Ex Girlfriend to FWB back to Girlfriend possible?

[mrbluenobody]

My girlfriend broke up with me about a week ago. Only dated for four months but I pretty much loved her already. She left because she stated that she wasn't "in love" with me and figured she should be by that point so she figures i'm not "the one". She stated that she needs to figure things out (date around no doubt) and she thinks she "might" be making the biggest mistake of her life. I told her if we break up we will not be friends (no contact) and I will not be waiting for her......must start grieving the loss. She said if she realizes she made a mistake in x amount of months from now that she'll take the chance and contact me anyways.

 

After off and on contact I decided to call her today and said....you know what....I no longer care...I'm not gonna sit over here and pine away about the loss. What's done is done so there's no reason for this no contact Bullship!!! I said, we have great chemisty, fun together and since it won't bother her emotionally, why not Friends with Benefits?

 

She said she was afraid I couldn't handle it and I said just knowing that it wouldn't bother you gives me all the resolve I need to move forward. We both agreed not to discuss any dates with other people we may be going on.

 

Anyways, If I do this.....supposing I may want to get back together with her one day, will this ruin the chances??

 

If I decided I would like to reconcile 6 months down the road would it be better to go no contact or would there be a benefit to reconciliation through Friends with Benefits? Not even sure I would ever want to be with her again as bf/gf though.

 

I was thinking about using this as a way to get her chasing/jealous. I told her the responsiblity to contact to get together was hers. Since she wanted the breakup this makes since (no pressure on her). Basically, I'm thinking that when she contacts for a booty call I can A)Not answer the phone or B)Answer and say....oh, sorry, can't make it tonight, I'm busy Endless possibilities. Could have a lot of fun with this!

Edited October 20, 2010 by mrbluenobody

[LucreziaBorgia]

Anyways, If I do this.....supposing I may want to get back together with her one day, will this ruin the chances??

 

I don't think it would work. I don't see any real incentive for her to go back to a relationship if you do this. You are showing her that she can have what she wants from you and doesn't have to be in a relationship to get it.

 

The key to getting her back into a relationship is to show her that the things she wants ONLY come with a relationship. Period.

 

On a subconscious level you are letting her know that you are willing to settle for less. I don't think a lot of women are wired to want to be with men who roll over that easily.

 

Your best bet if you want her to see what she is missing is to give her something to miss - in other words, you cut her off completely and let her know that it is all or nothing. Stand your ground and stand strongly, and refuse to roll over and accept less.

 

Unless, of course you are able to simply use her for sex and not want anything more than that. If you are still emotionally invested, you may not want to try that route. You will only end up letting her use you instead.

[mrbluenobody]

Excellent points and advice. I'm thinking of sending the following email. Any suggestions?

 

 

 

I was getting my haircut, yesterday afternoon, when my barber (Jerri) asked about our trip. I was caught off guard. I reflected for a few moments before I responded. I told her the many things we did together which, of course, brought a smile to my face. When I got to thinking about you and I, at Dolphin Cove and Aqautica, I realized I definitely need no contact to give myself an opportunity to heal and not just bury my feelings.

 

I could do the FWB thing but it wouldn't be fair to anyone new in my life. If I'm going to be there for someone, I'm going to be there 100%. I don't want my past relationships affecting someone I'll find in the future. Additionally, I care more about you than that and I care enough about myself not to do it. It was a thought...but that's all it will be. I want to be able to openly express how I feel about someone I'm with and, of course, be there with the intention of building more. I'm looking for a girlfriend, for a relationship, something more meaningful.

 

Whether you realize it or not now...no contact is the best thing for you also. Unfortunately, with me in the picture, I believe it would just cloud your judgement and possibly prolong you finding peace. I really do just want you to be happy.

 

I hope you can sort out your past. Remember , like you told me, happiness is within you and like I told you...so is closure...you'll never get it from someone else.

 

I'll never forget you and If fate will have it, maybe this is just goodbye for now and not goodbye forever.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I would only say this:

 

I need no contact to give myself an opportunity to heal and not just bury my feelings.

 

Take care,

 

Mr. Blue

 

And simply follow through by blocking any contact and not contacting her.

 

Anything else you wrote is just more emotional ammo for her. If I got an email like the one you wrote, I'd know for sure that you are a solid backup guy, and getting you to break no contact would require very little if any effort.

 

I know that you are afraid if you do this, that you will lose her - but trust me on this. If she wants to be with you, nothing will stop her - she will make every effort to get back to you. If she walks away without another word, it will not be because of anything you are or are not doing.

[mrbluenobody]

Thank you again. I sent the email exactly like you suggested.

 

I need no contact to give myself an opportunity to heal and not just bury my feelings.

 

Take care,

 

Mr. Blue

 

 

I guess I come across as wishy-washy now but I guess you can't win em all.

Edited October 21, 2010 by mrbluenobody

[mrbluenobody]

Here is her response. Looks like she's glad I'm gone.

 

"I'm glad you realize that. I was not going to let that happen b/c I care about you too much, and I hate the fact that I hurt you like I did. It would have only made things worse for you. I do care about you...a lot, and I am here for you if you ever need anything!! I mean that!!! "

[LucreziaBorgia]

And that's how you know when its time to walk away.