Natola Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 We've known each other for 10 months, been together for 2. In that short period of time we fell in love hard and fast. Neither of us has ever been happier. Three weeks into the relationship he tells me that because of his religious beliefs, we can no longer have sex. Until this point in time I had no idea that his beliefs were that strong because he never mentioned it. He would go to church but only sporadically. Until that day, we had sex often, spent every nite together for the three weeks prior, and had plans at the end of last month to move in together. Days before he was supposed to move in was when he told me he can't continue to live a double life anymore because his conscience was killing him, we couldn't have sex any more, and we would not be moving in together. I felt like a bomb had been dropped on me because he had never mentioned any of this before and he said he had quit going to church because he was living this double life. I felt incredibly guilty and told him we should go ahead and end the relationship. He didn't want to so we decided we would just not have sex. That lasted exactly 3 days. When he made it very clear he wanted to have sex I asked him what was he doing and tried to stop him? He just said shhhhh and of course I didn't stop him after that. This went on again for about a week. We went out on a date one week later and he tells me that he feels we shouldn't be together any more for the same reason because he is weak when it comes to me. I made a promise to him that because I loved him and wanted to be with him I would be the strong one and not let it happen. So he takes me home and pressures me into have sex again that nite. The next day we agree once again that last nite was the last time and next time it happens we would just end our relationship since neither of us seemed to be able to make it not happen. We also agreed that we would not put ourselves in a position to where we might have sex. Everything had been great since then. We even spent the nite together twice and did not have sex either time. Monday nite was the most recent. Yesterday he invited me to have lunch with him. So I met him where we agreed and instead of taking me in to eat he tells me in the parking lot that we can not be together any more because he can't be with me and not want to have sex with me. He says it has to be all or nothing and it can't be all with me so it has to be nothing. His nothing means no contact either. We talked, I cried, and I told him it would be best if he came and got all his stuff right away because I didn't want the constant reminders of him. So how can a man that claims to be so in love with me just decide to throw everything away and not want any contact with me whatsoever? I feel because of the no contact that he never did love me. He insists that is not true and this is just the way it has to be. That's the part that hurts me the most, that we can't even be friends. Please help me to understand what's happened to me. I'm heartbroken and hurt and would appreciate anyones perspective on this. Link to post Share on other sites
shayan Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 sorry his beliefs are strong and he wants to probably be with someone who shares them. But he really sounds like a bit of a on and off spaz, I think you're lucky he's gone. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 sorry his beliefs are strong and he wants to probably be with someone who shares them. But he really sounds like a bit of a on and off spaz, I think you're lucky he's gone. How do you explain this then? He just said shhhhh and of course I didn't stop him after that. This went on again for about a week. He's not capable of reconciling with his urges and his conscience, that's the bottom line. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 This dude seems poisoned by religion--one minute he acts like a man, the next a repressed guilt-ridden simpering idiot. If those are the terms, then those are the terms. Sorry it had to be a lesson in the school of hard knocks for you. Too bad such people don't where a sign or something--TOXIC WASTE. Link to post Share on other sites
bee55 Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 he like you to share him his beliefs if you did, that means you love him so much Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natola Posted October 23, 2010 Author Share Posted October 23, 2010 Bentnotbroken - I can honestly say he wasn't just after sex. He went out of his way to do things for me, surprise me, buy me things, all kinds of ways of making me happy and showing me he loved me. Bee55 - I did not choose to leave him, he wants no contact. We also went to church together after we both agreed we would not put ourselves in a position where sex could happen. FeelinFrisky - I agree 100%. D-Lish - you hit the nail on the head! His human side conflicts with his spiritual side. Shayan - Had I had known about his beliefs from day one I would have not had a problem with them. We are the same religion, I just don't chose to let the bible completely dictate my life. I had no problem whatsoever deciding to stay with him and not have sex. It was an easy decision for me because I was willing to do whatever it took. Link to post Share on other sites
bee55 Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 I had no problem whatsoever deciding to stay with him and not have sex. It was an easy decision for me because I was willing to do whatever it took. thank you you made a good decision, you are perfect i hope my G.F like you, nice to here this words Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natola Posted October 24, 2010 Author Share Posted October 24, 2010 Sadly Bee55 it wasn't enough to still be with him. This was and still is a complete shock to me. I did not see it coming! Every day we were together was complete bliss. I'm really angry today and wondering how someone that claims to be so religiously driven can shut me out like he's chosen to. I'm quite sure that's not how God would want it. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackLovely Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 You can't see this now, because you're so heartbroken, but you can do without some conflicted moron who says one thing, yet does the complete opposite. Religious differences can cause difficult challenges in a relationship. This is why devout Christians and Jews only marry others of the same faith. I admire the way you did not convert just to keep him. Love, continue to be true to yourself and in the future, try to stay away from men who use their religion as a dealbreaker. I was raised Catholic and though I pray and believe in God, I do not consider myself a Catholic because I disagree with many of the central elements, such as ridiculously outdated attitudes about birth control. The constant child molestation cases have caused me to back away from the Church in disgust. My husband is a staunch atheist. Though I wish we shared more sprituality, I am grateful that we have the similar morals. This is key. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
bee55 Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 try to stay away from men who use their religion as a dealbreaker. . i can't kill even flies, but i can kill whom they break a heart of women or play cheeting with them. Link to post Share on other sites
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