Friends with benefits situation...He wants no commitment, want to explore his options

[bittersweet memories]

but he doesn't want his friend with benefits to screw others but HIM. He's ok with her Dating...

 

I've never heard anything like this. Would love to hear what you think? I say its BS!

[LoveAintEverything]

That is more than 'friends with benefits'...that is BS

[SouthernSunshine]

He doesn't want to know that you're screwing other ppl.. just that you're "dating".. Dating is fine. Get it?

 

He doesn't want it in his face.

[spiderowl]

He doesn't want to commit to her and wants to keep his options open but he doesn't want her to keep hers open. So he's opting for this compromise - she can date but not sleep with them. He can't be serious! He knows deep down if she meets someone she likes she might sleep with him. I suspect if she does date, he'll be tempted to ask questions to keep tabs on whether she's being sexually exclusive or not. If she finds someone else, he'll probably have a temporary panic and mess her about so she thinks he might really want a relationship. I doubt he would want one though. No, this guy is practically giving her away, so at the very least he's fairly sure it won't bother him too much if she finds someone else.

 

Sadly, I think it's sexual exclusivity he wants not a relationship: they are not the same thing. Most men want sexual exclusivity to ensure their genes carry on. I think if he had to decide between a relationship or losing the FWB arrangements, he'd give up on the FWB. There are always some who never realise what they've got until it's gone, but if she has to wait that long to find out he's bonded with her, then she might as well go.

[lucylove]

He doesn't want to know that you're screwing other ppl.. just that you're "dating".. Dating is fine. Get it?

 

He doesn't want it in his face.

 

i don't think so. this spells, "i want to have my cake and eat it too" written all over it. FWB means an understanding that both people act as friends...friends who have sex. that means, NO STRINGS. nada.

now he's trying to have his strings on her, but he doesn't want them himself.

this is dangerous because it may make her feel that he is being possessive or jealous, and give her the false hope that he cares when really he just cares about his ego.

and you're right that if she agrees to this he can keep tabs and know when there's potential threat to his very CONVENIENT and one sided deal he's set up. and then he can play her emotions enough to get her re-hooked, by holding a carrot out on a string.

i think it's absolute sheet of the bull.

[Lorelai]

For the simple fact that multiple partners at the same time dramatically increase the likelihood of disease transmission.

 

In my current arrangement it's pretty much exactly that -- we're both waiting for the right person to come along, and when we want to sleep with someone else we'll end the FWB. Until then, though, we know we're the only person the other is banging.

 

Now, if the dude says HE should get to sleep with others but she can't, that's just wrong.

[lucylove]

For the simple fact that multiple partners at the same time dramatically increase the likelihood of disease transmission.

 

In my current arrangement it's pretty much exactly that -- we're both waiting for the right person to come along, and when we want to sleep with someone else we'll end the FWB. Until then, though, we know we're the only person the other is banging.

 

Now, if the dude says HE should get to sleep with others but she can't, that's just wrong.

exactly. i think by definition FWB doesn't mean sexual monogamy, but if it's spelled out, like in your case, it is certainly ideal (especially as far as std's and just safety period go). so i'd say...good for you!

the problem is, he wants to sleep around, but she can only sleep with him.

[Hop_prophet]

Why not? This makes total sense and it is the only kind of FWB situation that I would enter into. It is fair on both parties (unless he is having sex with multiple partners but I don't think he is). Both avoid commitment but get to enjoy exclusive sex without worry of getting STDs or relationship drama. On the other hand they are also free to date other people so they can just end it and move on when they want a serious relationship.