Sue Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 Hello everyone. I would like to know if this is normal. My ex boyfriend and I broke up 3 years ago. We didn't have a loud angry break up . He joined the military halfway around the world and I thought it was to indirectly break up with me so I started seeing someone 3 months after and we then officially broke up. I am getting married to this person and love him totally, but I think I'm still in love with my ex of three years. Is this normal? I think of him daily and wonder what it would've been like if he was still here. I would like to get over him and forget the way I have all of my other boyfriends but it's just not happening. We lost contact since the whole Afghanistan, Bin Laden issue in 2002 and I don't think I will ever see him again. This makes me feel hollow inside and wish I could get over it but can't. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 I am getting married to this person and love him totally, but I think I'm still in love with my ex of three years. Umm....that makes absolutely no sense. You could love someone and be inlove with someone else, but to love this other guy totally implies that you are in love with him. So...you either are or you aren't with one of them. Which one is it? If you aren't in love with the new guy, don't marry him, for God's sake. Link to post Share on other sites
rts9821 Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 i would say its normal. and the person above is a prick. im not sure what to tell u but the person above is pretty rude and inconsiterate. maybe you should write some kind of letter to clear the air, confess anything you need to, tell him what you want, and maybe some kind of letter friendship isnt a bad idea, and phase him out that way. Link to post Share on other sites
estrasa Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 I think that you should explore your old feelings to make sure you're not making a mistake with this marriage. Is it normal to have such strong feelings for someone and be marrying someone else? Does your fiancee know? If so, have you shared this concern? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sue Posted March 3, 2004 Author Share Posted March 3, 2004 Well, my fiance and I used to argue at the beginning of the relationship because he knew I loved this guy and was trying to get over him as hard as possible. He used to tell me that he was going to "win me over" and I'll never have to think of my ex again. Now, I can't imagine life without my fiance but always wonder how things would've been with my ex. He was fun, spontaneous and charming. He and I shared exact qualities, tastes in music, art, life/family values etc. My fiance and I click very well and enjoy life with each other but often times we disagree on many of those things. I guess no one ever ends up spending the rest of their lives with their soulmate and real life is more than just havin' fun and listening to rock music huh? LOL I do honestly want to be married to this man. So could it be that that was just a good experience in my life that is held deep in my heart and not really "love"? Considerate responses would be greatly appreciated!LOL Link to post Share on other sites
HiDDeN PiGLeT Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 the first thing i thought of when i read you're post is that you new closure. you didnt quite did a "normal" break up so it bugs you that there was no real end to it. if its possible you need to talk to your ex so that why you can hear yourself telling him or saying that its over. sometimes it something that simple that causes a problem. also, did you consider that this might be just a case of cold feet? Link to post Share on other sites
Iamhappy Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 I think I'm still in love with my ex of three years. So are you not in love then with your fiancee? If that is the case, then maybe you should put off marriage until you're clear on what you want. I don't know you and I certainly don't know all the details of your love life, but may I bring up two words? Emotionally unavailable. I think you need to ask yourself why you've closed off part of yourself to your fiancee and why your ex still possesses a great deal of your heart and mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sue Posted March 3, 2004 Author Share Posted March 3, 2004 I think I may be having a serious case of cold feet! But honestly we never really did "break up" but we both assumed it was over and moved on. I am in love with my fiance and like I said, can't imagine life without him. The big day is just about here and I think I kinda was just gettin scared and wondering if this would be the right choice for the rest of my life. I know there's divorce but I don't ever want to have to go through that at all. I never questioned our relationship before. I guess 2 days until belonging to someone forever will do that to ya. LOL I kinda hope I never see Mr. ex again so that no new twirl of feelings start brewing mentally. It's not really sex I'm worried about but when old memories of fun and good times start coming up, it could do a lil sumthin to ur emotions. All I do, is say that we were both like 18-19 and now I'm a grown woman with a family and these things are much more important than reminiscing of old childhood flings. (better say it myself before sum1 else does). besides, even if i knew for sure that it was love, I'm in too deep and could never break my husband-to-be 's heart nor my son who loves his Daddy. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this or knows someone to did? Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 i would say its normal. and the person above is a prick. im not sure what to tell u but the person above is pretty rude and inconsiterate. Pardon? Seems like everyone agrees on my take, if I'm not mistaken, friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sue Posted March 3, 2004 Author Share Posted March 3, 2004 Okay Kevin. Wrong choice of words. I clarified didn't I? Link to post Share on other sites
julieg Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 sue, i had a similar situation. i think that we end things and dont talk them out fully and then our imagination takes over. we never get the closure we need and keep replaying all the good ole days in our imagination. its like they are frozen for eternity as the handsome young guy and the pretty teenager we once were ....... DONT LIVE IN THE PAST! MOVE ON AND DONT CHEAT YOURSELF. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET THE MOST OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP YOU ARE IN NOW!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 Wasn't talking to you, Sue, no worries. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sue Posted March 4, 2004 Author Share Posted March 4, 2004 You guys have all been so helpful. I could never have discussed this with anyone I know and if I did they would say the same thing (in a worse way of course) Thanks a lot. Also, if I may add...I'm unavailable but Kevin, YOU'RE HOTTTT!!! LOL Thanks you guys!!! I feel A whole lot better. Link to post Share on other sites
eagle_nate Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 LOL, I think Kevin cut that picture out of the Magazine...discuss amongst yourselves, lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sue Posted March 8, 2004 Author Share Posted March 8, 2004 Yeah. I agree. Just for heck's sake cuz it's a pretty hot guy. If it's a model then good job. Hey he changed it. it was like a cute ass jock from the football team first. LOL Listen to me. I'm a married gal now!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Cpunch75 Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 sounds like youre confused about the direction you are taking your life. At least you know what its like being with 2 different people and maybe you can appreciate the qualities that you may find with your current bf/husband, and can see the differences among the two. If you feel that you still have very strong feelings for this guy overseas, contact him, talk to him, see where you guys stand. But it is kind of weird that you guys just lost touch, because if you really love each other then you would simply wait for him to finish duty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sue Posted March 8, 2004 Author Share Posted March 8, 2004 Good point. I've already thought about that. I am married now and have finally figured it out. (Not that getting married answers problems) I just think that I was attracted to all of his qualities and haven't had anyone like him in my life until I met my fiance (now husband). I will always hold a special place for him in my heart and sorta made myself let go of him. I think that I was trying to tell myself that I was still in love with him because I was having serious cold feet and we were also having minor difficulties in our relationship.(you know when ur like well, so and so wasn't like that.) We are seeking counselling to keep us on the right path (After the wedding glory calms) and I honestly think that I made the right decision. Also, for the point of me waiting for him to finish duties, He decided to go to visit a family member for a week and calls saying he's joining the army! What would you do??? Link to post Share on other sites
estrasa Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Originally posted by Sue Kevin, YOU'RE HOTTTT!!! Kevin is beyond hot, he's YUMMY Link to post Share on other sites
Cpunch75 Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 "Also, for the point of me waiting for him to finish duties, He decided to go to visit a family member for a week and calls saying he's joining the army! What would you do???" Obviously he isn't making you a priority, since he could have seen you at least for sometime while seeing his family member. Sounds like he is the type that just can't express himself or has a simple lack of respect by not telling you directly his feelings, some people are like that. Sounds like you are getting more clarity with all this, great to hear that you are getting counseling. How is it working? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sue Posted March 9, 2004 Author Share Posted March 9, 2004 Yeah. Clarity is what I waited on for so long. Why didn't I get married sooner? LOL Everything is working out fine and I'm actually surprised that day four is going as well as day 1 did. I feel wonderful and have to look at my finger almost hourly to see if I'm not having a really long dream! The ex has been someone who has had difficulty expressing himself emotionally and kinda think he really wanted more out of his life and thought that life her in the bahamas would be kinda like driving thru a dead end. I totally understand that and forgive him. He actually visited once but I was afraid to see him. Hopefully with our counselling we will continue on this joyous path. Most of our arguments are about money so that's sumthin we can work on. (I'm a shopaholic)lol Link to post Share on other sites
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