would like to know and understand what is happening!

[devi564]

Hi

 

My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago because he said we were fighting too much, the problem is that I didn't think that we had any problems. We fought but not as often as he said we did. We have been together for 3 years, and always said since the beginning of our relationship that he didnt want me to leave him and we always talked about starting a family together and moving out. He has always told me if he had the money we would be married by now. Even just three days before he decided to take a break or separation he talked to me about getting a house with me and having kids.

 

He has always been the one to tell me how he feels. He told me when he broke up with me that the only way we could be together is if I moved out of my house (I am 22 and a student living with my parents). He wants me to be more independant. The problem is he is 24 and still living with his parents as well.

 

I am just so confused because since the break we have talked almost everyday and seen each other every 2nd day. When we are together and talking it seems like nothing has changed in our relationship except that I am doing more for him and not recieving anything back from him.

 

The other day he told me he wants to work it out but I have to get my life together before we do. It jsut really upsets me though when he talks about how he can not wait to get out of his parents house and live on his own, yet he is always asking me for my opinions on everything having to do with a house as if I would be living there with him. Then there are times where he makes me think otherwise by saying "when you get a house". for example the other day we were talking about how he needs a new computer but he can not afford one so he turns to me and says "you will have to get it then because you will be needing one when you move out anyway".

 

I guess the thing I am confused about is whether he is comming or going. Is he playing games with me or does he really want to be with me, but needs time?

 

I asked him a few days ago if there is a future for us together and he asked me why is it another guy and I was getting tired of the games and wanted to know if he really cared about me still and I said what if it is, so he said well if it is we are broken up I will be upset but we are not together so there is nothing I can do. I was mad at that comment so I told him yes it is another guy (even though I dont want to be with anyone else nor am I looking for anyone else) so after a long silence on his end I told him the truth that no there is no other guy.

 

He was the one who broke up with me in the first place and now after that comment was made he is keeping me on a tighter leash. I know for a fact he is jelouse and afraid I will find someone else. And he is playing with my emotions in the meantime and I dont know how to just stay away. He is always calling and he has been calling me to come over every night since. And stupid me I go at his beck and call.

 

Everything has been normal like nothing has changed we still do the same things we have been doing since we have been together 3 years ago, but yet he still considers me his EX and I am so confused! I am wondering what he is trying to do to me ?

 

He is making long term plans with me and telling me when I sell my car (I want to get a new one) that I can drive his newer car and he will drive his piece of junk but that isnt for a few months yet.

 

Is there anything I can tell him or maby e-mail him to let him know that I dont like this situation in a nice way? I am just scared he is going to forget about the whole getting back together thing if I tell him I am upset about the situation and dont want to do this anymore but want to be together!

 

There is so much more I would like to say but I just dont really know how to explain, so I hope the main point is clear and understandable. Thank you

[meanon]

This guy is messing you about - don't let him do it anymore. How can you discuss getting a house and having kids with someone and then break up with them 3 days later? It makes no sense - he is not being honest with you.

 

His behaviour since then seems designed to keep you guessing, keep you dependant on him and keep himself in control of what you do. Do you have any idea why hewould want to do this? Has he behaved this way in the past? Has he ever been jealous or controlling before?

 

it seems like nothing has changed in our relationship except that I am doing more for him and not recieving anything back from him.

 

I hope I am wrong but this sounds to me like the reason he is behaving as he is.

[lost_in_chgo]

Sounds like a panic reaction to me. He started to talk about commitments, had time to think about it a little, panicked and ran.. He might come back. Don't try to force him. Stay in contact and be friendly but don't give him much of your time. Try to stay busy with other things. Don't sleep with him. If he asks why, remind him about the breakup.

 

He'll change his tune. Don't take him back right away. Tell him you're not sure. You're worried he'll change his mind again, etc...

[devi564]

In all he has never been jelouse, controlling etc. he had always encouraged me to go out with friends and have fun.

 

But since my post things have changed and I am not sure how to take this. Well now for a week he has been asking me to go over to his house (his parents have been gone on vacation for 2 weeks) and just hang out with him so I do. but the thing is I had told him a while ago that it may not be a good idea to keep seeing each other for a while to figure things out and he told me how are we supposed to figure things out when we are not seeing each other.

 

I guess I am just trying to figure this out. I know he wants to be with me because things are looking up now but really I do not want to be with him unless he tells me straight out that he wants to commit now. But for some reason he isdragging this on.

 

I would just like to know if no talking is the answer in this situation now? it is just still upsetting for me and he even knows it.

 

the other night I slept over at his house (his suggestion, because he was conveniently too tired to drive me home because he had picked me up earlier) and when he drove me home the next day he told me he wants that night for himself and not to be offended. But really I was looking forward to staying home. Then about 2 hours later he calls me and tells me to come over.

 

I am just afraid I will offend him if I say no, which I will, but I just get this thing in my head that maby this time he will tell me tonight that he wants to get back together, so that is the reason I end up going.