What is she thinking!?

[Discrepancy]

On my college there's a girl I'm very fond of. We've been just friends for about a year. She has a boyfriend and I decided it would be best for me to stay away from her.

 

Recently there have been few changes. She's still in a relationship with the same guy but she started acting more flirtatious, with me especially. We were flirting before too but I didn't think it was anything special.

 

I'm a lone-wolf and I don't really go out much. She wanted me to go out with her and some of our mutual friends. I was feeling sick and wanted to use it as an excuse but she rescheduled the whole thing. So I went out with them and we went to few clubs, had a few drinks and danced. Just before we decided to go she put my arm around her shoulder, I didn't object but didn't know what was going on.

 

After that night the whole next week I decided to avoid her and put some distance between us as she still has a boyfriend. She was furious about me putting distance between us and she wanted to know the reason. I've asked her whether she liked me and once she replied with "Yes." I've asked if she's still in a relationship, after the second "Yes.", I've said to her "Do you see now!?".

 

Few days later her anger subsided and she wanted us to be just friends once again. So for a week we acted like nothing happened. Then came another invitation for a party and I decided to go. The girl was there too. For a while we just danced but as she had a headache we both sat for a while.

 

Since seats were taken she decided to sit on my lap. We were cuddling, touching each other and kissing each other. We had a great time and she said to me she didn't feel like this with anyone before.

 

The next day I've contacted her over a social site and asked whether she's still in a relationship and she replied with "Yes and no." she mentioned she doesn't want to regress to us being just friends. She wanted me to come over to her place and have sex but since my car was at the mechanics I couldn't come. We had little phone sex and we talked about various things.

 

Now some facts:

-The girl still has a boyfriend.

-They've been in relationship for 4-5 years.

-That's her first long-lasting relationship.

-Their families know each other pretty well.

-She displays extreme jealousy when another female is talking with me.

 

So what the hell is going on?

I presume she wants some kind of friends with benefits arrangement.

Is it just that or something more?

That "Yes and no." answer got me thinking that she might have some problems with her boyfriend or she's just bored of him. ( She said she wants to live her life to the fullest and that she doesn't belong to anyone. ).

 

So what should I do now?

Edited October 25, 2010 by Discrepancy

[WTRanger]

Run away from her. If she's doing this to her boyfriend, what do you think she'll do to you? She doesn't want to belong to anyone, so she's certainly not going to settle down with you. She is trouble, big time trouble.

[nessaaa]

She's been with her guy for so long, she's probably needs a change once in while.

[bl22]

What you need to do, is find you own girl and leave this one alone. When someone is in a relationship with someone else and its serious, what right do you have to come between that?!

Do you understand what kind of pain you will eventually cause her boyfriend and HER by doing this. Things will never work out with you too so stop trying.

I dont think you understnad just how it feels to be on the recieving end of having the love of your life leave you for someone else whos sneakily come between the relationship.

Its soul destroying, back off.

[LoveLace]

Run away from her. If she's doing this to her boyfriend, what do you think she'll do to you? She doesn't want to belong to anyone, so she's certainly not going to settle down with you. She is trouble, big time trouble.

 

 

This was my first thought. It sounds like she's heavily attracted to you in the sexual way, so yes friends with benefits probably describes what she wants pretty well. Probably not a good idea for you to get involved with her troubled relationship, either, and scewing her would make you involved. You were doing the right thing by keeping your distance and going back to that would be best IMO. And you are right she is probably bored, especially sexually bored, with her BF. And in so many words says she doesn't want to be faithful to anyone...all signs point to run away like WT said..

[Discrepancy]

I've talked with her so we straighten things out. I've asked in particular about that boyfriend part. It seems that she tried to break up with him on multiple occasions but he's still attached to her and as aforementioned since their families are pretty well connected she finds it hard to say the final goodbye.

 

She says that on some occasions she feels as if her mother is dating her boyfriend. About that part where she says she doesn't belong to anyone, I've taken it out of the context, she wanted to make it clear that although she is still in a relationship she doesn't belong to him anymore. She wants me to wait for a while till she clears things on her side. Also since she offered me sex I tried to press on it but it seems she's scared, she believes I might use her just as a one-night stand.

 

After these changes to the scenario. What are your thoughts?

Edited October 26, 2010 by Discrepancy

[lucylove]

I've talked with her so we straighten things out. I've asked in particular about that boyfriend part. It seems that she tried to break up with him on multiple occasions but he's still attached to her and as aforementioned since their families are pretty well connected she finds it hard to say the final goodbye.

 

She says that on some occasions she feels as if her mother is dating her boyfriend. About that part where she says she doesn't belong to anyone, I've taken it out of the context, she wanted to make it clear that although she is still in a relationship she doesn't belong to him anymore. She wants me to wait for a while till she clears things on her side. Also since she offered me sex I tried to press on it but it seems she's scared, she believes I might use her just as a one-night stand.

 

After these changes to the scenario. What are your thoughts?

this does change everything. she has spent most of her life allowing the wishes of others to override her own (allowing her bf's attachment to her to take precedence over her own desire to leave the relationship, for example). the fact that she says she actually has the feeling her mother is dating her bf more so than her speaks volumes. very unhealthy mother-daughter situation. now we see why she has been a people pleaser. her mother taught daughter that daughter is responsible for mother's happiness; mother's happiness is dependent upon living vicariously through daughter. so daughter never learned to make her own desires a priority. mom came first from the beginning.

now she is old enough that she is starting to do some internal work and is realizing that despite childhood lessons that beg to differ, something needs to be done about her own needs.

you are probably one of her first efforts made on behalf of herself. so she is most likely very genuinely interested in you. she won't sleep with you just yet as her interest is so sincere, she is afraid of doing something to screw up the connection with you.

[LoveLace]

I've talked with her so we straighten things out. I've asked in particular about that boyfriend part. It seems that she tried to break up with him on multiple occasions but he's still attached to her and as aforementioned since their families are pretty well connected she finds it hard to say the final goodbye.

 

She says that on some occasions she feels as if her mother is dating her boyfriend. About that part where she says she doesn't belong to anyone, I've taken it out of the context, she wanted to make it clear that although she is still in a relationship she doesn't belong to him anymore. She wants me to wait for a while till she clears things on her side. Also since she offered me sex I tried to press on it but it seems she's scared, she believes I might use her just as a one-night stand.

 

After these changes to the scenario. What are your thoughts?

 

Well that's a lot more understandable and clear on her part then. So if you like her and want a relationship with her, you could "wait" but I'm guessing this whole thing with her BF won't "clear up" as she says overnight. It doesn't sound like he will be able to be out of her life very easily or soon. You should leave yourself open to other women/dating opportunities while you "wait"...