about a BIG thing.... whereas you went back to school (as you should) I think he's blown it out of proportion and he doesn't deserve you.

 

The best advice I can offer you is to look for a relationship in real life. Once I met my girlfriend (first one ever) I completely forgot about the online lover and realised just how much more rewarding it is to be with someone you can see and touch. Keep your chin up, I know how you feel. I too gave my life for someone and they weren't grateful It will get better!

 

 

You guys, is it sad that I feel the opposite? I feel like I am the one who wasn't grateful that I had him when I did because of the way that I treated him.

Eclypse-I was that girl begging him to take me back!! I've heard him cry because of me, say things because of me, just most of everything because of how bad I hurt him. I'd look for a relationship offline, but I don't want one right now. I always said my best bet was college.

 

I tell him one day he's going to wake up and see that I was good. Then it was almost like he brought me back down to earth, he said he wouldn't see that. I'd just wake up and see that he was better off without me and that leaving me was the best decision he made in his life. :'(

[caramelday]

God I wish I could PM you guys some of the stuff he's said to me.

 

I'm still too "new" for that.

[Eclypse]

I could PM you my facebook if you want to talk there? I'm not quite sure how to send PM's though (I'm pretty sure I meet the requirements)

[caramelday]

I could PM you my facebook if you want to talk there? I'm not quite sure how to send PM's though (I'm pretty sure I meet the requirements)

 

 

Gosh I don't even have facebook. I have email though. If you do too, I can send things through there.

 

And thanks.

[Eclypse]

It wouldn't work Curses! Oh well this public forum is good.

 

So can you say why you feel like you let him down? From what you described it seemed like he was the one not appreciating you. How did you 2 meet?

[caramelday]

Here is my email if you can email me.

 

[email protected]

 

I just don't want everything out there like that, not publicly anyway.

 

it's even more saddening.

[Varadium]

I am still getting the feeling that he is either emotionaly insecure, or controlling. Neither of those things are healthy for a relationship. He may sound like a sweet guy, by crying etc, but it doesnt actually make him a nice person. If he had more experience in relationships (even non-dating), then he would know that you cannot guilt someone constantly if you want them to be happy. He should want you to be happy, but he has no shown that from what I see. He probably does not realize his behaviour is out of line, which is the real problem, and you cant help him with that.

[caramelday]

I am still getting the feeling that he is either emotionaly insecure, or controlling. Neither of those things are healthy for a relationship. He may sound like a sweet guy, by crying etc, but it doesnt actually make him a nice person. If he had more experience in relationships (even non-dating), then he would know that you cannot guilt someone constantly if you want them to be happy. He should want you to be happy, but he has no shown that from what I see. He probably does not realize his behaviour is out of line, which is the real problem, and you cant help him with that.

 

 

You're probably right. That's kind of what I meant by realizing one day that while I was wrong in our relationship, he was too. He doesn't think he will feel that way. But, all I know is, if he continues into another relationship this way, it won't last very long. =\

 

Everytime I try to talk about the bad with him though, I kind of stop myself because of what I have done. I am honestly trying to change, and I'm taking our time apart to do that to perhaps be better for someone else if it's not him. I just feel although I see his faults, I'm worse than he is.

 

It's a sad way to feel, hopefully I will get out of that and see that maybe it was both of our faults with the way we handled things.

[caramelday]

Hey you guys,

 

It's been about 3 days, and he reached out to me.

 

I felt good.

 

Only to find out he's going to stop talking to me again because I started going back.

 

hm, knew it was too good to be true.

 

me going to school doesn't change the feelings in MY heart.

Why does it change the feelings in his?

[folieadeux]

Hey you guys,

 

It's been about 3 days, and he reached out to me.

 

I felt good.

 

Only to find out he's going to stop talking to me again because I started going back.

 

hm, knew it was too good to be true.

 

me going to school doesn't change the feelings in MY heart.

Why does it change the feelings in his?

 

Okay, I'm baffled. He stopped talking to you again because you're going back to school? I know you're hurt right now but you really need to move on. This guy is controlling and borderline emotionally abusive with his behavior. Do not let him, or anyone else, ruin your life. Stay in school and live your life for YOU. His feelings changed because you are no longer doing exactly as he wishes. Classic sign of a truly disturbed individual.

[caramelday]

Yeah, he feels that I owe it to him because of the way I treated him. He won't be with me if I don't.

 

I asked him if he would drop out of school for someone, he told me he wouldn't drop out of school for one of his exes. so i asked how he could expect that from someone else.

 

if i don't he says he's "walking" and won't wait for me anymore because he's waited for 2 years.

[Els]

I don't get how any remotely sane person could imagine that his gf dropping out of school would benefit him in any way. And I don't get how you can think so, either.

[caramelday]

I don't agree with it.

 

He says school was detrimental to our relationship because that's where he got hurt at. Meaning that's where I continued to be friends with people who talked crap about him.

[madjac74]

if i don't he says he's "walking" and won't wait for me anymore because he's waited for 2 years.

 

Ask him if he needs help tying the laces on his walking shoes

[Els]

Surely you must realize how he must not care about you at ALL, but only his own feelings, to insist on such a thing? There are plenty of ways to resolve such issues. Telling you not to go to school is not one of them.

[caramelday]

Well apparently he doesn't know how to resolve issues then.

 

This is terribly sad. I thought I was in the wrong.

 

I suggested things, but I guess that wasn't good enough.

 

I guess I let it go if I don't get met in the middle.