Man ways of showing love?

[mysticalady]

Hi there is this guy who I fell in love with a few months after I met him.

 

He never says I love you, but he talks about having children together..

 

For me I think alot of the attraction is that he dosent say I love you, as most men I have dated do, within 3 months..

 

We are soulmates we both think.. But he still wont tell me he loves me..

 

We are planning to go to USA together for 2 weeks oh his holidays..

 

We both know that we will spend the rest of our lives together.

 

But why wont he tell me he loves me.. He has asked that I move in with him and go to America with him.

 

Can that be a way of a man showing love? Or is he not in love with me?

[Eeyore79]

I had a similar sort of situation with my ex. He took me to meet his parents, he brought me flowers, he said he wanted a long term relationship and wasn't going anywhere - but he never said the L word. In the end I got fed up and after several months I just asked him outright if he loved me - he said no

 

He explained that he thought I was a lovely girl, and he felt that in time he might grow to love me, so he was sort of going through the motions of a relationship. I was the type of girl he wanted with his head, not with his heart - logically I was a good catch, but emotionally he just wasn't feeling it.

 

I was extremely upset, but I wasn't willing to settle for someone who thought of me as just "a nice girl" and "a good catch" - I wanted someone who was head over heels in love with me. So I dumped him, despite the fact that I genuinely loved him; there was no point in me loving him if he didn't love me back.

 

The whole thing has made me feel kind of wary about relationships, because I've learned that it's perfectly possible for a man to act like the perfect boyfriend but feel nothing for you at all. Now I really find it difficult to judge a man's feelings, because I was totally wrong in thinking that this guy loved me, despite him giving what I thought were the right signs.

[tnttim]

Being a man, I can say that saying "I love you" is very overrated for us, like Valentines day. What about the other 364 days of the year? I think if he shows you love, isn't that better. I mean, he can be very abusive and say I love you all the time, but is that love? Actions speak louder than words, always will!

[BlackLovely]

Hi there is this guy who I fell in love with a few months after I met him.

 

He never says I love you, but he talks about having children together..

 

For me I think alot of the attraction is that he dosent say I love you, as most men I have dated do, within 3 months..

 

We are soulmates we both think.. But he still wont tell me he loves me..

 

We are planning to go to USA together for 2 weeks oh his holidays..

 

We both know that we will spend the rest of our lives together.

 

But why wont he tell me he loves me.. He has asked that I move in with him and go to America with him.

 

Can that be a way of a man showing love? Or is he not in love with me?

 

Everybody gives and receives loves in their own ways, male or female.

 

It can feel like your man doesn't love you, if he doesn't express it the way you like it.

 

My husband has learned to express love verbally and with affection. He grew up in a very cold family, whereas I grew up with hugs and kisses galore. I have learned to express appreciation when he does things for me, since he expresses love by doing whatever he can to help.

 

I don't think that you and he can be "in love" so quickly. I think you are confusing limerence with love. How can you be talking about spending your lives together after only a few months???

[lucylove]

when a man is in love, he makes it obvious in every way, including through verbal professions of love. yes love can and must be demonstrated through actions, but love is never something a man leaves a woman to "assume." he makes it obvious, unless she has done something to hurt him and he fears appearing vulnerable. so most likely, he thinks well of a possible future but is not in love.

that said, it doesn't sound as if you have been together that long and it does sound like you are far apart. perhaps you should give it a few more months and see what unfolds? are you in a rush? hold back and play along. don't put all of your eggs into this one basket yet and see how it plays out. i think you have slight reason for caution seeing as how he is calling you his soulmate and wants to live together yet won't say the L word. but full blown alarm would be an overreaction. stay cool for now.

[lucylove]

Being a man, I can say that saying "I love you" is very overrated for us, like Valentines day. What about the other 364 days of the year? I think if he shows you love, isn't that better. I mean, he can be very abusive and say I love you all the time, but is that love? Actions speak louder than words, always will!

 

so being a man, you wouldn't do all that was possible, including the verbal expression of three words, in order to assure the object of your love that you did indeed love her? i mean be honest. a man in love doesn't refrain from saying so. he wants his woman to KNOW she is loved, and he leaves no doubts in her mind, because he can't bear giving her a reason (no matter how tiny) to think someone else might care more about her.

[LiveWell]

We both know that we will spend the rest of our lives together.

 

This statement renders the rest of your post moot.

[carhill]

OP, is the guy this one? Just trying to get the who and when straight.

 

Besides telling her I loved her, I often showed my ex-wife my feelings by doing such small things as bringing her coffee and/or breakfast in bed or giving her foot baths after a long day (or week) in the salon. Small items of personal care and service.

[taiko]

Men show love by going to work everyday and making sure his loved ones are physically cared for. Everything else is just to meet someone elses expectations.

[Feelin Frisky]

so being a man, you wouldn't do all that was possible, including the verbal expression of three words, in order to assure the object of your love that you did indeed love her? i mean be honest. a man in love doesn't refrain from saying so. he wants his woman to KNOW she is loved, and he leaves no doubts in her mind, because he can't bear giving her a reason (no matter how tiny) to think someone else might care more about her.

 

Therein lies the rub. As a man, I find it essential to express love because I feel it and not because someone else can't see it enough that they have to be told. It's emotionally burdensome to not just feel and express your own feelings when and how they happen and instead accomodate someone else's insecurities. If I give a woman flowers for instance, I want it to be my idea from jump because I feel she is really being so love-worthy that I want to express my joy with having her as my mate. Conversely I get angy and disgusted if she says things like "I thought you were going to bring me flowers" or some such. It takes all the freaking joy out of doing so--it ruins flowers completely as a gesture of my feelings. It's like OK here's your effen flowers, happy now? That's no fun--and it sure ain't spontaneous fluid and natural love. It's coersion.

 

I can't say what's in the OP's guy's mind because everyone has their own feelings and boundaries. But expressing love is only meaningful when it is SHOWN--not SAID. Showing is the meat, saying is the gravy.

[lucylove]

Therein lies the rub. As a man, I find it essential to express love because I feel it and not because someone else can't see it enough that they have to be told. It's emotionally burdensome to not just feel and express your own feelings when and how they happen and instead accomodate someone else's insecurities. If I give a woman flowers for instance, I want it to be my idea from jump because I feel she is really being so love-worthy that I want to express my joy with having her as my mate. Conversely I get angy and disgusted if she says things like "I thought you were going to bring me flowers" or some such. It takes all the freaking joy out of doing so--it ruins flowers completely as a gesture of my feelings. It's like OK here's your effen flowers, happy now? That's no fun--and it sure ain't spontaneous fluid and natural love. It's coersion.

 

I can't say what's in the OP's guy's mind because everyone has their own feelings and boundaries. But expressing love is only meaningful when it is SHOWN--not SAID. Showing is the meat, saying is the gravy.

 

well that isn't what i am saying. i am not arguing that genuine love is expressed out of passion as opposed to obligation. duty is really the opposite of love. i am saying that if a man feels it, he says it, and he does it, and he wants her to KNOW it. that has nothing to do with accommodating ill founded insecurity, or insecurity on any terms.

i want my spouse to know i love him. i don't think he doubts me; but i feel it and i want to demonstrate. demonstration always indicates a desire to make something known. that doesn't at all translate to a sensitive response to insecurity.

EDIT: and i do suppose that unconsciously breaks down to a survival mechanism to keep love alive. i mean, love would effectively die if we never felt the need demonstrate (as a result of feeling). if i never express love, that does give my spouse grounds to suspect his needs are not being met and he might get love elsewhere. that does not mean i consciously sit there and think, well if i don't do this my relationship will gradually erode over time, therefore i ought to.. but every human impulse has a natural reason to it; the peculiarities of healthy love are not devoid of survival motives... i don't think.

Edited October 23, 2010 by lucylove

[Feelin Frisky]

well that isn't what i am saying. i am not arguing that genuine love is expressed out of passion as opposed to obligation. duty is really the opposite of love. i am saying that if a man feels it, he says it, and he does it, and he wants her to KNOW it. that has nothing to do with accommodating ill founded insecurity, or insecurity on any terms.

i want my spouse to know i love him. i don't think he doubts me; but i feel it and i want to demonstrate. demonstration always indicates a desire to make something known. that doesn't at all translate to a sensitive response to insecurity.

EDIT: and i do suppose that unconsciously breaks down to a survival mechanism to keep love alive. i mean, love would effectively die if we never felt the need demonstrate (as a result of feeling). if i never express love, that does give my spouse grounds to suspect his needs are not being met and he might get love elsewhere. that does not mean i consciously sit there and think, well if i don't do this my relationship will gradually erode over time, therefore i ought to.. but every human impulse has a natural reason to it; the peculiarities of healthy love are not devoid of survival motives... i don't think.

Sorry if my post seemed like it was body-slamming you. I could see how one might feel that--not saying that you do. I just felt compelled to tee off on the idea of saying something like I love you for any other reason than that's how a guy really feels at the time he says it. No contentions on what you meant or said.

[lucylove]

Sorry if my post seemed like it was body-slamming you. I could see how one might feel that--not saying that you do. I just felt compelled to tee off on the idea of saying something like I love you for any other reason than that's how a guy really feels at the time he says it. No contentions on what you meant or said.

 

oh, no worries! i didn't think you were body slamming me, but i wanted to make it clear that that wasn't what i was saying either, in case that was your's or anyone else's interpretation of my post. i would never condone forcing love, or the expression of it--quite an unromantic idea! i completely agree with you there.

[Feelin Frisky]

oh, no worries! i didn't think you were body slamming me, but i wanted to make it clear that that wasn't what i was saying either, in case that was your's or anyone else's interpretation of my post. i would never condone forcing love, or the expression of it--quite an unromantic idea! i completely agree with you there.

 

Then we're good.

[TRaczaj]

Words are superficial when you think about it. Him not saying it doesn't mean anything. If his actions are the actions of someone who loves you, then I wouldn't worry.

 

IF it matters, I am crazy in love with my female roomate and have been for a long time. I've never said it out loud to her.

[Feelin Frisky]

...IF it matters, I am crazy in love with my female roomate and have been for a long time. I've never said it out loud to her.

 

I bet it feels good just to say it here. Ain't love grand?

[Fuggem Awlle]

Oh, come on! You don't have to go around saying you love someone just because you love them. That's a lot of unnecessary talking. I'll say it once, and damnit, you better remember, because I don't like repeating myself! LoL No, but really, I show love instead of saying it all the damn time. I go to work, hell, I work in an effin warzone going on 3 years now because I love her. I sure don't have to tell her. I buy her a house cash, put it in her name, vehicle, and throw some in savings for her, and she knows without me having to sound like a broken record. Even though she keeps her goodies in a lockbox (no sex), I still show her. Love is a word, and a 4 letter word at that. Ike told Tina he loved her ALL THE TIME.