Afraid I'm too dependent on my boyfriend..

[Melena]

Hi everyone, i would love any advice and help as I'm in a confusing and anxious place in my life right now.

 

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years now. we have a great relationship with plenty of good communication, understanding and love. He is my best friend and he makes me happier than I have ever been. Great guy so of course i want to make him happy too!

 

We both are art students but he is a year ahead of me(we originally met in secondary school). so we have ended up in the same great college and we decided we would live together this year and give it ago (it either works or it doesn't we figured). things are good we love living together and we have 2 other great housemates too

 

This is my first year in college, away from home and my friends(they all went somewhere different) so things have taken getting used to. I have met some lovely people thou n i have neighbors right beside me in my studio and everything at college-they are great.

 

My problem is that when I'm at home and my boyfriend is at home i want to be around him a lot. he's like my get away from my work or something? my problem is he loves his space and going online and that which is fine( he has his own room which he uses as like his workspace). i feel like im invading his space and he can get frustrated and stress by my walking into him a good bit. i don't want to be like that but i get lonely and want to chat about his day and mine. Art was always my get away and hobby and as delighted as i am that i get to do it everyday, what do i do to get away from it when i want time away from the stress?(is it healthy that i find cooking and cleaning as a get away? ) i really need to do yoga or something..

I don't want to be that girl i want to be independent. I have these girls next door that i go to almost every evening for a while and i have my work but i still feel dependent on him.

 

i ache when he is not there and i can't wait to see him after college? i feel if i leave him alone for 2 hours i might get an hour with him. He seems to be in control of when we spend time together cause i 'never give him a chance' to come over n visit me in my room! It's hard when he is so close yet i can't go into his room without feeling uncomfortable about 'invading' I'm trying but i don't know.....

I got so scared of going out with the girls for the first time in my new city without him that i cried. now I'm ok about going out without him but that image of myself sticks in my head ? he was so sweet though encouraging me to go out and comforting me- thank god i bit the bullet and i did cause it helped big time.

 

I need advice? ask any questions ( i tried to give a background to the issue there?)

Is it just time i need to adjust or could i be making more of an effort? I want to be my own person for my sake most importantly and his.

 

* Thanks for reading *

[Jayerjay]

Well let me just say it sounds like you two have a healthy relationship, and it sounds healthy that you can acknowledge that you are being too needy and you want to respect his space. That is great and from the sounds of it you two will be fine and figure it all out.

 

Change is tough, it will take some time to work out all the kinks. I would actually just tell him how you're feeling and just ask what you can do for him to make sure he gets his space. And that we he knows you desire some good one on one time with him and he will respect that you're meeting his needs and I'm sure he'll then do the same for you.

 

Just take a couple deep breaths if you start to have some anxiety about the new situation! Everything is an adjustment and I have a sneaking suspicion you guys are going to do well.

[Melena]

Well let me just say it sounds like you two have a healthy relationship, and it sounds healthy that you can acknowledge that you are being too needy and you want to respect his space. That is great and from the sounds of it you two will be fine and figure it all out.

 

Change is tough, it will take some time to work out all the kinks. I would actually just tell him how you're feeling and just ask what you can do for him to make sure he gets his space. And that we he knows you desire some good one on one time with him and he will respect that you're meeting his needs and I'm sure he'll then do the same for you.

 

Just take a couple deep breaths if you start to have some anxiety about the new situation! Everything is an adjustment and I have a sneaking suspicion you guys are going to do well.

 

thank you so much, that was lovely.

 

i do feel the whole change of everything made me more vulnerable and wanting to stay close to the familiar being him. i do feel I'm much better than i was say a month ago.

I will talk to him tonight because i realize I've worried about giving him his space but i never thought about saying to him about quality together time. i love the time before bed because we chat and just cuddle but maybe a film some evening or something would be nice.

 

Your kind words are reassuring- Thanks