What would you do if you found out BW had told xMM lies about you?

[desertIslandCactus]

I'm sorry for what you went through DIC......I can't imagine how terrible of a shock that was and dealing with an ass of stbx husband.........but I wonder do you suppose the reason that she was so difficult was because of the lies he had told her about you?

 

I don't know what all he told her BB. But she is known to be a haughty demanding woman.

 

My husband is now deceased but all of his relatives have reported to me about her (aside from my sons) .. Also my sons and myself have been in contact with the grown children of her new husband.. The word audacity was named after this OW.

 

I happened to call my exH in the hospital when he was having a really bad day.. I wasn't allowed (by her) to visit him, so I sent his brother, because my H told me he was dying.

 

My sons caught it big time the next time they visited him.. she followed them to the car and read them the riot act about my calling him, and that we were no longer married.

 

I just think that in her case, she was very jealous - and had reason to be.

[desertIslandCactus]

22 years, wow Desert, that's a long time...

 

 

That happened to my mom...they were in the process of getting divorced, then my dad said he wanted to work things out and that the proceedings had ceased...then all of a sudden she hears through the grapevine that the divorce was final and my dad had taken "new wife" to Hawaii to get married...

 

She didn't tell me about this until I was about 35 or so, it just came up due to a similar sitch.

 

This was back in '67, yours is the second time I've heard that, was yours during/around that time period??????

 

How could they get away with that, have things/laws changed????

 

No mine was in 85. It happened because he told me he just didn't want to married anymore. Lied to me about there being another woman..

 

New Years Eve (when Ricky Nelson died) I went up to his apt where he was supposedly living with second cousin .. and he and his things weren't there. Second cousin told me he was in another apt where the OW lived. Then he immediately filed for divorce after my discovery.

 

In other words I wasn't aware of the OW much before the divorce..

[pureinheart]

I don't know what all he told her BB. But she is known to be a haughty demanding woman.

 

My husband is now deceased but all of his relatives have reported to me about her (aside from my sons) .. Also my sons and myself have been in contact with the grown children of her new husband.. The word audacity was named after this OW.

 

I happened to call my exH in the hospital when he was having a really bad day.. I wasn't allowed (by her) to visit him, so I sent his brother, because my H told me he was dying.

 

My sons caught it big time the next time they visited him.. she followed them to the car and read them the riot act about my calling him, and that we were no longer married.

 

I just think that in her case, she was very jealous - and had reason to be.

 

Bold...excuse me????? Were you banned from the service when he passed also...sarcasm intended...

 

My daughters exstepmother was jealous of both my daughter and myself and insisted that her dad not see her or pay child support, he payed hell if he visited her...I blame him though , as he should have stood up to her.

 

Now they are divorced she demands child support...FTR she lives off our money and theirs and has never worked a day in her life....

[pureinheart]

No mine was in 85. It happened because he told me he just didn't want to married anymore. Lied to me about there being another woman..

 

New Years Eve (when Ricky Nelson died) I went up to his apt where he was supposedly living with second cousin .. and he and his things weren't there. Second cousin told me he was in another apt where the OW lived. Then he immediately filed for divorce after my discovery.

 

In other words I wasn't aware of the OW much before the divorce..

 

(((((((((((((((((Desert)))))))))))))))))))...did he let you think there was a chance of reconciliation? BTW, I'm so sorry that happened to you....

[desertIslandCactus]

Bold...excuse me????? Were you banned from the service when he passed also...sarcasm intended...

 

My daughters exstepmother was jealous of both my daughter and myself and insisted that her dad not see her or pay child support, he payed hell if he visited her...I blame him though , as he should have stood up to her.

 

Now they are divorced she demands child support...FTR she lives off our money and theirs and has never worked a day in her life....

 

I'm sure she would have liked to have banned me from the service. My sons and I asked if we could pay for a buriel, and she had him cremated.

 

My husband's family sat several rows back with my sons and I at the funeral .. They took us to lunch afterward.

[desertIslandCactus]

(((((((((((((((((Desert)))))))))))))))))))...did he let you think there was a chance of reconciliation? BTW, I'm so sorry that happened to you....

 

Don't feel bad, it was a long time ago. God heals.

 

No. He refused counciling and rushed through the divorce. Unbeknowst to me, he had already put community funds into a down payment on a house for her before the divorce was final.. But too, I think she was feeling jealous and insecure - so pushed him to and through the divorce..

[pureinheart]

I'm sure she would have liked to have banned me from the service. My sons and I asked if we could pay for a buriel, and she had him cremated.

 

My husband's family sat several rows back with my sons and I at the funeral .. They took us to lunch afterward.

 

I am on really good terms with my daughters dads family, they're my people ya know. I only divorced the man, not the family, I loved all of them, some of the best days in my life, I'll never have another family like that (due to my marriage).

 

I'm glad his family knew the truth Desert, to have that type of support is precious

[Fieldsofgold]

From what his BW has said to me in the past he has not lied about them to me or me to her. She also said I was the only person who would be honest with her and she respected that.

 

I take ownership of my part in the A and deeply regret the pain I put her through which is why I took her phone calls and tried to do the right things (a little late I know).

 

I guess this just feels like a kick in the teeth, I was honest and she played dirty....

 

I would feel like this about anyone who I found out was telling people I said things that I didn't, not just because it is xMM's BW.

 

No I have no intention of going anywhere near their 'soap opera' of a life:D that I can promise.

 

I am sorry that you are hurting. I do know how it feels to have lies told about you, when you were trying to do the right thing.

 

But to be perfectly honest with you, I think your whole perspective of this is really, really skewed. Twisted. You're focusing on the splinter and overlooking the tree. Not a healthy thing for you, IMHO.

 

Bear with me, and try to look at the bigger picture. The bolded comment above, "she played dirty. . ." in the bigger picture, most people would say that you played dirtier, and in a bigger way, and you played dirty first - by having the affair with her husband. So why would you be surprised that she would reciprocate and play dirty with you? You say she lied about you while you were trying to do the right thing. From her POV, she was lied to so very many times during the affair by her H, and by extension, you. You helped her H decieve her and/or you were the reason her H decieved her. Again, from her POV, you were involved in a plot that included much dishonesty, deceit, possible gaslighting, betrayal, etc. Why would you expect her to have qualms about upholding your integrity? Yes, you did the right thing by honestly answering her questions, but after all the wrong you had been involved in, did you really think she would hold you in high esteem and defend your honor, just because you honestly answered her questions about sleeping with her husband? I think that maybe you are giving yourself too much credit for being honest with her, at that late date, after all the dishonesty that had been perpetrated on her. It was the decent thing for you to do, but would you really expect her to stand up and applaud you, and think highly of you, just for being honest in answering questions about the affair? You said she wanted her husband to hate you. Well, yeah, what did you expect? That she would want him to admire you and think more highly of you than her?

 

I think most BS's, IF they want to stay with the WS, would do just about anything to accomplish that. They might figure that if the WS and the OW were unethical enough to do what they did, why should the BS be the only ethical one in the triangle? If it was your husband, and you wanted him, how would you feel about the OW?

 

I'm not at all trying to be unkind. I just think you're straining at the splinter in her eye, while overlooking the tree in your own eye. By that, I mean that the wrong you did her, and did to her first, was so much greater than the wrong she did you, that you really have no basis for complaining. Having that honest conversation with her was the right thing for you to do, but really, in the bigger picture, it was too little, too late.

 

I know you feel your reputation has been tarnished by her lies, but I am sure she feels her marriage and/or her life has been messed up by your affair. If I recall the story, they had enough issues going on pre-affair. Why would you expect her, or any BS for that matter, to be fair and honest and honorable with you?

 

I really think it would be healthy and helpful for you to take a few steps back and look at the bigger picture, and realize what you did, and that realistically, this is what you can reasonably expect when you get involved in anyone else's marriage.

 

Maybe looking at it from this perspective will help you reconcile your feelings yo the lies she told.

[Fieldsofgold]

Sometimes people do what they need to do in order to make things right in their own world. I have to say I am not surprised that the wife embellished what you told her- I am sure she reconciled the conversation with how she was feeling- hurt, enraged, confused, decieved.

 

She may have reconciled the converstion to the point where she believes you said what you said to her. I am sure her feelings about what was done behind her back reflected how she translated your conversations.

 

In terms of your ex-MM, perhaps he too has to demonize you in order to feel better about what he did- so it makes sense that he would embrace what his wife told him and run with it. If he can make you the enemy because of these conversations it serves a dual purpose for him:

1) it takes the onus off of what he did to his wife and makes you the bad guy (also justifying him leaving your affair);

2) it gives him and his wife common ground- all of a sudden, YOU become the problem, not their marriage, and NOT what HE did to his wife.

 

I think the wife believes what she has to in order to move forward. It's unrealistic to expect that she'd come out of those conversations with a favourable opinion of you- and regardless off how forthright and pleasant you were during those conversations- she's going to view you as the enemy no matter what.

 

The bottom line is that there is no point defending yourself against the two of them. They are both working through what they need to in order to put the affair past them. People will warp things to suit them in a situation like that. Your MM probably has to believe what he does in order to keep his marriage- and she has to believe you are something she needs you to be in order to move forward as well.

 

I know it hurts, but I don't think she decieved you anywhere near the way HE did.

 

Excellent post!!!!!

[jennie-jennie]

I am sorry that you are hurting. I do know how it feels to have lies told about you, when you were trying to do the right thing.

 

But to be perfectly honest with you, I think your whole perspective of this is really, really skewed. Twisted. You're focusing on the splinter and overlooking the tree. Not a healthy thing for you, IMHO.

 

Bear with me, and try to look at the bigger picture. The bolded comment above, "she played dirty. . ." in the bigger picture, most people would say that you played dirtier, and in a bigger way, and you played dirty first - by having the affair with her husband. So why would you be surprised that she would reciprocate and play dirty with you? You say she lied about you while you were trying to do the right thing. From her POV, she was lied to so very many times during the affair by her H, and by extension, you. You helped her H decieve her and/or you were the reason her H decieved her. Again, from her POV, you were involved in a plot that included much dishonesty, deceit, possible gaslighting, betrayal, etc. Why would you expect her to have qualms about upholding your integrity? Yes, you did the right thing by honestly answering her questions, but after all the wrong you had been involved in, did you really think she would hold you in high esteem and defend your honor, just because you honestly answered her questions about sleeping with her husband? I think that maybe you are giving yourself too much credit for being honest with her, at that late date, after all the dishonesty that had been perpetrated on her. It was the decent thing for you to do, but would you really expect her to stand up and applaud you, and think highly of you, just for being honest in answering questions about the affair? You said she wanted her husband to hate you. Well, yeah, what did you expect? That she would want him to admire you and think more highly of you than her?

 

I think most BS's, IF they want to stay with the WS, would do just about anything to accomplish that. They might figure that if the WS and the OW were unethical enough to do what they did, why should the BS be the only ethical one in the triangle? If it was your husband, and you wanted him, how would you feel about the OW?

 

I'm not at all trying to be unkind. I just think you're straining at the splinter in her eye, while overlooking the tree in your own eye. By that, I mean that the wrong you did her, and did to her first, was so much greater than the wrong she did you, that you really have no basis for complaining. Having that honest conversation with her was the right thing for you to do, but really, in the bigger picture, it was too little, too late.

 

I know you feel your reputation has been tarnished by her lies, but I am sure she feels her marriage and/or her life has been messed up by your affair. If I recall the story, they had enough issues going on pre-affair. Why would you expect her, or any BS for that matter, to be fair and honest and honorable with you?

 

I really think it would be healthy and helpful for you to take a few steps back and look at the bigger picture, and realize what you did, and that realistically, this is what you can reasonably expect when you get involved in anyone else's marriage.

 

Maybe looking at it from this perspective will help you reconcile your feelings yo the lies she told.

 

Let this be a warning to all OW to minimize the contact with the BS. Let the MM answer the questions. Refer the BS to him. Don't get involved in their marriage by engaging with the BS.

 

I'll say it again: An OW should not trust a BS. Ever.

 

You want the same man, and there is no telling which lengths the BS will go to keep her man.

[jthorne]

Ok, I was going to let this thread go, but this brought up something I've been thinking about. FoG said much of what was on my mind but ever so much better, as usual.

I am sorry that you are hurting. I do know how it feels to have lies told about you, when you were trying to do the right thing.

 

But to be perfectly honest with you, I think your whole perspective of this is really, really skewed. Twisted. You're focusing on the splinter and overlooking the tree. Not a healthy thing for you, IMHO.

 

Bear with me, and try to look at the bigger picture. The bolded comment above, "she played dirty. . ." in the bigger picture, most people would say that you played dirtier, and in a bigger way, and you played dirty first - by having the affair with her husband. So why would you be surprised that she would reciprocate and play dirty with you? You say she lied about you while you were trying to do the right thing. From her POV, she was lied to so very many times during the affair by her H, and by extension, you. You helped her H decieve her and/or you were the reason her H decieved her. Again, from her POV, you were involved in a plot that included much dishonesty, deceit, possible gaslighting, betrayal, etc. Why would you expect her to have qualms about upholding your integrity? Yes, you did the right thing by honestly answering her questions, but after all the wrong you had been involved in, did you really think she would hold you in high esteem and defend your honor, just because you honestly answered her questions about sleeping with her husband? I think that maybe you are giving yourself too much credit for being honest with her, at that late date, after all the dishonesty that had been perpetrated on her. It was the decent thing for you to do, but would you really expect her to stand up and applaud you, and think highly of you, just for being honest in answering questions about the affair? You said she wanted her husband to hate you. Well, yeah, what did you expect? That she would want him to admire you and think more highly of you than her?

 

I think most BS's, IF they want to stay with the WS, would do just about anything to accomplish that. They might figure that if the WS and the OW were unethical enough to do what they did, why should the BS be the only ethical one in the triangle? If it was your husband, and you wanted him, how would you feel about the OW?

 

I'm not at all trying to be unkind. I just think you're straining at the splinter in her eye, while overlooking the tree in your own eye. By that, I mean that the wrong you did her, and did to her first, was so much greater than the wrong she did you, that you really have no basis for complaining. Having that honest conversation with her was the right thing for you to do, but really, in the bigger picture, it was too little, too late.

 

I know you feel your reputation has been tarnished by her lies, but I am sure she feels her marriage and/or her life has been messed up by your affair. If I recall the story, they had enough issues going on pre-affair. Why would you expect her, or any BS for that matter, to be fair and honest and honorable with you?

 

I really think it would be healthy and helpful for you to take a few steps back and look at the bigger picture, and realize what you did, and that realistically, this is what you can reasonably expect when you get involved in anyone else's marriage.

 

Maybe looking at it from this perspective will help you reconcile your feelings yo the lies she told.

Another thing to consider about staying out of any knowlwdge of the reconcilliation process. Had the BS said glowing things about the xOW, there would be no problem. This time, the report wasn't so glowing. But the endgame is all the same. The BS and WS are reconcilling. They are doing it in their own way, just as the xOW is healing is her own way.

 

It's just best for each to have no knowledge of the other's process. Just walk away.

Let this be a warning to all OW to minimize the contact with the BS. Let the MM answer the questions. Refer the BS to him. Don't get involved in their marriage by engaging with the BS.

 

I'll say it again: An OW should not trust a BS. Ever.

 

You want the same man, and there is no telling which lengths the BS will go to keep her man.

And perhaps this should be a warning to all BS as well to not even bother with the xOW.

 

Why would either of the people being lied to in the triangle trust one another? The only one that knows the real truth is the WS, and he only knows his version of the truth. Interesting that you said her man though.

 

Hopeless, I hope your IC went well yesterday.

[whichwayisup]

 

You want the same man, and there is no telling which lengths the BS will go to keep her man.

 

So she should just hand her husband over to the OW with no fight and walk away with her tail between her legs?

 

Consquences..Those who choose an affair must deal with the fallout and reaction all around them when it ends.

 

Which leads me to this Hope - Unfortunately as much as it upsets you, what she's saying about you, what he's chosen to believe at this point is completely out of your hands. You found out what she said to him, somehow. You can't control this, can't control what others think and feel and what they say.

[Owl]

Let this be a warning to all OW to minimize the contact with the BS. Let the MM answer the questions. Refer the BS to him. Don't get involved in their marriage by engaging with the BS.

 

I'll say it again: An OW should not trust a BS. Ever.

 

You want the same man, and there is no telling which lengths the BS will go to keep her man.

 

And that works both ways as well. OM in my situation absolutely had his own intestests in mind...so any useful interaction between us was pretty much impossible. He went through some pretty bizarre lengths to try to take away my wife when you get down to it.

 

In SOME cases, interaction between the two is possible...there have been threads on this board demonstrating that.

 

I can see why it would benefit the OW/OM to avoid interaction with the BS...it's a lot easier to keep things going when you don't have to directly face/deal with/observe the consequences of your choices. Actually facing the person being damaged by your decisions can be a very painful thing indeed.

 

In the OP's case, she would indeed be best served by severing any interaction at all between her and MM and his wife. It's clear that the affair is over...all that is left now is for everyone to heal.

 

For her, I think healing would be best served by avoiding further interaction...and focusing on taking care of herself instead. Not easy, but definitely the right path for her now. There's no value in trying to fathom why the wife said what she said, or focus on that any further. The situation is over...and any further attention on MM or his wife is just going to keep her focused on her pain, rarther than let her heal from it.

[Dexter Morgan]

obviously he is taking sides. and why do week keep up with men who couldnt even stand up for us??

 

why do you keep up with men who are married in the first place?

 

he has a wife, and a mistress.....which one do you think he is obligated to stand up for?

 

until he is divorced, its the wife.

[Dexter Morgan]

wife has been lied to, betrayed, and crapped on.

 

i think she is entitled to a few lies herself, even if they are in fact lies.

[Dexter Morgan]

Let this be a warning to all OW to minimize the contact with the BS. Let the MM answer the questions. Refer the BS to him. Don't get involved in their marriage by engaging with the BS.

 

dont get involved with the marriage by engaging the BS? by all means get involved with the marriage, interfere with it, but not by engaging the BS?

 

 

I'll say it again: An OW should not trust a BS. Ever.

 

and there is nothing to trust about the OW ever either.

[wheelwright]

No one is entitled to closure from another person, whether is it an affair, single relationship, or even a marriage. Obviously you don't agree, but even moreso in and affair when someone knowingly boinks a married person. Regardless, closure comes from within. No one else can give another closure. Period.

 

I have to wonder if the insistance that the xMM "owes" the OW is just a way for the OW to hold onto the xMM in her mind. It's either a way of not moving on, or stands in the way of it.

Is this a joke? A MM intrudes on an OW's life? Really? How about the OW that intrudes on another's marriage? Obviously, there was no invitation from the BS! Wow, good blameshifting. As if the OW didn't have the choice to say no to the invitation!

 

What's the saying? Karma is a b1tch?

 

I know you have your way of thinking, and I am not too at odds with it on the whole.

 

Cause the people could obviously find closure in themselves, if they were worth their salt.

 

For me, I needed something from xMOM beyond a blanking in the street.

 

I can see a BS might not see that need in an OW, but then the OW has been minimised by then.

 

And the BS was minimised so that the OW felt the A wasn't stepping on anyone's toes.

 

Full circle.

 

But the OW wants closure.

 

And to be denied it kills.

[wheelwright]

And that works both ways as well. OM in my situation absolutely had his own intestests in mind...so any useful interaction between us was pretty much impossible. He went through some pretty bizarre lengths to try to take away my wife when you get down to it.

 

In SOME cases, interaction between the two is possible...there have been threads on this board demonstrating that.

 

I can see why it would benefit the OW/OM to avoid interaction with the BS...it's a lot easier to keep things going when you don't have to directly face/deal with/observe the consequences of your choices. Actually facing the person being damaged by your decisions can be a very painful thing indeed.

 

In the OP's case, she would indeed be best served by severing any interaction at all between her and MM and his wife. It's clear that the affair is over...all that is left now is for everyone to heal.

 

For her, I think healing would be best served by avoiding further interaction...and focusing on taking care of herself instead. Not easy, but definitely the right path for her now. There's no value in trying to fathom why the wife said what she said, or focus on that any further. The situation is over...and any further attention on MM or his wife is just going to keep her focused on her pain, rarther than let her heal from it.[/QUOTE]

 

Judicious as ever.

 

Bolded didn't make me especially feel about healing. I think it's what people who aren't too hurt right now think healing is.

[GreenEyedLady]

Let this be a warning to all OW to minimize the contact with the BS. Let the MM answer the questions. Refer the BS to him. Don't get involved in their marriage by engaging with the BS.

 

I'll say it again: An OW should not trust a BS. Ever.

 

You want the same man, and there is no telling which lengths the BS will go to keep her man.

 

This is why I advised not to talk to the BS on the BB/HS/SS thread.

 

And I think it goes without saying that the BS does not trust the OW either. She is just a means to an ends for her. And that's kind of how it worked out for BB in the end. HSSS went NC and she was left wondering if they worked it out or not.

 

GEL

[wheelwright]

I haven't read all the posts but this one was very insightful to me.

 

For all those that think they "deserve" closure .... can you tell me how you would get closure from the unexpected death of someone you loved? How does that work?

 

Closure comes from WITHIN, not FROM another person.

 

((hugs))

 

Death is a kind of closure.

 

The end of a love A where both APs are alive never has that finality.

 

In the spirit of this thread:

 

The BS told me she had never lover her H.

 

A week later her H told me his M was dead.

 

I did not fish for this info - they were all dying to tell to anyone.

 

I took them at their words.

 

So who was gaslighted in the A that ensued (bar my poor H?).

 

There is no truth to rely on here, except what you feel and how people behave.

[datura_noir]

Death is a kind of closure.

 

The end of a love A where both APs are alive never has that finality.

 

In the spirit of this thread:

 

The BS told me she had never lover her H.

 

A week later her H told me his M was dead.

 

I did not fish for this info - they were all dying to tell to anyone.

 

I took them at their words.

 

So who was gaslighted in the A that ensued (bar my poor H?).

 

There is no truth to rely on here, except what you feel and how people behave.

 

You know I said almost the same thing to the OW in anemail after I found out my H had took her on vacation after DDay-

 

I said that I knew everything, even forwarded her an email that was the tamest, and told her she could have him. I never once mentioned that I loved him in any of my TWO correspondences, because frankly, after learning what I did, I could not emphatically say I loved him. Can you blame me?? Although I did love him deep down, I didn't think it was any of her business. It was between us and us only. My words to her were fueled by pure emotion at that point. Heck, if I could go back I would have told her to make sure she was comfy with his behavior in treating women he purported to care about, and good luck with him.

 

Strange things, these marriages/LTR's, they are never what they appear to be to outside parties. Once they start re-connecting, you never know where it's going to go.

 

If my H had left me, I'm sure the OW would not have put up with any "closure" conversations or visits to me; it would have been my job to deal.

[wheelwright]

What is appropriate in the AP getting closure? How? Should the BS and WS sit down with the AP and have a talk? Is this the kind of closure you are referring to?

 

You know, I really wouldn't have minded if it had come from one or the other or both. But it would have needed truth, and it would have needed both parties seeing that I deserved it.

 

The thing is I felt I just got lies.

 

As it is either

 

1 xMOM loved me but couldn't tell his BS that for him to keep his status quo.

2 xMOM realised he didn't love me but feared the impact of that on my 'fragile' psyche.

3 xMOM didn't give a f*** about me and wanted to resolve things with his W in a way where I played as small a part as poss

4 xMOM was so afraid of it all that he waited to hear what his W had to say.

5. He thought he could hold his heart in check and wait and see.

 

Or as is often the case, all of the above.

[Silly_Girl]

You know, I really wouldn't have minded if it had come from one or the other or both. But it would have needed truth, and it would have needed both parties seeing that I deserved it.

 

The thing is I felt I just got lies.

 

As it is either

 

1 xMOM loved me but couldn't tell his BS that for him to keep his status quo.

2 xMOM realised he didn't love me but feared the impact of that on my 'fragile' psyche.

3 xMOM didn't give a f*** about me and wanted to resolve things with his W in a way where I played as small a part as poss

4 xMOM was so afraid of it all that he waited to hear what his W had to say.

5. He thought he could hold his heart in check and wait and see.

 

Or as is often the case, all of the above.

 

I could see a couple of those co-existing. But not all 5.

[GreenEyedLady]

You know, I really wouldn't have minded if it had come from one or the other or both. But it would have needed truth, and it would have needed both parties seeing that I deserved it.

 

The thing is I felt I just got lies.

 

As it is either

 

1 xMOM loved me but couldn't tell his BS that for him to keep his status quo.

2 xMOM realised he didn't love me but feared the impact of that on my 'fragile' psyche.

3 xMOM didn't give a f*** about me and wanted to resolve things with his W in a way where I played as small a part as poss

4 xMOM was so afraid of it all that he waited to hear what his W had to say.

5. He thought he could hold his heart in check and wait and see.

 

Or as is often the case, all of the above.

 

WW:

 

You have to make peace with your R. You will never really know why. I would venture a guess that it was probably somewhere in the middle. Either he loved you but loved his life or he just wanted sex and an affair. To me, those are the only two possible answers.

 

You're never going to get the true answer because he might not even know the real answer. He probably thought when you two first started that you were married, he was married so PERFECT! You'll never ask him to leave.

 

But either he or you or both fell in love and the plan got all messed up.

 

I hope that you are able to make sense out of all of it and move forward.

 

GEL

[wheelwright]

WW:

 

You have to make peace with your R. You will never really know why. I would venture a guess that it was probably somewhere in the middle. Either he loved you but loved his life or he just wanted sex and an affair. To me, those are the only two possible answers.

 

You're never going to get the true answer because he might not even know the real answer. He probably thought when you two first started that you were married, he was married so PERFECT! You'll never ask him to leave.

 

But either he or you or both fell in love and the plan got all messed up.

 

I hope that you are able to make sense out of all of it and move forward.

 

GEL

 

Thanks.

 

I'll move forward I know.

 

He was a man with plans - so I get your summary.