Why do guys run away from their problems??

[button66]

My boyfriend and I broke up a month or so ago after big dramas then I miscarried our baby just after we broke up. He is heartbroken about our baby and pretty upset by the breakup (I think!). I am the one who seems to want to keep talking about things and checking if hes ok but he has barely said a word about his pain even though I know it is there as he wrote a letter to the baby we lost and it was full of emotion.

 

I just want to know why typically guys run away from their problems - my ex has tried to aviod me as much as possible. He can up with an idea of a place to go to remember our baby and said he would take me but when we did organise to go, he textd me just before he was due and said he couldn't come as he had just had an argument with his family and every other time I ask him to take me he says he doesn't think he will have time but says he still wants to go etc etc.

 

I know how hard it is losing a child but in my eyes, he is the only one I want right now (even though I still love him as well) as he was the father of our baby but he doesn't seem to want to be around and even when he comes home (we live together - separate rooms) which isn't often as he stays with his sister a lot, he makes no effort to come and see me etc.

 

My question is why are guys like this? Could any men out there help explain his behaviour to me because as a female, I just cannot comprehend it!

 

Thanks a lot guys, take care

[WTRanger]

It's not just guys, it's people that deal with problems like that so don't draw gender lines here.

 

You two are broken up right? He's focusing on himself, trying to heal from double losses. Sometimes people aren't out front with their emotions. Was he like that in the relationship or is this new behavior?

 

It's hard when someone you care about, even an ex, is hurting. You want to reach out and help, but you can only reach out so much. It's up to them to accept the help. If they don't want it and you continue to push, then you really run the risk of becoming annoying to them.

 

I think for the short future, you need to really focus on you. Figure things out for yourself. I wish you the best of luck.

[sally4sara]

My boyfriend and I broke up a month or so ago after big dramas then I miscarried our baby just after we broke up. He is heartbroken about our baby and pretty upset by the breakup (I think!). I am the one who seems to want to keep talking about things and checking if hes ok but he has barely said a word about his pain even though I know it is there as he wrote a letter to the baby we lost and it was full of emotion.

I just want to know why typically guys run away from their problems - my ex has tried to aviod me as much as possible. He can up with an idea of a place to go to remember our baby and said he would take me but when we did organise to go, he textd me just before he was due and said he couldn't come as he had just had an argument with his family and every other time I ask him to take me he says he doesn't think he will have time but says he still wants to go etc etc.

 

I know how hard it is losing a child but in my eyes, he is the only one I want right now (even though I still love him as well) as he was the father of our baby but he doesn't seem to want to be around and even when he comes home (we live together - separate rooms) which isn't often as he stays with his sister a lot, he makes no effort to come and see me etc.

 

My question is why are guys like this? Could any men out there help explain his behaviour to me because as a female, I just cannot comprehend it!

 

Thanks a lot guys, take care

 

He wrote a letter to the baby with emotion. The two of you broke up prior to the baby's death. His emotions are strong about the baby passing but the problems the two of you dealt with prior to it have greatly diminished his feelings and want for connection with you. Since you broke up - that problem is gone to him.

In other words, and not just to sound harsh, he can't really run nor does he have to run from his problem (the baby's passing) because it is a pain he carries with in him. Perhaps he is just moving on and that's why he is avoiding you.

[button66]

Thanks for your replys. I just thought (and was hoping) that seeing we lost our baby, it would bring us together more even if it didn't end in a relationship or anything. I think I just need to take a step back away from him and hopefully he will come around eventually to talking about it.

[WTRanger]

But you can't be together at this point. It's far too soon. You two need time, a lot of time, apart to focus on your own path to healing. It doesn't mean you can't be friends down the road, but certainly not now and not even a few months from now. Because you'll always want more, or use the friendship as a replacement patch for a real healthy relationship.