Guys, do you respect women who have fbuddy relationships? Is that a "low-grade"chic?

[9Lives]

f buddy here...f buddy there..f buddy everywhere!

 

Big buzz word nowadays and I would like to see what most people think about it.

 

Are you playing yourself as a woman being a man's fbuddy?

Can a woman really engage in this type of relationship for a long time without catching feelings?

Do you put her mentally in a box which means she will ONLY be a piece of a/ss and nothing more?

Are we just adults and SHOULD BE able to handle this decision?

 

let me say this before SOMEONE jumps on this the wrong way!!!!!

 

 

Im REALLY asking a question. I want to know what is going on out here because I am dating and it seems like guys expect sex so fast when you meet them sometimes and I wonder why. Not all guys cause I have meet 3 guys that ask ME to be exclusive with them in the last 4 months and I said no. I also see that guys are saying fast before even getting to know you, I dont want a relationship but we can be cool to women.

 

Cool means = fk you, talk on the phone to you, hang out with you when I want to, do what I want to do at my leisure. MEN LOVE THIS RIGHT HERE.

 

The way I see it goes is this.. NOW Im giving my opinion below...follow me!

 

I see it meaning:

You are not good enough to be my girlfriend.

I am waiting for something better to come along.

Free to fk anybody else and not have to answer to you.

Free to find another woman and give her more..family time, money, etc.

 

Now, yes I want to screw. I will admit, I want to get my freak on sometimes but if I am having this kind of relationship with a man....IT WILL DEFINATELY BE A PRIVATE RELATIONSHIP. Reason is that I dont want to be known as that kind of woman.

 

I really dont want to have to become a FWB chic. I really really dont. For one, if it goes on too long, I might let myself get comfortable, stuck, or worst....be wanting more!!!

 

Secondly, I have made bad relationship mistakes in the past that have cost me my self respect and self esteem too. Tolerating things and not sticking up for myself. Its like you keep settling for less that you deserve. It also seems like you set a tone for yourself.

 

I just feel like its not really a good idea. What do you think as a woman or man?

 

Me personally, as a woman, you better off having a sugar daddy then....LOL cause then Im winning.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I see it meaning:

You are not good enough to be my girlfriend.

I am waiting for something better to come along.

Free to fk anybody else and not have to answer to you.

Free to find another woman and give her more..family time, money, etc.

 

That is exactly what it means.

 

Women who accept this kind of arrangement are VERY low quality. The kind you can't leave alone for 10 minutes. If your dating one and you have a business trip planned... you better hire a gay babysitter or take her with you or something.

 

FWB girls are massive cheats!!

[mogul]

I would not even want to get serious with one in fear of getting too attached with emotions involved. Aside from that, if you can differentiate between something serious and a fwb arrangement of your own, go for it.

[LittleTiger]

Of course they're not 'low grade'. They're probably just in a position where they currently don't want a relationship - any more than the guy who is their FB.

 

Women have needs just the same as men, but not everybody wants to be committed to a relationship. I see nothing wrong with FB or FWB relationships if the arrangement suits both parties.

 

Regarding emotions, most women will become attached after 4 or 5 sessions (there is scientific evidence of this), however, what many people don't realise is eventually so will men - it just takes a little longer.

 

It's a risk both people take and, if neither of you wants a relationship and you're both honest about it I can't see a problem with it.

 

If the woman wants more but pretends she doesn't that's pretty foolish of her and, IMO is asking for trouble. It may suggest she has low self-esteem but it certainly doesn't make her 'low-grade'.

[sweetjasmine]

Women who accept this kind of arrangement are VERY low quality. The kind you can't leave alone for 10 minutes. If your dating one and you have a business trip planned... you better hire a gay babysitter or take her with you or something.

 

FWB girls are massive cheats!!

 

How can you possibly cheat if both people agree that they're free to sleep with whoever they want to? You can't cheat if there's an understanding that there is no exclusivity.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Of course they're not 'low grade'. They're probably just in a position where they currently don't want a relationship - any more than the guy who is their FB.

 

Women have needs just the same as men, but not everybody wants to be committed to a relationship. I see nothing wrong with FB or FWB relationships if the arrangement suits both parties.

 

Yes... they are low grade. It shows that she doesn't need emotional attachment for sex. Those are the women who like to use sex for manipulative purposes in relationships. They also think it's Ok to cheat as long as they don't get caught... ect.

 

Yeah... I can understand everyone has needs... if your not a trashbag buy a vibrator.

 

How can you possibly cheat if both people agree that they're free to sleep with whoever they want to? You can't cheat if there's an understanding that there is no exclusivity.

 

That is exactly the point. They don't do exclusive relationships... but are not ashamed to lie to you and say they are exclusive with you.

 

Don't date the FWB girls.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Yes... they are low grade. It shows that she doesn't need emotional attachment for sex. Those are the women who like to use sex for manipulative purposes in relationships. They also think it's Ok to cheat as long as they don't get caught... ect.

 

Yeah... I can understand everyone has needs... if your not a trashbag buy a vibrator.

 

 

 

That is exactly the point. They don't do exclusive relationships... but are not ashamed to lie to you and say they are exclusive with you.

 

 

Untouchable_Fire, do you hold men who have NSA sex to the exact same harsh judgement as you do the women?

 

And where are you coming from with your final statement? Sure, some players of both genders will pretend that they are exclusive with more than one sex partner. Dishonest people suck. FWB arrangements are not prone to this though - there are no strings attached, so why lie.

 

And what do you mean "they don't do exclusive relationships"? You can find plenty of posts here from both men and women who have had a FWB deal and have gone on to a monogamous relationship when the time was right.

[9Lives]

Im a little confused.

 

The question is do guys respect women who are fbuddies? Could a woman you know was a fb be your girlfriend. What is your thoughts?

 

Women do have needs too. I understand that but women do have to hold themselves to a higher standard. If we put them in a position to respect women more..they would. But if we go with their flow, its game on...GAME ON YOU that is.

 

That is what I think could happen to women. I dont think a woman can sleep with a man for a long time and not catch feelings. I think a man can sleep with a woman for a long long long time knowing damm well....he dont want her..he aint going to commit to her...he is cool with it all.

[greenwood]

Little Tiger,

I basically agree with what you say, and also, I generally do not have a harsh view about fwb situations, however, regarding the following:

 

Regarding emotions, most women will become attached after 4 or 5 sessions (there is scientific evidence of this), however, what many people don't realise is eventually so will men - it just takes a little longer.

 

I don't know where does this attachment thing come from. I mean yes, I have heard the oxitocyn story so many times, but I simply don't understand it. It is hard to decide if a person is getting attached because of the sex, or if he/she starts to like the person for other things, as they slowly get to know each other better (?)

 

All I know is that I have had sex with men, after dating them for a while (like around 10 dates), with the intention of developing a LTR. However, after around 4-5 sessions, I simply realized I have NO whatsoever attachment to them at all. That is, maybe a little physical attraction, maybe even a little spark, and yes, I cannot say the sex was oh so bad, because that was not the case... But I just did not start to fall in love them, despite the fact that, according to "scientific evidence", I should have.

So this "getting attached through sex", I guess, somehow does not work for me.

 

Maybe it really depends on the quality of sex. Bad, or so-so sex = no attachment. Awsome hot sex = want to do it again, start to daydream about the person ect.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Untouchable_Fire, do you hold men who have NSA sex to the exact same harsh judgement as you do the women?

And where are you coming from with your final statement? Sure, some players of both genders will pretend that they are exclusive with more than one sex partner. Dishonest people suck. FWB arrangements are not prone to this though - there are no strings attached, so why lie.

And what do you mean "they don't do exclusive relationships"? You can find plenty of posts here from both men and women who have had a FWB deal and have gone on to a monogamous relationship when the time was right.

 

The answer is in some circumstances I do, and in others not. Your foolish if you think men and women are biologically wired the same for sex and relationships. Your DNA comes from a time where condoms and birthcontrol don't exist, and where raising a child alone was often difficult to the point of impossible since it meant being ostracized.

 

I'm not going to rely on posters for evidence on this particular topic. Women who are Ok with being the living equivalent of a blowup doll... cheat early and often. Just because they don't admit to it here doesn't mean it isn't happening. Believe me on this. I've known many like this and even dated one. Sex is just a tool.... no emotions involved.

[9Lives]

Little Tiger,

I basically agree with what you say, and also, I generally do not have a harsh view about fwb situations, however, regarding the following:

 

Regarding emotions, most women will become attached after 4 or 5 sessions (there is scientific evidence of this), however, what many people don't realise is eventually so will men - it just takes a little longer.

 

I don't know where does this attachment thing come from. I mean yes, I have heard the oxitocyn story so many times, but I simply don't understand it. It is hard to decide if a person is getting attached because of the sex, or if he/she starts to like the person for other things, as they slowly get to know each other better (?)

 

All I know is that I have had sex with men, after dating them for a while (like around 10 dates), with the intention of developing a LTR. However, after around 4-5 sessions, I simply realized I have NO whatsoever attachment to them at all. That is, maybe a little physical attraction, maybe even a little spark, and yes, I cannot say the sex was oh so bad, because that was not the case... But I just did not start to fall in love them, despite the fact that, according to "scientific evidence", I should have.

So this "getting attached through sex", I guess, somehow does not work for me.

 

Maybe it really depends on the quality of sex. Bad, or so-so sex = no attachment. Awsome hot sex = want to do it again, start to daydream about the person ect.

 

So you think women can like a guy and just sleep with him for a long time and be fine?

[Mme. Chaucer]

The answer is in some circumstances I do, and in others not. Your foolish if you think men and women are biologically wired the same for sex and relationships. Your DNA comes from a time where condoms and birthcontrol don't exist, and where raising a child alone was often difficult to the point of impossible since it meant being ostracized.

 

I'm not going to rely on posters for evidence on this particular topic. Women who are Ok with being the living equivalent of a blowup doll... cheat early and often. Just because they don't admit to it here doesn't mean it isn't happening. Believe me on this. I've known many like this and even dated one. Sex is just a tool.... no emotions involved.

 

Dude, you really sound like a sexist.

 

What does DNA have to do with this issue? A PERSON can decide if it is suitable for them to have a FWB relationship. Another PERSON can decide to reject all potential suitors who have had a FWB relationship. But trashing all women who have had one is ... ignorant and really makes you look like a creep.

 

Women who have NSA sex are probably very unlikely to be "the living equivalent of a blowup doll." They are just as likely to be looking for a MALE equivalent of a blowup doll. I'd imagine that the women who are participating in FWB situations are doing so to get needs of their own met.

 

There was a sexual revolution. Both genders participated. How one handles their own sexuality is a personal issue.

[LittleTiger]

Im a little confused.

 

The question is do guys respect women who are fbuddies? Could a woman you know was a fb be your girlfriend. What is your thoughts.

 

Well I'm a woman but IME, the answer is, yes and no. Some guys do respect women who enjoy FB relationships and some guys don't.

 

There are a lot of guys with double standards ie it's ok for them to have sex without strings but not the women they get involved with - very old fashioned in my opinion.

 

A decent guy will take you at face value - if he likes you, he won't care about your sexual history - unless it's unusually 'colourful'.

[9Lives]

Dude, you really sound like a sexist.

 

What does DNA have to do with this issue? A PERSON can decide if it is suitable for them to have a FWB relationship. Another PERSON can decide to reject all potential suitors who have had a FWB relationship. But trashing all women who have had one is ... ignorant and really makes you look like a creep.

 

Women who have NSA sex are probably very unlikely to be "the living equivalent of a blowup doll." They are just as likely to be looking for a MALE equivalent of a blowup doll. I'd imagine that the women who are participating in FWB situations are doing so to get needs of their own met.

 

There was a sexual revolution. Both genders participated. How one handles their own sexuality is a personal issue.

 

So you think women can like a guy and just sleep with him for a long time and be fine?

[Mme. Chaucer]

So you think women can like a guy and just sleep with him for a long time and be fine?

 

That depends upon the individual. Personally, for me, no. In order for me to even get to the point where I would have sex with a man I'd have to be very interested in "more" with him (except for a few occasions in my youth ... when I was kind of loaded).

 

I do know several women, mostly in their 20's, who have an attitude towards recreational sex that is very similar to that we seem to attribute to men. They are highly capable of having sex for fun, and to quit doing it when it's no longer fun. The young men in that crowd don't label their casual sex partners with nice terms like "trashbags" or "living blowup dolls," thank goodness, and still have lively kickball games and open mike extravaganzas all together.

[donnamaybe]

The young men in that crowd don't label their casual sex partners with nice terms like "trashbags" or "living blowup dolls," thank goodness, and still have lively kickball games and open mike extravaganzas all together.

Some people never grow up. Apparently these young men are more mature than others.

[9Lives]

That depends upon the individual. Personally, for me, no. In order for me to even get to the point where I would have sex with a man I'd have to be very interested in "more" with him (except for a few occasions in my youth ... when I was kind of loaded).

 

I do know several women, mostly in their 20's, who have an attitude towards recreational sex that is very similar to that we seem to attribute to men. They are highly capable of having sex for fun, and to quit doing it when it's no longer fun. The young men in that crowd don't label their casual sex partners with nice terms like "trashbags" or "living blowup dolls," thank goodness, and still have lively kickball games and open mike extravaganzas all together.

 

There are probably young girls doing that but I really dont think they like it either. I think it is a trend that is being used to exploit our young womens minds. You cant really like a guy, sleep with him the whole week, then see him with a another girl a couple days later...all in her face...treating her different than he is treating you...and be cool with that. I really dont believe it. Eventually you are going to start feeling used I think.

[irc333]

Women have needs just the same as men, but not everybody wants to be committed to a relationship. I see nothing wrong with FB or FWB relationships if the arrangement suits both parties.

 

 

Can't they just fulfill their need with SELF-Gratificaton?

[flying]

I think that what this thread demonstrates is that some people WILL judge you, but others won't.

 

IME, a majority of guys are uncomfortable with women they perceive as more sexually experienced than themselves. And they may make a leap from "she was a FWB with someone" to "she sleeps around." Obviously, those are not the same thing.

 

But there are also guys who will be fine with it. The point is, there is always going to be a range of opinions and judgments. You can't control what people think, and you can't even always anticipate it.

 

All you can do is decide what you, personally, are truly comfortable with.

 

If I had to guess, I'd guess that you don't like the idea of having casual sex; your OP suggests that you'd rather be in a relationship with someone before you get intimate. That's fine - you should do what feels right to you.

 

People are always going to judge you and be annoying about it; it's part of life. The best way to get around that is to feel comfortable in your own skin, and with your own decisions.

[EasyHeart]

The question is do guys respect women who are fbuddies? Could a woman you know was a fb be your girlfriend. What is your thoughts?

No. Someone who looks at sex as a purely physical act is not someone I would consider for a girlfriend.

 

Women do have needs too. I understand that but women do have to hold themselves to a higher standard.

"I have needs" is BS line that men use to pressure women into sex, and now women have started using it to rationalize their own stupid behavior. Nobody "needs" sex. Some people go many years (or their whole lives!) without sex, and they are perfectly healthy. Anyone who says they "need" sex is (1) lying (to you or themselves) or (2) has serious psychological problems that drive their "need" to use sex for validation.

 

If we put them in a position to respect women more..they would. But if we go with their flow, its game on...GAME ON YOU that is.

So true. It turns out that stuff you dad (should have) told you was exactly right.

 

That is what I think could happen to women. I dont think a woman can sleep with a man for a long time and not catch feelings. I think a man can sleep with a woman for a long long long time knowing damm well....he dont want her..he aint going to commit to her...he is cool with it all.

Yup. Healthy sex is a physical expression of pre-existing emotional intimacy. If you think it's anything else, you are deluding yourself. And if you think it's just a physical act, then you are a dumbass.

[GooseChaser]

It takes two to tango. Let's discuss "low-grade" men now, shall we? If I'm not mistaken, F-buddies isn't a position solely held by women....

[greenwood]

So you think women can like a guy and just sleep with him for a long time and be fine?

 

It depends what do you mean by "just sleep with him". A fwb situation, just like a LTR, may often be quite complex and depend on a few circumstances, such as past relationships, emotional baggage, availability, intentions, honesty, communication, attraction... I think that whether people develop feelings towards each other does not depend on labels. People can fall in love and fall out of love with each other in so many different ways!!

So there isn't a single answer to your question. Some women can probably do that, others will be too shy to tell you they want something more but are afraid to do the relationship thing for whatever reasons.

Do you happen to be in a situation like this?

[donnamaybe]

Can't they just fulfill their need with SELF-Gratificaton?

You mean like men always do? The men who would NEVER think of having sex with a gal they weren't in a serious relationship with?

[LittleTiger]

I don't know where does this attachment thing come from. I mean yes, I have heard the oxitocyn story so many times, but I simply don't understand it. It is hard to decide if a person is getting attached because of the sex, or if he/she starts to like the person for other things, as they slowly get to know each other better (?)

 

All I know is that I have had sex with men, after dating them for a while (like around 10 dates), with the intention of developing a LTR. However, after around 4-5 sessions, I simply realized I have NO whatsoever attachment to them at all. That is, maybe a little physical attraction, maybe even a little spark, and yes, I cannot say the sex was oh so bad, because that was not the case... But I just did not start to fall in love them, despite the fact that, according to "scientific evidence", I should have.

So this "getting attached through sex", I guess, somehow does not work for me.

 

Maybe it really depends on the quality of sex. Bad, or so-so sex = no attachment. Awsome hot sex = want to do it again, start to daydream about the person ect.

 

FWB or FB is just what it says - friends (with benefits) or f*ck buddies. Friends and buddies usually get along well and enjoy each other's company. If you're having sex with someone who isn't your friend or your buddy it's casual sex which is entirely different IMO.

 

The problem with having sex with a friend is that you actually like them, at least on some level so, if you are also intimate with them, other feelings of attachment which go beyond friendship will begin to develop.

 

However, in the situations you've described about yourself, you were dating these guys with the intention of having a relationship and you probably had sex with them before you were emotionally attached ie you were physically attracted to them but not much else and, perhaps you didn't hit it off sexually as you had hoped. As you got to know them better, you discovered that you didn't really 'like' them all that much and the sex wasn't great so you're therefore not likely to get attached.

 

The 'oxytocin' effect only happens when there is a genuine 'feel good factor' associated with the sex. So, yes, the quality of the sexual experience also makes a difference. You can have sex with a guy dozens of times but if you don't really like him and you don't enjoy the experience you're definitely not going to fall for him.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

 

Healthy sex is a physical expression of pre-existing emotional intimacy. If you think it's anything else, you are deluding yourself. And if you think it's just a physical act, then you are a dumbass.

 

Healthy sex is a physical expression that is pleasurable and not demeaning or in any other way hurtful to either participant.

 

I would parrot you and say "if you think it's anything else, you are deluding yourself" or "you are a dumbass" but I'm not ignorant enough to believe that my value judgements are absolutes.

 

To thine own self be true. For me, that precludes casual sex. I'm over 50; I've been alive for a long time and whether some of you folks believe me or not does not change the fact that there are indeed women as well as men who are capable and who do frequently enjoy recreational sex for fun.