Guys, do you respect women who have fbuddy relationships? Is that a "low-grade"chic?

[CeCe2981]

Men and women enter in fwb situations for different reasons there is no black and white line to follow. Most men who are mature do respect the women because they are getting the same thing as the women is getting out of it, the feeling is mutual, why wouldnt they respect you unless they are admitting subconciously that they don't respect themselves. Make sense, younger more immature men have this idea to brow beat women into believing they are lesser because they have become more independent, why more likely to scare you from becoming this way to lower your self esteem and make you believe this way. I do believe in practicing safe sex and most definitely require it in any form of relationship. These relationships actually require alot of care and respect for each individual because of all the rules that are at play. I have had three in my lifetime and it never meant that I was a lesser person , most of it was because I wanted to share the company of another individual but was emotionally unavailiable via breakups, college and just being plain old busy. Serious relationships take even more time and nuturing, see here key thing time, so people enter into these situations to relieve stress, most of the time of having to worry. If your looking for something more, Honesty, is a complete must from the start. You have to be honest with what you want and relate that to the other person because you never know what may happen. There is no direct line as to what happens, just statistics. I personally have experienced fwb's that I myself as a women will gain feelings sometimes and it does take men longer to develop emotions, but they always end up caring for you in the end and sometimes make great pals for life, platonically. Just think people come in and out of your life everyones is different to learn different lessons. My last one was fiery hot like no other we had great chemistry something that is hard to find, but i know that we became good friends but we have no commitment. I'm just enjoying the fact that I have gotten the chance to get to know him and relate to myself more sexually, as far as likes and dislikes. I hope this helps!!

[utterer of lies]

I asked you "what the point" of being involved in a discussion with you if your screen name is literally correct. I think it's a legitimate question.

 

What do you think?

 

I did. Re-read the thread if you're still curious about what they are.

 

Oh, it must have gotten lost underneath all the trolling and thread-winning you did. Care to summarize?

[Leigh 87]

I cannot be bothered reading all this thread at right now, however, I will later. Until then, I want to clarify a few things I mentioned earlier:

 

First of all, I consider " sleeping around" to be when a women who is single, sleeps with a different guy EVERY week. In my case, I have slept with ONE guy in FIVE years, because I was horny and wanted to have sex. I did not want to settle for sex in the hope that he would want to be my boyfriend. I feel sorry for the women who hold out hope that a guy they sleep will eventually fall for them, when he never will.

 

Personally, I would only feel comfortable sleeping with a different guy every 4 months or so. Right now, I feel like satisfying, myself sexually by having sex occasionally.

 

I do not consider occasional sex with a different man, if it is every 3 -4 months, to be classified as " sleeping around". The term " sleeping around" has negative connotations.

 

The fact that I feel like having casual sex, a fling, or a FWB type sexual ancounter every 3 - 4 months does not mean that I; do not respect my body ( I do, and a guy has to earn my respect through being a kind and decent person who treats me well enough to deserve my body).

 

Furthermore, I will not just open my legs freely to any guy who wants to have sex with me; sleeping around implies that a women literally sleeps around frequently, with different men, without feeling much regard for herself OR her body.

 

I respect myself as a person, in addition to respecting how my body is treated. I eat well, I exercise, and I will not readily throw my body over to any guy who wants it.

 

 

I am open to changing my standpoint on relationships. Right now, I am seeking occasional sex, every 3 - 4 months, with a guy I really have good chemistry with. I am horny some of the time and I think it is natural to have sex occasionally, and I do NOT consider it to be " sleeping around: if it is every 3 - 4 months at the MOST. However, it could well be less for me. I went 5 years, after all.

 

On the other hand, I may reach a more stable point in my life where I have created a solid enough identity, and personality, in addition to a solid foundation of a LIFE, for me to actually WANT a meaningful, LONG TERM relationship.

 

Due to a myriad of reasons, I am not ready to be in a committed, serious relatinship with a man. That does not mean I " sleep around", am not discriminate with the men I let have sex with me, and that when I DO meet a person at the right time in my life, that I will make a BAD LONG TERM PARTNER.

 

If I meet a guy in 5 years time and we fall in love, and I am in the right place in my life to be with the man in a committed relationship, WHY would he CARE if I had been having casual sex every few months, prior to meeting him?

 

If a guy falls in love with me for who I AM, then if I suddenly were to go " by the way, I was not ready to be in a committed relationship before you, so I had sex occasionally because I was horny", WHY would that change a mans perception of me?

 

WHy does not wanting a meaningful relationship with the men a women has sex with, a critetia for what sort of a future girlfriend they might become?

 

A women may not want to be committed at one stage in their lives, but then change their view and want to settle down. WHy does having casual sex, purely for the purpose of SATISFYING SEXUAL NEEDS, deam a women as a ' bad partner'?

 

I will state this again; women get horny. If a women has a very high sex drive, like I do, and is not ready to be in a committed relationship, WHAT deos it say about her values, IF she chooses to have sex purely because SHE FEELS LIKE SEX?

 

HAving sex souly for the physical experience does not mean a women has questionable values, when it comes to life, OR relationships; such a women, LIKE MYSELF, MAY WELL value a long term relationship, and be very good in one ONE DAY, when she is READY for one.

 

Just because a women gets horny, has sex occasionally, and does not want to invest emotionally in a comitted relationship, it DOES NOT mean that she will NEVER value a long term partner, and be a good partner in that long term relationship.

 

It is a very ignorant viewpoint to assume that just because a women has casual sex throughout her life duringt he points where she des not want to be in a serious relationship, that she " sleeps around", or will be " unsuitable as a long term partner.

 

I know that I will be able to go from being a women who is horny and wants sex, to being a women who will be a great long term partner, when I am SEEKING that type of arrangement.

 

I have had boyfriends before. I was young and incomplete as a person ( I still am, hence why I am not re wady for committment), and I was always a great girtlfriend, and never cheated. I have a strong sense of morality, in spite of the fact that I am actually a very superficial, shallow, and vain women.

 

I want to enjoy great sex with hot men right now, but not every week ( or month!), I just do not want to develope a long term, serious relationship with a guy before I am able to have the sex I naturally crave.

Edited October 27, 2010 by Leigh 87

[utterer of lies]

But what you're saying is, if somebody has no experience of something, they have no "right" to form an opinion about it

 

Everyone has an opinion. But to argue that opinion in public without bringing up any arguments and with no relevant experience on the topic devalues your contribution. If you have no experience, then at least a halfway coherent line of reasoning would be nice, to show others how you came to your conclusion.

[utterer of lies]

Speaking of being unnecessarily combative, here's a prime example.

 

I don't agree, I found sally4sara's post to be perfectly appropriate in tone and content.

[Surrealist]

I cannot be bothered reading all this thread at right now, however, I will later. Until then, I want to clarify a few things I mentioned earlier:

 

First of all, I consider " sleeping around" to be when a women who is single, sleeps with a different guy EVERY week. In my case, I have slept with ONE guy in FIVE years, because I was horny and wanted to have sex. I did not want to settle for sex in the hope that he would want to be my boyfriend. I feel sorry for the women who hold out hope that a guy they sleep will eventually fall for them, when he never will.

 

Personally, I would only feel comfortable sleeping with a different guy every 4 months or so. Right now, I feel like satisfying, myself sexually by having sex occasionally.

 

I do not consider occasional sex with a different man, if it is every 3 -4 months, to be classified as " sleeping around". The term " sleeping around" has negative connotations.

 

The fact that I feel like having casual sex, a fling, or a FWB type sexual ancounter every 3 - 4 months does not mean that I; do not respect my body ( I do, and a guy has to earn my respect through being a kind and decent person who treats me well enough to deserve my body).

 

Furthermore, I will not just open my legs freely to any guy who wants to have sex with me; sleeping around implies that a women literally sleeps around frequently, with different men, without feeling much regard for herself OR her body.

 

I respect myself as a person, in addition to respecting how my body is treated. I eat well, I exercise, and I will not readily throw my body over to any guy who wants it.

 

 

I am open to changing my standpoint on relationships. Right now, I am seeking occasional sex, every 3 - 4 months, with a guy I really have good chemistry with. I am horny some of the time and I think it is natural to have sex occasionally, and I do NOT consider it to be " sleeping around: if it is every 3 - 4 months at the MOST. However, it could well be less for me. I went 5 years, after all.

 

On the other hand, I may reach a more stable point in my life where I have created a solid enough identity, and personality, in addition to a solid foundation of a LIFE, for me to actually WANT a meaningful, LONG TERM relationship.

 

Due to a myriad of reasons, I am not ready to be in a committed, serious relatinship with a man. That does not mean I " sleep around", am not discriminate with the men I let have sex with me, and that when I DO meet a person at the right time in my life, that I will make a BAD LONG TERM PARTNER.

 

If I meet a guy in 5 years time and we fall in love, and I am in the right place in my life to be with the man in a committed relationship, WHY would he CARE if I had been having casual sex every few months, prior to meeting him?

 

If a guy falls in love with me for who I AM, then if I suddenly were to go " by the way, I was not ready to be in a committed relationship before you, so I had sex occasionally because I was horny", WHY would that change a mans perception of me?

 

WHy does not wanting a meaningful relationship with the men a women has sex with, a critetia for what sort of a future girlfriend they might become?

 

A women may not want to be committed at one stage in their lives, but then change their view and want to settle down. WHy does having casual sex, purely for the purpose of SATISFYING SEXUAL NEEDS, deam a women as a ' bad partner'?

 

I will state this again; women get horny. If a women has a very high sex drive, like I do, and is not ready to be in a committed relationship, WHAT deos it say about her values, IF she chooses to have sex purely because SHE FEELS LIKE SEX?

 

HAving sex souly for the physical experience does not mean a women has questionable values, when it comes to life, OR relationships; such a women, LIKE MYSELF, MAY WELL value a long term relationship, and be very good in one ONE DAY, when she is READY for one.

 

Just because a women gets horny, has sex occasionally, and does not want to invest emotionally in a comitted relationship, it DOES NOT mean that she will NEVER value a long term partner, and be a good partner in that long term relationship.

 

It is a very ignorant viewpoint to assume that just because a women has casual sex throughout her life duringt he points where she des not want to be in a serious relationship, that she " sleeps around", or will be " unsuitable as a long term partner.

 

I know that I will be able to go from being a women who is horny and wants sex, to being a women who will be a great long term partner, when I am SEEKING that type of arrangement.

 

I have had boyfriends before. I was young and incomplete as a person ( I still am, hence why I am not re wady for committment), and I was always a great girtlfriend, and never cheated. I have a strong sense of morality, in spite of the fact that I am actually a very superficial, shallow, and vain women.

 

I want to enjoy great sex with hot men right now, but not every week ( or month!), I just do not want to develope a long term, serious relationship with a guy before I am able to have the sex I naturally crave.

 

Leigh your sexual history wouldn't be a problem with me. I have to say I appreciate your honesty but I am intrigued as to why you haven't had more sexual encounters over the past 5 or so years? You admit you would like more yet you haven't had them? Is it because you just haven't found yourself in the right situation? Haven't found a guy you feel attracted to enough, or if you have, he just hasn't acted on you / your flirts? Any other reason?

[LiveWell]

I think that when a person chooses to define her situation as FWB, then that's really up to her.

 

 

Yes but if we each make up our own definitions of what something means then it's pointless to use our own personal situations in a discussion because then we can each say whatever we want about it, then complain when someone else has a different viewpoint by responding that the other person "really doesn't know" our personal situation.

[theBrokenMuse]

I really don't think that the women here believe that FWBs are such a great deal for women, they just feel they have to stake that position for argument's sake, I don't know why? To be hip, or politically correct, or what?

Personally, I do so because I find many of the views of women's sexuality and worth as mates seem to still be based on notions that are still lingering from the days of yore when women were mere chattel and I find that to be quite disturbing.

[LiveWell]

So you've never gone anywhere with a female who was not related to you without it being a date? Is this how you get dates? you go somewhere with a woman and then later tell her it was a date and she is now your GF?

 

Here, I'll break it down since you seem to either be determined to be as dense as humanly possible or are actually really bad with reading comprehension.

I wanted to go to the ribfest. I asked my best friend, but she was working. I asked my brother that morning but he already had plans. It was my son's weekend with his dad so I couldn't just take him.

The day before was another friend's wedding and I'd taken the guy who was the roomate of my now husband. I'd dumped a guy I had been seeing for almost a year about two weeks prior to the wedding so I needed a date and asked the roomate guy to go as friends. I didn't want to the roomate guy to something the very next and have him get confused about why I'd taken him to the wedding. Since we'd dated a few times about a year prior, I had reason to worry he might get confused about things. I asked numerous other people only to find out they were not available. I called the ex roomate anyway as a last ditch effort and my husband answered the phone. His roomate was not home. So I asked HIM if he wanted to go. Like I said, I'd known him for about a year but not well. I'd gotten to know him a bit better over the two months leading up to the ribfest and he didn't seem to be the jerk I'd been told he was. He agreed to go. I bought a rack of ribs that we split.

 

We hung out all day. He asked if I wanted to go back and watch a movie. On the way I stopped into a carry out to grab some beers. I remember thinking, "should I get drunk around this guy?". Because I was single and only had to answer to myself, I decided that if it went there, it wasn't the end of the world.

I was 29 and he was 24 so where you get the "cougar" term I have no idea other than that YOU want to argue every damn point anyone makes and try to see everything in the most tasteless light possible while accusing ME of denigrating people.

 

It went there and I figured we'd still hang out sometimes, but I had no designs on him. He started showing up at my place and wanting more time from me. It neither delighted nor bothered me. I'd heard from others that his ex GF was saying she was going to try to get back with him once she came back from Europe. A few days later, he told me he had to go pick up a friend from the airport. I knew the friend was actually his ex GF. I also figured I wouldn't hear from him much after that. I didn't even let him know I knew it was not simply just some friend he was picking up at the airport. So when he showed up at my place that night I asked him what he was doing on my porch.

 

"Don't you have some catching up with your friend you should be doing?"

 

And I shut the door. It was really not a big deal, other than he felt he needed to hide who he was picking up from the airport from me. So he went around to the kitchen door and asked if he could come in and explain. I heard him out. Told him I didn't care for lying but if he could be more honest we could stay friends. And we did. Never stopped being friends. I never asked him for exclusivity. We did discuss whether or not the other wanted to be made aware of it if we slept with someone else and decided that while it was fine, it would be best to know if each other did become sexually involved with someone else.

 

I didn't become sexually involved with anyone else. He did once; a ONS. Still not a big deal to me. I went out on many dates, but meh, no one I really had interest in for anything. During that time I'd worry he was wanting more than I cared to give because he only lived a block away and was always coming over.

 

There. Just for you, I rehashed the first 4 months of my current relationship that was exactly what I consider a FWB situation. I made no claims on him and he made none on me. We didn't get upset about dates with others or what not because we were just FRIENDS who frequently had sex. More than what is typical for me, but hey like I said- he lived one block away.

 

 

 

Yes, you did and your prize in an empty bed and the flickering light cast by pornographic images from your monitor. Have fun with that.

 

 

So you're saying you never actually fell in love with your husband?

 

Wow.

[LiveWell]

Speaking of being unnecessarily combative, here's a prime example.

 

I don't know I thought it struck me as a little bit sexually repressed.

[LiveWell]

I am open to changing my standpoint on relationships. Right now, I am seeking occasional sex, every 3 - 4 months, with a guy I really have good chemistry with. I am horny some of the time and I think it is natural to have sex occasionally, and I do NOT consider it to be " sleeping around: if it is every 3 - 4 months at the MOST. However, it could well be less for me. I went 5 years, after all.

 

Leigh, definitions of FWB aside,

 

I think your plan while it is fine in theory is unrealistic not because of anything about you, but because of the way men behave.

 

While it may fit into your plans to have sex only every few months, any man who has sex with you and finds it to be a pleasant experience is going to want it much more than that.

 

So either you will end up with a "player" who is not bothering you for sex more frequently because he has other women to get it from; or you will end up like sally, with a guy who continually comes around, i.e. "courts" you.

 

For the typical guy, if you are willing to have sex with him once, he is not going to understand why he has to wait three or four months to do it again. He will think you are "playing games" with him, even if you are not.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh your sexual history wouldn't be a problem with me. I have to say I appreciate your honesty but I am intrigued as to why you haven't had more sexual encounters over the past 5 or so years? You admit you would like more yet you haven't had them? Is it because you just haven't found yourself in the right situation? Haven't found a guy you feel attracted to enough, or if you have, he just hasn't acted on you / your flirts? Any other reason?

 

 

The reason I have nto had any sexual encounters with men, is because even though I had been 50 kilos at 166cm, with a great body, i still did not feel attractive enough physically, or appealing enough as a person, to feel that I had enough to offer a guy. In any way.

 

Furthermore, I had too much work to do on myself to be ready to handle a relationship. I just had and still have too much I need to " do" in terms of working on my personality and life in general, to feel ready to be able to give an accurate and healthy version of myself. I am not quiet there yet.

 

There are still things about me that would not allow me to fully be available, emotionally and mentally, in a serious relationship. How can some one else love me if I have not learnt to love myself ?

 

Lastly, my eating disorder and body image related issues have resulted in me being socially isolated, so I have not developed enough to KNOW what kind of a person I AM; I have simply not got and maintained enough friendhips, for me to BE around people enough, for me to ESTABLISH who I am as a person ( in terms of who I am around others, in addition to what I already like doing on my own, without ther esponsibility of relationships, at any level, with either sex).

 

 

So I have a long way to go before I am ready to get serious with another person, however, I love sex and there is no way I am going to wait until I feel like ( and am ready!) to commit to a SERIOUS relationship....

 

I would be without sex for another 5 years if I waited until I wanted, and was ready to embark on a serious committed relationship. It took me 5 years to feel... to just get my head around my issues.

 

I was too consumed with hating my body previously, to even view myself as as women worthy of sexual encounters. It is very sad.

[Woggle]

Personally, I do so because I find many of the views of women's sexuality and worth as mates seem to still be based on notions that are still lingering from the days of yore when women were mere chattel and I find that to be quite disturbing.

 

To be honest that kind of criteria worked. Is a man not supposed to have any standards at all when it comes to looking for a mate? With the amount of cheating and walkaway wives these days are man supposed to not be careful about who we commit to? Is this what you are suggesting.

[flying]

To be honest that kind of criteria worked. Is a man not supposed to have any standards at all when it comes to looking for a mate? With the amount of cheating and walkaway wives these days are man supposed to not be careful about who we commit to? Is this what you are suggesting.

 

What do you think? Does that really sound like what she is suggesting?

[theBrokenMuse]

To be honest that kind of criteria worked.

No Woggle it did not. People have always cheated and not just so-called loose women. Proper ladies just had to be careful and sneaky because unlike her male counterparts her reputation could have easily been thrown into disrepair and scandal with a few choice words.

 

Is a man not supposed to have any standards at all when it comes to looking for a mate?

Not suggesting that but the measures some people use are really quite logically unsound. Assuming that a woman who is chaste will have a better character than one who has not been is baseless conclusion as this mere fact speaks nothing of the reasons behind her decision to be so (religious fear/tautology, low sex drive which is often hidden behind principle in order to not scare the man away or sometimes even an unhealthy attitude about their own sexuality can also contribute to that same outcome not just the whole I only sleep with people I love thing) it also speaks nothing of her ability to set healthy boundaries or shows where her loyalties are (ie. just because a woman isn't out actively screwing guys without being in a serious relationship doesn't mean she won't easily form deep emotional bonds with other men while in a relationship which can eventually lead into physically intimate relationships that she considers to be 'serious' or that she won't leave you without trying to save the relationship if she is unhappy or that she won't be actively looking for someone 'better' while with you.)

 

In other words I think this particular standard (chasteness) for trying to weed out 'the bad ones' is rather naive and shows a lack of understanding of the human psyche. It didn't work for our ancestors and it's not going to work now.

[EasyHeart]

In other words I think this particular standard (chasteness) for trying to weed out 'the bad ones' is rather naive and shows a lack of understanding of the human psyche. It didn't work for our ancestors and it's not going to work now.

There's a pretty huge gap between chasteness and promiscuity.

 

For every woman engaged in a fwb situation, there is a man engaged in the same arrangement.

This statement is unambiguously false.

 

The one (and probably only) thing that's become clear in this thread is that to (most) men and to (most) women, the term "FWB" mean completely different things. A woman can consider themselves in a FWB situation while the man considers them to be dating (or some other non-FWB term).

[theBrokenMuse]

There's a pretty huge gap between chasteness and promiscuity.

 

For some people it seems to be a very black and white issue: People are chaste or they are sluts. I do look at the long term relationship patterns people hold when making determinations about probable compatibility, of course. The problem I have is with the assumptions about the integrity of the chaste and the very flippant, dismissive manner in which those who do not meet the classification of chaste are often all lumped together as being people of poor character without any further investigation. To me it's somewhat stating that a woman having autonomy of her vagina is still considered 'bad' by some folks in this day and age and I do find that appalling.

[flying]

 

The one (and probably only) thing that's become clear in this thread is that to (most) men and to (most) women, the term "FWB" mean completely different things. A woman can consider themselves in a FWB situation while the man considers them to be dating (or some other non-FWB term).

 

I don't think this is true. I think that because this thread was about how men perceive women who have been FWB, you get a lot of men saying that yes, they see them as less than relationship material (and in some cases see them as downright psychologically disturbed). And as a result, you get a lot of women feeling irritated about being judged according to a double standard, and thus pointing out instances where they've had FWB and turned out just fine.

 

But that doesn't mean men don't have FWBs, or are always getting shafted by them. I've no doubt there are men on these boards who've had what they themselves would call FWBs, and turned out just fine. We just haven't heard from those guys; this thread wasn't directed at them, so they have quite wisely stayed the heck out of this cluster****. It only attracted the more judgmental types, as it always does.

[LiveWell]

I don't think this is true. I think that because this thread was about how men perceive women who have been FWB, you get a lot of men saying that yes, they see them as less than relationship material (and in some cases see them as downright psychologically disturbed). And as a result, you get a lot of women feeling irritated about being judged according to a double standard, and thus pointing out instances where they've had FWB and turned out just fine.

 

But that doesn't mean men don't have FWBs, or are always getting shafted by them. I've no doubt there are men on these boards who've had what they themselves would call FWBs, and turned out just fine. We just haven't heard from those guys; this thread wasn't directed at them, so they have quite wisely stayed the heck out of this cluster****. It only attracted the more judgmental types, as it always does.

 

 

I'm still waiting for anyone in this thread to post even a single example of a 1) completely casual sexual relationship, with periodic sexual encounters over a finite period of time (but excluding say ONS, weekend flings, or something that happens when one is away for a one week vacation, as there is no element of "repetition" in those sorts of encounters); 2) with absolutely zero romantic expectations or investment by either party, IOW, sex + purely platonic frienship + "nothing else"; 3) being in the relationship did not lead to a romantic/emotional entanglement of some kind, which would simply indicate a casual sexual relationship that developed and grew, not an FWB; 4) ended well.

 

IMO an what makes an FWB an FWB is not simply friendship + sex, but the agreement by both parties to explicitly exclude the possibility that it could develop into something more, i.e. a "real relationship." If there's no exclusion of that possibility, then it's simply two people who are "casually dating" each other, which is NOT an FWB.

Edited October 27, 2010 by LiveWell

[flying]

I'm still waiting for anyone in this thread to post even a single example of a 1) completely casual sexual relationship, with periodic sexual encounters over a finite period of time (but excluding say ONS, weekend flings, or something that happens when one is away for a one week vacation, as there is no element of "repetition" in those sorts of encounters); 2) with absolutely zero romantic expectations or investment by either party, IOW, sex + purely platonic frienship + "nothing else"; 3) being in the relationship did not lead to a romantic/emotional entanglement of some kind, which would simply indicate a casual sexual relationship that developed and grew, not an FWB; 4) ended well.

 

IMO an what makes an FWB an FWB is not simply friendship + sex, but the agreement by both parties to explicitly exclude the possibility that it could develop into something more, i.e. a "real relationship." If there's no exclusion of that possibility, then it's simply two people who are "casually dating" each other, which is NOT an FWB.

 

Oh, you.

[sally4sara]

So you're saying you never actually fell in love with your husband?

 

Wow.

 

You do a lot of pretending in this thread. Pretending to stay on topic. Pretending to draw conclusions based on the facts presented. Mkay, sure.

So you go back and quote exactly where I state that I never fell in love with my husband, not in the first 4 months (true) or ever (the obtuse assertion you are now trying to make).

 

Try better.

 

I bet you fail at it as badly as you do at trying to stay on topic and factual.

[EasyHeart]

I don't think this is true. I think that because this thread was about how men perceive women who have been FWB, you get a lot of men saying that yes, they see them as less than relationship material (and in some cases see them as downright psychologically disturbed). And as a result, you get a lot of women feeling irritated about being judged according to a double standard, and thus pointing out instances where they've had FWB and turned out just fine.

 

But that doesn't mean men don't have FWBs, or are always getting shafted by them. I've no doubt there are men on these boards who've had what they themselves would call FWBs, and turned out just fine. We just haven't heard from those guys; this thread wasn't directed at them, so they have quite wisely stayed the heck out of this cluster****. It only attracted the more judgmental types, as it always does.

That certainly may be.

 

But the statement I quoted implied that there was a one-to-one correspondence between male and female FWBs, because each one must necessarily be part of each FWB relationship. None of the descriptions of FWB relationships that women have posted remotely resemble what I would consider a FWB relationship. So I do not believe at all that there has to be a one-to-one correspondence between male and female FWBs.

[flying]

That certainly may be.

 

But the statement I quoted implied that there was a one-to-one correspondence between male and female FWBs, because each one must necessarily be part of each FWB relationship. None of the descriptions of FWB relationships that women have posted remotely resemble what I would consider a FWB relationship. So I do not believe at all that there has to be a one-to-one correspondence between male and female FWBs.

 

Right, but the point I was making is that the women who came to this thread are here explicitly to defend their choices, while the men who came to this thread are here explicitly to describe why those choices are poor.

 

I do not think, therefore, that this is a fair sampling of how the population at large looks at FWB. You have two very distinctive subsets of men and women here. So I'd be cautious about drawing larger conclusions from this.

[EasyHeart]

I tried vainly yesterday to get people to explain what they mean by the term FWB, but not many people seemed to see that defining the term is what's causing most of the conflict here.

 

I'll try using an example this time:

 

I know a group of women (late 30s) who go out each weekend, either in a mixed group or all female group. While they are out, they usually run into men that they know, and they pick one to go home with that night. The men are not strangers, so it is not considered a ONS. So one week a woman might go home with Bill, the next weekend she goes home with Bob, the next weekend with Kevin, the next weekend with Bob again, and so on. The women may also sometimes go to parties with one of these men, or she might call them if her car needs fixing or some boxes need lifting, but they do not have dinner together or go to movies together or even talk much to each other (beyond "Hey, where ya gonna be on Saturday night?), because that would be dating. These people refer to each other as "friends with benefits", and I have no interest in dating any of these women (or in obtaining any "benefits" from them).

 

Before this thread, I have never heard of anyone refer to year-long monogamous relationships as FWBs.

[EasyHeart]

I do not think, therefore, that this is a fair sampling of how the population at large looks at FWB. You have two very distinctive subsets of men and women here. So I'd be cautious about drawing larger conclusions from this.

Oh good Lord!!! I never draw any large conclusions from things posted here!!!