Guys, do you respect women who have fbuddy relationships? Is that a "low-grade"chic?

[TheMENemy]

Thank goodness that the world is full of wonderful men, open minded and free thinking, who won't be found on fora such as these referring to any women as "slutty," "trashbags," "low value," etc., whether the woman has engaged in a FWB relationship or had sex with 278 guys!

 

For the vast majority of people, either gender, a prospective serious relationship partner's having had 278 prior partners would be an immediate disqualifier.

 

I don't believe you actually know a single, much less several, men OR women who would tolerate that level of promiscuity in a prospective serious partner.

 

 

 

I'm proud to say that several of the (young) men I know like this have been raised by some wonderful men and women themselves who happen to be friends of mine.

 

It's doubtful that you've actually had frank sexual conversations with the "young" sons of your various friends. Are you saying you disclosed intimate details of your sexual history to these guys? Wow.

 

 

 

My position on this topic has remained steady since page 1: Guys who are actually going to harshly judge a woman because she participated in FWB situation are entitled to their opinion.

 

Well they were always entitled to their opinion regardless of whether you think they are or not. So you're really not saying too much here.

 

 

 

I have no more use for those guys in my everyday life than I do for racists or homophobes. That's just me, though!

 

Right. It's just you.

[donnamaybe]

Dude, Im not having a PROBLEM. It is what it is. Just because a man sleeps around at one point in his life doesnt mean he cant be a good man some day.

Same goes for a woman....that is the point that is being missed. For me, I try to stay away from these kind of situations cause it is just not good for my self-esteem or i may get hooked. Plus I think it is important that a woman not have a lot of men floating between her legs. BUT this is me....other women dont see it that way. so that fine.

Again with the word "promiscuous." Since when does having an FWB, in and of itself, signify promiscuousness? And, in any case, guys sleeping around are high fived by other guys.

[Mme. Chaucer]

For the vast majority of people, either gender, a prospective serious relationship partner's having had 278 prior partners would be an immediate disqualifier.

 

I don't believe you actually know a single, much less several, men OR women who would tolerate that level of promiscuity in a prospective serious partner.

 

I know several who are not concerned with the sexual relationships their mate had in their past.

 

Are you saying you disclosed intimate details of your sexual history to these guys? Wow.

Um ... did I say that? No, I did not. Where would you get that impression? Creative reading?

 

 

Well they were always entitled to their opinion regardless of whether you think they are or not. So you're really not saying too much here.

 

I am saying MY opinion about their (and your, evidently) position, which is what we do here. I guess you wouldn't know that yet, being that you're brand spanking new here on LS and you're just getting your feet wet in our friendly, supportive community. Hang in here! Soon you'll get the idea!

[TheMENemy]

Dude, Im not having a PROBLEM. It is what it is. Just because a man sleeps around at one point in his life doesnt mean he cant be a good man some day.

 

OK so what you're actually saying is you want to keep the option of possibly dating promiscuous men, and that's what's making you upset; that the promiscuous men that you might someday want to date, might not want to date you?

 

I'm not really sure there's anything you can do about that. After all it's their choice to be inconsistent if you regard it as such.

 

Wouldn't it be much easier to simply rule out men who have been promiscuous from your dating pool? Then you won't have to deal with hypocrisy, double standards, or a lot of other issues that a promiscuous man might bring to a relationship.

 

 

 

Same goes for a woman....that is the point that is being missed.

 

I agree the same goes for a woman, which is exactly why a lot of guys don't want to date a promiscuous woman in a serious relationship. All I'm suggesting is that you apply the same standards to men that many of them apply to women: don't include promiscuous people among those you might consider for a serious relationship. But you don't want to be selective, which is what I thought you had been complaining about, about other women. That they weren't selective enough.

 

 

 

For me, I try to stay away from these kind of situations cause it is just not good for my self-esteem or i may get hooked.

 

Yes I agree, you should stay away from promiscuous men if you don't think they are appropriate for you.

 

 

Plus I think it is important that a woman not have a lot of men floating between her legs. BUT this is me....other women dont see it that way. so that fine.

 

Wait a minute. Now you're saying YOU don't think a woman should be promiscuous either? So why is it wrong for a man to feel that way as well?

[9Lives]

Again with the word "promiscuous." Since when does having an FWB, in and of itself, signify promiscuousness? And, in any case, guys sleeping around are high fived by other guys.

 

Yep that is true. But be honest.....it has NEVER been acceptable for a woman to do the same. She is automatically called a whore.

 

You cant go somewhere public and be like, I hit that, and that, and that! Women and men would be looking at you like.....you nasty!

[TheMENemy]

Again with the word "promiscuous." Since when does having an FWB, in and of itself, signify promiscuousness? And, in any case, guys sleeping around are high fived by other guys.

 

So what you are saying here is that you don't consider what you did to be "promiscuous" but that "promiscuity" is a good thing?

[donnamaybe]

Yep that is true. But be honest.....it has NEVER been acceptable for a woman to do the same. She is automatically called a whore.

And just because it's been that way makes it alright?

 

It's called a "double standard," and the only reason it continues to exist is because there are some whimps who can't feel like men unless they denigrate women.

[TheMENemy]

I know several who are not concerned with the sexual relationships their mate had in their past.

 

OK so the "278" was just totally made up by you. Got it.

 

Um ... did I say that? No, I did not. Where would you get that impression? Creative reading?

 

So now you're claiming that these "friends" of yours divulged intimate details about their sexual relationships to you yet you did not reciprocate? Why not?

 

 

 

I am saying MY opinion about their (and your, evidently) position, which is what we do here.

 

My position, repeatedly stated, is that everyone, regardless of gender or sexual preference, should be free to choose their own partners according to whatever criteria is important to them, without shame or blame from anyone else.

 

You obviously disagree with my position, which I'm very sorry to hear. If you feel the need to denigrate, shame, or blame someone else because you don't approve of how they choose a relationship partner, that's your issue, not theirs. All you really need to be concerned about is how you choose your own partners, not how someone else chooses theirs.

 

 

 

I guess you wouldn't know that yet, being that you're brand spanking new here on LS and you're just getting your feet wet in our friendly, supportive community. Hang in here! Soon you'll get the idea!

 

 

Well it seems you're trying to be sarcastic, not supportive. Again that's your issue only.

[9Lives]

OK so what you're actually saying is you want to keep the option of possibly dating promiscuous men, and that's what's making you upset; that the promiscuous men that you might someday want to date, might not want to date you?

 

I have date men who probably been with alot of women. I just dont worry about it other than protecting my cha cha and trying to get to know him first before he gets my goodies. I cant control his pass. He could have been wild and now he is trying to be different. Its the past I hope. That rule should apply to the woman but alot of times it dont. That is why I wouldnt even tell him too much about my past

 

 

 

I'm not really sure there's anything you can do about that. After all it's their choice to be inconsistent if you regard it as such.

 

Wouldn't it be much easier to simply rule out men who have been promiscuous from your dating pool? Then you won't have to deal with hypocrisy, double standards, or a lot of other issues that a promiscuous man might bring to a relationship.

 

No it wouldnt be easier to rule them out. If I think he is real loose, I might not want to deal with him but just because he has been around does not mean I will immediately rule him out.

 

 

 

 

I agree the same goes for a woman, which is exactly why a lot of guys don't want to date a promiscuous woman in a serious relationship. All I'm suggesting is that you apply the same standards to men that many of them apply to women: don't include promiscuous people among those you might consider for a serious relationship. But you don't want to be selective, which is what I thought you had been complaining about, about other women. That they weren't selective enough.

When a man meets a woman he wants to to have a relationship with, it has certain standards that he will expect to be met. Alot of times, a woman can look pass a man sexual history but a lot of times, men would rather not know HIS WOMAN use to be a sexing around. Even if she has changed. I think it is a ego thing.

 

 

 

 

 

Yes I agree, you should stay away from promiscuous men if you don't think they are appropriate for you.

 

Im not trying to impress you. Im saying what works for me.

 

 

 

Wait a minute. Now you're saying YOU don't think a woman should be promiscuous either? So why is it wrong for a man to feel that way as well?

 

No I dont think a woman should be sleep all around cause I think it affects her MORE than it effects him. Men can have sex and not feel a thing. Women get caught up and get hurt the MAJORITY of the time. Sometimes women can do it but alot cant.

[on a learning curve]

And just because it's been that way makes it alright?

 

It's called a "double standard," and the only reason it continues to exist is because there are some whimps who can't feel like men unless they denigrate women.

 

Social evolutionist theory would support that sentiment.

[Anela]

And, in any case, guys sleeping around are high fived by other guys.

 

I almost made that same point, in this thread, and another one.

[9Lives]

And just because it's been that way makes it alright?

 

It's called a "double standard," and the only reason it continues to exist is because there are some whimps who can't feel like men unless they denigrate women.

 

yeah Donna, but it is real and it is happening and its not really changing. Look at this thread alone. Im not saying its right.

[donnamaybe]

yeah Donna, but it is real and it is happening and its not really changing. Look at this thread alone. Im not saying its right.

But we can at least ID it for what it is and dismiss those so-called "men" from our notice. I know I did, and it's workin' like a CHARM!

[TheMENemy]

When a man meets a woman he wants to to have a relationship with, it has certain standards that he will expect to be met. Alot of times, a woman can look pass a man sexual history but a lot of times, men would rather not know HIS WOMAN use to be a sexing around. Even if she has changed. I think it is a ego thing.

 

Like I've been saying, it's up to each person to decide what they are and are not looking for in a partner.

[TheMENemy]

I almost made that same point, in this thread, and another one.

 

 

It's a completely valid point. Promiscuity in men is no more nor less "acceptable" then it is in women. How acceptable it is, is a matter of personal choice for each of us.

 

If you do not approve of promiscuity in the men you date, then obviously you have every right not to date the "players."

 

So, just date "nice guys" and you will totally avoid any double standards.

 

It's a pretty obvious resolution to the concern being expressed by a lot of women in this thread.

[Anela]

When a man meets a woman he wants to to have a relationship with, it has certain standards that he will expect to be met. Alot of times, a woman can look pass a man sexual history but a lot of times, men would rather not know HIS WOMAN use to be a sexing around. Even if she has changed. I think it is a ego thing.

 

If this is the case, then any man who feels this way shouldn't gripe about women not wanting to sleep with them (with no committed relationship established). He wants his fun, but then looks for an exception to marry? Not fair.

[Surrealist]

I've maintained the argument that promiscuous sex of any kind outside a committed monogamous relationship, regardless of the men vs women issue, is damaging. Maybe it is more damaging to women (not blaming women for this) but either way it is bad for all involved. This thread provides a clear indication of that.

[donnamaybe]

I've maintained the argument that promiscuous sex of any kind outside a committed monogamous relationship, regardless of the men vs women issue, is damaging. Maybe it is more damaging to women (not blaming women for this) but either way it is bad for all involved. This thread provides a clear indication of that.

So people conversing about it proves your point? How so? Are any of us experts on human behavior and psychology?

[TheMENemy]

If this is the case, then any man who feels this way shouldn't gripe about women not wanting to sleep with them (with no committed relationship established). He wants his fun, but then looks for an exception to marry? Not fair.

 

More shaming/blaming of men by women. Sigh.

[sally4sara]

I stopped reading after the first sentence since the article is not fact-based.

 

Due to lost records and lack of record keeping, you'd be ignoring most of history. It does not mean it is fictional; its a disclaimer used in most historical reporting. Read more and you will come across this more.

[donnamaybe]

If this is the case, then any man who feels this way shouldn't gripe about women not wanting to sleep with them (with no committed relationship established). He wants his fun, but then looks for an exception to marry? Not fair.

Some "people" aren't interested in equity.

[Anela]

More shaming/blaming of men by women. Sigh.

 

Meerkat, is that you?

 

No more shaming than any of the men here.

[Woggle]

You can easily disgard one of these. People do it here and everywhere all the time. I can understand your wanting certain standards for a wife. Each of us has our own criteria for a LT mate.

 

To be honest, if I wanted to be someone's F-buddy, I wouldn't care how they judged me. I would only be there for one thing anyway - the sex.

 

Exactly my point. Casual relationships and friendships have lower standard than a commited relationship. I can by platonic friends with a woman like this but I would never be involved with one.

[TheMENemy]

I've maintained the argument that promiscuous sex of any kind outside a committed monogamous relationship, regardless of the men vs women issue, is damaging. Maybe it is more damaging to women (not blaming women for this) but either way it is bad for all involved. This thread provides a clear indication of that.

 

I think if people have expectations attached to casual sex beyond what is reasonable, they are likely to be disappointed. This applies to both men and women. In this thread, it seems like a number of women have an expectation that casual sex will or should lead to something more. Often, it doesn't, which can result in a real feeling of hurt/disappointment. Sometimes men can get hurt the same way, but I think it is not as frequent for men.

[A O]

It's called a "double standard," and the only reason it continues to exist is because there are some whimps who can't feel like men unless they denigrate women.

Clearly you're uncomfortable in your womanhood given your frequent similar behavior. And given that you have behaved similarly then there clearly isn't a double standard.

 

 

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