FallenInLove Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 I met my boyfriend a little over seven years ago.. He lives in England, I live in the states.. We kept in touch for 6 years over msn/emails/texting, until last year when he called me and finally told me he loved me. I was thrilled, because I had always felt that way about him. We webcam and talk on the phone all the time now. THere are no problems between us, until his family gets involved. His cousins have tried breaking us up, mirroring me as hating his family.. His sister cursed me out on facebook, asked my boyfriend to break up with me, etc.. He ignored it all and told his sister to move on. Things were fine between us, but the cousin would still write things about me on facebook and tell others all these malicious things -- as she would to my boyfriend. He ignores it and tells me to do the same. His sister used to really like me, now.. she sort of pushes me aside and doesn't talk to me much anymore. The cousins text him, he texts them back. He's honest about this, but it kills me. They get the last laugh because he still talks to them. When I bring the cousins' names up with me, all he says is "Don't dwell on the past". He wants to propose to me this year and we love each other.. I just feel so alone; he doesn't even hear me out about this.. "Family is family". :-( Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 I'm curious, why would his family do such malicious things to you for no reason? Not that it makes the situation any better, but perhaps it'd be a bit easier to offer some sort of solution with some more background (at least for me ). People in general (family, friends, co-workers, etc.) seem to cast LDRs in a bad light, at least in my experience. So I'm just wondering if the cause of their drama is the fact that someone will eventually have to move. Or maybe they don't take your relationship as seriously as they should because of the time apart. When you guys get married, you'll be marrying the entire family and vice-versa. Hopefully they'll be a bit more mature and realize that you love each other and, in the end, that's all that really matters. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 I can't tell from what you've written... but have you ever actually met him, face to face? Or has this all been by phone/text/video/etc? If you haven't, getting engaged before meeting in person is foolish, and a likely recipe for disaster. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FallenInLove Posted October 25, 2010 Author Share Posted October 25, 2010 I'm curious, why would his family do such malicious things to you for no reason? Not that it makes the situation any better, but perhaps it'd be a bit easier to offer some sort of solution with some more background (at least for me ). People in general (family, friends, co-workers, etc.) seem to cast LDRs in a bad light, at least in my experience. So I'm just wondering if the cause of their drama is the fact that someone will eventually have to move. Or maybe they don't take your relationship as seriously as they should because of the time apart. When you guys get married, you'll be marrying the entire family and vice-versa. Hopefully they'll be a bit more mature and realize that you love each other and, in the end, that's all that really matters. He's the youngest of 6 kids -- his whole family is wayyy too overprotective of him. I can see where they're coming from, but at the same time.. He is 25 years old! They think he spends too much time with me, they feel a LDR is too expensive (in terms of phonecalls, texts, and travelling), and they also think he's too "whipped" because he's defended me in the past. I hate feeling ignored by his sister and his sister-in-laws, but that's what they're doing. I can't possibly win them over from here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FallenInLove Posted October 25, 2010 Author Share Posted October 25, 2010 I can't tell from what you've written... but have you ever actually met him, face to face? Or has this all been by phone/text/video/etc? If you haven't, getting engaged before meeting in person is foolish, and a likely recipe for disaster. Yep, first time I met him was at a wedding - 7 years ago.. I met his family there as well.. I'd occasionally email them over the years, they never seemed to have a problem with me until our relationship became more public (over the last year or so). He visited 4 years ago, and I visited the UK again 2 years ago -- but we were strictly friends, so there was no intimacy. He plans on visiting again in February; he'll finally be meeting my family in a more serious level.. I'm just counting down the days now. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 If you marry this guy, you're going to have lots of problems in the marriage. It's one thing for him to have a nutty family, and it's quite another that he doesn't defend you. When this issue becomes much bigger after you marry him, don't act surprised about it. You'll be walking in with your eyes wide open. This is permanent drama - you have to decide if you want to live with this or not because it will affect your relationship and your marriage in a very negative way, for years and years. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 He's the youngest of 6 kids -- his whole family is wayyy too overprotective of him. I can see where they're coming from, but at the same time.. He is 25 years old! They think he spends too much time with me, they feel a LDR is too expensive (in terms of phonecalls, texts, and travelling), and they also think he's too "whipped" because he's defended me in the past. I hate feeling ignored by his sister and his sister-in-laws, but that's what they're doing. I can't possibly win them over from here. He's a grown adult and as long as his family isn't paying his way, he can spend his time and money however he pleases. I'm glad he defends you to them, but it will definitely be hard to sustain the relationship with them constantly butting in. Do you have any visits planned in the foreseeable future where you think talking to them face to face might help? Link to post Share on other sites
Author FallenInLove Posted October 30, 2010 Author Share Posted October 30, 2010 He's a grown adult and as long as his family isn't paying his way, he can spend his time and money however he pleases. I'm glad he defends you to them, but it will definitely be hard to sustain the relationship with them constantly butting in. Do you have any visits planned in the foreseeable future where you think talking to them face to face might help? I know - this is my biggest worry... That they'll always be there to butt in! I am seeing them (hopefully) this summer for a few weeks, but I don't know if I should "push" myself in. I constantly try to talk to his siblings online and 1/2 the time, I don't even get a response.. For the past few weeks, I haven't even bothered anymore and he tells me not to overthink things and that they're all busy with work and their own social lives.. Men, I tell you!! Link to post Share on other sites
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