My Marriage is draining me

[country]

What do you do when you’re not satisfied anymore by your husband. We’ve been married for over 11 years and he has cheated on me in the past because he said that I wouldn’t give him no sex that’s why he cheated on me. I gave him more sex back then than he’s getting now, so I know he’s cheating even more so, because he’s not getting any at all. The reason I use to hold back sex was because he lied all the time, he was very disrespectful, and last but not least he’s very irresponsible. We move so many times it’s not funny, so as you can tell I have no stability with this man either. I haven’t been able to get over the fact that he’s cheated on me over 3 years ago. Since this happened we don’t sleep together anymore and it seems like we are fine with it. Every so often he will touch my breast or behind and when I’m naked and getting ready to go take a shower he will stare at me and tease me saying can I have some. I would say what’s wrong with you; you act like you’ve never seen me nude before and he will still say, can I have some sex I’m backed up. Well over a year and a half ago I would say okay and next thing I know it’s later in the day and we still haven’t had sex. When I go into the living room and say to him when are you coming to bed he will say, in a minute, and the minutes turn into hours. When he does decides to finally come to bed I’m already sleepy waiting for him to come to bed, then I don’t want it. I feel that he’s getting sex from somebody else. I also feel that he’s just teasing me to find out if I’m messing around on him or not. I told him that he doesn’t tongue kiss right and that he doesn’t seem to hit the right spot when we have oral sex. When we do engage in sex by the time I do have a not so great orgasm it makes me not want to have sex with him again and again. Time and time again I’ve showed this man where he needs to touch me that gets me arouse, but for some strange reason he always goes somewhere else and I get frustrated because I feel like he doesn’t care about satisfying me the right way. He likes oral sex too, but I refuse to suck his you know what, sense he can’t seem to get it right when he goes down on me. Like I said in the beginning we’ve been married for over 11 years so you would think he would get it right after all this time. It’s been almost 6 months now and I still don’t really have an interest in wanting sex from him. It could be that I know that I wouldn’t enjoy it anyway, so what am I missing. Now he says out loud for everyone to hear, meaning the neighbors that I am boring this is why he doesn’t have sex with me and that’s why you sleep in the bed by yourself and I sleep in the living room by myself. It really hurts my feeling when he tells me this and he knows it. What I can’t understand is why every now and then he will still ask me for sex, but according to him I’m boring. I don’t even think about asking him for sex because I know I will not enjoy it. Since he can’t seem to stop disrespecting and badgering me, I do it back at him and now he says that I don’t have any respect for him. I told him well you started it, and I asked you in the beginning to not go there with the disrespect but you still did it anyway. When he says something to me, he expects me to jump and when I disagree with him he gets mad. If we have plans to go somewhere together he will say cancel the reservations because I’m not going with you since you never want to listen to me. Or if we have plans to go over my family house for dinner he will say I’m not going because your family doesn’t like me anyway, you go by your damn self. I ask him all the time why does he do this every time I disagree with him and he will say because I don’t listen to him, so you don’t need me going anywhere with you. I am so sick and tired of this roller coaster marriage, I want out and don’t know how to go about doing it because I’m not working right now. I keep hoping I would hit the lottery and with the money I win I could leave him within a blink of an eye. I am so tired mentally and physically I just want out.

Edited October 25, 2010 by country

[country]

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[Suerenity]

;)Dear heart I know just how you feel. I am in sort of the same situation. H and I are 10yrs in at this point and apart from our 2 kids, I feel like my whole marriage has been a waste. My H is a very careless, thoughtless, irresponsible, manipulative, lying, cheating, irrational, hypocritical man. I don't feel as though he and I can ever get to where I would like to get together in terms of going back to school, starting our own business or anything. This M has been so rocky for the past 7-8yrs that emotionally/mentally, I'm drained and don't really want to even try to do anything as long as I'm with him anymore. He calls me unsupportive but it has gotten that way after years of trying to get him to further his education to be able to better provide for his family, or find a better paying job or to take up even a hobby that he likes instead of smoking pot and drinking everynight.

 

Do you have children? That makes it much different too when trying to leave. I, myself am making very little at my job and am always playing lottos/raffles trying to 'win' the money that i need to move out. We're both going through pretty much the same thing. If you have any family or friends that you can talk to about your situation, they may be able to help you arrange something. Careful not to tell your problems to anyone though. People, as i have learned from this board in fact can be very judgemental and posing as a friend or confidant just to have stuff to gossip about.

 

Try your 100% best to get a job so you can start saving to do what you need to do. I've been searching diligently for about 6-8 months for a better paying job but in a tough economy, things are really slow but I'm not giving up. I have to make this step for me and my kids because I don't wanna be 60 and moving into like my 30th apartment. lol

 

Trust in God that things will work out and put in your best effort. God helps those who help themselves. I have to remember to take my ow advice also.

[country]

Thanks for your input Suerenity. It does sound like we're both in the same predicament, with one exception, I have no kids. He does and never really did much for them, so I guess God saw this, because God sees and knows everything. I believe in God and Jesus Christ with all my heart. I wanted to have at least 2 but 1 would have sufficed. I miscarried both times so I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I know what you mean, when you said I should talk to my family about this, but truthfully speaking, they already know and don’t want to get involved because they have asked me many times before to leave, but I wouldn’t, so now I’m on my own. I should’ve never gotten married, because I knew what type of person he was and still stayed and married anyway. I guess when things are brought to your attention, and you see it for what it really is, and you still stay with them anyway, you get what you deserve. If it’s meant for me to get out of this one, I promise myself, even if I have to be by myself for a long time, then so be it. I know that I will never ever subject myself to another person like this ever again. Life is too short for all the aggravation I’ve been through and it’s just not worth being unhappy.

Edited October 25, 2010 by country

[LiveWell]

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Yeah I can agree with that.

[mitchell]

This one is easy.

 

You have no kids. Your marriage is over. Just get out, get divorced and get on with your life. You have no communication with your husband, and he appears to have no interest in improving or pleasing you. Don't waste your time.

[dreamingoftigers]

Wow you guys need some MC like,... yesterday

[scatterd]

Im sorry for your pain if you no longer want to work it out. tuck money away have a yard sell when you have enough get a place with a room mate.Your family will help once they know your serious.If you want it to work let your husband know you need counceling and the games over it takes work but with help you can have a better marriage.If you have your health you are able I feel for you and wish you happiness good luck.

[country]

:bunny::bunny::bunny: