a dilemma.

[mark p.]

We have been together for 19 yrs and married for 14. I can get into the deep details of how, what, when and why at some other point so here's the dilemma. After years of mutually discussing separation along with portions of time where life is content between us but certainly not filled with love and passion, she tells me 2 weeks ago that it has to end. In many ways I was in agreement and she has not always been the initiator of this concept in the past. There are several issues I have, although we are both miserable and alone physically and emotionally, I look at divorce as a failure, sorry no offense to anyone I was raised old school Italian roman catholic, it's my issue to deal with. Neither of us want to give up any part of our lives to being separated from the children, both are very young and 1 has anxiety and self esteem issues and I feel very strongly that physically separating either of us from their daily lives would be devastating. I spent last week in the guest room and this past week she was out of town for 5 nights. I of course slept in "our" bedroom and now have added on another issue to the list............

 

Although we both need and deserve the right love and support we are not providing to each other, I refuse to part with my children, my house and if we are sharing a roof over our heads temporarily, my bedroom. If she is done but I can essentially deal with life as it is for the sake of the children, shouldn't she get the guest room and if and when the time comes move out? Focusing on a strong family foundation and 1 home to go to each day for these kids is my priority, starting another life in search of happiness is nice but not my priority right now. So, she returns tonight, she has only spoken to the kids all week long aside from us communicating scheduling school, play dates, soccer etc.......... Should I tell her she has the guest room and I have no intentions on leaving the house.......ever, or should I just clearly establish my occupancy in "our" room and see what she does?

[You Go Girl]

Why not establish clear communication, which has probably been lacking?

 

Tell her that you intend to sleep in the master bedroom, and that since she is the one who wants a separation, she should also be the one to move out of that room.

Tell her clearly that you have no intention of leaving the family household, both for stability for the children and for legal purposes.

 

Taking over the master bedroom again, after a leave of absence, and without a discussion, is passive-agressive. Don't be that way. Be upfront and honest.

[hopesndreams]

After years of mutually discussing separation along with portions of time where life is content between us but certainly not filled with love and passion, she tells me 2 weeks ago that it has to end. In many ways I was in agreement and she has not always been the initiator of this concept in the past.

Have you been threatening her with divorce?