From 0 to 60, want to slow back down.

[Bronan]

Quick rundown of my current situation:

 

Pretty fresh out of a breakup of a 7+ year relationship, remained voluntarily celibate for about 6+ months, and recently met a woman through a friend, who pretty much immediately drew me into her circle.

 

I really like hanging out with her, etc., but the other night we went out with a few of her friends, I ended up drinking a little too much (stressful week, bar was serving doubles, I made a mistake), we made out a few times, and apparently her equally sloshed friend started quizzing me on the way home about a few things (supposedly "embarrassing" stuff) and she and I had some sort of discussion about us/what we wanted.

 

I don't remember any of the details.

 

A couple of nights later, she and I went to a party where she was generally affectionate - cuddling, wanting to hold hands, etc., and we ended up kissing a few times in the car on the ride back to my place. I was sober.

 

After having some time to really mull it over the next day, I realized that I don't want to be in a relationship (I came to this conclusion a couple of weeks before we started hanging out and unfortunately didn't have time to get that across), but at the same time I still genuinely want to be friends with her in spite of us already having crossed a line as far as intimacy goes - she's a sweet person and I enjoy her company. But I need to put the brakes on this, for the sake of both of us.

 

I already sort of wrote up my thoughts on this, and this is the approach I'm going to take with her.

 

If any of what I say today is in contradiction to what was discussed the other night, I apologize in advance. I'd rather approach this with a clear head than try and re-hash something from a drunken Q&A between your friend and I.

 

I really like you, but I'm not really looking for a relationship right now. I'm still pretty fresh out of a long-term thing and I don't have my head on straight at all yet. I really like being friends with you and hanging out with you, but I jumped a little too soon at the chance for physical contact/intimacy, and while I definitely enjoy it, I don't want you to end up being hurt or feeling led on, because I think you're awesome and love your company. The main reason for me not wanting to get into anything serious right now is that I know how I am at the moment and I'm 99.9% sure that I would **** this up somehow.

 

I'm also still trying to work out a lot of personal stuff and I know that my baggage would get in the way of a healthy relationship. This isn't just a disclaimer or a way to try to get myself off the hook, and I'm not doing this just to keep you around and use you for my own validation - I don't do that. But I just wanted you to know the deal and I didn't want to leave you with mixed signals or anything of that sort. I don't want anything related to you to be considered a mistake.

Is that too much of an open invitation for her to hang around and "wait for me to come to my senses"?

 

Basically, how do I keep this from completely blowing up in our faces and hurting her?