Carylife Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 I Love my husband profoundly but he doesn’t satisfy me sexually and lately I have being fantasying with other men, but I felt very, very guilty. We have being married for over 8 years now, ages 32 both, and we don’t have children. Since the first night that we spend together I felt very loved but very disappointed at the same time. He missed spiciness, silent sex and was very prune, plus penis about 3-4”. I seriously thought about not going further in the relationship but I considered that this guy was a real MAN with capitals (big heart, intellect, generous, kind, committed, faithful, protector ect). My husband happen to be more than I ask for and all my family adores him (me too), but not in sex: It took me two years to convince him to masturbate when we have sex, 4 years to introduce toys (he had issues about the size of the toys), I have talk to him very directly that I’m a very sensual person that I need stimulus in all my senses sound, smell, touch, etc. I will like to hear at least once in a while moaning, dirty talk etc. but that is a real turn off for him. He immediately stops gets mad gives me the cold shoulder for about 3 days. I have tried asking him kinky questions while we are in bed and nop nada….silence. I try to relaxing him giving sexy massages, he likes it but to but haven’t receive a massage back from him in 8 years!!! When asked he says he hates giving massage and as far as he is concerned I can stop massaging him that way he won’t feel pressured. We cannot perform certain positions because the size factor. I suggest him to see a see a sex therapist because I was having problems adapting to his style of love making, he said absolutely not, we don’t have problems at all you are exaggerating too much. I told him that I felt like we have to work in this one as a couple do an effort that this is very important to me he say that he will try to change (haven’t) every time that I mention baby can you please move/say/touch like this he immediately turns off and gets mad. He says that if I’m so unsatisfied to go away to leave him and look for some one else. So I stopped asking. Currently the frequency of our encounters is once a week or week and a half. I would like it to be more often, I love to give him bjs and he is kind of a junkie on that, its the only way when I know that he shows having a good time. We stop having foreplay about the first year together, so in order to be “ready” I watch porn while he is taking a shower. Those are things that have me sexually unsatisfied, but what makes me go ballistic is that around 2 times a month I’m in a heat. I want to be kissed and have rough sex very bad! I told him about how important is to me have sex those days. Usually I dress sexy put the mood, music, drinks etc. but for the last year he rejected me several times saying teasing me for hours and then finally he is tired not in the mood etc, at the beginning I was so sad and I cried a lot I told him that I don’t want to be begging for sex, he responded well don’t beg then. Next 4 occasions I was all into arguing with him but his classic reaction was cold shoulder for 2-3 days, my subsequent response in following occasions was real anger I throw objects slammed doors, crashed glass or clean the house like crazy. It is wrong but It’s very frustrating not having communication in that aspect is like talking to the wall but worst! But this last time I was so shocked that we actually started to have such a good sex when he suddenly changed to missionary and totally stopped. I was like WTF? I asked him and he only started kissing tenderly in my hair and my hands but not responding me what was going on. So I thought to my self this is the last time that this is happening I will find a lover. for the first time in 8 years I stopped talking to my husband for 2 days and thinking on divorce. Well there is a cute guy at work that has a crush on me for all over a year now, and month and a half started thinking on him, especially when husband and me are having sex, and while I masturbate. Certainly I also developed a serious crush on this guy too, (that is based in pure lust) This toughs are becoming more obsessive, and I think I’m producing pheromones because I have hits every where even my husband wants to have sex more often. I don’t now what to do. I truly love my husband, everything but sex is great, but he doesn’t understand my needs no matter what. I’m torn into secretly having a lover to fulfill my needs but I felt so bad for my husband because he doesn’t deserve me cheating on him, but in the other hand I don’t want to have a mediocre sex life for the rest of my life. Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 Simple. Tell your husband how you feel, file for a divorce and get your "freak" on with the new guy. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
fltc Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 Simple. Tell your husband how you feel, file for a divorce and get your "freak" on with the new guy. Good Luck! To expand on that, tell your husband how you feel and tell him if things don't change you'll be filing for divorce, give him a deadline! Teach him, he probably has no idea what to do to satisfy you. He may have a small penis but that doesn't mean he can't satisfy you, he's also got fingers, tongue, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyBoop Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 If I were in your situation, I would honestly tell him that I was very unhappy. Explain exactly why in exact examples and ask him if he truly loved me, and if he truly wanted to make me happy. If he said yes, I'd ask him to communicate with me in bed and see a sex therapist - or a regular one for all that matters. It sounds like he has some issues with his size and sex life in general since he doesn't like being told what to do - any bad childhood experiences with sex? My ex was always embarassed in bed because I was his first and he had no clue what to do - but at least he listened to what I asked for. You can either tell your husband how far this has gone or divorce him. Do not cheat - you know it will bring nothing but sadness to both of you. You're supposed to be able to tell your spouse everything, right? Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted October 26, 2010 Share Posted October 26, 2010 The grass is always greener. How do you know that loverboy in the office is a good lover? He could have a 2 inch penis and be lousy in bed. Work things out with your husband or get a divorce. Cheating is not the answer. Have you asked your husband if you could have sex with someone else? Perhaps he would be interested in the cuckold lifestyle. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted October 26, 2010 Share Posted October 26, 2010 How do you know that loverboy in the office is a good lover? He could have a 2 inch penis and be lousy in bed. There's only one way to find out... You two have mismatched sex drives and you need to find a compromise. Tell your husband your feeling and that you are thinking of divorcing him. Maybe that''ll wake him up (it won't make him grow a bigger penis, though... )! Link to post Share on other sites
DonnyWhoLovedBowling Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 I can sympathize with your situation - - which is unfortunate - - but you casually referencing fantasizing about another person during sex and considering cheating is troubling. If sex with someone else is worth destroying your marriage, its much better (and more honorable) to tell him beforehand and risk seeking a divorce if thats where things end up. Cheating on someone you "profoundly" love is absolutely not the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
WonderingWhatIf Posted October 29, 2010 Share Posted October 29, 2010 I agree with the advice that you are getting from some of the others. You need to really talk to your husband and explain to him how you are feeling. Please don't become involved with someone else. This is not the answer to your problem. I agree that sex therapy would be beneficial. Make every effort that you can think of to solve this problem with your husband. If he won't make the efforts, then let him know that it may lead you to filing for divorce. Hopefully, at that point, he will wake up and realize what he may lose. Link to post Share on other sites
Fuggem Awlle Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 See, that's what the hell is wrong with the world today! Everyone sitting here talking about divorce over some sex! WTF?? He's not giving it to you right? Divorce him! He's not big enough? Divorce him! He's ugly? Divorce him! He's got fuzzy feet, and has walking, talking trees guiding him through the woods to meet some giant talking eyeball in the mountains? Divorce him! How about you tell him that since he wants to be stingy with the goodies, you'll go get it elsewhere? I like to call it the ABC store. My wife is stingy as hell! It's not because I'm small, because I'm not. It's not because of the kids, because they sleep, and have their own damn rooms. It's not stress related, because a good orgasm will put an end to that. She told me this,"Ha ha! You married me! I don't have to do that Sh*t anymore!" What was my answer? The ABC store. I'm not going to divorce her because she keeps her goodies in a lockbox. She's sorta nice, and she takes good care of the kids, and the house sorta. Now if she started doing things like meth, or complaining all the damn time, then I'd consider it. She's a good girl, just not good enough to keep me from the ABC store. But not bad enough to just dump on the curb. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyBoo Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 Maybe he has the whore/madona mentality. You are the wife mother of his children so calling you names or engaging in sexual acitivities he feels may not be suitable for that status. Talk to him - set a night when its 'down and dirty' sex and make it fun. It sounds as if you have gone into demanding sex and constantly complaining about the lack. Pressure is never going to work . Attraction works - doing things that makes you attractive to him emotionally, mentally and sexually. We also have to respect each others needs , desires and sexual preferences are. He may not be comfortable with certain things. You may have a different view. There has to be a compromise. Having an affair is not going to solve anything for you or your marriage. If you love this man then you must respect his needs, desires etc. You have the right to ask for what you want sexually but you also have to accept his right to refuse. I know this must be really frustrating for you. But you may have become so focused on sex that you are missing the bigger picture. You have 90% of the package perfect- a good and decent man, children etc. Value that , cherish it and stop complaining about the lack. Its a real turn off. With proper care and love to the whole relationship you may find common ground in the bedroom that satisfies and respect both your needs. Good luck with it Link to post Share on other sites
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