Guys, do you respect women who have fbuddy relationships? Is that a "low-grade"chic?

[LiveWell]

You do a lot of pretending in this thread.

 

Not at all. I just respond to what's posted and state my opinions.

 

 

Pretending to stay on topic.

 

I'm not on topic? How's that?

 

Pretending to draw conclusions based on the facts presented. Mkay, sure.

 

I can't help it if you don't like the conclusions I draw, but I'm entitled to draw them based on whatever facts are presented.

 

I think the problem that you and a lot of other persons seem to have is that you don't really want to have a discussion about something, you simply want to present your opinion and then get everyone to agree with you.

 

So you go back and quote exactly where I state that I never fell in love with my husband, not in the first 4 months (true) or ever (the obtuse assertion you are now trying to make).

 

Right there. You previously spent a great deal of time trying to establish that your relationship with your husband was an FWB relationship, not a casual dating relationship which evolved into love, i.e. a "classic romance/boy meets/pursues girl" which I had originally assumed. You chose to prove your point by posting a very long post which for your own reasons, chose to limit to the first four months, I guess. Your point in doing so was evidently to prove that I was completely wrong about my belief that actually you'd fallen in love with your husband and that's why you married him. There is not one iota of any emotional involvement being expressed at all in your post.

 

When the implications of that dawned on me, after reading your long post, I acknowledged the very point you'd claimed to be trying to prove--that you were not in fact in love with your husband--but you now have decided to flip flop and take offense at that.

 

I now have no way of knowing whether you ever fell in love with your husband, or if so, how and when that ever happened, if it did, because you've actually persuaded me otherwise. And obviously you chose to exclude any actual details of your relationship indicating when, if, how, and to what extent it became a fully healthy, loving, romantic relationship. I am not going to assume it ever did if there are no facts presented to indicate that it did. That is your choice, and you chose not to present such facts.

 

What actually occurred when I first read your lengthy post is that I was trying to "see through it" and elicit where the love was, because I was assuming you were caught up in the dynamic of this discussion and just being contrary for its own sake, minimizing any emotion or love that you may have truly felt simply to prevail on a discussion point.

 

Then it dawned on me, it hit me like a truck: You're right. You weren't just claiming you had a totally emotionally empty relationship for argument's sake. You meant it.

 

You didn't really respect your husband when you first met him. You didn't really want to take him to the barbecue, but there was no one else available to go with you that night, so he was like the "last choice." Yes you had sex with him that first night but it truly meant nothing to you and you had absolutely no emotional investment in the interaction.

 

He pursued you for the next four months and you continually rejected him because--as you freely admit--you did not like who he was as a person.

 

You tried to play the field but realized that the romantic pickings for a single mom with a young child can be extremely slim. While your husband was not so great in your perception, you couldn't find anyone better even though you tried.

 

(By the way in terms of the age difference it was you who denigrated your husband by saying he was "way too young", the cougar reference was a completely appropriate response.)

 

So you are in fact right about your relationship, and I was wrong. I admit that. You didn't have a real interest in your husband. But at some point you decided this is the best you were going to do and settled for him.

 

That's pretty sad, but it still doesn't make me think that an FWB, which I now agree you were involved in, at least from YOUR POV, is an ideal or even a very healthy way to establish a relationship with someone, esp. not someone that you end up settling for and marrying.

 

In any case, you've posted many things in this thread about your h, and most of it is all about his perceived deficiencies and inadequacies in your eyes. There's nothing significant indicating how and why, or even if, you actually love him for himself. All you've stated is that you decided he would be a good step dad. Many single moms end up marrying guys primarily based upon their suitability as a step dad. There's nothing really wrong with that, it's practical I guess.

 

 

I bet you fail at it as badly as you do at trying to stay on topic and factual.

 

I'm happy for you that you found a suitable step dad for your son and you prioritized being a good parent over your own personal happiness. That's a good thing and you should be commended for it.

[LiveWell]

Before this thread, I have never heard of anyone refer to year-long monogamous relationships as FWBs.

 

 

Yeah that used to be called "going steady." LOL.

[flying]

 

I'm happy for you that you found a suitable step dad for your son and you prioritized being a good parent over your own personal happiness. That's a good thing and you should be commended for it.

 

Wow. This whole post was unbelievably nasty. I've read some doozies by you and your multiple (always eventually banned) identities, but just...wow.

 

I hope that those who considered you a thoughtful poster are taking note. Ugh. Is this really who you are as a person??

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm still waiting for anyone in this thread to post even a single example of a 1) completely casual sexual relationship, with periodic sexual encounters over a finite period of time (but excluding say ONS, weekend flings, or something that happens when one is away for a one week vacation, as there is no element of "repetition" in those sorts of encounters); 2) with absolutely zero romantic expectations or investment by either party, IOW, sex + purely platonic frienship + "nothing else"; 3) being in the relationship did not lead to a romantic/emotional entanglement of some kind, which would simply indicate a casual sexual relationship that developed and grew, not an FWB; 4) ended well.

.

 

It would be stupid to bother, in a thread that has become dominated by you. Predictably you will read the post with the mindset to "deconstruct" it, refute every point made with your very verbose fallacious reasoning, and then proudly declare yourself "the winner." Every time. Boring. You are the king of threadjacking.

[stillafool]

Why is a woman with sexual experience bad thing? And why does the fact that she may have a few outside-relationship encounters make her wrong or likely to cheat? I just don't understand. I love women who like sex. And besides, won't they know how to lay it on you (quite well) from all the 'practice'?

 

I'm really trying to find a downside here, and I'm coming up a tad short.

 

I believe perfectly rational, emotionally stable women are capable of having casual sex, and being amazingly loyal when they're in relationships. I don't see them as being defective or inferior in the slightest.

 

Now this is a healthy man!:bunny:

[LiveWell]

Wow. This whole post was unbelievably nasty. I've read some doozies by you and your multiple (always eventually banned) identities, but just...wow.

 

I hope that those who considered you a thoughtful poster are taking note. Ugh. Is this really who you are as a person??

 

 

It wasn't nasty at all. You want to be able to take both, or all sides, of an issue, no matter how inconsistent they are.

 

In the context of this discussion about FWBs and what that really means, a female poster described her relationship with the man who is now her husband as starting from a totally emotionless sexual relationship which meant nothing to her. I did not believe her at first because it just didn't seem possible that someone could disrespect another human being to that extent, but then later on decide to marry that person despite that lack of respect and love for them. Also IME I've never personally encountered a woman who could be involved with a man for any length of time but be totally devoid of any romantic emotions or intentions towards him. That's totally alien to my personal experience so I was skeptical and did not believe it. At first.

 

Now I believe it. I'm persuaded. Why are you taking offense at that?

[flying]

It wasn't nasty at all. You want to be able to take both, or all sides, of an issue, no matter how inconsistent they are.

 

In the context of this discussion about FWBs and what that really means, a female poster described her relationship with the man who is now her husband as starting from a totally emotionless sexual relationship which meant nothing to her. I did not believe her at first because it just didn't seem possible that someone could disrespect another human being to that extent, but then later on decide to marry that person despite that lack of respect and love for them. Also IME I've never personally encountered a woman who could be involved with a man for any length of time but be totally devoid of any romantic emotions or intentions towards him. That's totally alien to my personal experience so I was skeptical and did not believe it. At first.

 

Now I believe it. I'm persuaded. Why are you taking offense at that?

 

In bold: UGH.

 

Jane Austen said it best: you do not deserve the compliment of rational opposition.

[LiveWell]

In bold: UGH.

 

Jane Austen said it best: you do not deserve the compliment of rational opposition.

 

Putting your continued ad hominem attacks to the side, what about the "bolded" part of the quotation do you believe to be incorrect?

 

Edit:

 

Also, to ensure I am trying to be completely fair in this discussion and am not getting sucked into the unnecessary ad hominem stuff, I went back over this thread and reviewed sally4sara's posts about her relationship with her h as best I could. Maybe I missed something, but nowhere did I see her, at least not what I saw posted in this thread, characterize her relationship as including her ever having "fallen in love" or even anything close to that.

 

If one of you wants to find where she said something like that, fine, quote it for me and I'll apologize if you think that's really necessary.

Edited October 27, 2010 by LiveWell

[sally4sara]

Then it dawned on me, it hit me like a truck: You're right. You weren't just claiming you had a totally emotionally empty relationship for argument's sake. You meant it.

 

You didn't really respect your husband when you first met him. You didn't really want to take him to the barbecue, but there was no one else available to go with you that night, so he was like the "last choice." Yes you had sex with him that first night but it truly meant nothing to you and you had absolutely no emotional investment in the interaction.

 

You're getting a clearer idea of why I did and still do think of the first 4 months of my involvement with the man who is now my husband began as a FWB, but you are still stuck trying to see all the association as some struggle for power. You view these kind of associations as a man VS woman thing. Her again you are trying to see FWB as a MUST BE disrespectful situation. I did respect him. I wouldn't have slept with him if I didn't respect him. This doesn't fit into your view of what MUST BE in a FWB association. To you it MUST BE a situation lacking in respect. If that is how you define it, then no, I never had a FWB situation with him or anyone. But to me, the F part of a FWB situation means they are your FRIEND. And you can't really be a friend to someone you don't respect.

 

I don't believe in quick love. What people feel that has them believing they are in love is a chemical response. Real love takes time.

 

He pursued you for the next four months and you continually rejected him because--as you freely admit--you did not like who he was as a person.

 

Here again you do it. I liked who he was as a person just fine. I did not initially think we would be right for each other in the long run. I'd experienced things he had not. I'd married quite young and it was an 8 year relationship that was horrible. I had a kid. I had doubts that my husband, quite intelligent and resourceful as he is and was at the time we began seeing each other, would be able to identify and understand my responsibilities. Also, because I had been married for 8 years at one point before, I wasn't especially keen to be in a serious relationship with anyone. I knew it would have to be an amazing person for me to ever consider a serious relationship again.

 

You tried to play the field but realized that the romantic pickings for a single mom with a young child can be extremely slim. While your husband was not so great in your perception, you couldn't find anyone better even though you tried.

 

You do it again here; the crappy toned assumptions. I never had a shortage of options or people interested in me. I know that is the case for some people and it is unfortunate, but it is not something I've ever had to deal with. Most of my dating experiences as a single mother resulted in me inadvertently having to explain to some guy who wanted more importance in my life that I did think we were right for each other. That was what I was trying to get across in my first post in this thread to show why FWB situation happen but don't have to be a negative situation. Real compatibility is a difficult thing to suss out. Many relationships where the two people see it as a real relationship end badly because they didn't take time to find out if they are right for each other before making claims on each other. I think it is due to peoples judgments and attitudes concerning sex. FWB sex = bad power struggle so they want the tag and title of BF or GF. But their compatibility level is so off that they should have just been FWB and not cared what others would think of it.

 

I assure you that if my husband was not everything I wanted in a life partner, we wouldn't be married now. I certainly could have continued on in life with no husband at all.

I didn't know from go that we would be right for each other. I didn't know in the first 4 months, I didn't know for the following 4 months. I began to see, feel, think differently about him around a year in because I had gotten to know him better. Not just by his words, but also by his actions. He wasn't a dubious prize as you'd like to believe. He is however, IMO, the best I can do. And he is fabulous. You don't even speak his language nor would you understand his mindset. And I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to meet him as he was shedding the remains of his carefree college bachelor life and developing into the driven man he is now. We were friends who had sex. We remained friends who had sex and added the element of being supportive, advising peers. Every change we've experience adds a new layer to the depth of our connection because we allowed for our choices to be educated ones before making them. From that, real love grew. I'm sorry if you struggle to see how this could happen.

 

(By the way in terms of the age difference it was you who denigrated your husband by saying he was "way too young", the cougar reference was a completely appropriate response.)

 

So you are in fact right about your relationship, and I was wrong. I admit that. You didn't have a real interest in your husband. But at some point you decided this is the best you were going to do and settled for him.

 

That's pretty sad, but it still doesn't make me think that an FWB, which I now agree you were involved in, at least from YOUR POV, is an ideal or even a very healthy way to establish a relationship with someone, esp. not someone that you end up settling for and marrying.

 

In any case, you've posted many things in this thread about your h, and most of it is all about his perceived deficiencies and inadequacies in your eyes. There's nothing significant indicating how and why, or even if, you actually love him for himself. All you've stated is that you decided he would be a good step dad. Many single moms end up marrying guys primarily based upon their suitability as a step dad. There's nothing really wrong with that, it's practical I guess.

 

I'm happy for you that you found a suitable step dad for your son and you prioritized being a good parent over your own personal happiness. That's a good thing and you should be commended for it.

 

I get that for many people, the idea of someone actually wanting to be a big part in the life of a child that is not their own is inconceivable. And I find THAT sad. But then, those people would probably screw it up horribly and do better by avoiding the situation entirely. You seem like one of those people. And not because I assume you are incapable so much as I see evidence that you are fractured and unhealthy. I feel very sorry for you. Have you tried seeking some counseling?

[TheBigQuestion]

For some people it seems to be a very black and white issue: People are chaste or they are sluts. I do look at the long term relationship patterns people hold when making determinations about probable compatibility, of course. The problem I have is with the assumptions about the integrity of the chaste and the very flippant, dismissive manner in which those who do not meet the classification of chaste are often all lumped together as being people of poor character without any further investigation. To me it's somewhat stating that a woman having autonomy of her vagina is still considered 'bad' by some folks in this day and age and I do find that appalling.

 

Note: I am playing devil's advocate here. I have no problem with FWB-type arrangements, or else I wouldn't currently be in one myself.

 

With that said, I don't think there's been any poster in this thread who looks at it as black and white as you describe. That's a bit of a strawman. Even UntouchableFire, perhaps the most "extreme" person in this thread, is not pretending to look for some sort of virgin. The guy states that in his experience, "slutty" women and those prone to FWBs are less favorable as long-term relationship material. This is a rational intuition that in my experience isn't true, due to an overall lack of experience, but happens to be true in his experience. The issue that I object to is that from this he extrapolates a huge generalization about lots of women women, particularly American women. By doing this, he is no better than the women on this board who internalize everything said by men as personal insults. Both are relying on knee-jerk emotions and let these emotions could their ability to ask rational and pertinent questions.

[TheBigQuestion]

 

 

I get that for many people, the idea of someone actually wanting to be a big part in the life of a child that is not their own is inconceivable. And I find THAT sad. But then, those people would probably screw it up horribly and do better by avoiding the situation entirely. You seem like one of those people. And not because I assume you are incapable so much as I see evidence that you are fractured and unhealthy. I feel very sorry for you. Have you tried seeking some counseling?

 

The problem here is that up until this very post, it did seem like you focused a lot on describing your husband's flaws and inadequacies and that you talked about him being a good stepfather. All LiveWell is really saying here is that, while this is a perfectly acceptable criterion for selecting a mate, it's a bit strange for it to be the primary one, as it could almost be mistaken to be manipulative. Also, there's no reason to call him fractured and unhealthy just because he disagrees with you. He has not referred to you as a broken person or mentally deranged simply because you two disagree on the definitions and implications of FWB relationships.

[flying]

The problem here is that up until this very post, it did seem like you focused a lot on describing your husband's flaws and inadequacies and that you talked about him being a good stepfather. All LiveWell is really saying here is that, while this is a perfectly acceptable criterion for selecting a mate, it's a bit strange for it to be the primary one, as it could almost be mistaken to be manipulative. Also, there's no reason to call him fractured and unhealthy just because he disagrees with you. He has not referred to you as a broken person or mentally deranged simply because you two disagree on the definitions and implications of FWB relationships.

 

BQ - that is most certainly NOT all that guy is saying. He took up several pages of this thread to try to prove why she must not love or respect her husband. It's not worth defending him. He is in the wrong here, and really ought to apologize to her, IMO. Not that it'll happen. But I'm just saying.

[TheBigQuestion]

BQ - that is most certainly NOT all that guy is saying. He took up several pages of this thread to try to prove why she must not love or respect her husband. It's not worth defending him. He is in the wrong here, and really ought to apologize to her, IMO. Not that it'll happen. But I'm just saying.

 

There's plenty of unnecessary presumptions made by him, but that particular bit didn't sound to me like it was so far-fetched based on what she's actually typed in this thread.

[flying]

There's plenty of unnecessary presumptions made by him, but that particular bit didn't sound to me like it was so far-fetched based on what she's actually typed in this thread.

 

There is no way in which what he wrote is justifiable, or that he represents mature, rational argument. There are other people, including Untouchable Fire, who are at least interested in the primary topic, whether or not one agrees with them. This guy is only interested in himself.

 

His utterly disingenuous "oh I see, it all makes sense to me now, because you obviously don't love or respect your husband, why didn't you say so" is nothing more than the verbal equivalent of "I'm not touching youuu." He knows perfectly well that it's crap. We all do.

[sally4sara]

The problem here is that up until this very post, it did seem like you focused a lot on describing your husband's flaws and inadequacies and that you talked about him being a good stepfather. All LiveWell is really saying here is that, while this is a perfectly acceptable criterion for selecting a mate, it's a bit strange for it to be the primary one, as it could almost be mistaken to be manipulative. Also, there's no reason to call him fractured and unhealthy just because he disagrees with you. He has not referred to you as a broken person or mentally deranged simply because you two disagree on the definitions and implications of FWB relationships.

 

If he were able to read something, as a question for want of clarity WITHOUT making fractured assumptions and extrapolating unhealthy results, I wouldn't think he was a fractured and unhealthy person. But because he seems incapable of doing anything else, it isn't easy to think he doesn't have the same style in his life as well.

 

Such as you saying you lack experiences and wanting a less experienced person in your relationships. If all I did was immediately assume it meant you hate women and want to control their sexuality, it would be a fair guess that I have difficulty thinking objectively and live a life saturated in negative views and associations.

 

People tend to assume intentions of others that match their own attitudes. A thief will think everyone is out to steal from them and a cheater will accuse their faithful partner of cheating. That is what is going on with LiveWell.

[Untouchable_Fire]

The problem here is that up until this very post, it did seem like you focused a lot on describing your husband's flaws and inadequacies and that you talked about him being a good stepfather. All LiveWell is really saying here is that, while this is a perfectly acceptable criterion for selecting a mate, it's a bit strange for it to be the primary one, as it could almost be mistaken to be manipulative. Also, there's no reason to call him fractured and unhealthy just because he disagrees with you. He has not referred to you as a broken person or mentally deranged simply because you two disagree on the definitions and implications of FWB relationships.

 

I'm just quickly skimming... but this actually stood out to me as well.

 

However, I've read lots of posts by S4S over the years and I think she is just emphasizing certain feelings over others for the sake of this thread.

 

There is no way in which what he wrote is justifiable, or that he represents mature, rational argument. There are other people, including Untouchable Fire, who are at least interested in the primary topic, whether or not one agrees with them. This guy is only interested in himself.

His utterly disingenuous "oh I see, it all makes sense to me now, because you obviously don't love or respect your husband, why didn't you say so" is nothing more than the verbal equivalent of "I'm not touching youuu." He knows perfectly well that it's crap. We all do.

 

Eh... Earlier I was going to make what I think is a very important, but often overlooked point about the interplay of power and dominance in male sexuality, but I felt everyone was overly emotional.

 

Just because it's an FWB relationship doesn't mean the regular rules of sex go out the window and it's really clear that some women don't understand male sexual perspectives at all.

[LiveWell]

There's plenty of unnecessary presumptions made by him, but that particular bit didn't sound to me like it was so far-fetched based on what she's actually typed in this thread.

 

 

Actually what seems to be going on is that sally's story, facts, and perspective keeps changing and getting amended, in response to whatever it is I question about what she's previously posted, in between all the ad hominem attacks, and there have been plenty of them which I have made a point of trying to avoid getting sucked into.

 

I haven't made what I consider to be any unnecessary presumptions at all. However when someone posts a story and leaves big blanks, and then draws a conclusion based on the blanks, I'm allowed to question what should be filled in to those blanks. Because the conclusion might change depending on what goes in the blanks.

 

For example, sally4sara initially very crudely described her husband basically as just some guy she called to go to a barbecue with her, then she said "I payed for his dinner and screwed him." She also indicated that he tried to come around and she had to "tell him to take a hike" multiple times.

 

IME that type of description is not how I would relate to even a casual "friend" much less my own spouse. It's simply not respectful. That's my opinion, and anyone is free to disagree with it of course, but telling someone to "take a hike" is not a sign of respect for them.

 

The actual words that sally used to describe the beginning of her relationship with her husband, were words I associate with disrespect. As is the fact that she admitted her husband was the third or fourth choice to go to the barbecue which was there first "date."

 

Listen, if I called a girl to go to a party with me, she was my third or fourth choice and I only called her because I couldn't get anyone else to go with me; we ended up having sex; then later on she found out she was my third or fourth choice, I told her I only wanted her around to have sex and told her to "take a hike" when she wanted to spend more time with me; IME the girl would think I had zero respect for her.

 

That's just my experience.

 

And that's the problem with FWBs. They do not start from a place of mutual respect.

 

Of course when you end up marrying the FWB, then your original treatment of/attitude towards them can be somewhat embarrassing in retrospect.

 

It would be like me meeting my wife by picking her up in a bar, having a ONS, continuing to have casual sex with her, but eventually deciding to marry her.

 

Do I want to go on the internet and brag about the fact that "hey my wife was just some bar slut I picked up one evening"? No of course not.

[LiveWell]

BQ - that is most certainly NOT all that guy is saying. He took up several pages of this thread to try to prove why she must not love or respect her husband. It's not worth defending him. He is in the wrong here, and really ought to apologize to her, IMO. Not that it'll happen. But I'm just saying.

 

Flying, you are very adept at making ad hominem attacks.

 

I've already invited you or anyone else to find where previously in the thread sally even talked about "love" being a part of her relationship, and if so, I'd apologize.

 

You didn't, because she didn't. She NOW in response to that post evidently, has talked about "love" being a part of her relationship, which is fine. But she didn't previously.

 

In any event, why don't you actually provide a quotation of something I've said in this thread that you feel is unjustified, explain why, and explain why my opinion is not factually accurate or at least plausibly within the range of possible opinions based on the facts presented in this thread at the time I posted it?

[Untouchable_Fire]

The actual words that sally used to describe the beginning of her relationship with her husband, were words I associate with disrespect. As is the fact that she admitted her husband was the third or fourth choice to go to the barbecue which was there first "date."

 

You are attempting to apply a male thought process regarding relationships to a female.

 

She doesn't view that as disrespect... she views it as finding a diamond in the rough. She sees him as being strong enough to push forward and she tried to shove him away. IMHO.

[LiveWell]

You are attempting to apply a male thought process regarding relationships to a female.

 

Could be. But what I thought I was trying to do, was to apply a gender-neutral analysis.

 

That's why I simply turned the genders around. If a man treated a woman the way sally claims to have treated her h, and held the same attitude as expressed in her earlier posts in this thread, at least early on in the relationship, the man would be universally reviled as a sexist pig.

 

Of course at this point she's started to understand the implications of what she said and how she said it in her earlier posts, so IMO she's been doing quite a bit of back tracking, which is fine, but all the posts are there for anyone who wants to look at them and make up their own minds about this stuff.

 

She doesn't view that as disrespect... she views it as finding a diamond in the rough. She sees him as being strong enough to push forward and she tried to shove him away. IMHO.

 

Obviously she doesn't view it that way.

 

Each of us has to make our own judgments about what constitutes "respect" and what doesn't.

 

For me, if I was courting a woman, and she repeatedly told me to "take a hike," I would like to think I'd have enough self-respect to do so.

 

YMMV.

[sally4sara]

You are attempting to apply a male thought process regarding relationships to a female.

 

She doesn't view that as disrespect... she views it as finding a diamond in the rough. She sees him as being strong enough to push forward and she tried to shove him away. IMHO.

 

Thanks for trying to help Untouchable, but he isn't just struggling with male thought process and it making it hard for him to understand me. He is applying a slanted, suspicious thought process to someone who didn't expect to have to lay out so many years old details just to state:

 

"My husband and I were FWB when we started out."

 

As I mentioned earlier, his ex roomate (someone else I had a FWB situation with at one time) is in town staying with us this week. Along with him is also the guy who was their ever present next door neighbor for the entire time my husband lived in my hometown. I let them read this thread. They too agree what my husband and I were in those first 4 months was an accurate definition of FWB.

 

Are they and my husband not men? Is their thought process not male?

[LiveWell]

Thanks for trying to help Untouchable, but he isn't just struggling with male thought process and it making it hard for him to understand me.

 

Actually I'm not struggling with anything. I understand the male thought process perfectly well.

 

He is applying a slanted, suspicious thought process to someone who didn't expect to have to lay out so many years old details just to state:

 

"My husband and I were FWB when we started out."

 

That was your choice. Post or don't post as it pleases you.

 

 

As I mentioned earlier, his ex roomate (someone else I had a FWB situation with at one time) is in town staying with us this week. Along with him is also the guy who was their ever present next door neighbor for the entire time my husband lived in my hometown. I let them read this thread. They too agree what my husband and I were in those first 4 months was an accurate definition of FWB.

 

I also agree that your relationship with your husband, for at least the first four months of it, was what you have described as an FWB relationship. So I am in complete agreement with you, your husband, and your other FWB.

 

 

Are they and my husband not men? Is their thought process not male?

 

LOL since they are men, they know better than to try to argue with a woman when her mind is set.

 

Just like me. We all agree that what you shared with your h was an FWB, sally.

[sally4sara]

but telling someone to "take a hike" is not a sign of respect for them.

 

"Hey future husband, I have my son with me tonight and he has not gone to bed yet. Take a hike."

 

"Hey, you pissed me off by (doing whatever) and I don't feel like seeing you right now. Take a hike."

 

"Hey, I promised my friend of 12 years I'd help her decorate for her kid's b-day party tonight. Take a hike."

 

"Hey, can you start calling before you come over; I'm not feeling very good right now and just want to go to sleep. Take a hike."

 

Livewell, "take a hike" can also just be a tongue in cheek way of speaking to someone who knows you don't mean anything bad about it. I and my friends speak to each other in a joking manner that might confuse others.

 

Try harder. Try better. To NOT negatively assume so much about the intentions of others.

[LiveWell]

LOL sally just stop.

 

Now you're not even trying to be consistent.

[sally4sara]

LOL since they are men, they know better than to try to argue with a woman when her mind is set.

 

Just like me. We all agree that what you shared with your h was an FWB, sally.

 

You should have been here last night while we were debating the difference between what is a straight up acting role and what is a pornographic acting role. They don't back down just because I'm female and my mind is set on something.

 

What I do find different about them and some of the men on this site is that they are not so easily threatened by women being their equal or judge them harshly for their sexual nature while finding the same attitudes acceptable for men.