he loves me, he loves me not

[butterfly]

hi, well for the past four months I have been dating a guy named bill. Everything seemed to be going good until this weekend. Almost every weekend since we have been dating we hang out. But this weekend that just passed we didn't hang out at all. He didn't even call me or anything. We talked for a little bit on Friday, and he was going out with some of his guy friends. But Saturday he didn't call, and yesterday I didn't hear anything from him either. Maybe I am over reacting. We did hang out on Thursday night for a little while. I just don't understand, one minute he wants to hang out a lot, and the next minute nothing. I don't need to hang out with him all the time, I would just like to know that at least he cares, by calling to say hi. But instead I get nothing. Do I have anything to worry about, or am I just overreacting? If you are in love with someone shouldn't you want to hang out with them whenever you can? Just wondering, please give me some advice.

[Tony T]

Sounds like he's got you wrapped around his fingers.

 

Whatever he did for whatever reason, your interest in him has certainly multiplied. Kudos to him.

 

It sounds like you've gotten into a pattern you are very comfortable with and that has been, up until now, very predictable. This is dangerous in a relationship because ultimately things go stale. This man is a genious for being unpredictable.

 

Your best strategy is not to react to it, just to tell him you hope he had a great weekend, and just move on in the relationship from there. That's get him good. And don't take it for granted that you'll spend every weekend with him.

 

On the flip side of this coin, if the two of you are so tight, it would seem like he would share with you in advance what he is going to be doing. After all, you almost always spent the weekends together. I think this was intentional on his part. But since you are not married to him, he really is under no obligation to disclose his plans.

 

Your best bet here is to be very cool. In about a month, do the same identical thing to him. Make other plans, don't tell him about them, and don't be available. A game??? You betcha!!! But you have to let him know you're just as good at it as he is.

 

I think one of the greatest problems in relationships is that they get old and stale because they become too predictable. Neither one of you should take it for granted that you will be together any particular weekend. If no plans are made in advance, either one of you should be free to do whatever.

 

To answer your questions...you shouldn't worry about this, whatever will be will be. You are overreacting a bit...be really cool when you hear from him...and DON'T CALL HIM...let him call you.

 

Your last question, if you are in love with someone shouldn't you want to hang out with them all the time? Not really. Love doesn't smother. Love gives space and time. While the urge is there to be with that person all the time because it feels so good, love can be run right into the ground if there is insufficient space given to the beloved. Love is not a prison. There is time enough during a lifetime of marriage to be together with great frequency. If you are insecure in this relationship, discover what the underlying reasons might be and work on them.

 

Don't forget, you are going to be Ms. Cool when you hear from him!!! The less you seem bothered, the more he will be bothered...got the picture?

[billy the kid]

well Butterfly you never said you were in love with him... so what's up there??? other than that even if ya'll are just friends he is acting a butt... so what do you do now??? how about telling him how you feel about him??? and asking if the feeling is mutual... so if it's not find another guy that shares your intrests or at least not affraid to treat you like a lady...by the way my number is 555- just kidding, I'm sure things will work out either way. you sound so smart, I'm sure you'll make the right choise...

hi, well for the past four months I have been dating a guy named bill. Everything seemed to be going good until this weekend. Almost every weekend since we have been dating we hang out. But this weekend that just passed we didn't hang out at all. He didn't even call me or anything. We talked for a little bit on Friday, and he was going out with some of his guy friends. But Saturday he didn't call, and yesterday I didn't hear anything from him either. Maybe I am over reacting. We did hang out on Thursday night for a little while. I just don't understand, one minute he wants to hang out a lot, and the next minute nothing. I don't need to hang out with him all the time, I would just like to know that at least he cares, by calling to say hi. But instead I get nothing. Do I have anything to worry about, or am I just overreacting? If you are in love with someone shouldn't you want to hang out with them whenever you can? Just wondering, please give me some advice.

[butterfly]

hi well i ended up talking to him last night, for a couple hours, and he acted as if everything was normal. So I didn't act bothered because he didn't call me all weekend. We were supposed to hang out tonight, but I forgot that I have something else to do for work. So I can't go out with him tonight. And Wed, Thur, and Fri he has plans. I just feel like I am not very important to him. I don't know if I love him. I do care about him a lot, but I don't love him. Why are guys so confusing? Thanks for the advice again. If you have any more advice let me know.

[butterfly]

every one is confusing... guys and girls. that's just part of relationships... I think that is why they call them relationships....cuz like ships you get on and see how the ride is if you like it you stay on if not you get off...it kinda goes with all the fish in the sea thing... so if you don't like what you caught throw it back and put your line back in..... things have a habit of working themselfs out just hang in there and sooner or later you'll get the right bite.....or should I say catch....

hi well i ended up talking to him last night, for a couple hours, and he acted as if everything was normal. So I didn't act bothered because he didn't call me all weekend. We were supposed to hang out tonight, but I forgot that I have something else to do for work. So I can't go out with him tonight. And Wed, Thur, and Fri he has plans. I just feel like I am not very important to him. I don't know if I love him. I do care about him a lot, but I don't love him. Why are guys so confusing? Thanks for the advice again. If you have any more advice let me know.