Guys, do you respect women who have fbuddy relationships? Is that a "low-grade"chic?

[Anela]

In this thread, it seems like a number of women have an expectation that casual sex will or should lead to something more. Often, it doesn't, which can result in a real feeling of hurt/disappointment. Sometimes men can get hurt the same way, but I think it is not as frequent for men.

 

I don't see it that way at all. I've only read parts of it, but I thought it was about a lot of men here, ultimately not respecting any woman who has had sex outside of a relationship/maintained a FWB relationship/had casual sex with multiple partners... having decided, from that alone, that she would not be trustworthy as a committed partner.

[TheMENemy]

Due to lost records and lack of record keeping, you'd be ignoring most of history. It does not mean it is fictional; its a disclaimer used in most historical reporting. Read more and you will come across this more.

 

The very first sentence of the article you linked to clearly indicated that there was no sound factual basis for its conclusions.

 

That means, for all intents and purposes, it is "fictional."

[Woggle]

Slutty women can't really hide that fact. Yes, I've had women lie about their past... but I have ALWAYS figured it out over time... and dishonesty leads to immediate dumping. One didn't even have a number higher than mine. Why she felt the need to lie about it is uknown to me... but we broke up specifically because of it. 1 month that lasted.

 

In regards to what women can do and do do... I don't really care. She can go about her merry way. I reserve the right to not date her, and actively mock any guy who does. Also, labels are labels... I don't like some labels people give me, if I don't want a particular label... I will avoid any behavior that causes it.

 

Simply stated. If you don't want to be called a drug addict... don't do drugs. It's stupid to expect that you can do as you please and others can't have an opinion on it.

 

Exactly. There is no way to be know the exact numbers but a man who knows what to look for can figure out the general gist of what a woman is about. I have very good instincts. I think some women want to be able to cheat and treat men any they want and then when a man objects she gives some feminist lecture on why he is a misogynist.

[sally4sara]

I don't see it that way at all. I've only read parts of it, but I thought it was about a lot of men here, ultimately not respecting any woman who has had sex outside of a relationship/maintained a FWB relationship/had casual sex with multiple partners... having decided, from that alone, that she would not be trustworthy as a committed partner.

 

And yet these same men, in many instances, have had FWB/casual sex with multiple partners and expect to have go on to a relationship where they will be expected to be trustworthy and committed.

 

I too am kinda stunned why they think they can flip the switch and live up to honesty and commitment, but a woman cannot. Especially if they also believe men naturally have a stronger sex drive.

[sally4sara]

The very first sentence of the article you linked to clearly indicated that there was no sound factual basis for its conclusions.

 

That means, for all intents and purposes, it is "fictional."

 

Personal accounts have always had this same disclaimer regarding historical reporting.

 

Now shooo

shoo shooo shooo

 

Isn't there a 14 year old without a BF somewhere?

[TheMENemy]

I don't see it that way at all. I've only read parts of it, but I thought it was about a lot of men here, ultimately not respecting any woman who has had sex outside of a relationship/maintained a FWB relationship/had casual sex with multiple partners... having decided, from that alone, that she would not be trustworthy as a committed partner.

We each apply our own subjective filters to what we read; your intepretation is as valid, or invalid, as anyone else's.

 

The takeaway should be that each of us has the right to decide who we will be with in a relationship, and upon what grounds, without any shaming/blaming from third parties.

 

That means if a man, or men, decide that they don't want a relationship with a woman who has had casual sex in the past, that's their absolute right. I'm not sure why you or anyone would find reason to criticize the exercise of personal choice in the most intimate areas of life.

 

That strikes me as incredibly controlling. You are free to live your life the way you want, and partner up with whom you want.

 

So are they.

[Woggle]

Women high five each other about cheating all the time so let's not act like they are not just as bad. Like somebody else said I do not date my friends so I don't care how they treat women. One of my best friends is an utter dog to women and I would never recommend any woman date him but as a friend he is great. I do date women so I care about her past and if she will be a trustworthy partner. Why is this so wrong?

[TheMENemy]

Exactly. There is no way to be know the exact numbers but a man who knows what to look for can figure out the general gist of what a woman is about. I have very good instincts. I think some women want to be able to cheat and treat men any they want and then when a man objects she gives some feminist lecture on why he is a misogynist.

 

We all have to use our best personal judgment in these most intimate relationships, and if we make a mistake, then we suffer the consequences--no one else does.

 

Therefore it's fairly presumptuous for any one else to tell you who and how you should or should not choose as your partner.

 

For some reason a rather significant number of women posting in the thread believe that their opinions about someone else's relationship choices are more important or more valid than the person who actually has to live those choices.

 

A ridiculous notion on its face, of course.

[9Lives]

And yet these same men, in many instances, have had FWB/casual sex with multiple partners and expect to have go on to a relationship where they will be expected to be trustworthy and committed.

 

I too am kinda stunned why they think they can flip the switch and live up to honesty and commitment, but a woman cannot. Especially if they also believe men naturally have a stronger sex drive.

 

This what i learned on here. It makes no sense

[TheMENemy]

Personal accounts have always had this same disclaimer regarding historical reporting.

 

Now shooo

shoo shooo shooo

 

Isn't there a 14 year old without a BF somewhere?

 

I am sure there is.

[sally4sara]

Women high five each other about cheating all the time so let's not act like they are not just as bad. Like somebody else said I do not date my friends so I don't care how they treat women. One of my best friends is an utter dog to women and I would never recommend any woman date him but as a friend he is great. I do date women so I care about her past and if she will be a trustworthy partner. Why is this so wrong?

 

That odd Woggle, because if I don't like how someone treats others (male or female) I expect one day to not like how they treat me. I would not stay friends with someone who behaved like you say your friend does even though I have no plans or orientation to consider them for dating.

 

For you though, even though you are married and not looking to date ANYONE, you'd still not be friends with a woman who acts like your friend so I have a hard time believing you tolerate that behavior out of men simply because you don't and won't date them.

[TheMENemy]

And yet these same men, in many instances, have had FWB/casual sex with multiple partners and expect to have go on to a relationship where they will be expected to be trustworthy and committed.

 

All you are really saying here is that your believe promiscuous men to be lacking in good judgment. If you believe that, then that's reason enough not to engage in serious relationships with them.

 

However if promiscuous men are lacking in good judgment, it stands to reason that it is fair for men to believe the same of promiscuous women. Therefore it is also fair for men to exclude promiscuous women from consideration for serious relationships if they feel that way.

 

I too am kinda stunned why they think they can flip the switch and live up to honesty and commitment, but a woman cannot. Especially if they also believe men naturally have a stronger sex drive.

 

There is no reason to feel "stunned" that promiscuous people can be lacking in good judgment. A lack of good judgment is characteristic of repeated promiscuous behavior, often enough.

 

And that's why many men won't consider promiscuous women as serious relationship partners.

 

It seems you really do understand, doesn't it?

[Woggle]

With all due respect I just can't see you cutting a woman out of your life because she cheated on a man.

 

I have known this guy since high school and we are as close as brothers. He is family and I don't abandon family and I remember when a man lets me sleep on his couch so I won't be homeless. He has also been cheated by every women he has been with when he was a nice guy who treated women well so I understand very much why he is the way he is. He is always respectul to my wife and our marriage though.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Quoting myself for clarity:

 

Thank goodness that the world is full of wonderful men, open minded and free thinking, who won't be found on fora such as these referring to any women as "slutty," "trashbags," "low value," etc., whether the woman has engaged in a FWB relationship or had sex with 278 guys! I'm proud to say that several of the (young) men I know like this have been raised by some wonderful men and women themselves who happen to be friends of mine.

 

For "The MENemy," who said:

 

OK so the "278" was just totally made up by you. Got it.

 

The subject of my post: My gratitude for the existence of the many fellows who will not be found here or anywhere else disparaging woman for having one or more FWB relationship, or for the number of their sex partners, whatever it may be. The number "278" was of no consequence.

 

Is this a difficult concept? Sorry! As far as I can see, you were the only one who found it out of reach.

 

I'm proud to say that several of the (young) men I know like this have been raised by some wonderful men and women themselves who happen to be friends of mine.

 

For "The MENemy," who said:

 

It's doubtful that you've actually had frank sexual conversations with the "young" sons of your various friends. Are you saying you disclosed intimate details of your sexual history to these guys? Wow.

 

Followed by:

 

So now you're claiming that these "friends" of yours divulged intimate details about their sexual relationships to you yet you did not reciprocate? Why not?

 

Mr. MENemy, perhaps you didn't really read, or comprehend, my initial statement.

 

I did not say that anyone divulged anything to anyone. What I said, once again:

 

the world is full of wonderful men, open minded and free thinking, who won't be found on fora such as these referring to any women as "slutty," "trashbags," "low value," etc., whether the woman has engaged in a FWB relationship or had sex with 278 guys!

 

 

Because some men, old, young, friends, kids of friends or whatever are not to be found on Internet relationship fora denigrating women in no way implies, infers, presumes, or assumes that these guys have discussed intimate sexual details of their lives with me, or me with them.

 

Helllooooooo!

 

Hey!

 

Honestly, no disrespect intended, especially considering that you're brand new here and all, but it's boring and not productive to engage in discussion with a person who either cannot comprehend or willfully misinterprets what another has said.

[sally4sara]

With all due respect I just can't see you cutting a woman out of your life because she cheated on a man.

 

I have known this guy since high school and we are as close as brothers. He is family and I don't abandon family and I remember when a man lets me sleep on his couch so I won't be homeless. He has also been cheated by every women he has been with when he was a nice guy who treated women well so I understand very much why he is the way he is. He is always respectul to my wife and our marriage though.

 

I've done it Woggle. The only times I associate with cheaters is when I'm friends with the person they cheated on and the friend keeps taking them back. Like right now, my husband and I have to remain at least respectful to our friend's wife he met in Thailand because he still wants to make it work. Once he gives up though, she might as well be dead.

 

If they (and I mean men or women) cheated in their teens or early 20s and are much more mature and honest many years later, I'll over look it.

[TheMENemy]

Women high five each other about cheating all the time so let's not act like they are not just as bad. Like somebody else said I do not date my friends so I don't care how they treat women. One of my best friends is an utter dog to women and I would never recommend any woman date him but as a friend he is great. I do date women so I care about her past and if she will be a trustworthy partner. Why is this so wrong?

 

It's not wrong.

 

Women with a history of promiscuity/casual sex relationships are in something of a bind though.

 

They want to continue to have the option of dating the same exciting "bad boys" that they had casual sex with, except they want to escalate to serious/exclusive relationships with these guys. But a lot of these guys simply aren't cut out for that; or, when such a guy "evolves" to the point of wanting to get serious with someone, it's not with the casual sex women.

 

That leaves the casual sex woman with the alternative of the "nice guy/sexually inexperienced/sexually inept" guy. But these women don't really want that guy. And, if they do, the "nice" guy frequently wants a "nice" girl for a serious relationship. So they can't really cry "double standard" at the nice guy.

 

The bad boys don't care what these women think, and the nice guys don't want to be with them, or they don't want to be with the nice guys.

 

So they're left in a kind of "limbo" of a series of more or less casual relationships which don't really lead anywhere.

 

I guess it's kind of a shame but I'm not getting why they are placing the blame for this predicament on anyone other than themselves.

 

After all, it's these women who made the choice to be involved in casual sexual relationships in the first place. No one forced them to.

[sally4sara]

Wondering how many of this cat's usernames I'm going to have to add to my ignore list..........

[Anela]

 

That means if a man, or men, decide that they don't want a relationship with a woman who has had casual sex in the past, that's their absolute right. I'm not sure why you or anyone would find reason to criticize the exercise of personal choice in the most intimate areas of life.

 

That strikes me as incredibly controlling. You are free to live your life the way you want, and partner up with whom you want.

 

So are they.

 

More shaming behaviour from yourself...

[Woggle]

Maybe you are different than what I thought.

 

I have friends who make money illegally and I am still friends with them because I am loyal to those who look out for me.

[TheMENemy]

More shaming behaviour from yourself...

 

Really?

 

Did I express a desire to control how you choose to structure your relationships?

 

Not at all.

 

It's not "shaming" for me to point out that you're trying to impose your view of relationships on someone else. That's clearly controlling, and if you feel ashamed by it, all you need to do is stop.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Sally,

 

because I respect your POV, I did actually take a look at the article you linked, about arranged marriages.

 

This is the very first sentence:

 

There is no actual factual informational data available for the exact time in which the tradition of arranged marriages became apart of any individual culture.

 

 

I stopped reading after the first sentence since the article is not fact-based.

 

All this sentence "proves" is that the author has no facts to pinpoint the "exact time in which the tradition of arranged marriages became a part of any individual culture."

 

Because the author does not have historical data regarding THE EXACT TIME arranged marriage began does not have any bearing upon whether or not the article in its entirety is "fact based."

 

Okay, I have now had enough of trying to help a fellow LS poster with reading comprehension. I think my efforts are not only probably co-dependent, but will be likely to engender some hearty bashing.

[Anela]

 

That leaves the casual sex woman with the alternative of the "nice guy/sexually inexperienced/sexually inept" guy. But these women don't really want that guy. And, if they do, the "nice" guy frequently wants a "nice" girl for a serious relationship. So they can't really cry "double standard" at the nice guy.

 

 

Actually, I know of a woman whose ex-husband had less sexual experience than she did, when they married. She let him know what she liked, he improved, became one of her best lovers, and what did he do? He cheated on her.

[Anela]

Really?

 

Did I express a desire to control how you choose to structure your relationships?

 

Not at all.

 

It's not "shaming" for me to point out that you're trying to impose your view of relationships on someone else. That's clearly controlling, and if you feel ashamed by it, all you need to do is stop.

 

I should have said attempted shaming. Aren't you guys essentially shaming women who have slept around a bit, by deciding that they're unworthy of your love and commitment?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Wondering how many of this cat's usernames I'm going to have to add to my ignore list..........

 

Sometimes he has even more than one per day, so I fear it's a losing battle. Sadly, we can only wait until he becomes enraged and abusive and gets kicked off AGAIN for a brief reprieve.

 

Of course, I am not mentioning any names here, or casting aspersions upon any particular contributor to this fine thread.

[Anela]

 

Of course, I am not mentioning any names here, or casting aspersions upon any particular contributor to this fine thread.

 

I am. I wondered where Meerkat wandered off to.