Author thepopcornkernel Posted March 3, 2004 Author Share Posted March 3, 2004 Well, I am not "attractive" but I thought saying that would prove to everyone I had low self-esteem or sumpin. I used to be really fat but went on the Survivor rice diet (lol) and worked out a bit during one summer and now I am average. Unfortuately, all this got me was from being the "guy everyone picked on" to the "guy everyone ignored." Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 dont give your hopes up dude. looks arent everything. ask yourself this, how often have you seen a hot babe with a less attractive guy with her in the street?? i know i have seen this a lot in the street. just live up to your potential and do your best with the chicks, no one's asking you to take the ugly girls or the girls no one wants. i dont think anyone's that desperate enough to something like that, it's putting yourself and other person to shame. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 I am not willing to compromise on the girl. She has got to be a dream. Any chance that this is the problem you are facing? It is a common pattern for men to insist on hot, fit, young women with terrific bodies, long blond hair, elaborate grooming, etc. etc. Meanwhile, they themselves have got many undesirable traits, the majority of which could be rectified with effort. As in overweight, out of shape, complexion problems, body odor, sloppy, unflattering clothing, boring conversation, obsessed by video games, etc. I could go on and on. Ninety percent of the things that matter can be fixed. Sometimes these men are successful, but lots of times they're just lonely. And then they get bitter and angry. And that does not enhance their attractiveness. Let me put it this way. If you want her to be your dream, make sure that you are also HER dream in every way, so SHE doesn't have to compromise. Otherwise, the odds are against you. Link to post Share on other sites
Tkay Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 Hi. I can relate very well to your story. I'm 18 ATM, and I've had my first "relationship" last month. it lasted maybe 2 weeks, only seeing eachother in weekends. But yes. I was actually dating a girl. She really ****ed me up, played tricks on me, lied, etc. But hell, I had a girlfriend Lately I'm getting more attention from girls too, I'm not sure why, maybe my new haircut&contacts. I'm still trying to become a more outgoing&social person, fun to hang out with (not going so great tho) and I'm trying to convince myself in doing powertraining (I'm 18, 1m80 and 58kg).. Skinny that is. I guess you really should have confidence, maybe go out more, just smalltalk with girls for no reason (=be social!) and you will automaticly be more confident. Link to post Share on other sites
magritte Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 I'm going to make an effort to break up the group-think that is going on here since no one else will: There is a lot of truth to what your friend said. You may have no idea how important looks are to women because society deems it unacceptable to outwardly say how important looks are. People here, as in the real world, will say how unimportant they think looks are in order to make themselves seem deep. Unfortunately every psychological study about attraction ever done says otherwise. Although there are rare exceptions, good looking people almost always end up with good looking people, average with average and unattractive people have unnattractive mates. Girls don't like guys who are too fat, too skinny, deformed faces, bad clothes, crooked teeth, cleft lips etc. etc. It does not matter if any of these problems can be fixed or not, that doesn't figure into the scheme of attraction. And by the way, there are ways you can proactively work to attain a girlfriend without coming off as desperate - try reading any book about attraction. I would not recommend following the 'just live life the way you want to' advice, if you are not working on being more attractive then the possibility of someone finding you attractive does not go up. If you live your life just for your friends, family, hobbies and passions, then all you will have had in your life is your friends, familty, hobbies and passions. I've personally seen dozens of people who are doing what they love above everything else that will still die alone, without ever having had a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Durden Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 Damn good post magritte! Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 mmmm...i have been alarmed by the note approach. her silence might only be indicative of a suspiciousness borne of necessity. i think most women have a lot of defenses that must be overcome before they are going to notice someone as a person - a casual conversation about the books in your class might have gotten you much further than a note indicating your interest. the fact that you have a class together makes you safe, but your overly personal note makes you a danger again. worse: an obligation, a concern. is it a game? sure. you played this round poorly. move on. o, and dude, cut out the elaborate ennumeration system if you can. publicly, at least. every single time i hear guys do this, i assume it is because they would have liked to be as cool as guys who follow baseball statistics, but they could not handle the math. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 I think you've received some of the best advice I've seen on what is a commonly posted problem. For me the things that ring most true are avoiding coming across as desperate (DA), doing this by becoming more confident in yourself (Amer) and avoiding looking for a mythical girl (Soulmate). Look for the good in people and let things develop naturally. I know people get badly hurt sometimes but in general it's true to say that if you give your love freely it will be returned a thousand fold. If you hold it tight you won't get any. That's not to say you should go for someone you don't like, that's dishonest. Just look for things to like. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 Just look for things to like. Now that is a good piece of advice! Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 >>>Although there are rare exceptions, good looking people almost always end up with good looking people, average with average and unattractive people have unnattractive mates.<<< More often than not, yes, good looking women do end up with good looking men; however, the opposite happens enough to make it clear that, particularly for me, an average looking guy can end up with an above-average woman or even a knockout. I would agree, though, that men are not as forgiving of bad looks as women are, though there are some exceptions there, too. >>>Girls don't like guys who are too fat, too skinny, deformed faces, bad clothes, crooked teeth, cleft lips etc. etc. It does not matter if any of these problems can be fixed or not, that doesn't figure into the scheme of attraction.<<< It depends. Women are long-range planners. In my experience, women will forgive a guy with a gut if he has money and charisma. A woman may not be so forgiving if the guy has health problems and she thinks she'll end up having to be a caretaker wife. Generally, what I've found is that many women do go for looks just as any man does, but women will often judge how well a man does with what he has. If a guy meets her basic threshold of acceptable appearance, then she'll say on some subliminal level "Okay, maybe he's only a 5 or 6 in the looks department, but he's a sharp dresser. He seems ambitious - I could see him running his own business one day." Meanwhile, the guy's thinking "Maybe she's only a five or six, but she works out and keeps herself in great shape. I bet she could wear me out in bed. I bet she could do that when she's 40 or 50." Of course there's much, much more to it than that, but I think that's what goes through our minds within the first 30 minutes of getting to know someone beyond the platonic zone. >>> if you are not working on being more attractive then the possibility of someone finding you attractive does not go up. <<< I think you touched on something important here. Women do like a man who takes pride in himself. Obsessive vanity aside, a woman looks at a man who works out regularly and sees someone who has pride, who strives to be better than he is today. That's a trait babes dig. We guys like it, too. >>>If you live your life just for your friends, family, hobbies and passions, then all you will have had in your life is your friends, familty, hobbies and passions. I've personally seen dozens of people who are doing what they love above everything else that will still die alone, without ever having had a relationship.<<< For some people, their hobbies and personal interests are where they feel safe and secure, so they stay there and don't venture out into the world of dating. I agree that if you want to find a mate, you can't stay in your little safehouse; however, at the same time, this does not mean you should drop special interests just because a handful of people find them unattractive or unappealing. Link to post Share on other sites
Tkay Posted March 15, 2004 Share Posted March 15, 2004 Argh , Why do you people always have to write in sophisiticated sentences Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 15, 2004 Share Posted March 15, 2004 Argh , Why do you people always have to write in sophisiticated sentences Not everybody does! Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbilly Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 You are describing the same situations that every person in the world goes through eventually. most of you are still young, wait until you get older it dosen't get any easier with age. You just have to distinguish yourslves from the rest, and be really outgoing. Then people will see you in a different light. Link to post Share on other sites
RazedUp505 Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Yeah dude dont worry, you've probably already heard it here, I am 19 and have not had a serious girlfriend either. It used to worry me but now that I am in college and more socially active it is a little better. I mean that it doesn't worry me so much. My advice is just get out and meet people dude. I was very anti-social in high school but now that I am meeting new people I find myself more happier, energetic, and confident. A lot of it is confidence too. I am by no means the most attractive guy, but I know I am not ugly, even if a third of the female population probably thinks I am. Can't please everybody. Just keep your chin high dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Nim Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 Relationships aren't everything, like Razed said, it helps to get out and meet people. I'm 19, never been in a serious relationship, either. But you're in college, and ASU has a LOT of social opportunities, maybe arrange to meet some people on Mill Ave. or something. I went through the same thing, thought I was a loser or something. And I got rejected a lot, but after a while, you figure that those people just don't know you and don't feel bad about it. When they know you and THEN reject you, you've got a problem. Stay in the game, she'll come along eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
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