ex gf trouble..

[eltsac]

Hi all,

 

Just want to say i love the vibe of the forum in general, usually a bit bitter and negative which is understandable, but overall very helpful.

 

I'm pretty confused right now though and could use some of your advice!

 

My girlfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago. Reasons being she is too dependent on me, we are only 23/24 and have been together for 4 years and she spent all her time with me, i mean all of it. Being at this age as well, she needs to find herself she said, and who she is, and sort her career out which is floundering. She said after a while she was resenting me a bit because I was too comfortable and easy to escape to. When I'd give her advice she thought I was telling her what to do, she said she didnt know why she was making me a bad guy in her head...

 

I accepted, put up little fight as I thought fair enough, and though heartbroken, realised I wasnt going to change her mindset at that point. We then did the usual, texting all the time with the i love yous and i miss yous.. She would come see me and give me a kiss and hold my hand... Eventually I thought 'cut this bull, shes just leaning on you until she is ready to move on..' So I had the talk and went no contact.. More of a 'we cant keep saying we love eachother and I cant keep holding on type of talk..' She send me a text afterward, somewhat heartbroken saying shell always love me, and doesnt want to move on but guesses shell have to..

 

I didnt respond, and havent reached out to her since (about 3 weeks ago..)

 

I get a text from her every week, hidden through an excuse, such as 'thanks for doing ___ (something) for ___ (a friend).. Let me know if youre up for a chat, it feels like its been forever..xxx' .. and another one before that on similar lines.. I respond, as I dont want to be rude (oh and I still love her and do eventually want her back).. I keep it cool and short, with a 'No worries.. Hope you are well xx'...

 

Like I said, I want her back, but not for now, shes still not resolved her issues and obviously I dont know if she wants me back.. The only encouragement ive had is through a mutual friend..

 

The friend has told me how she is doing, usually just 'ok' and that she is still trying to sort everything out and sometimes is really quite emotional. Also she says that my ex constantly asks about me, what im wearing, how im looking, am i going to the gym etc. She also said that my ex dreamt about me, in a jealous way where i was getting with someone else, and hated it.. Then went on to say, that 'we could get back together maybe, i (being her) just need to sort myself out...' She also said to her friend that she wants to reach out, say ' i love you' because she does, but cant as I had to cut it all out...

 

Needless to say, im properly confused. I was going great until I heard that from my friend.. I was getting her out of my mind, my texts responses were light and i didnt really mind if she talked to me or not. Now, she texts and she takes 12 hours or so to respond, leaving me reeling. She had asked about wanting to chat to catch up, which I said I was a bit busy for on sunday.. Im not sure if I should, or give it more time as im still in a wierd state.

 

I want to get back, and the hint from the friend was nice, but also made me regress a bit. Like I keep hoping and hoping and its frustrating. I can move on, but I feel that if I do then thats it.. Like in moving on, ill transform and the pieces wont fit again.. But I want them too.

 

Its wierd, because I love her, and want to be back with her, but at the same time have this feeling that its hard to redeem what was there before... I went from feeling solid trust to outsmarted, stupid..

 

I say all this, she may not want me back, but is just saying it to ward off her friend or something. She says she loves me to her friend, but then again, love doesnt die that quickly, so of course she does...

 

What to do now though? I've heard the odd whisper that she is thinking of us, but do i strike while the iron is hot, or let her stew over it some more?

 

Or do I just reach out in general as she wanted to chat a couple days ago, and even just talking could help..

 

Otherwise I could just allow it all, as the more i talk to her etc, the less i can move on..

Edited October 19, 2010 by eltsac