bbfbb18 Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 Someone please help me. I don't know what to do. I'm so embarassed. I need advise. Please help. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. We lived together until he got cancer and then we both moved home to our parents' houses. We have been best friends for 6 years. Just last summer he got a job at a fire station up north where he worked for 3 months. He came down every weekend to visit but said I should not come up there not even to surprise him for his birthday. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I just thought he was really busy trying to save up money. Well, he was diagnosed with cancer in October. I have supported him while he was in and out of drug rehabs before the cancer. I have also supported him with the cancer. I was at the hospital with him when he was diagnosed and for each chemotherapy treatment. I have taken a great deal of time out of my life to be there for him in every way without asking for anything in return. Since his firefighter job ended in September, we have been on great vacations and have seen a lot each other. Just recently he asked me to move to Colorado with him for a month because he was offered a firefighter position there. We are even planning a cruise together right now. Last Sunday night, I heard HER. I heard her tell her she loves him. I heard her call him "muffin". I heard her call her "sweetie". I heard her tell him she loves him. I couldn't help it, I ran to the bathroom and threw up everywhere. Ever since then, I've been having convulsions, I can't sleep, I can't eat. I don't know quite who "HER" is, but I have a good feeling it's the girl he had been spending time with while working up north as a firefighter. I didn't think anything of it at the time because he talked about her in front of me like she was just a friend. I've never met her, but I know her and I'm pretty sure she knows me. Every time I ask him if there's something going on or if there's someone else he won't tell me. He gets really angry and walks away or hangs up the phone. I would like to sit down with him and ask him what's going on and tell him that I know everything, but I don't know how to start. I'm so embarassed to talk about this to anyone else but my sister and she's 17 and does not know what to do. I feel so stupid. PLEASE HELP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bbfbb18 Posted March 2, 2004 Author Share Posted March 2, 2004 So now I'm thinking, should I just be the sweetest damn girlfriend in the entire world? Just totally shower him with kindness and sweetness whenever we're together or he calls. ARGH!!!! Help. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 He's not giving you a straight answer, and yes that is weird that he didn't want you coming up there at all. Talk to him face to face, and that you deserve & need answers, no matter what they are. If she's just a friend he shouldnt have any problem with you meeting her. Since you heard her saying this to him, I would be very cautious. What did he say back? Don't shower him with love now, it'll only convince him he's doing the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bbfbb18 Posted March 3, 2004 Author Share Posted March 3, 2004 Thank you for your reply. However, I heard it on his voice mail. The strange thing is that I got a Valentine's card and present and a nice evening and huge kiss goodnight. My card had a personal messgae in it along the lines of "I love you, thank you for always being there for me. I'm so glad I have you...blah blah blah." Lately, he doesn't want any gifts, any favors, nothing. It's almost like he feels guilty. But all this in 2 weeks?!?! Let me know what you think. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 He's definitely got something going on with this other girl. Whenever your man does not want you at his place...he's hiding something. The only reason I would consider forgiving him is that he is under a lot of stress with his health problems. If this were me, I would say to him right out, "I believe you're having a relationship with Ms. X. I can't accept it. I'm asking you now, will you put an end to it and totally stop seeing her? If you do, no later than Tuesday, I'm willing to fix what we have. Otherwise, we're through." And to be honest, I wouldn't bother listening to his denials. He'll have some great stories and counter-accusations to muddy the water, but don't even waste your time disputing this with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Lola Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 um. maybe it is his aunt. dont jump to conclusions. you need to trust your mate and stop being so psycho. Link to post Share on other sites
HiDDeN PiGLeT Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 first off dont take advice from lola who destroyed her b/f's cell b/c he started to use a new cologn. back to topic. something smells like chinatown, meaning something doesnt seems right at all. i think he's keeping something from you and there needs to be communication. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Originally posted by HiDDeN PiGLeT something smells like chinatown, meaning something doesnt seems right at all. Thats a great expression. Link to post Share on other sites
HiDDeN PiGLeT Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 ty. i'm surprise that you havent heard me say that before. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 I prolly have, just didnt really have it sink in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bbfbb18 Posted March 3, 2004 Author Share Posted March 3, 2004 Can't be his aunt. He has 3. I know the entire family, aunts, uncles, cousins and all. And second, his aunt would not call him "muffin" or "sweetie pie." Lola, when try to keep this in mind next time you are offering advise...if someone is asking for advise on a problem, please don't call them psycho. Thank you to everyone else for their replies. This is helping me a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
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