Ajax Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 I'll be the first to admit that I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm 27, and though I've dated, I've only been in four serious relationships. In all but the last one I knew deep down that this was not the person I'd want to spend the rest of my life with, so when the end came I was hurt but not completely devestated. I always subscribed to the idea that the right person would come along at the right time and that I'd know her when I saw her. I'd feel it. When my last girlfriend came along I felt it immediately. She was everything that I'd been waiting for. Our connection was deep and we just clicked. We had many of the same interests, values, and dreams. It was so easy being with her. She's been gone over two months now and I still miss her, but I also miss having someone to share my life with. I miss having someone to talk to every night. I miss having someone to share meals with. I miss having someone to hold. I miss having someone whose eyes I can look in, and then smile because we know what the other is thinking. I know everyone says that I'm young and have my whole life ahead of me to find that again, but I still feel like I won't have that connection with someone again. I'm not the most outgoing person. Most of my closest friends have moved out of state for work. The rest are so caught up in their own marriages and relationships that I rarely see them anyway. Even though people tell me I'll find someone new, I feel like with my ex girlfriend I've lost something that I'll never get back. I'll never feel the same way about someone else. Even when I do find someone else, even if I think they're the right one for me, I'll remember how I thought that before. I was wrong, and I'll be wrong again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Don Ho Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 Bro, you said it yourself. You're 27. Yes, they are right, you do have your WHOLE life to find A "right" woman and have the life you want with her. I know from reading your posts you've really been hurting and struggling. Sorry, there's no easy or quick fix. Hang in there Bro and do your best to move forward. Hanging on to the past and analyzing every aspect of your relationship with your Ex will only continue your anguish longer. BTW Bro, I don't subscribe to the idea that each person has only "One" person they will love and have a great relationship with. There are literally millions of eligible women on the planet. Surely there is not just "one" for you or anyone. If you were married to your "perfect" woman today and, God forbid, she was killed in a car accident, at some point later you would find another great love. I think letting go of the idea that there is only "one" right person for each person will help you move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
br0ken_w0lf Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 Wow. Your post largely echoes my own experience (I ended a couple of early relationships as I felt like they weren't the person I wanted to be with long-term, then recognized that spark immediately with my now ex-wife). Again, the connection was there, it was effortless, etc. She left. 3 years later, I come home to no one (except my dogs, thank God I have them), spend almost every weekend alone (really close friends are on the other end of the country and I'm less than effective at making new ones), and - the worst part - I'm becoming more and more comfortable with being alone because I'm largely convinced that I won't have the same connection with anyone either. But we're not meant to be alone and to go from sharing everything with someone to nothing is... well, extremely difficult as well as unnatural. It's hard to retrain your brain and your heart... I don't have any profound words of wisdom but I would ask you to take solace in the fact that you *are* 27 despite already hearing it from others. It doesn't make the experience any less painful at all, but starting over at 27 is highly preferable to starting over when you're pushing 40 (trust me). BTW, your last two sentences really hit home with me - that's a big part of the struggle for the future, rebuilding trust and believing in the possibilities. There are folks on here who have gone through hell and found themselves in a better situation down the road (Confused9 jumps to mind) so it can be done. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 I had what you had once. I met him when I was almost 27 and we dated until I was 31. He was the greatest love I've ever had. It's been 9 years and I've dated, but nobody comes close. I haven't truly loved anyone else. I'm 40 and wonder if I'll find a SO again. I don't mean to post this to depress you. I want to share that I did find great love within myself and my friendships. Since being single, I've become an adventurer. And an artist. Had I not been alone, I wouldn't have tapped into the great energy and talent within me. I admit when I go to sleep, I only have my stuffed animals in bed with me. But I have such a great trust and love in myself, far greater than I had with my serious boyfriend. I know this must sound like total crap, but try to follow your passions and dreams and possibly new paths will emerge. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ajax Posted October 21, 2010 Author Share Posted October 21, 2010 Bro, you said it yourself. You're 27. Yes, they are right, you do have your WHOLE life to find A "right" woman and have the life you want with her. Intellectually I know this, I just don't feel like it'll happen sometimes. But reading other posts on here I see how quickly things turn around for people sometimes. Hopefully my turn will come! Link to post Share on other sites
valpre Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 but reading other posts on here I see how quickly things turn around for people sometimes. Hopefully my turn will come! Reminds me of this song Ajax.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9_H9AWwQOs Turn Turn Turn Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 Intellectually I know this, I just don't feel like it'll happen sometimes. But reading other posts on here I see how quickly things turn around for people sometimes. Hopefully my turn will come! Yes, that is true. But a lot of those quick turn arounds are back here a few months later completely shattered once again. The key is to improve yourself and once that happens, you'll find someone. You've just got to keep putting yourself out there. You can't fear getting hurt and rejection. However, it is counter to how our minds work. If we burn ourselves on a hot stove, the pain tells us not to do that again. Yet, the pain of losing a relationship cannot tell us to never do that again because before the pain there was great joy. To feel bad after losing someone, they had to make you feel good and you will find someone new who makes you feel even better. Link to post Share on other sites
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