Beware the unbalanced BW...

[bentnotbroken]

It's less about the actual article and more about the arrogance I see with some BS's (and others). That's all, a good opportunity to vent...and I've done that:)

 

 

And the same arrogance is viewed in some AP. Past and present. So what. It's a public forum. Maybe you will feel better if you take a break instead of taking on everyone who doesn't agree with your ideas of what is proper BS behavior, attitude or personal responsibility.

[pureinheart]

I have said in more than one post on this board for the years that I have been here. I own 100% responsibility for my part in the troubles that plagued our marriage. I will not now or ever own any part of the affair between Mr. Messy and his OW. They were the big cowards who decided to lie and deceive two families for their own selfish reasons.

 

When I went to him with concerns he said I was the only one with a problem. When I tried counseling he refused to pay for the therapist. So yes, Pure, what is your responsibility in the issues of life you have?

 

So the M was over, he wouldn't/didn't want to work on it and left, then aquired a gf. The A itself is not your problem, infact I don't see it as an A in your case. I say that not to minimize your feelings concerning that, although he possibly saw it as "over".

 

It is very common for those who leave the M start seeing others before the D is final...to you that is not right, to him it was.

[bentnotbroken]

So the M was over, he wouldn't/didn't want to work on it and left, then aquired a gf. The A itself is not your problem, infact I don't see it as an A in your case. I say that not to minimize your feelings concerning that, although he possibly saw it as "over".

 

It is very common for those who leave the M start seeing others before the D is final...to you that is not right, to him it was.

 

 

No the marriage was not over. I have a well documented story that hasn't changed since I came here.

[pureinheart]

And the same arrogance is viewed in some AP. Past and present. So what. It's a public forum. Maybe you will feel better if you take a break instead of taking on everyone who doesn't agree with your ideas of what is proper BS behavior, attitude or personal responsibility.

 

I don't care if others agree with me, that is the point of debate...it can be done in a civil manor. Certainly there will be a bit of sarcasm.

 

It's interesting, I saw some of the same things in the infidelity forum being said that the OM/OW had been saying. BS's asking OM/OW to respect the pain the BS goes through and things of that nature.

 

Yes this is an open forum and I have the same right...right? I see many double standards and voicing my opinion...my right.

[fooled once]

A little news snippet to serve as a warning to OWs: ask your MM for a mental health certificate for his BW....

 

From The Guardian:

 

Maybe the MM should pick a better woman the first time around He chose her so he must be a little too

[bentnotbroken]

I don't care if others agree with me, that is the point of debate...it can be done in a civil manor. Certainly there will be a bit of sarcasm.

 

It's interesting, I saw some of the same things in the infidelity forum being said that the OM/OW had been saying. BS's asking OM/OW to respect the pain the BS goes through and things of that nature.

 

Yes this is an open forum and I have the same right...right? I see many double standards and voicing my opinion...my right.

 

 

Yes, you are correct. You are the one who seems so upset by it and thus thrusting you annoyance at a group of people who were just enjoying a laugh at something that OWoman posted. No one was offended or pissed off...except you. As you say you have gone through so much, why put yourself through more angst for....what?

[pureinheart]

No the marriage was not over. I have a well documented story that hasn't changed since I came here.

 

Mostly what I see is one liners directed at OM/OW/WS concerning your disdain and hatred towards A's...

 

I don't go through peoples profiles ever, and rarely past comments, I guess I'm not much of an investigator.

 

I type kind of slow and am a clean freak so would rather spend the time reading current stuff.

 

When I first came back, after being absent from the forum for quite some time, I thought I saw you say the M was in D when the R started with his gf.

[SidLyon]

Maybe the MM should pick a better woman the first time around He chose her so he must be a little too

 

Maybe some MM have faulty "woman-pickers". Just a thought seeing as so many OW recently said they had faulty man-pickers.

[whichwayisup]

Every situation is different. Once the A is discovered or brought out into the open, doesn't matter how it got there, it is always the OW and WS fault.

 

Do you take any responsibility for your break up/D?

 

But the affair IS the OW and MM or MW and OM's fault!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

It's insane to blame the BS for choosing to have an affair, both sides!

 

A BS is responsible for whatever issues and problems going on in the marriage, the CS CHOSE to handle it by going outside of the marriage, how is that the BS's fault? Not yelling at ya sweets, but so many people love to point fingers and blame the BS for CS going outside of the marriage. If that's the case, then why not blame the OW for the MM choosing to go back home and ending the affair. It's not rashional.

[pureinheart]

Yes, you are correct. You are the one who seems so upset by it and thus thrusting you annoyance at a group of people who were just enjoying a laugh at something that OWoman posted. No one was offended or pissed off...except you. As you say you have gone through so much, why put yourself through more angst for....what?

 

Actually I'm not pissed, or offended and enjoyed the open door to communicate how I feel...not pissed at all (I might be a bit hyper today, although that's it).

 

Lately I have enjoyed a good debate:).

[fooled once]

When are "BS's" going to take their share of the responsibility....it's all about "owning" what is yours right?...so far what I see is a bunch of blame shifting.

 

Why does this concept only work for the OM/OW and WS?

 

Can you explain again how exactly it is the BS's fault/responsibility for a spouse cheating? I am not getting your logic how the BS must OWN their part of the affair. I thought the affair was between the 2 people engaged in the affair?

 

And I believe if you check out infidelity you will see there are MANY BS's who DO own their part in the MARRIAGE having issues; but not ONE will take ownership of their spouse cheating. Why should they?????

 

 

Those betrayed that "OWN" it had a part in unzipping the fly or spreading her legs wide open. Unless those things happened, why should the BS "OWN" anything?

 

Exactly my point.

 

How many posts have I seen in which the MP TRIED to talk to the other MP...and they weren't heard...I'm one of them. In fact Spark started a thread concerning this matter as to why not separate.

 

I don't buy it JW, especially in LTEMA, I find it VERY hard to believe that the BS doesn't know something is going on....

 

So because a MP choose to not listen to their partner, it is then their solution to go out and have an affair??

 

Glad you don't believe that many spouses don't see that something is going on. Again, take a gander at the posts in Infidelity and see the posts from BS's who state emphatically they had NO idea of an affair. I am astounded at the blame shifting that is once again going on --- it just MUST be that BS's fault that their spouse chose to cheat and that DUMB DUMB DUMB BS should have realized that even though they were told daily how loved they were, they were being lied to.

 

Wow, just wow. I guess every single married person should realize their spouse is not hearing them and go find someone to cheat with. AND then those spouses should realize that the cheating is ALL their fault and they should OWN it.

[jthorne]

Okay, how about this one!

 

A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable fidelity practices.

 

Suddenly, the woman reaches over, slices off the mans penis and angrily she tosses it out the window of the car.

 

Driving behind the car is a pickup truck with a man and his 10 year old daughter chatting away beside him.

 

All of a sudden, the penis smacks the pickup in the windshield and flies off.

 

Suprised, the daughter asks her daddy, "Daddy what in the heck was that?"

 

Not wanting to expose his 10 year old daughter to sex at such a tender age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey"

 

The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute she says "Sure had a big d1ck !

[pureinheart]

But the affair IS the OW and MM or MW and OM's fault!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

It's insane to blame the BS for choosing to have an affair, both sides!

 

A BS is responsible for whatever issues and problems going on in the marriage, the CS CHOSE to handle it by going outside of the marriage, how is that the BS's fault? Not yelling at ya sweets, but so many people love to point fingers and blame the BS for CS going outside of the marriage. If that's the case, then why not blame the OW for the MM choosing to go back home and ending the affair. It's not rashional.

 

How did it get there though?

 

The insanity described, as some might take it lightly, I wouldn't...someone breaking into my house, oh hell no. I experienced an unstable "BS", and I see the distortion on these boards.

 

I explained in a reply earlier concerning the fault.

[pureinheart]

Dog pile....I gotta get something to eat...man you guys are good!

[bentnotbroken]

Mostly what I see is one liners directed at OM/OW/WS concerning your disdain and hatred towards A's...

 

I don't go through peoples profiles ever, and rarely past comments, I guess I'm not much of an investigator.

 

I type kind of slow and am a clean freak so would rather spend the time reading current stuff.

 

When I first came back, after being absent from the forum for quite some time, I thought I saw you say the M was in D when the R started with his gf.

 

 

I guess you will find whatever you are looking for. One liners or otherworldly. I make no bones or apologies that affairs disgust me. They did before it happened to me and intensified after I saw what two families first hand had to deal with. And as I have stated before you are wrong in what you thought you read about my situation.

[desertIslandCactus]

Honestly there are only Two people in a marriage. If for reasons that the two cannot make it through the marriage - there is divorce.

 

Adultery is not an option, not even if an outsider deems the spouse (BS) as 'unstable'.

[pureinheart]

Can you explain again how exactly it is the BS's fault/responsibility for a spouse cheating? I am not getting your logic how the BS must OWN their part of the affair. I thought the affair was between the 2 people engaged in the affair?

 

And I believe if you check out infidelity you will see there are MANY BS's who DO own their part in the MARRIAGE having issues; but not ONE will take ownership of their spouse cheating. Why should they?????

 

 

 

 

Exactly my point.

 

 

 

So because a MP choose to not listen to their partner, it is then their solution to go out and have an affair??

 

Glad you don't believe that many spouses don't see that something is going on. Again, take a gander at the posts in Infidelity and see the posts from BS's who state emphatically they had NO idea of an affair. I am astounded at the blame shifting that is once again going on --- it just MUST be that BS's fault that their spouse chose to cheat and that DUMB DUMB DUMB BS should have realized that even though they were told daily how loved they were, they were being lied to.

 

Wow, just wow. I guess every single married person should realize their spouse is not hearing them and go find someone to cheat with. AND then those spouses should realize that the cheating is ALL their fault and they should OWN it.

 

This is the distortion and exaggeration I am referring to...

[whichwayisup]

This is the distortion and exaggeration I am referring to...

 

Almost everybody on here does this to an extent.

[pureinheart]

Well, I guess I got the ball rolling with the sarcastic replies, but honestly, I didn't think OWoman meant the thread all that seriously, considering that she suggested in a rather tongue-in-cheek way that OW get a certificate for the BS' mental health. It just struck me as funny, and I immediately thought of the irony that official documentation might be simultaneously required and ignored. I didn't mean it seriously. My apologies to OWoman if she did; I guess I assumed she didn't, either, and maybe I shouldn't have.

 

Pure, I do take issue, on a more serious note, with the idea that a BS "must" know about a LTA. Many don't. I didn't. I honestly didn't. It happens.

 

I too thought OWoman meant it on a lighter note, mostlikely to make a point in a funny way (I do think it's horrible about the little kitty though, I'm an animal person bigtime).

 

Actually I saw it as an open door to communicate some things that have bothered me for a long time. I have been apprehensive because of dealing with some people pleasing issues...I didn't think I was being anything but straight forward, if I sounded too serious or angry, I do apologise, as I wasn't:).

 

This was so liberating for me, in fact lately my life has been liberating...it's ok to say what I think and feel. I have dealt with bullies over powering me all of my life, constantly keeping my mouth shut concerning injustices. Bullies as the oppressor...they used to severely intimidate me (that is the agenda of the bully to oppress and intimidate).

 

In bold, Flying, I knew every time...it was the normal recourse of my friends to want what I have/had. I began not to want to know anything anymore!

[D-Lish]

It's worth mentioning that a person's mental health can be greatly influenced and affected by a trauma. People act out of character in the aftermath of tramatic events. BS's aren't the only groups subject to such behaviour swings. OW can be equally inspired to act out of character if prompted by a similar rejection - Glenn Close Style:rolleyes:. MM are also not exempt from acting out if triggered.

 

My mental health suffered greatly when my exH had an affair- I became a shell of the once vibrant person I was and my depression lasted for some time afterward. I had fault in the demise of the marriage- I was far from perfect. I didn't go crazy on the OW and steal her cat or make waves for her at her job- but I was rage focused for a brief time. I acted out in other crazy ways- most of the behaviour was self destructive rather than harmful to others.

 

The bottom line is that an otherwise stable person can have some pretty crazy moments when faced with a life altering blow to their ego. I think anyone faced with a cheating spouse is a candidate for a mental breakdown.

 

Hopefully the cat is safe.

[fooled once]

When people go through trauma in life, they need to look at what they might have done to cause said trauma. To me, to use the excuse of "I have had a rough life" as an excuse to behave poorly is a joke.

 

EVERYONE has had a rough life, deal and get over it. Get help, go on meds, work through it and OWN it.

 

Still unsure of what this mean...

 

This is the distortion and exaggeration I am referring to...

 

I guess it means showing another side of things? I guess it means playing devils advocate? I guess it means not going against what your buddy says?

 

Is this better..... damn that BS - why didn't she see what a loser she is and how she wasn't doing right by her man. No one can fault him for finding another woman to fill his needs. How DARE she go take her cat? She should be beheaded for not just owning how she destroyed her marriage.

 

 

The man and the wife owe it to each other to work on their marriage or end their marriage. The cheater should OWN what he/she has done by cheating and STOP MAKING EXCUSES for his/her behavior. How hard is it to live life by the creed of "do unto others as you would have done to you"?

[herenow]

OMG this is so silly. Does anyone really think OWoman was serious when she said that OW's should ask to see the BW's mental health certificate? How many MM carry that around with them? How many BW's actually have one? What is a mental heath certificate anyway? I though it was something a person gets when they pass the test to work in the field of mental health. Is that no longer the case?

 

Funny thing is, if anything this is a slam at "the unbalanced BW". but the BW's come here and make light and we are the ones who are not accepting responsibility for, I don't even know what! Oh well, it was kinda funny in the beginning IMO.

 

Oh and BTW, I have always taken responsibility for my part in anything that happened or happens within my marriage. I have no control and refuse to take any responsibility for the affair that happened between my H and an OW. That happened outside my marriage and had nothing to do with me what so ever.

 

My H has taken responsibility for his actions. To be honest, I really don't care who that OW blames. IMO, she is responsible for her own pain caused by her own choices.

Edited October 23, 2010 by herenow

[Silly_Girl]

But the affair IS the OW and MM or MW and OM's fault!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

It's insane to blame the BS for choosing to have an affair, both sides!

 

 

We're responsible for our own actions. But some spouses WILL blame their husband/wife for their own infidelity, and feel fully justified in doing so. Which is messed up, in my book.

 

The only ones I can get that with are victims of severe domestic abuse who meet someone who helps them escape.

[NoIDidn't]

Hilarious, as usual.

 

One poster takes issue with what most other posters are posting and even called some arrogant, but then complains that a "dog pile" was directed at them when they opted to take on everyone anyway?

 

Gotta love LS logic.

 

LOL

 

I agree with whoever said checking the Marriage Certificate would have avoided the need for a mental health certificate anyway.

 

LOL

[Tayla]

jthorne! Loved your joke!!!

 

Donnamaybe/ Gorilla- you both need to team up! your humor and quick wit are a necessary on topics such as this, it was delightful to catch the one liners!!!

 

Otherwise- Nope I didn't take this topic serious and was agasp that some folks did . Was there a quiz at the end that I needed to bring my number 2 pencil for?