Mother/Family Issues

[Ash20]

I'm sorry this post is so long, but please bear with me...

 

So...to start off with, my mom and I have never really seen eye to eye. We spent most of my high school years fighting. Now, I am a senior in college, and she and I get along better, now that we're not around each other all the time. BUT she is still controlling and it is bothering me. I was a really good kid in high school (never hung out with the wrong crowd, never smoke/drank/did drugs, etc), and I was a straight A student, but my mom was always convinced that I was doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing (which led to a lot of our fights).

 

Anyway, I am a science major in college, and it's really challenging. I can't make the straight A's I used to in high school. I try hard, I do my work, but I don't always make the cut. My mom got mad at me because I wasn't talking to her about my grades and she started thinking I was doing bad things and not focusing on school. So, now I talk to her more about my grades, but she always manages to ruin things for me. I needed her to print out something for me, so I gave her access to my student portal...she used this to PRINT OUT MY ACADEMIC RECORD while she was at work and she kept asking me why I got this grade in this class and why I got that grade in that class...grilling me on everything. That was a dumb mistake on my part. So, this semester, I am taking a physics class which has been really hard and it is stressing everyone out because nobody understands what the professor is teaching (seriously, all 100+ students are confused). We just got our second test back the other day, and my grade after the curve was an A and I was ecstatic because I got a C on the first test, so I called my mom to tell her about it, but all she focused on was my grade before the curve and why didn't I do better (even though I studied like crazy for the test) and she completely killed my enthusiam. This is not the first time this has happened, and this is why I don't really talk to her about my grades. Even if I get an A on a test, if it's a low A, it's still not good enough. She'll ask why I didn't get a higher grade. I talked to my sister about it, and my sister said she just got an A on her chemistry test...she only got two questions wrong, but when she talked to my mom, my mom kept grilling her about the two questions she got wrong instead of congratulating her on the A.

 

On a different note, my bf and I have been together a little over 2 years, and I just moved into an apartment with him (this is just for this school year since he and I go to the same school and I plan on graduating after this year). My mom has been against it since I started thinking about it. I have lived in the apartment for a few months now, and my mom still tells me I shouldn't have moved into the apartment, it was a bad idea, blah, blah, blah every chance she gets and I'm getting really tired of it. I moved in, my bf and I are sharing the rent, and it's working out fine. Not to mention, she keeps telling me I shouldn't be with my bf. She thinks I should be with someone "better". I admit my bf and I had a really bad time in the relationship over a year ago, but that's all resolved now, and things couldn't be better now. I am happy. And it hurts me that she speaks ill of my bf when he has done nothing but be kind and courteous to her when he sees her.

 

And on another note, about 3 years ago, my mom and two aunts got into a huge fight and have not talked to each other since. This really has been an issue for me because I am really close to my one aunt and I like to see my family when I come home from college. But my mom has stopped going to family functions because of my aunts being there and now she tries to stop me from going to family functions when I'm home. She tried to play guilt trips on me, but when that didn't always work, she just started flat out telling me that I can't do anything on certain days when I come home because she is making plans for those days. Of course, I will spend time with her when I'm home, but I want to spend time with my family too. My grandmother has even recently announced that she is stopping planning family events because of this whole issue. I wish everyone would settle their differences and be civil to each other. We're a family. Besides, I don't think anyone remembers what the original fight was about anyway. I'm tired of this tearing my family apart and I wish I knew how to resolve it

 

Well, thanks for sticking through it and allowing me to vent

[BlackLovely]

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Your mother is likely concerned about your academic progress, because she wants you to do well in life. She is expressing this in a negative way. If you want you're own life, do not ask your mother for any favors. Also, refrain from giving her access to personal information. Like my mother, your mom has difficulty letting go and seeing that her child is an independent adult.