Bad Divorce - Concerned Son

[Ovid]

Oh boy were should I start.

 

First things first, I’m not the one in the marriage. I’m trying to get some advice for my mother. My parents have been married for over 25 years, and have been separated (I don’t believe they are LEGALLY separated, I assume that requires papers to be filed) since 2005.

 

I’m currently 19; I started noticing the issues when I was roughly 12. I know far, far more than I would like to or should know about this entire issue. But I’ll be blunt and try to pick an accurate picture of the issue.

 

First a little background. The initial issues seem to boil down to drugs, alcohol, and sexual deviance. My father tends to gravitate to hard liquor, cocaine, and marijuana. While my mother was addicted to cocaine for a short period of time before and just after they separated. My father asked my mother to get into swinging roughly a year before the separation and in an attempt to salvage a dying marriage (He had already cheated several times) she agreed to it. Ironically, it was my father’s own jealousy, mixed with the drug abuse and alcohol that finally killed the marriage.

 

In 2005, just after my freshman year on high school my mother, my little brother, and I packed up and moved to our home in Florida for a trial separation. Everything was fine on our end for the first few months, and then my father came down to try and patch things up. This was the start of roughly three months of near constant arguing and fighting, again fuelled by a high amount of alcohol and drugs. During this time, a high amount of emotional abuse took place from my father directed at my mother, and myself, and I’m sure a good amount of emotional trauma inflicted on my younger brother. Roughly three months after he moved back in there was a rather large fight, and the police were called after he threw something at my mother. He was arrested and spent a few nights in jail, but no further action was taken because my mother refused to press charges. He moved back to Maryland following this incident, and despite my urging to follow up with a divorce, or at the very least file for a real separation, my mother just let it go.

 

Fast forward a year or so, we fly up to Maryland for Christmas and after a lot of arguing and fighting my father printed out dozens of pornographic images involving my mother (Mostly solo, with a few involving family friend), I already knew about them but he plastered them all over her car just before we were due to have family over (including minors) and my mother had to have my grandfather (My father’s father, he knows everything and has been very supportive of us) help her get rid of everything. This marked the last time my father and mother have been in close contact.

 

In 2009 we all went up for my great-grandmothers 100th birthday, and as a favor to my mom I was going to stay at one of our Maryland homes, the one my father was also living in. As I expected my father got drunk, I went up to bed and shortly afterwards my father came up to talk, and became increasingly belligerent as the conversation went on, finally resulting in me losing my temper and telling him to get out of my room so I could go to sleep. It got physical, mostly grappling (I’m considerably taller, and much stronger so I actually felt threatened). I left the next day and spent the remainder of the trip at my grandparents.

 

That’s the backstory, now the current situation. My mother, little brother and I are all back in Florida, and are largely broke. I’m trying to go to school, but it looks as if my college account has been drained, the house we live in is in foreclosure, he has paying the credit card bills, and in turn is not providing any support. We can’t afford groceries, the roof is literally falling in (Rain has been leaking through the ceiling for about two years now), the ceiling in the living room has actually collapsed in certain areas, the ceiling in the dining room is close to collapsing, the plumbing in the house is shot, and out pool in black, we have to borrow money to pay the electric, water, and utilities bills.

 

I think I have finally talked my mother into getting the divorce, but that opens up an entirely new problem. We have no money, my mother hasn’t worked since before she was married and has been unable to find a job that fits he schedule (She needs to be able to take my brother to and from school). None of our family friends are able to help with an attorney retainer, and as he controls all the money we have no way to afford an attorney, much less one of the caliber that he is likely to have.

 

He claims to be broke now (That happens when you don’t work for five years…), and I don’t think there is much in the way of cash (unless he has it hidden), but there is a LOT of money tied up in assets. Three houses (Valued at roughly 1.5 million, 500 thousand, and 800 thousand (the last one is in foreclosure, and is the one that’s falling apart and we live in)), two cars, two ATV’s, two boats, and two choppers (Motorcycle). All of this is compounded by IRS issues, dating back ten years or so.

 

What exactly are our options, I feel like getting it in front of a court would be best, but again we have no money.

 

Thanks for any help you are able to provide.

Edited October 19, 2010 by Ovid

[You Go Girl]

This is a question for lawyers, and they don't work for free, so they're not on LS.

But you need $ for a lawyer. So quick sell some things. If not a boat or a car in your mother's name only, then some jewerly, gold, or sterling, bonds, whatever is hanging around.

They both need to go back to work.

I'm sorry that you have such dysfunctional parents. You sound level-headed, don't let them get to you by you becoming like them.

With that much in real estate assets, your mother should be able to write a promissory note or sign off a house as part collateral.

What kind of 800k house has a roof falling in? That part sounds almost unbelievable!

[Ovid]

This is a question for lawyers, and they don't work for free, so they're not on LS.

But you need $ for a lawyer. So quick sell some things. If not a boat or a car in your mother's name only, then some jewerly, gold, or sterling, bonds, whatever is hanging around.

They both need to go back to work.

I'm sorry that you have such dysfunctional parents. You sound level-headed, don't let them get to you by you becoming like them.

With that much in real estate assets, your mother should be able to write a promissory note or sign off a house as part collateral.

What kind of 800k house has a roof falling in? That part sounds almost unbelievable!

 

Thanks for the quick response.

 

I cashed all my bonds a few months ago to pay some of the bills, as for selling things, anything worth real money is in my fathers name. Jewery and the likes was all sold months ago.

 

As to the house, it's the land (Waterfront, private boat slip ect) that's worth that much, not the house itself.