Nikki Sahagin Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 I have a dad who is in all likelihood cheating. A mum who's life has become her children. And a brother too lazy to amount to anything. Makes me want to never have a family of my own. It's heartbreaking how much of a sham so many families are. Link to post Share on other sites
LiveWell Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 You forgot to include that this particular family also has a very b*tchy daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 If you want to feel better at least you don't have my family. My uncle is the only sane person in the entire bunch. I feel bad for you but don't let this shape you and realize there is a world outside of them. Link to post Share on other sites
jane-mary Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 You forgot to include that this particular family also has a very b*tchy daughter. :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 Family is complicated. Even in the best of families, there is always a struggle of asserting one's independence within the group dynamics. Within a family, people consciously and unconsciously establish roles for each individual member, and these roles get established as soon as the family is formed. They're hard to break. People also bring their own personal baggage. I think a lot of the family problems come from parents mishandling relationships between people, but that's not to put all the blame on the parents. As individuals age, they also share the responsibility of understanding the dynamics and trying to make contributions that are positive. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 My mum cheated, then subjected me to her abusive alcoholic ex boyfriend. My dad doesn't like me. And my brother didn't even finish school and is currently bumming off my sister. Learn to not take it so personally. Your parents relationship is none of your business. If you don't like them, don't be around them. No sense in having a defeated attitude about the concept of family. If you don't like the one you have, create your own. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 Learn to not take it so personally. I think this is actually pretty good advice. Try to re-frame the relationship in your mind. A lot of time, even when people are overtly being personal, it really isn't. People's moods are usually more about the baggage they're trying to deal with themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 Family is a non-issue for me since I outlived them all... except for 3 cousins and a hallucination-prone aunt. I do miss their zany antics though... like the time my mother tried to shoot that rat with my granny's pistol... the time when my granny swore up and down that I climbed in through her bedroom window at night in my drawers and crawled on the ceiling like a spider... and my mother's 2 bald uncles arguing whenever we had a Thanksgiving bash... and who could ever forget my ggm from Joizy who talked like an R-rated Bugs Bunny... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted October 24, 2010 Author Share Posted October 24, 2010 You forgot to include that this particular family also has a very b*tchy daughter. Yes, in all truth I wrote this out of anger and hurt from something that I discovered. I regret writing this message. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotus Flower Posted October 26, 2010 Share Posted October 26, 2010 My Learn to not take it so personally. Your parents relationship is none of your business. If you don't like them, don't be around them. No sense in having a defeated attitude about the concept of family. If you don't like the one you have, create your own. You have said exactly what I need to be told...why do we suffer because of our so called families??? I agree with the above...just wished you had told us more about you Link to post Share on other sites
tykira Posted November 6, 2010 Share Posted November 6, 2010 My father is a rude, arrogant, aggressive, loud, bossy douchebag and a terrible father. All he's ever been good for in my life was driving me places and buying me things (Food, clothes, etc.) He devalues me for everything that I am. Even when I'm on the right of things, he dismisses me as wrong. We could never get along. He has to be right about everything because he's the MAN and he pays the bills. Unfortunately, i can't move out right now because I don't have the funds or the transportation to live out on my own. My mom has been both my mother and father. But unfortunately she's just lost her mind with her self-rightousness, lazy slow-mindedness, and selfishness. I can't talk to her either because she's practically useless and a pretty bad mother. She's not smart and never makes an effort in educating herself worthwhile. Well, she does plan to go back to school and become a registered nurse, but only just to make money. She argues with me, even when she shouldn't be. Just like my father. They're both stupid southern black people who have no business being parents in the first place because both of them came from families of dysfunction. I honestly wanted to kill myself to remove myself from this crap-a** mistake of a family. But no running away is better suited. -ahem- But yeah, I understand how you feel family-wise. Link to post Share on other sites
nikayla Posted November 7, 2010 Share Posted November 7, 2010 OP, the best you can do is be your own best family. Carefully select qualities and aspects of family life that align with your values and use them as a foundation to build your own family of friends, mentors, and biological members. Yes, family is a sham. It is a corporation that operates under control, obedience, and conformity. But as you grow older and gain independence, you have the power to break the cycle or continue in it. Until then, become your own best parents and seek out those who you can create a happy life with. It is not easy, but it can be done. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted November 7, 2010 Share Posted November 7, 2010 My father is a rude, arrogant, aggressive, loud, bossy douchebag and a terrible father. All he's ever been good for in my life was driving me places and buying me things (Food, clothes, etc.) He devalues me for everything that I am. Even when I'm on the right of things, he dismisses me as wrong. We could never get along. He has to be right about everything because he's the MAN and he pays the bills. Unfortunately, i can't move out right now because I don't have the funds or the transportation to live out on my own. My mom has been both my mother and father. But unfortunately she's just lost her mind with her self-rightousness, lazy slow-mindedness, and selfishness. I can't talk to her either because she's practically useless and a pretty bad mother. She's not smart and never makes an effort in educating herself worthwhile. Well, she does plan to go back to school and become a registered nurse, but only just to make money. She argues with me, even when she shouldn't be. Just like my father. They're both stupid southern black people who have no business being parents in the first place because both of them came from families of dysfunction. I honestly wanted to kill myself to remove myself from this crap-a** mistake of a family. But no running away is better suited. -ahem- But yeah, I understand how you feel family-wise. I didn't realize that my parents had more children! Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyClover Posted November 7, 2010 Share Posted November 7, 2010 My mum cheated, then subjected me to her abusive alcoholic ex boyfriend. My dad doesn't like me. And my brother didn't even finish school and is currently bumming off my sister. Learn to not take it so personally. Your parents relationship is none of your business. If you don't like them, don't be around them. No sense in having a defeated attitude about the concept of family. If you don't like the one you have, create your own. That was very beautifully put. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 So, with that knowledge, you have a great opportunity: make a vow that the family YOU create will be worlds better! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted November 8, 2010 Author Share Posted November 8, 2010 So, with that knowledge, you have a great opportunity: make a vow that the family YOU create will be worlds better! I know people will think i'm a demon, but I don't think I want kids or a family; would like a relationship though & loadsa pets Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 Allow folks to think what they may, I personally think that a person who isnt ready to bring kids into this world are a fine lot. You made a conscious decision based on what skills you do and do not have for a healthy family environment. Lets face it, some folks that do have kids never should have had them. You are kind enough to tend to animals or be a loving partner in life. May you be happy in whatever endeavors you choose during adulthood. (PS- We are a by product of our environment, luckily we can transplant ourselves and move along...) I disagree strongly that our parents relationship is none of our business..I guarantee you , I learned MORE from seeing my parents hardships and challenges. Not all of it was positive which helped later in life on HOW NOT to be around my children... Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 I know people will think i'm a demon, but I don't think I want kids or a family; would like a relationship though & loadsa pets At your age, that's not uncommon. I didn't get pregnant til I was 30, and even then I was terrified - I had NEVER cared about kids, all that jazz. Once it became MY story...well, it's true what they say... you never want to go back to before your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Castle Posted November 11, 2010 Share Posted November 11, 2010 Thanks for taking the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love learning more on this topic. If possible, as you gain expertise, would you mind updating your blog with extra information? It is extremely helpful for me. Embroidery design Link to post Share on other sites
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