CaterpillarGirl Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Okay, yes the porn debate has been hashed to death, but the subject of romance novels came up. A friend of mine, like many women I know, is a fan of romance novels. Now I should stipulate that the term "romance novel" seems to cover a lot more than Regency tales ala Jane Austen. Some sex scenes are sort of hush-hush "he filled her night with bliss" mentions, others are explicitly graphic. So my question to be answered by men and women (particularly those with revulsions towards porn) -- Would you consider the perusal of said romance novels a form of infidelity or other unacceptable behaviour? Does the fact that your partner reads such novels lead you to feel insecure over his affection for you, or about your own sexual appeal? To those who read these novels -- What kind of need or desire is this reading fulfilling (i.e. physical, intellectual, emotional, escapism, etc)? I'll be happy to chime in later with my perspective. -CG Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Would you consider the perusal of said romance novels a form of infidelity or other unacceptable behaviour? No, but I wouldn't crack down on hardcore film porn either. Does the fact that your partner reads such novels lead you to feel insecure over his affection for you, or about your own sexual appeal? Well, no, but it might make me a bit secure about my writing ability. That's not a joke either. Link to post Share on other sites
guested Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 im not really sure, one is reading and one is seeing...two different things. ive only read those mystery murder/romance novels, and i cant think of a reason they arent alike but then i cant think of a reason that they are alike. i would prefer romance novels over porn- when it comes to my man. because the romance novels are less "real" life- more "make believe" if that makes any sense at all! Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 I think that romance novels are the same as porn. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 I would never even consider putting romance novels in the same (or similar) category as porn. Why? Because to me (this is just my opinion), romancy novels are corny and filled with fluff. And how can "he filled her night with bliss" in any way be on the same page as a porn flick showing some chick takin' it up the hoop or an orgy? I might not be the person to ask though because like I said, think romance novels are sorta lame. But that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 i think, for me, they are worse than porn. i don't read dime store novels, but i do read a *lot* of novels. and they do impact my thoughts and actions - good books should hurt. i often find myself wondering what heathcliff or rochester would be like in bed, or what jake barnes or jude the obscure, would do in some given situation. i am totally spoiled by literary tales of longterm, socially unacceptable, or uncontrollable, love. i love the idea of me + guy against a stupid world, even if i know this construction to be unrealistic. let's break down the equation though. what is the function of porn versus the function of romance novels? what is the difference in the short term/long term reactions of the reader? we can't actually empirically demonstrate the negative effects of either, but anecdotals would be cool. do any women out there feel unsatisfied or restless after reading romances or watching films like 'titanic'? i admit to feeling restless for vague ideals of true love after every ondaatje novel i read; but i contain it, and quickly. i think men who think as he does do exist, but they are rare and i am unlikely to meet any. also, i know they come with severe consequences. i love this! thank you so much, cat girl, for introducing a new note into the tired porn discussion! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Romance novels are more emotional, whereas porn focuses on the physical. If you asked me to describe a specific porn star, I would suck at it. It's momentary, transitory, and gets it's job done. I would think that romance novels (erotica even) stay with you a bit longer, and because they require a bit of imagination, and a willingness to connect the dots in your head. With that dot-connection comes some sort of emotional investment. But to consider that unfaithful is not something I'd ever do. I don't consider porn unfaithfulness, and I would hate to harbor a double standard. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Dyer u cant legally see porn. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 I don't think either are evil. From my understanding men use porn for certain types of relief or fantasy stimulation, while women may tend to read romance novels. I believe they are something that an individual has the right to do, and these activities are not something that should be stopped simply because someone else has a problem with it. They don't harm anyone. I can easily misconstrue various aspects of subject matter with aspects women may see in pornography with men. The “Am I not good enough to please him sexually” to me can be related to “She is reading these romance novels. Do I not care for her enough? Does she want an affair? Am I not good enough for her?” Both to me sound silly, but I have noticed people do think of such things. I don't find either to be wrong or cheating. They to me represent parts of someone's private life, and when you are in a relationship with someone you still have every right to do things in private. Link to post Share on other sites
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