i died today

[2themoon&back]

This probably true in more cases than not, but I think it depends upon the individual circumstances. If the MM knowingly deceived the OW and gets caught then yes, he is a zero. I think it is perfectly fine for thw OW to vent about it if it helps her get past the pain. They need to in order to heal.

 

Yes, being involved in an A is a messy situation especially if there is a D-Day...no doubt. I've known many people who never thought they would end up in an A and they did. And when it ended they were devastated. They learned a hard lesson and came out of it a different person. And there were points during their healing where they said the MM was a POS. If it helps them heal and they are not out to hurt anyone, what's wrong with saying those thing? They need to think that way to get through it. Sure, it's not a perfect situation, but it happens and the person has to deal with the pain in the best way they can. In many cases, the OW gets thrown under the bus and they are left feeling devastated and angry. Angry at the MM and mostly angry at themselves for ending up in the situation to begin with.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is all part of the healing process. I think in many cases, where true love is involved, once the OW gets past the pain she feels sorry for the MM that he resorted to cheating instead of dealing with the issues of the M honestly.

 

 

 

Very nicely done and right on point !!!

[steelknife]

im a bit touchy now. but what the heck. in our search for healing, i thnk rough patches are part of it. im gonna see a therapist but i thnk posting here somehow helped me. regardless of unkind remarks.

 

it just made me realized that the reason i am so devastated is that i trusted too much. and the reason why im not as angry to xmm i should be is that, partly, i am to blame. or maybe, i just deal with my anger in a different way.

 

in my entire life of existence, ive never been shamed this way. and the longer and further i get away from him, the more i realized i was used, been duped. it was very convenient for him. i was there, willing, ready, able and inlove. and even if i dont want to admit it to myself now because i insist he loved me and i too him, seriously, it is becoming clear; i was convenient.

 

and that is the pain i have to deal now. it hurts me that he has to hurt me to find himself and his marriage. it hurts me that he has gone on livng with his life, just pick up where he left off. and im here, lost and shattered and nowhere to go. it hurts me, that i believed something good (depends on ones' definition and whose point of view) will come out of it. i know it will end, i just didnt think the end would also make me die.

(will come back, have to go somewhere)

[East7]

LOL...that thought always goes through MY mind when I read this same nonsense over and over here. A MM is God's gift to womenkind if he chooses to leave his wife/marriage/family to be with his OW. Why, he's almost a hero.

 

WIB let me tell you the OP point of view :

In this case, hero or not, it means that a MM has chosen THE TRUTH OVER A LIE (his M is based upon a lie, his A is the reality of his emotional attachment)...He had the b*lls to make a CHOICE before getting caught. The choice not to cheat anymore and not to be a cake-eater and that what's honorable. The choice to let his W free to find a man that loves her and is faithful to her.

(This is valid for MW as well.)

 

But if he behaves like the majority of them always DO when they're caught with their pants down - i.e., begging the wife for forgiveness and promising to dump his OW - then he's suddenly a spineless, cheating piece of crap and his wife deserves the little weasel.

 

Because in this 2nd case he has put himself in an ugly situation, acting with cowardice, like a little boy caught in fault asking for forgiveness...and probably lying to his W it was OW's fault because she seduced him so he had to dump her to get free form that 'Mmen predator'.

So he chooses to hurt the feelings of a woman that genuinely loved him for returning to a wife he has no respect for (and IMO that he doesn't truly love)

How is that kind of man a hero to your eyes WIB ?

[BB07]

im a bit touchy now. but what the heck. in our search for healing, i thnk rough patches are part of it. im gonna see a therapist but i thnk posting here somehow helped me. regardless of unkind remarks.

 

it just made me realized that the reason i am so devastated is that i trusted too much. and the reason why im not as angry to xmm i should be is that, partly, i am to blame. or maybe, i just deal with my anger in a different way.

 

in my entire life of existence, ive never been shamed this way. and the longer and further i get away from him, the more i realized i was used, been duped. it was very convenient for him. i was there, willing, ready, able and inlove. and even if i dont want to admit it to myself now because i insist he loved me and i too him, seriously, it is becoming clear; i was convenient.

 

and that is the pain i have to deal now. it hurts me that he has to hurt me to find himself and his marriage. it hurts me that he has gone on livng with his life, just pick up where he left off. and im here, lost and shattered and nowhere to go. it hurts me, that i believed something good (depends on ones' definition and whose point of view) will come out of it. i know it will end, i just didnt think the end would also make me die.

(will come back, have to go somewhere)

 

You are NOT going to die, you are going to come out a survivor........not a victim, but a survivor, don't forget that.

 

We all have to grieve endings steelknife but yet we all are responsible for ourselves and we HAVE to pick ourselves up off our azz and get on with life and if we are smart we learn from the experience and we acknowledge what part we allowed ourselves to play in it. All relationships are a risk but a relationship that involves someone who is already committed to someone else involves risk that is off the charts and there is hardly ever a good result as you can see from reading here and elsewhere. Most of the time it is so not worth it......the pain is so much more than in other normal relationships because we lose our self respect and our dignity and we have to look at what part we played in hurting other innocent people and it's a hard thing to face, but you have to hon and you can.

[spice4life]

im a bit touchy now. but what the heck. in our search for healing, i thnk rough patches are part of it. im gonna see a therapist but i thnk posting here somehow helped me. regardless of unkind remarks.

 

it just made me realized that the reason i am so devastated is that i trusted too much. and the reason why im not as angry to xmm i should be is that, partly, i am to blame. or maybe, i just deal with my anger in a different way.

 

in my entire life of existence, ive never been shamed this way. and the longer and further i get away from him, the more i realized i was used, been duped. it was very convenient for him. i was there, willing, ready, able and inlove. and even if i dont want to admit it to myself now because i insist he loved me and i too him, seriously, it is becoming clear; i was convenient.

 

and that is the pain i have to deal now. it hurts me that he has to hurt me to find himself and his marriage. it hurts me that he has gone on livng with his life, just pick up where he left off. and im here, lost and shattered and nowhere to go. it hurts me, that i believed something good (depends on ones' definition and whose point of view) will come out of it. i know it will end, i just didnt think the end would also make me die.

(will come back, have to go somewhere)

 

Take the good with you that you are learning here and ignore the ones who feel the need to be mean. Don't worry, steelknife, you have A LOT people here in YOUR corner.

[TurboGirl]

Now is the time you have to reach deep down inside of yourself and find the strength to pick it up and move on. You can do it! There are so many great things to experience in this world and you will find someone worthy.

Trust me.

[2themoon&back]

WIB let me tell you the OP point of view :

In this case, hero or not, it means that a MM has chosen THE TRUTH OVER A LIE (his M is based upon a lie, his A is the reality of his emotional attachment)...He had the b*lls to make a CHOICE before getting caught. The choice not to cheat anymore and not to be a cake-eater and that what's honorable. The choice to let his W free to find a man that loves her and is faithful to her.

(This is valid for MW as well.)

 

 

 

Because in this 2nd case he has put himself in an ugly situation, acting with cowardice, like a little boy caught in fault asking for forgiveness...and probably lying to his W it was OW's fault because she seduced him so he had to dump her to get free form that 'Mmen predator'.

So he chooses to hurt the feelings of a woman that genuinely loved him for returning to a wife he has no respect for (and IMO that he doesn't truly love)

How is that kind of man a hero to your eyes WIB ?

 

I absolutely agree with you!

[steelknife]

thank you all for your support. i get strength from you insights and past experiences. however, one post really made me more depressed. how can i get out of this and to the other side in one piece. i just dont k now anymore how to pick up the broken pieces and start all over again.

 

i know one thing; i will never allow this to happen to me again. i have so much work to do. i need to gain back my dignity. my self worth. but before i can even do that, i have to totally accept that what has been done is done the way it was and ther is nothing i can do to change it. i dont have anything to do with him or his bs anymore. what they do does not concern me anymore.

 

i have to rely on myself. i have to move on. i have to help myself.

[East7]

i know one thing; i will never allow this to happen to me again. i have so much work to do. i need to gain back my dignity. my self worth. but before i can even do that, i have to totally accept that what has been done is done the way it was and ther is nothing i can do to change it. i dont have anything to do with him or his bs anymore. what they do does not concern me anymore.

 

i have to rely on myself. i have to move on. i have to help myself.

 

If I can help here are some statements that help me to move on :

 

1. An A is a second-class relationship, no matter how much feelings involved. So next time I will not accept any less than a decent, first-class, full-time relationship.

 

2. Having accepted an A is having sold your heart too cheap for some crumbs of pleasure to be with MM/MW.

 

3. Sharing the person that you love is one of the most humiliating experience in one's life. The MM/MW is actually cheating both partners, the OP that he says he loves and the BS who he gave a ring to. Both are victims of the same cake-eater.

 

4. An A is settling for a half-life while the MM/MW is having a life and a half.

 

5. When you put in balance, The longing, the wait and the chronic sadness in an A always overweights the amount of love (or happy moments) that is received. Once the A is over, you don't have to worry if he is going to divorce or not, what he is doing in bed with his W, if they go in vacations together, what excuses he has to make to spend a limited time with you etc etc. All what is poisoning your life is over.

 

(sorry for the bolds )

[steelknife]

the hardest part of me at this very moment is accepting that i was left on my own. with what we shared, what he said, waht we had- the way he treated me after dday was like, just unbelievable. how can someone i believe he was to me, do that to me?

 

more and more i am looking at this at the right perspective and there are a lot of lessons learned. ive seen all others here and have read their post. and ive seen that they have survived, i know i will. i just cant cut short this process of healing. i never have the urge to call him, the whole time in our relationship. i nevr did. but i just never left. he would always find me where he left me. it is just very different now, i have to move on... whatever i feel (jilted, duped, used, hurt) i dont know anymore which was is true now. i am very overwhelmed i need to back out and take a long look at myself and where it brought me (nowhere) and i have to let them be. just let him go. if only i can bring myself to where i used to be in the affair, i woudl understand him. but i cant - he became a stranger and it made me a different person too.

 

he was never strong enough to let me go. but i guess faced with a choice of losing his family, he had to make a decision. and i thought i knew that, i thouight i accepted that.

 

one movie said that like clothes you select everyday, you do that to your thoughts. i should do that. but have you all felt what it feels like to be alive, walking, working, eating but nothing? how long will i go like this? ive deleted all his messages, his contact numbers. it is all gone. im not scared i might call or text him, i wont. it is not my style in our relationship. and he knew that.

 

ill do my very best. all my best to become the person i used to be. i thank you for all the encouragment. i will be hovering around.

[Angel1111]

Sometimes we just have to admit that we had a lapse in judgement and that it backfired on us in a big way. We don't want the lesson, we don't want to get over it, and we don't want to hurt. There just seems to be no way around it. The healing process is no fun at all. I'm sorry you're going through it but the pain will stop. That's an absolute fact.

[steelknife]

Sometimes we just have to admit that we had a lapse in judgement and that it backfired on us in a big way. We don't want the lesson, we don't want to get over it, and we don't want to hurt. There just seems to be no way around it. The healing process is no fun at all. I'm sorry you're going through it but the pain will stop. That's an absolute fact.

 

 

i know what you mean. sometimes it will make us a better person in the end. i know i need to snap out of this depression im currently going through. i am trying so hard to accept that it is over. IT IS. i know it is. i just can not come into terms with how he treated me. i cant accept the fact that i am this easy to discard. to let go. if he feels that way, then how come i am so pained and hurt and bitter?????

 

when will i snap out of this? i feel angry and bitter and jilted. and used. and stupid.

[BB07]

i know what you mean. sometimes it will make us a better person in the end. i know i need to snap out of this depression im currently going through. i am trying so hard to accept that it is over. IT IS. i know it is. i just can not come into terms with how he treated me. i cant accept the fact that i am this easy to discard. to let go. if he feels that way, then how come i am so pained and hurt and bitter?????

 

when will i snap out of this? i feel angry and bitter and jilted. and used. and stupid.

 

It's OK to feel the way you do and you should, but there comes a point in time when you have to help yourself.

He treated you very badly........you can't change that, but YOU have to pick up and go on.

[kchiapet95]

This post very nearly brings me to tears.

 

Honey, I was you 3 years ago. It was that long ago? Yes it was, I can't believe it. Reading this post brings it all back like it was yesterday.

 

I got pregnant by MM, had a miscarriage. He left me, treated me like I was nothing. I have never heard from him since.

 

I thought I would NEVER be able to get over the pain. And I never have. But I learned to live with it. I got stronger and I moved on. I had a baby, who is 14 months old now. And every now and then I still think of MM and the kids. I wonder if he thinks of me. And then I shake my head at how little I settled for. The scraps of a man's time and affection, when I deserved so much more.

 

You deserve to be someone's one and only. You deserve to come first in someone's life.

 

I know it hurts badly right now and nothing any of us say will fix it today. But tomorrow it'll get a little better. And the next day and the next. Until a year passes. And each year that passes, the memory will get a little more distant. You will make new memories, better ones. I promise you. Because it happened to me.

[2themoon&back]

the hardest part of me at this very moment is accepting that i was left on my own. with what we shared, what he said, waht we had- the way he treated me after dday was like, just unbelievable. how can someone i believe he was to me, do that to me?

 

more and more i am looking at this at the right perspective and there are a lot of lessons learned. ive seen all others here and have read their post. and ive seen that they have survived, i know i will. i just cant cut short this process of healing. i never have the urge to call him, the whole time in our relationship. i nevr did. but i just never left. he would always find me where he left me. it is just very different now, i have to move on... whatever i feel (jilted, duped, used, hurt) i dont know anymore which was is true now. i am very overwhelmed i need to back out and take a long look at myself and where it brought me (nowhere) and i have to let them be. just let him go. if only i can bring myself to where i used to be in the affair, i woudl understand him. but i cant - he became a stranger and it made me a different person too.

 

he was never strong enough to let me go. but i guess faced with a choice of losing his family, he had to make a decision. and i thought i knew that, i thouight i accepted that.

 

one movie said that like clothes you select everyday, you do that to your thoughts. i should do that. but have you all felt what it feels like to be alive, walking, working, eating but nothing? how long will i go like this? ive deleted all his messages, his contact numbers. it is all gone. im not scared i might call or text him, i wont. it is not my style in our relationship. and he knew that.

 

ill do my very best. all my best to become the person i used to be. i thank you for all the encouragment. i will be hovering around.

 

 

You will never be the person you were before this happened to you...with that said, that does not mean you will not be a whole person again, because you will! And you might even be better...but it will not happen today or even tomorrow but it will happen.

 

Just when you think you have lots your entire mind and you are at the very bottom of life, you will wake up one morning and your mind will be thinking differently and then it will happen again and sooner or later you will swim back up to the top to catch your breath and settle into the life you have now after the A.

 

What you are going through really truly sucks, believe me I have tried to stop time till I was ready to deal with the pain, but the pain just came anyway and I had to go with it and still am. I don't know how long it will take but the sooner you just take baby steps at being ok being in pain, just be where you are and stop thinking you may need to be somewhere else, you will get there ... I promise !!!

[Mino]

Sorry for your pain... But you need to look at this differently, You now need to say "you accept" Then and only then will a rebirth occur. I felt like I had died again and again over a 5 year period. Read my story, Stop telling yourself your the victim! Stop acting like one, be strong.! I know you can find the strength from within. It was the day I said I accept, that was the day my chains fell off! I felt all of a sudden no more pain. Amazing how you can change how you feel, its all between your ears... TRy It, Say I accept that you (mm name ) are gone....feel it, believe it, and you will see : ) good luck

Edited November 3, 2010 by Mino

[Ellin]

Sorry for your pain... But you need to look at this differently, You now need to say "you accept" Then and only then will a rebirth occur. I felt like I had died again and again over a 5 year period. Read my story, Stop telling yourself your the victim! Stop acting like one, be strong.! I know you can find the strength from within. It was the day I said I accept, that was the day my chains fell off! I felt all of a sudden no more pain. Amazing how you can change how you feel, its all between your ears... TRy It, Say I accept that you (mm name ) are gone....feel it, believe it, and you will see : ) good luck

 

Wow, Mino... What an inspiring post. I'm going to save it.

[Mino]

Amazing is how quick that happened. My mm had moved back home for the 3 time. I finally had enough, I was crushed to say the least, Again he came knocking at my door, said he made a mistake again, This after 7 days or so. I sat him down, told him I understand, I knew he loved me, but I also knew at that point he was "weak" and had no strength and courage to complete the process. I held his hand and told him I will finally accept this, that we were not meant to be.... Then I escorted him right out the door. That night, instead of crawling into bed to cry for the next 5 days and nights, I went out... And kept going out... and out:o Until I actually met someone new... I started to fall in love again:love: My mm started noticing the difference, He pursued me for 11 months, this time, he filed for D, moved out, He kept at it, while I was dating.... Until D day. I could not keep pushing away.... I had to decide... Today... we are together.. Its been a long road.. I still try to figure out how I got lost in all this mess. What I learned is to have tighter boundries... Much tighter.. Are we going to make it? Thats a question only the Gods know. Life has settled in, he is not the person I thought he was... much more simplier, boring in his own way... But we are putting in all our efforts to make it work this time... Very very different then all the other times... This time, I had hugh broundries in place, he had a lot of " proving" to do, and all papers had to be filed... Girls, the lesson I learned is also " dont stop living... he has a wife and as long as that is the case, go out and date! Dont let him be your number one till he earns it... You will see if you put him on "second " spot, how quick he will respond to be your number One! You will save yourself years!! Trust me on this one... and if he does not respond, he was not worth it any way:rolleyes:

Edited November 4, 2010 by Mino

[steelknife]

Sorry for your pain... But you need to look at this differently, You now need to say "you accept" Then and only then will a rebirth occur. I felt like I had died again and again over a 5 year period. Read my story, Stop telling yourself your the victim! Stop acting like one, be strong.! I know you can find the strength from within. It was the day I said I accept, that was the day my chains fell off! I felt all of a sudden no more pain. Amazing how you can change how you feel, its all between your ears... TRy It, Say I accept that you (mm name ) are gone....feel it, believe it, and you will see : ) good luck

 

 

thank you very much for your word of encouragement. to all of you. thank you. i am currently in a place whre i still thnk of him and i miss him. but whats the point of all this? this will not help me. and i would like to thnk that he has moved on himself.. i also have to.

what ever the cause, the reason, the questions. no more point. its all over. OVER.

 

ill be alright.

[Angel1111]

It would be so great if we could all move on that quickly. I think you're expecting too much of yourself. It takes a while to break that emotional tie but you will get through it.

 

The other thing, Steel, is that you need to be aware of how often the xMM contacts the xOW. Please prepare yourself for this because even though it's over in your mind, a simple phone call from him can turn it all around. If you're not prepared for what you will say and do, then it can catch you off-guard.

 

I hope you're doing better today. Hugs.

[steelknife]

It would be so great if we could all move on that quickly. I think you're expecting too much of yourself. It takes a while to break that emotional tie but you will get through it.

 

The other thing, Steel, is that you need to be aware of how often the xMM contacts the xOW. Please prepare yourself for this because even though it's over in your mind, a simple phone call from him can turn it all around. If you're not prepared for what you will say and do, then it can catch you off-guard.

 

I hope you're doing better today. Hugs.

 

 

i thank you for your word of encouragement and yes. YES!!! i wish i can move on very quickly but i know i cant. the only way to the other side is through it and i cant cut it short. but how i wish. the pain, longing and hurt, just unbearable. and i keep changing my mind, one day i say,oh he has move on and has forgotten me, fine then. the next day, i would thnk and believe that, in his words; " i will really have a hard time, but i will do my best" ( to let me go.) and the next, like, a-hol. is this how fast you can forget me? oh the pain. but undeniably, i feel better each day. even for just a tiny bit.. it does get better...

 

ive thought of that. when and if he contacts me. which i doubt, ive blocked him from my cp, i dont thnk he knows my email. i dont have fb. and im thinkng of moving to another house. if he tries very very hard, he might find me. but then, what has he got to say that i havent heard? ive gotten into this affair knowingly. i was conscious and coherent and it was a decision i was not forced into. i knew the moral issues, the consequences. but nothing, nothing prepared me for the actual dday..and i will never allow myself to go through that again. the humiliation. duh.

 

i guess my feelings comes from total disbelief since i can not connect it with the way he treated me and the way we were to each other. up to now, disbelief- he can leave me just like this. i knew he love me and i truly believe that. the whole time we were together, he never wavered. but well.. with the choice he made, obviously, it wasnt enough.

 

it is over and ive accepted that. ive given my best- and well, this is just the way it is. im jsut disappointed because i trusted too much. but then, i am as much to be blamed. my common sense went down the drain...

 

i still thnk of him. actually, often. but i will myself to stop. i thnk of them getting chummy and working on their marriage. thats fine. but why does it have to be at my expense...? i dont know anymore what to thnk of him, or to make out of the real him. things does not make sense anymore. and i altogether try to avoid rationalization. waht could will it make me. facts are there for me to see.

 

he will never find me. he wont. and trying to do better each day.. lately i noticed, ive come out a little from the self imposed retreat i was on..my appetite has come back. and i feel the load on my shoulder has lessen a wee bit. im not yet there. but am on my way...ill be alright eventually. thank you. LS posters have really helped me.

Edited November 5, 2010 by steelknife

[Angel1111]

I think the mistake that we make in these circumstances is to believe that if it comes down to the brass tacks, then it's us they love so it's us they will choose. It only makes sense. But a wise man once told me that 'there are different kinds of love'. xMM loves you in a very real sense but he also loves his family, his responsibilities, his reputation, and his money. These are all valid things, too.

 

This isn't a normal situation where you were dating someone who was single like you. There were too many factors, too many variables, and it was a huge gamble. The way I look at my situation now is that I'm happy to be away from the whole thing. If nothing else, I feel a huge sense of relief from being away from the situation. Not so much xMM, but the situation -- and he is part of that equation unfortunately. I hope you'll come to realize at some point that you're better off in the long run. For the longest time, all I did was think about xMM - he consumed almost my every thought. That's just the way it is when we lose someone we love. Don't forget to think of the good things that have come from this.

[East7]

I think the mistake that we make in these circumstances is to believe that if it comes down to the brass tacks, then it's us they love so it's us they will choose. It only makes sense. But a wise man once told me that 'there are different kinds of love'. xMM loves you in a very real sense but he also loves his family, his responsibilities, his reputation, and his money. These are all valid things, too. .

 

I think this kind of indulgence is plain weakness. It is justifying the other person for having been dumped. You would almost tell him 'thank you'. That's not having self-respect.

 

When you love your family and have responsibilities you stick with it and don't play with other people's feelings, that's called "using people" and it is ugly, there is no excuse to that.

[steelknife]

I think this kind of indulgence is plain weakness. It is justifying the other person for having been dumped. You would almost tell him 'thank you'. That's not having self-respect.

 

When you love your family and have responsibilities you stick with it and don't play with other people's feelings, that's called "using people" and it is ugly, there is no excuse to that.

 

 

you have a point here. i feel used. but the sad thing that i also have to come in terms with is that, i allowed it. i jsut never saw it until dday. i am angry at him, angry at myself. there is nothing tangible to hang on to except for some realization that it was all a, joke. a game. and it is over. so easy for him to let me go and here i am, a wreck. lost. i cant understand why he had go on living and i am here still down on the floor. what did i really mean to him? questions like that haunt me. at night, for fleeting seconds at work. i feel used. i was used.

 

i sincerely honestly genuinely love him. and i feel that i was tricked into believing he felt the same. i tricked myself. but quoting angel1111 " But a wise man once told me that 'there are different kinds of love'" maybe i was loved because i was convenient.

 

ijsut wanna get over this painful experience. ther is a lot of soul searching and pain here. a lot..how i can come out of this rubbles a better person, i cant say. but i look forward to the day when there is no more pain..

[ladydesigner]

you have a point here. i feel used. but the sad thing that i also have to come in terms with is that, i allowed it. i jsut never saw it until dday. i am angry at him, angry at myself. there is nothing tangible to hang on to except for some realization that it was all a, joke. a game. and it is over. so easy for him to let me go and here i am, a wreck. lost. i cant understand why he had go on living and i am here still down on the floor. what did i really mean to him? questions like that haunt me. at night, for fleeting seconds at work. i feel used. i was used.

 

i sincerely honestly genuinely love him. and i feel that i was tricked into believing he felt the same. i tricked myself. but quoting angel1111 " But a wise man once told me that 'there are different kinds of love'" maybe i was loved because i was convenient.

 

ijsut wanna get over this painful experience. ther is a lot of soul searching and pain here. a lot..how i can come out of this rubbles a better person, i cant say. but i look forward to the day when there is no more pain..

 

When I read your post it really brings me back to when my XAP ended with me. I was so focused on the feeling used, rejected, tossed away, I didn't mean anything, it was all a game, and on and on. I didn't even miss him I was so focused on the utter devastation of feeling used and like you said and that I allowed it. Although in my sitch you could say I was using him too since I was the married one (but in my heart I did not feel like I was using him).

 

My XAP had a long-term 5 year relationship with his gf, he ended saying that his feelings for her turned out to be a lot stronger than he had thought. Ouch. Anyways the pain did lessen for me, but I still cannot believe how it just went from one day to the next. He was a different person, I was blindsided by his response. I would have much rather he had been truthful all along in that this A was going to go NOWHERE. This A started that way and then he started to open up with his feelings to me. At first I resisted and then let myself fall for him. Then wham all of a sudden he was gone..vanished...feelings and everything just gone. He apologized to me and said sorry if he led me on:mad:. He was the first to say I Love You. The first to start talking like we should be together. He seemed way more invested than myself. They were all just words in the end and no action. A HUGE lesson learned for me. You are not alone in these feelings and they suck big time. I still deal with the feeling of being rejected 2 and 1/2 years later.

 

I hope we all find peace. (((Big hugs to you sweetie)))