She likes me...I don't feel the same way. How do I break up?

[samiam]

ok people need help. i've been dating this girl but now I want to break up with her. It's just we dont spent alot of time with each other, and it just dont feel the same any more.now I have never had to break up with anyone before. It always seemed that the girl would break up with me. so what i'm trying to say is that how should do it? what should I say so i dont think of me a jerk. I know she still like me i just dont feel the same way? please help.

[overseas2004]

Break ups are not pretty and I just went through one myself. My ex told me that I was tough to live with and that he was losing his feelings for me. The actual truth was that he was a complete mess and was a commitment phobe. But his words made me feel a lot of guilt and I have debated this in my head for such a long time as to whether it was my fault or not.

 

Its also important to offer the person closure without being offensive.

 

Just try to something like this.

 

I know that you like me but men usually don't get committed until they have come to the time in their life where they are ready for that. When we do want to be come commited then the first girl that comes around after that decision ends up being our girlfriend and/or wife. I am that way too. I still dont really want a commitment. I know that I am giving up a lot because you are warm and funny and intelligent. Tell her that you are sorry you dissapointed her and that you wish the timing had been better because she is a beautiful person.

 

Do not allow her to get into a fight with you. Make sure you keep it at a cordial and sweet level.

 

Tell her you would love to be her friend one day but you know that right now that is not possible because it would hurt her too much. But that she should feel free to call you when she is feeling better and has moved on.

 

Let her say what she feels and then you have to leave immediately after that. Don't let it go on to long but be firm and try your best not to hurt her ego.

 

If she cries and gets upset its ok to hold her hand for a little while and try to comfort her. Women hate when men shrink away from them in these situations. But don't let it get past that.

 

Just remember this whole process should be done face to face and it should not last more than a half an hour.

 

Lots of luck....

[Togagirl]

This might sound really bad but being in the same situation from the girls point of view, it may be best to piss her off. My ex is very sweet making it difficult for me to give up hope. A clean break might be better for healing, depending on the girl. I'm the emotional type who get very depressed, but other friends find it a lot easier to move on.

[jenny]

yes! agreed. clean clear break; no BS about wanting to be friends. take her out to lunch, the neutral public meal, and get her a 'leaving gift' if you want to be smooth and cool about it.

 

some soft soap is good - tell her she is warm and funny and intelligent, but also tell her she is beautiful on the outside. she'll need to hear it. then go on about your own inability to commit at this time/timing/etc.

[overseas2004]

Dont listen to the girl who said to be nasty. Definately not. Especially if this girl was nice to you.

 

Be nice but be clean and firm like I said.

[morrigan]

Say that you don't feel you have enough interests in common to further pursue the relationship, say that you don't feel that this relationship would work out long term. Say this at a meeting, don't be a coward and do it via phone or email. There's no need for cruelty, but be honest and firm. Also be honest and say that it's better that you two not be friends as it would be too hard on both of you to see eachother. Tell her she's a great person and deserves to be with someone who will have more in common with her.

 

Her feelings will be hurt, but this happens in breakups. The best you can do is be honest and polite, and not drag someone on or lead them to believe you might get together again.